WEB FED NEWS YEARBOOKS
Earthdate August 1998


OFFICIAL NEWS


FED FUNNIES


INSIDE SCOOP


What was in August 1998's Inside Scoop:

WORKTHINGIES FIND A SPOKESMAN
FEDERATION FIGHTING EVENTS
THE "SMART" EVENTS
THE ROCKY HORROR HOLO SHOW
ONE MAN'S OPINION
QUESTIONS ASKED IN THE IMMEDIATE AREA
HEAT WAVE HITS MARTIAN SOIL
ODDS AND ENDS
BACK DOOR TO SLARTI'S DISCOVERED
A WORD OF THANKS

WORKTHINGIES FIND A SPOKESMAN
by Galinfenner

I know I'm a host and not supposed to have opinions. Well, at least I didn't have opinions before that strange electrical storm caught me outside Fedruckers the other day, I'll leave that for another time however. I am telling you this because I can no longer stand by and watch the utter lack of respect any longer. I grew so tired of listening to it, watching with horror as POs laughed about it, and traded stories of torture and mayhem while I felt my stomach turn so bad that I could no longer keep my ale down. I just have to say something.

I've been around this game for quite some time and I think it's disgraceful the way you POs treat your workthingies! No wonder they all mob the government buildings when a build is imminent! The poor half-starved, maimed, and crippled half-wits crawl after the lucrative, decent jobs offered in the bureaucratic heaven. You all moan and whine about losing them, but would you ever consider some sort of incentive? Giving them a decent wage on which to live? Oh sure, most of you allocate resources to Social Security, then turn right around and whip them as soon as you find a deficit in your exchange.

It's horrible I tell you and it will never get better unless you start treating them with a little more respect and common dignity. A workthingie may not be smart but one knows the difference between real food and mush. Instead of building schools and forcing them to learn the science of building leisure and technological goods, try teaching them something like art, maybe hire some nudes to pose while they paint. Hey, even a little workthingie strip show in the factories and mines might improve morale a little!

Give them some self-esteem and watch your profits soar like…

(Editor's note: The transmission had a lot of static at this point and besides a big thump and some weird laughter it ended here. We can only surmise that Ming's Bureau of Workthingie Behavior may have been tuning in on a few keywords and got to Galin before he could finish. As we learn more we'll keep you all posted!)

FEDERATION FIGHTING EVENTS
by Galinfenner

Hi all you fun-loving Federation citizens! Some of you may not know, or may have forgotten that Federation sponsors an event each night of the week and also there are four classes/get togethers held throughout the week.

A class/get together is held at 9.00pm eastern on Monday, Wednesday, Friday, and Saturday. Events are held at 10.00pm eastern every night and also 3.00pm eastern Saturday's and Sunday's. For information about any of these check out the Events page at http://www.ibgames.net/federation/events/index.html.

This week I'd like to introduce you new people to the fighting events in Federation. Some of you, I know, are afraid of dying in one of these and probably haven't considered joining in because of that. While it has happened, it is a rare occurrence as the MCs are good about reminding all participants to check their insurance before getting into the arena to fight. If being the "Newbie" with a bunch of veteran fighters puts you off, then you can always tune 10, and watch from there for awhile to get familiar and comfortable with the people and event. If you have questions, the MC or one of the veteran fighters will be happy to help you out once the event is over.

Fighting can be a lot of fun, and pitting your skills and quick wits against fellow Fedders will get your blood pumping. Don't think this is a male's thing either! Most of our best fighters are female. (Of course that might be a subject for debate.)

Following is a list of our fighting events, the day, and the time they occur.

Sunday afternoons: At 3.00pm eastern we have Capture The Flag. This event is a team event. The MC will do his/her best to see that everyone who wants to gets to play.

Wednesday: At 10.00pm eastern we hold Fed's oldest Fighting Event, The Cup of Fearlessness. This is a one on one event in which the last fighter standing wins.

Saturday afternoon: at 3.00pm eastern is the Guts and Glory event which is another "Last fighter Standing wins" sort of event.

Saturday evening: at 10.00pm eastern is Blood Zone. This is a team event similar to Capture the Flag.

New people are always welcome at any of these events, though you may feel like cannon fodder the first couple times you are there. Once you get the hang of fighting, however, you'll be able to keep up with the veterans.

To give you a good start, here is an example of what you should do when ordering a fighting ship. Remember, that much of this is a matter of taste and experience. So don't think this is the absolute best for you!

Hull: Order the biggest hull you can afford, the following list is based on the biggest hull available.

Armor: Order as much as you can; maximum strength is 70. After purchasing you should install more.

Shields: Shields cut down on the amount of damage inflicted on you by your opponent. Order the 10 points offered. Later after purchasing your ship you should go back and install some more.

Weapons: This is a matter of art rather than science. Generally if you are unable to purchase a level 5 or better computer than stay away from the laser type weapons which depend on the computer to accurately aim them at your opponent. If you can get a decent computer, then buy a twin laser and also a missile rack or mag gun to use as back up if either your computer or laser weapon sustains too much damage. Remember you'll need ammunition if you purchase a missile rack or gun.

Computer: Order the largest available to you. If you can't use it offensively (see weapons above), it still has an affect on your opponent's ability to hit you with a Laser type weapon.

Power Plant: What you do here depends on what size hull you've ordered, and also what weapons you have. Order at least 20 points more than the minimum requirement otherwise you could find yourself unable to fire your weapons! Of course some fighters will recommend a different configuration for this but once again it's more a matter of opinion and preference.

Fuel tanks: A lot of fighters go with the minimum required and try to remember to buy fuel often. This allows more space for ammunition. It's something you'll need to learn and decide for yourself. Just remember there is a trade-off between fuel capacity and storage space.

Now at this point you've spent close to 4 meg if you took all the options outlined here, and purchased a level 7 computer. Once you've bought your ship it's time to install some more! Make sure you do this before purchasing missiles, ammo or a spybeam, otherwise the shipyard crew won't be able to work around the clutter in your hold.

Most fighters are comfortable with between 80 and 101 total armor, the max is 102. What works best for you will be something for you to figure out.

Shields don't stop more damage the higher the number, they simply last longer if you have more. My suggestion is to go with 20. Once you have shields and armor installed, buy some ammo. Make sure you buy the correct kind, ammo cartridges for mag guns or missiles for missile racks. How much you buy is dependent on the amount of hull space you have left and how long they last you. You don't want to buy too many and waste a bunch of groats, but at the same time you don't want to run out in the heat of battle either! Start with around 25 or so and up that or reduce it as your experience tells you.

This concludes the fighting ship buying guide! As you start fighting, keep track of what you have left when you win or lose a fight. Make adjustments up or down accordingly to maximize your ship's potential. Have fun and remember....

** DON'T FORGET TO REINSURE **

THE "SMART" EVENTS
by Galinfenner

Hi fellow citizens of Fed. In my last article I wrote about our fighting events and what sort of ship you should use in them. (Ok ok, so I screwed up about the engine thing, but hey, that's why we have a demi-goddess isn't it?)

This week I'd like to introduce you to what I call our "Mind Games". These are played out on channel 10 at 10.00pm eastern.

On every other Monday night we have a Federation Scramble. In this event the MC has 20 scrambled words and offers them on channel 10 one at a time. The first person to correctly guess, and spell, the word wins a point. At the end of the session (which lasts about an hour) the person who has the most points wins four free hours!

Every Tuesday night we play Fedpardy! One of Federation's oldest events, Fedpardy was conceived by a player and played every other week. It grew to be so popular that we moved it to Tuesday nights and ran it every week. In Fedpardy there are four categories which the lovely Susan announces beforehand. There are five questions in each category. Susan has someone pick the first category and offer the first answer. The first person to give the correct question wins a point. After ten answers have been given, the event moves in to Double Fedpardy in which each correct question is worth two points. The competition is normally fierce, and the swiftness of some of the players has led to some discussion of cheating, but I assure you the categories are a closely guarded secret.

At the end of 20 answers given, the top three point receivers move into Final Fedpardy where they can wager all, some, or none of their points. Susan gives the answer out, and the three finalists TB her with their guesses. After tallying the scores, Susan will announce the winner who receives four free hours of Fed time.

The "Mind Game" events are challenging and some players are daunted by those that are quick of mind and nimble of finger. Defeating them is a real challenge! I've been known to rook... err I mean encourage, the best players to join the team that runs the events in order to lower the competition a little.

Remember, we have an event every evening at 10.00pm eastern. If you want to see details of any Fed event, or see when the next one will be held, point your browser to http://www.ibgames.net/federation/events/index.html.

THE ROCKY HORROR HOLO SHOW
by Danny

Following the Raptorian film festival of classic Earth films converted to holo form (shortly before the planet's untimely and temporary demise), a trend broke out of the confines of the Raptorian system and spread throughout the known galaxy. Though many of the films shown, like Citizen Kane, Priscilla: Queen of the Desert, and Titanic II: It Didn't Really Sink, had a great effect on the society of the time, one stuck out and had the greatest influence.

That classic film was The Rocky Horror Picture Show.

Apparently, under its influence, many men (or equivalent) left the planet dressing like members of the opposite gender without actually having a surgical change. In the film the main character, hailing from the fictional planet Transsexual in the fictional duchy of Transylvania, for some reason dressed in leather garments of the opposite gender and wore a female's makeup. Though unnecessary because of today's gender-switching technology, it caught on like most other unnecessary things in the universe. Though only in its infancy in terms of fashion trends, don't be surprised if you walk into a factory and find a room of male workthingies dressed like female workthingies in leather. And there are those others who are already dressing like women in leather. You, I'm glad to say, are before your time, as this will probably be the newest thing in DataSpace.

ONE MAN'S OPINION

Hey! Did you ever notice Fed is always at the peak of population when there is something for some people to grumble about? No one wants to be left out, no one wants to be away when some new bit of information is possibly forthcoming. Despite the angst, Federation becomes a popular place when some new controversy erupts over something in the game.

Puzzle hounds abound! Even the staff is excited about what's happening! But there is one thing that is troubling. That is the sharing information on puzzles. Why should a few people labor intensely so that everyone who follows can breeze right through it? Where is the logic in that? What sort of fool allows the fruits of his or her labors to be passed around like sticks of gum after a teenage drinking fest?

Maybe I'm just too old fashioned. Maybe it is hard enough as it is to make it to the rank of Duke/Duchess. We should give everyone a break and just make them a Duke/Duchess when they feel they are ready.

NOT!!

There are a large abundance of Planet Owners who haven't a clue what the game is about simply because it was made too easy for them to promote to that once auspicious rank. Now any one can get there. Being a PO means nothing. Shall we make the rank of Duke mean as much?

Not to say that all of you don't know what you're doing. Certainly not, just look around at places like Ledgends, Andoran, or Taos (Those are just three wonderful planets, there are many more than I can possibly list here or know about). What irks me is the half logic and muddled brain concoctions accepted as fact in the game now. Don't take someone else's word for it. Don't use someone else's notes or logs to do your puzzle. It'll only downgrade the feeling of accomplishment for you. And don't pass around to anyone who wants it all your own hard work!

QUESTIONS ASKED IN THE IMMEDIATE AREA
by Danny

Warning: Some of you may say, 'Heh, that ain't right!' at some of these answers. You may do this because it really isn't right. If the real answer to a question wasn't the least bit funny I altered it to make it funny, so some of these answers may not be totally accurate. Tough.

If you're keen of mind you'll remember that some time ago we had a Free Weekend, which everyone declared a success because it brought new haulers and other assorted newbies to DataSpace. Well, I've run across some of these so-called newbies and, because of my moderately high rank and extensive knowledge of DataSpace, I've heard them ask questions to others. So, because of this newfound demand for fresh-grown knowledge, I bring you a list of questions complete with answers:

Q. Why do I have to work for very little money while you, a planet owner, gets to make a hundred times as much while sitting in a bar?
A. To understand this, you have to understand the concept of a "hierarchy" (from the Latin "heir" meaning "guy on the bottom hates it" and "archy" meaning "but the guy on the top loves it"). A hierarchy is a tree-like structure of people where the ones on top have an amount of power over the ones on the bottom, as well as some extra privileges. Federation is a type of hierarchy and you, Mr. Hauler, are on the bottom. Therefore you have to haul for us until you've reached a certain point where you can buy and sell goods (to empty our exchanges), then you can buy factories on our planets (to supplement our incomes) before you become one of us and bestow misery on others.

Q. I ask for money and nobody'll give it to me. Why?
A. You're what we call a beggar. Get a job.

Q. All I do is constant hauling runs and I haven't left my ship in months, now people over the comms say I'm a loner. Why is that?
A. Because you are a loner, loner. That was probably me who told you that. This is a very social galaxy we're in. Most people only work when they run out of money so they can buy more ale in a local bar, Then they end up passed out on the LP of a completely different planet without remembering going there. At this point in time, time they do a hauling job on their way back to the bar. This is why most POs have had half their livers removed and half their brain cells pickled in alcohol. My advice: find people.

Q. The voices in my head tell me to burn things...
A. 1) Get help from a professional psychotherapist.
2) Stay away from me.

Q. I bought a TL for my ship and now I can't haul anything. Why?
A. Because the TL is taking up the better part of your cargo bay.
(Does anyone care to guess the next question?)

Q. Why can't I fire this TL that's taking up the better part of my cargo bay?
A. Bluntly and frankly, because you're too 'simple.' You need a level 7 computer to fire a TL. And to save a question, you can't buy a level 7 computer because you need a certain amount of intelligence (an amount you don't have) to run it, which is in itself pathetic. My hamster has a level 7 computer. My toaster-oven has a level 5.

So all you DataSpace Jockeys out there who have questions that require my special type of answer, send 'em via good old fashioned e-mail to DannyW860@aol.com, subject Question for Danny. You'll get your question (sorta) answered and you might get in the News. I'll be waiting intently.

HEAT WAVE HITS MARTIAN SOIL
by Danny

Most people don't know anything about the large amount of Mars that's unpopulated. Most people don't know there even is a large amount of Mars that's unpopulated. But there is, and nothing ever happens there. It's just this big, flat area of rust-colored dirt interrupted occasionally by a marsrat den or even an actual marsrat. Although marsrats have no apparent purpose in anything, ecologists say marsrats are essential to their environment. This is because they are their environments, there's nothing else there.

After that bit of useless trivia cleverly disguised as background information, back to the point. Recently a tremendous heat wave hit the large unpopulated area of Mars. Although no marsrats actually died, they stopped coming out of their dens, making the landscape even more boring than usual. Martian ecologists claim this disrupts the entire Martian wasteland ecosystem which, as stated above, consists completely and entirely of marsrats. The ecologists state that this possibly could affect all of Mars, causing it all to get extremely boring.

After hearing of these reports I decided to do some field research. Donning my reporter hat and air conditioned vac suit to protect myself from the heat, I set off. But before I made my way into the wasteland, I stopped at the most frequented place on Mars, Chez Diesel, to ask the owner if she had heard or seen anything indicating an increase of ecological instability and general boredom. As soon as I walked in the door Diesel saw the press hat and beat me with her bat, yelling something to me about the rumors being false and her having no comment on the whole Trader ordeal. I figured I'd skip that interview and head deeper into the wasteland.

To my surprise you can't get into the unpopulated part of Mars from the populated part due to cleverly placed buildings and walls, so I made up my mind to call in my freedom of the press rights by violating numerous intergalactic laws. I landed my ship outside the Martian LP. I saw things very few sentient life forms have ever seen, like marsrat dens... and lots of red dirt... and more marsrat dens.

But the point is nobody else has seen it. So, my unofficial and uneducated conclusion is that there's no change in the Martian wasteland since the last visual survey, based on the fact that there hasn't ever been another visual survey. Nobody even knows if it's a real heat wave or if it's always that hot. Heck, the piece of background research at the beginning of this report hasn't ever been confirmed. But if there are any changes, you'll hear it here first.

ODDS AND ENDS

As puzzle item hunting has come back in style, so has the old tradition of kicking the cleaner. It seems many people hope that if they give the cleaner a good swift kick it might be discouraged from returning and claiming their stash of items. Or perhaps they hope a release of pent up frustrations might improve their odds against the lightning fast machine. Whichever it is, the Organized Workers of Injured Engineers ask that Federation Citizens please refrain from damaging the aforementioned machine, as more and more workers are being allocated to its repair. Besides, it's starting to look a little dinged up lately.

And on the same note, the Cleaner itself has petitioned for a name change. It seems the droid has become tired of going by the same moniker all these years and is hoping for a name more descriptive of its duties. Rumor mill indicates the name it has chosen for itself is Monica, though we at the Chronicle are at a loss as to understanding how this name might be related to the cleaner's primary task of sucking up items left scattered around the DataSpace. We assure you, however, we will provide more information as it becomes available.

BACK DOOR TO SLARTI'S DISCOVERED

Recently a MaintenanceDroid was zipping around, doing a regular inspection of the Mercury station, and humming the song that all maintenance droids hum, when he discovered a hole in the wall at the Explorer’s Workbench.

The startled droid, stopping only to push the urban spaceman out of the way, quickly alerted Mercury Administrators. Upon further examination, it was discovered that a laser drill cut the hole! The police were quick to investigate and the official report is that a frustrated Commander with a lot of time on his hands did the dastardly deed.

The implications of this discovery run deep: a Commander may have instantly skipped seven ranks and gotten into the upper echelons of the social structures of the universe! Our only hope is that this slacker’s incompetence will betray him.

A WORD OF THANKS

As most of you know, last week, I made a fatal error while MCing an event and DDed. Although I was devastated by losing Maine after 2 1/2 years, what happened after that gave me the courage and determination to move forward and get back what I had lost. So many of you gave me your well wishes, your time and effort and your hard earned groats to promote me back through the ranks.

As I write this, I will once again be Baroness of Maine tonight, all because of you. There are too many of you to name here but I want you all to know individually that I truly appreciate and will never forget all that you have done for me.

With heartfelt thanks,
Phiddie


OFFICIAL NEWS


FED FUNNIES


HOME

INFORMATION

HELP

FEDERATION

AGE OF
ADVENTURE

BARBAROSSA

ODDS &
ENDS

SEND
EMAIL