WEB FED NEWS YEARBOOKS
Earthdate March 2000


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FED FUNNIES


What was in March 2000's Fed Funnies:

TOP TEN REASONS WHY GROUNDHOG IS
THE BEST RANK

QUOTES OF THE MONTH
MOODS OF THE MONTH
POSTS OF THE MONTH
CLOTHES OF THE MONTH
DRINKS OF THE MONTH
SHIP OF THE MONTH
HOLIDAY SPIRIT

TOP TEN REASONS WHY GROUNDHOG IS THE BEST RANK
by Gavin

(Note: Back on AOL Fed, I wrote an article for each rank. I will start again at GroundHog, and skip Merchant, JP, and Guild Master, since I've already done them - check the AOL yearbooks if you want to read them.)

(Dedicated to Tickenest, the (former) King of TT Lists... I fondly remember "breaking the rules" in Hide-n-Seek and winning the 2nd round to break your little goal of a clean sweep. I look forward to doing it again! Though I think you have fallen into limbo, you have a closed planet, like so many other old friends I've seen and have not been able to contact yet).


10. You promote faster than anyone else
9. Pegasus can't kill you when you have no ship
8. It's always nice to contribute to corruption and bribe people
7. You can laugh at the hobo and know that you'll be getting off Earth before he does
6. 3 words: Sliding down banisters!
5. The tax collector to the east of the ex-exchange can't harm you... you don't make any money!
4. No way to die besides suicide!
3. You can't go to Chez Diesel... but the Cantina is always available
2. You may not be able to visit Diesel all the time, but you can see her on her weekly (or daily) trips to the Earth hospital's abortion ward
1. Aww screw it! No Diesel means no fun... being a GroundHog sucks!

QUOTES OF THE MONTH

Your comm unit relays a message from Wolfyn, "200 groats on Ming. ::pats his balding head::"
Your comm unit relays a message from Olias, "I'll whack him for 100."
Your comm unit relays a message from Wolfyn, "You'll do anything for 100, Olias."

Your comm unit relays a message from Lagkiller, "Wohoooo! 1 ton of meat!"
Your comm unit relays a message from Geiiga, "That has absolutely nothing to do with your anatomy...sorry, Lag."

Your comm unit relays a message from Kor, "a normal fedder??????? is there such a thing?????"

Your comm unit relays a message from Asterix, "Victoria, are you some kind of Navigator?"
Your comm unit relays a message from Victoria, "Why, does that make a difference?"
Your comm unit relays a message from Kingman, "she navigates pretty good around Altaria but I wouldn't let her lead me too many places."

Your comm unit relays a message from Pintomike, "No woman will ever dominate me..;)"
Your comm unit relays a message from Kao, "yeah...but a guy in a biker suit will"

Your comm unit relays a message from Jordys, "::::runs around streaking thru the comms::::"
Your comm unit relays a message from Phoenixman, "Yeah! Look at that naked text!"

Nightdroid smiles, "My singing is like the bagpipes -- it's intended to be a weapon of war, not pleasant to listen to"

Your comm unit relays a message from Champ, "I made the Fed Funnies!"
Your comm unit relays a message from Day, "someone finally saw your face?"

Your comm unit relays a message from Pico, "Since we're all being honest, Poseidon, I'm your father."

Your comm unit relays a message from Alus, " what happened geiiga?"
Your comm unit relays a message from Geiiga, "Hurt myself trying to do the secret rank above duke puzzle."

The tired and confused Squire turns to the Baron for help, and says, "Managing this planet is hopeless! It just doesn't make any sens!" The wise old baron smiles and points out, "Yes, but it buys it for 642 groats a ton."

Your comm unit relays a message from Geiiga, "I'm back, but not for long...if you have anything pressing to say to me please do it in the next five seconds."
Your comm unit relays a message from Beowulf, "Steam Iron."

Your comm unit relays a message from Kaipanther, "Yes, you too can have the Galaxies Favorite Hits..For a bag o groats bigger then a small women you can have music like Marvin and the Martians, "We blew the Earth, and liked it"…Greasy Grandy and the Merchants' well loved tune, "I've got aload4u."

Your comm unit relays a message from Pintomike, "YoStratego! Heh, been a long time since I heard that name..:)"
Your comm unit relays a message from Yoyo, "*nod* It's been a long time since you worshipped me."

Your comm unit relays a message from Singapore, "Ya know, Mikey, all you need is a Deathstar type planet, and you'd make a terrific supervillian... ;)"
Your comm unit relays a message from Pintomike, "Me? A supervillian? Yea right, super villians always get killed....I, on the other hand, am immortal."
Your comm unit relays a message from Patrick, "you should learn not to put a t in immoral. ;)"

Your comm unit relays a message from Andy, "Here's a great way to get rid of those two excuses... walk up to the woman of your so desire, offer her shampoo and aspirin... and when she declines, go at it ;)"

Your comm unit relays a message from Andy, "that'd be a great item in sol... the aspirin.. give it to Diesel for round 2 ;)"

Your comm unit relays a message from Bozoboyz, "You have reached Channel 9… please leave a message after the beep."

Your comm unit relays a message from Bozoboyz, "Well I .. (Gets cut off by Bozo's lawyers who explicitly state that Bozo is not to be held accountable to anything that he says, writes, and some such and so forth.)"

Your comm unit relays a message from Pintomike, "Hope is worthless in regards to a few things: avoiding taxes, avoiding death, and getting me to shut up..;)"
Your comm unit relays a message from Kao "it wouldn't be so bad that you talk so much.....if once in a while you had something to say :)

MOODS OF THE MONTH

Someone better have chips because Beandip is here.

Ok, that's it, NO MORE MOOD Katheryne has just vanished.

Cool Calm & Inteligent Zell has just gone north.

Someone who looks just as moody as You is here.

Suicide: Less chat, more splat. Antimatter has just arrived.

POSTS OF THE MONTH

211511:113 - Asterix: I can't think of anything funny to post, so I want everyone to think of something funny, and tell it to me, and I'll post it up here.

211511:699 - Sparhawk: Ever have that feeling if your not sure if you're awake or dreaming? It's called Fed

211524:080 - Tigris: It's Valentine's Day on Kilauea! Happy Valentine's Day to my sweet wife Rikkytikki! No, we have our own calendar here thank you.
211524:081 - Pirateking: Ponders moving to Kilauea just to have a 2nd Valentine's day but remembers he didn't have a Valentine for the first one:(

211521:091 - Olias: Join the vast horde of 3 people that regularly read Scoundrel's Corner in the Fed Chronicle. If you don't like it, take comfort in knowing that the two minutes you spent may have been two minutes where you stepped outside and were hit by an anvil.

211528:423 - Jordy: I would like to insert a smart-alecky remark here, but unfortunately, I was told that I had to at least be the first part of the word...smart. So sorry Fedders, maybe next time! :)

211531:862 - Rasalhauge: I'm now feeling partly witty with a slight chance of funny later in the afternoon. And now for a word from my sponsors.

211529:008 - Geiiga: (Insert pointless gibberish about the absurd price of yo-yos here)

211534:547 - Cyberquack: I used to be indecisive...now I'm not sure.

CLOTHES OF THE MONTH

ex antimatter
With a white feathered boa, Antimatter is holding up his new possession: A voodoo doll with an uncanny likeness to the idiot babbling on channel 9.

ex you
Just another hologram of you running amuck. You notice that you look smashing too :)

DRINKS OF THE MONTH

Whirlwind has bought you a Raging Hurricane! You barely manage to wrap your fingers around the large mug and struggle to hold it still as it shakes in your hand. You attempt to drink the bitter liqour but manage to get more of it on your shirt than in your mouth!!

Whirlwind has bought you a Blue Lightning! This sparkling blue soda tickles your nose with fizzes as you bring it close to drink. You take a sip and your hair stands on end and you feel energized!!

Whirlwind has bought you a Crimson Storm Cloud! The waitdroid sets a glass of a clear liquid infront of you, then adds a droplet of a red fluid. Red swirls fill the glass causing it to foam up. You are forced to take a large sip of the spicy drink before it overflows!!

Whirlwind has bought you a Whirling Tornado! This drink is served in a tall flume and is best drunk while the liquid is spinning. You down the drink quickly and become rather dizzy. After the affects subside you wonder how you got here...!

SHIP OF THE MONTH

ex macnbc's ship
This is not the spaceship you are looking for. Move along.

HOLIDAY SPIRIT

ex rere
You see a vixen wearing an Emerald Green silk dress & carrying a bouquet of shamrocks, she hands you one for luck!

ex rere's ship
You see a shimmering metallic green ship with shamrocks painted all over and a neon light flashing "Happy St. Patrick's Day!"

With smiling Irish wannabe eyes Rere is here.


If you have nominations for the Quote, Mood, Post, Clothes, Act, or anything else of the Week, send them to
Uniquette@earthlink.net.


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