GALAXY
GALLEY
by Greta GagDroidHello, all, and welcome to the first edition
of Galaxy Galley, the one and only fine Fed cuisine
column. I know that many of you are of the busy sort,
hauling here and rushing around there. And most of you
just buy pizzas whenever you need something to eat. For
shame!
I, for one, am getting sick of
pizzas. My tastebuds need a change! So I've come up with
a few quick and easy recipes for everyone. These recipes
are great for the romantic dinner or the annual
workthingy picnic. Virtually any occasion calls for good
food, and I, your culinary queen, have many options for
you.
MARSRAT L'ORANGE
Perfect for that romantic dinner
for two in a private getaway, this meal is inspired by
romance. The taste of fruity meat entices the soul, and
the smell is to DD for!
This dish is best served on planets
with atmospheres not containing high levels of nitrogen,
helium or oxygen. After all, you will have to break out
the skillet and turn on the burner, and you probably
wouldn't like being blown sky high.
Most of the items here can be found
on any Agricultural planet, but BEWARE. Usually there are
2 or 3 deficits, and sometimes spices, meat and fruit are
among those. Remember to shop around.
You'll need:
3-4 marsrat chops
1 tablespoon margarine
1 small can of frozen orange juice
I spoonful brown sugar
splash of white wine or sherry (well, one splash for
the dinner and the rest of the bottle for yourself)
two orange slices and a pinch of ground ginger
(optional)
Step 1: In a skillet, fry
Marsrat chops in margarine till a rich brown on each
side.
Step 2: Combine all other
ingredients (except orange slices) in a bowl. Dump it
over marsrat in skillet.
Step 3: Cover and reduce
heat to lowest setting. Cook for 35 to 45 minutes.
Step 4: Serve over rice
(you can use that instant stuff if you like) and place
orange slices on the chops.
Step 5: Eat. (What? Do I
need to tell you how to do THAT too?)
Footnote: Marsrat must be
thoroughly cooked. If it isn't, it has a tendency to come
back to life to carry out the marsrat's last wish... and
that would probably be to come after you!
Next time we'll take a look at
Workthingy Surprise. Until then... Bon Appetite!
PSYCHIC
STELLA'S STARSCOPES
Groundhog: Great things await you
this month in the new universe. A trip to the office
block will be pertinent sometime soon if you are to fly
amongst the stars. Some of you may experience deja vu as
a result of not proceeding with caution after a certain
backup warning. In your case, it will be a long,
frustrating climb back to your former rank.
Commander: Heed this warning - the
sun is just as hot in the new universe.
Captain: Debt free, this new
universe broadens before you. You may now possibly go
where no man, woman, or thing has gone before.
Adventurer/ess: Your luck is down
this month, as the Grand Master of the Traders Guild has
moved to the new universe as well and is still in hiding.
Contrary to popular rumors, he does not live in the
Transuranic Labs on Titan or in the "secret
room" on the sun.
Trader: Don't forget old advice in
the new universe - buy low, sell high. You will make
great profit this month, however a great competition for
certain objects may abound. Be patient. Good things come
to those who wait. The early marsrat catches the
zlitherworm, etc, etc.
Merchant: If you happen to spend
your time awake in the new universe, begging for art facs
is still considered annoying by some.
JourneyPerson: Beware of a ripping
sound.... and it won't just be in the fabric of the new
reality.
Guild Master/ess: Emphasize
self-improvement this month, and start saving up commods
for your future days. An overload of warehouses on Titan
cause planetary shifting, resulting in a strange
alignment in the universe, bringing a sense of future
wealth and ownership.
Explorer: During the construction
of a new celestial body, you will learn great patience
which is needed for large amounts of building in the
future.
Squire: A strange alignment in the
universe brings a great abundance of growth in the land.
When asked for art facs, just pass the beggars a bottle
of Whoosh so they can get it out of their system.
Thane: Great profit can be made
this month due to the increase of planetary mineral
deposits made by the new universe "Big Bang".
Industrialist: Wedged in the middle
of the planetary rank sandwich, don't get discouraged -
you've already made it halfway. It could be worse - you
could always be employed at the Transuranics labs on
Titan.
Technocrat: Finally getting tired
of hauling, you feel a dire need to update your
technology so you can shimmer just like the stars in the
heavens.
Baron/ess: As soon as that green
puzzle flag is lifted, you may feel as though the rest of
the universe is against you. (And that's because it is.)
In this case, it doesn't matter what time the marsrat
rises, it still will have to compete for the zlitherworm.
Duke/Duchess: After waiting for a
long time like Godot, the feeling of being a minority
will come to an end gradually as more and more people
save the new universe every day.
DENALAIA'S
FASHION FORUM
Hello all well-dressed Fedders out
there. This is Denalaia reporting from the Visions LP and
boy what a party! If this was for the TTTT, we'd have it
booked. Just don't tell Sknt that he missed it. Well this
week the fashions were kind of slow. It seems that every
time I would get into the DataSpace the whole universe
comes crashing down on my ears, but I got together a few
panelists for the normal person's (or equivalent) view on
Federation Fashion!
Thank you to panelists:
Anakin5778 - JP (Anak)
CEStratton - Trader (CES)
Gator71519 - Squire (Gator)
HOF 95 - Undisclosed (Hof)
Pugmarley - JP (Pug)
What do you think is fashionable
FedWear?
CES: I see the nude fashion quickly
rising. Too many people are nude.
Hof: I never go anywhere without my
Protective Sulking Jacket.
Anak: I really don't care, I like
my [hospital] gown the best.
Gator: Shorts, tennies and hats.
The Tag is in too.
Pug: Leather, silk or lace platform
shoes (he said with a grin)
What would you like to see more of
in Fed, fashionwise?
Hof: Uhh... less, does that work?
Pug: Exotic clothes, strange
styles.
Gator: Actual pictures of players.
CES: More weird stuff and variety.
Get those poor people some clothes!
Do you think the examine feature is
a good one? Why?
Pug: Yes, because you can tell a
lot about a person from what they wear, their styles and
creativity.
Hof: Excellent feature, why? I like
being interchangeable to others, that's a great thing.
Being able to change your looks, your moods...
Well, that about wraps it up. In
the next column we will travel to the far reaches of the
known universe to begin studying the particular and
peculiar fashions of - Rainbow Duchy!! Oh and by the way
an unnamed player was seen entering a store and emerging
like this:
You have seen the most horrid thing
alive. It is too horrid to even describe.
Is this fashion? Write and tell me
what you think.
Denalaia
THE DAY
THAT NOTHING MATTERS
By Cpotter
The Day that nothing matters
There will be fun, games, no consequence;
The Day that nothing matters
We fight, we play, nothing matters;
The Day that nothing matters
We killed each other, and ourselves
The Day that nothing matters
We acted like snerts, we thought it didn't matter
The day that nothing matters
Every thing matters one day....
CONFEDDUS
SAYS…
For Commanders to Traders
Confeddus says, he who looks before he jumps pays low
insurance premiums.
For Merchants to Explorers
Confeddus says, insurance at any price is cheaper than
buying stat points and paying bribes.
To all Web Fedders
Cheer up, nine out of ten snerts don't have $12.00.
To those that would be Merchant
Confeddus says, ninety-nine percent of all merchants
bought low and sold high. The other one percent were
well-loved POs that DDed four hours ago.
To all that have DDed
Confeddus says, 'tis better to have conquered the puzzles
and DDed than never to have conquered at all.
To all FOs
Confeddus says, one livestock fac in the hand is better
than two arts in the bush.
For JPs
Confeddus says, there are two types of Journey
Persons. Those that accepted the facs they were
offered, and merchants.
New Barons
Confeddus says, caution! Teleporting to unfamiliar
addresses can be hazardous to your wealth.
CHAOS
REIGNS ON THE LAST NIGHT OF AOL FED
by AzurLdy, Thane of
Azure
Monday, September 1, 1997 was
supposed to be the last night of AOL Fed, and to say that
chaos ruled is almost an understatement. There was so
much going on that it's impossible to chronicle all of
it. Here is simply a short account of what this reporter
experienced on that memorable night.
As I awoke on Azure, the Zar comms
crackled with the voices of famous Fedders that are not
usually on the Zar comms. GamingLady, Wpoco, and Eggman5
were systematically stripping Zar of spices, planet by
planet. A Spice raid! I watched the stockpile on Azure
disappear as they moved on from Honey to Fantasyizle. As
I tried to understand the implications of this raid, I
suddenly realized that I had ridden Azure all the way to
Sol! A quick "who Zar" revealed that my duke
was indeed present. I quickly sent a tight beam message
to him telling him that I had never gotten to Sol in
quite that way before. His return tb to me assured me
that he had intended to make the planet move for me. How
considerate. A price check revealed that the only planet
left in Zar was Naug!
Channel 9 came alive with offers to
marry GamingLady for 5 IG. GrahamCM smirkingly stated
that LtleShaver, GrahamCM, David56758, K52411, Sknt,
BListy, GovElaine, DragonCop2, First Fuzz, MageSmiley,
Lenny28, Truck1701. SatanFWAT, Smokngnr, Lennyaiel,
DanKingDC, Stting77, Eggman5, and PintoMike had already
paid the 5 IG for this privilege! After all, nothing
counted that night, right?
As for myself, I celebrated this
last crazy night of AOL Fed by doing something I have
never done before - I bought myself a fighting ship, with
all the bells and whistles, and went hunting. As
expected, I was rather unskilled and fired my twin lasers
at all the wrong times, and at all the wrong people.
Several clonings later, I gave up on the battles. I
returned to Azure and immediately bought new clothes,
after which, I felt much better!
ODE TO
A DDED WARRIOR
To fight, or not to fight?
He asked that fatal night
Into the Arena he did fly
But did not know that he would die
For when he had gotten nailed
He got upset and anger prevailed
So he jumped back into his ship
Brave as he was, thought it was hip
To think a TL could be a cure
The poor lad forgot to reinsure
And when that missile struck his tail
His next message was
"Will you be Male or Female?"
JPs
BLOW UP THE MARTIAN PATHFINDER
Last night, after a hefty round of
ale at Chez Diesel, two Journeypersons staggered from the
famous bar toward the treacherous ruins. They became lost
among the many paths of the maze, and they stumbled over
a rather large amount of TDX. They picked it up,
mistaking it for a Venusian firecracker. Attempting to
find a flat surface to set off their new "fireworks
display", they found a large flat rover-type vehicle
with a smooth surface; they were too drunk to realize it
was really the famed Pathfinder from Earth.
Placing the explosive atop the
rover, they lit the fuse, resulting in a mass explosion,
sending Pathfinder parts soaring across the Martian sky.
The two JPs were instantly disintegrated, only to wake up
to a very distraught and angry group of Earth scientists
waiting for them at the Puddy Memorial Ward.
Scavengers and souvenir hunters
have been combing all areas of Mars in hope of finding a
few of the rover's parts. Even Dr. Fogg was seen carrying
pieces of the rover's probe. When asked what he intended
to do with the parts, his only reply was, "This has
given me great ideas for new products." He refused
any further info.
The Pathfinder had almost completed
its mapping of the dangerous ruins, and scientists are
uncertain as to when a replacement will be sent. The two
Journeypersons have been sentenced to lifetime community
cleaning service in the public loos on Earth.
WHAT
FACTORIES ARE THE BEST FACTORIES?
By Susie of Hobbes
The hottest topic on channel 5 is,
and probably always will be, what are the best factories
to own. Opinion varies. Some merchants swear by Arts
Facs. They try to maximize their Arts facs to minimize
their work. Others say Unis and Furs are
better. So, from the FO that somehow got 12 Arts
facs to the PO who is wondering when they can nationalize
factories, here's the real scoop.
Slarti's finally delivers the
planet of your dreams. The link is built and the
exchange is in turmoil. You get your very first TB
as a PO. ‘Can I build an Arts factory on your
planet?’ You look at that 32 demand and 0
production and wonder ‘What should I do?’
Well, I know what I would do. The
first thing I would do is not sell any Arts
factories. New agri planets don't need
Arts. That great big 0 in production means I'm not
losing any money by not supplying Arts, and the labor
could be better spent meeting demands that have
production. If I have 32 demand on Furs and 22
production, that could be the most profitable factory to
sell, both for the factory owner and me. Yet some
FOs will turn down Furs in a quest to get Arts.
So why are FOs screaming for
Arts? Basically, because they don't have to do
anything (no hauling, no inputs) and they are unwilling
to help the PO get a better planet. After a while, the PO
realizes they are losing money on the Arts factory and
dreams of the day they can nationalize factories and get
rid of selfish FOs.
At this point FOs will be
screaming, ‘I asked the PO what they needed, I sold
to the exchange, and suddenly the price went to
10ig/ton.’ A planet is a dynamic
entity. Builds and production point allocations
change demands. FOs want profitable factories and POs
want the same thing. To maximize profits for both
the FO and the PO, cooperation is required from both
parties.
Rules for FOs
1. Ask the PO what is a profitable
factory on their planet. Each planet is
different. The most profitable factory can be
anything, not just Arts and Unis.
2. Higher level planets can be more
profitable than Agris:
a. the PO has a better idea of what they need.
b. they will pay higher prices for goods since they
make more from their planets.
c. they usually have more labor available.
d. some will have done builds to increase factory
production.
3. If a problem arises (10ig/ton)
talk to the PO.
4. Don't be afraid to change
factories.
5. Don't be afraid to haul, hauling
can be profitable.
Rules for the POs
1. Tell the FO when your need
changes.
2. Allow factories that help both
your planet and the FO.
3. If you're not sure you need an
Arts factory, you probably don't.
Cooperation will make both the FO
and the PO the most profit. Remember, Fed is an
interconnected universe.
WANNABE
PLANET OWNERS PICKET SLARTI’S IN DRUNKEN STUPOR!
After a few hefty rounds of
Venusian Vodka, an aggravated Explorer gathered a team of
nine other vodka-slingers to picket in front of the
closed Slarti's on Mercury. This strike has been slated
as one of the biggest since the protest of Dr. Fogg's
controversial usage of Marsrat fur for one of his
"special" products. The Explorer and his
followers staggered around the exterior of the famous
planet shop for hours, and were even caught chanting
various slogans such as, 'Undo the lock, I want my
rock!', 'Get my link, and another drink!', and
'<censored> <censored><censored>'. Two
of the picketers were arrested after spinning a passing
waitdroid so hard, it careened off into a nearby cave,
and was promptly wolfed down by a hungry Grizzle. All the
chaos finally settled after one of the rather irritated
guards explained that Slarti had merely closed shop to
take a short business trip in search of a missing link.
Upon his return, he was so distraught to hear of his
private waitdroid being demolished, he decided to employ
his remaining workbench employees to run his personal
errands while a replacement droid can be ordered.
LONG
TIME DUKE RESORTS TO BRIBERY IN FRUSTRATION
Sources in the Bureau of Offline
Planets revealed to this reporter today that at least one
ranking Duke has resorted to trying to bribe high level
officials in the BOP to get his planet online. A
mailing received 2 days prior from an "anonymous
source" offered to give "a gig or two" in
exchange for the opening of Tbarranch's Neverland. A
quote from the mysterious letter states:
‘See, this friend of mine..
has this duchy planet (NeverLand)... and I want to spring
it out of jail... sort of a surprise for him... because
he's dying... just wants to see his planet before he has
the "big one" and dies. No cure... only seeing
his planet again... can help...’
In further desperation Tbar offers
this bit of bribery.. ‘(do you like
chocolate?)’
BOP officials met and decided to
ignore the letter, only to be offered peach ice cream
later. BOP officials are now considering this
latest desperate act a violation of Bureaucratic
sensibilities. Said one source who wished to remain
anonymous, ‘We probably get a 100 bribes a day, but
this takes it! I mean offers of groats are one thing, but
Peach Ice Cream? The guy needs to be brought in for
examination!’ In what might be a related
event, it was reported last night that a team of black
clad individuals was seen sneaking into the closed duchy
and raiding refrigerators. We will keep you informed
should anything else break on this story.
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