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WEB FED NEWS YEARBOOKS Earthdate April 2004 |
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WEB FED NEWS YEARBOOKS Earthdate April 2004 |
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INSIDE SCOOP |
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BLOCKADE RUNNER CHAT: HAZED The noisy din of pirates and buccaneers (the entourage) fades to the background as patrons of the club curiously watch a camera crew arrange equipment. After five years in retirement, Blaze has returned to her journalism profession, resuming her television show from the unofficial Fed publication The Underground. That's right, we've been syndicated!! Fresh rounds of drinks are ordered up, while Blaze rises from a corner table in Chez Diesel to greet you with a warm smile. "Welcome to the Blockade Runner Chat! I'm your hostess Blaze, and every couple of weeks I interview a different Federation II personality as we explore in-depth the views that each guest has of our Fed universe. For our debut in The Chronicle, I have a very special guest, the demi-goddess herself...HAZED! Hazed has just arrived in CD's and looks around. She says, "It is about time these renovations were complete, it's a real mess in here" Blaze makes Hazed comfy in her old stomping grounds. Hazed glares at Laurence Dandy. Blaze asks, "Is Laurence a fictitious character or based on a former player like so many other Sol characters?" Hazed says, "Well he's actually based on a guy on TV in the UK, called Laurence Llewellyn Bowen. He does interior design and makeover stuff and he is a real dandy. Exactly as I have described him." Blaze says, "Ahhh those types of programs are very hot in the US right now" Hazed sighs and says, "And here, too, you can't get away from them" Blaze says, "I'm sure he will do a *lovely* job with CD's...I love his purples and magenta idea" Hazed says, "Oh, I have a feeling Diesel will reject all his ideas and go for something a bit less frenetic - black and chrome maybe. I mean, can you imagine looking at magenta and purple stripes, when you are drunk?" She shudders. Blaze says, "Chrome is always good, you can stare at yourself in it whilst drinking" Hazed says, "And it's easy to clean" Blaze says, "Ease of clean-up is important in such a place as this." Hazed drawls, "Oh yes, so much spillage to deal with..." She is glad she doesn't work here any more, musing, "Black leather sofas in the alcoves would be good." Blaze checks out Hazed's wardrobe with a dubious expression...
Blaze exclaims, "Well you aren't exactly moving up in the world...still an adventurer!" Hazed sulks and says, "Oh, don't remind me. It's humiliating, it really is. How can I expect people to worship me, as is my due, when I am a mere adventuress?" Blaze could spy you if she had a beam and there was still a secret room. Hazed grins and says, "But you don't and there isn't so you can't." Blaze asks, "So when is Bella going to give you back your true powers?" Hazed says, "When she gets tired of me nagging. Seriously, that isn't very high on the list. It's more important to work on things for the players, like trading and so on." Blaze asks, "Have you been hauling like a good demi-goddess?" Hazed retorts, "No, thankfully I don't have to haul. Whenever a new rank is put in, Bella and I are automatically bumped up to whatever it is. And we can access the magic ATM. So we do have some special privileges." Blaze asks, "You are currently working on adding objects to SOL...is that a precursor to something like puzzles, or is the next rank of trader soon to follow?" Hazed says, "Bella is working on the code for objects, while I actually come up with the objects themselves. In the first instance the objects will just be things for a bit of fun. In order to do puzzles, the event system needs a lot more work, so I think trading will get done first." Hazed explains, "The aim, of course, is to get enough functionality in the game so that we can charge people to play it." Blaze points out to her viewers who don't see this real-time that Hazed types 15 words to her 3 words. Hazed laughs and says, "And since we want that to happen before the end of the next millennium, we have to be selective about what gets coded" Hazed drawls, "But, going back to objects..." Blaze grins and listens. Hazed says, "There will be no object/mobile matches, like in classic Fed. The aim of those object/mobile matches was originally to make people get out of their ships and explore the planets a bit. In Fed II, the AK jobs do that." Blaze nods, "And quite effectively." Hazed continues, "So objects will have other uses. Some of them will be useful - such as torches or lamps or whatever. Some will relate to puzzles, although that will be a way down the line. Some will just be fun." Blaze says, "As I understand, many more commands will be permissible with objects" Hazed says, "Yes. All objects can be examined; non-static objects can be picked up and put down; edible objects can be eaten... that's all as before." Blaze asks, "Can a player invent a command as they are creating the object on their own planet?" Hazed says, "But on top of that any object can have any command word attached to it. So for example, you might be able to type "open umbrella" or "stroke cat." This applies to mobiles as well, or it will when they are programmed." Blaze exclaims, "A stroke command!" She waggles her eyebrows. Hazed grins and says, "Well it's not a command, as such, in that it will only work with that particular object. I couldn't "stroke Blaze." Much as I would like to." Blaze snaps her fingers. Hazed says, "The only limit on this is that the command must be in the form "verb, object." It won't let you do more complex stuff like "put coin into slot." But within those limits, you can let players do anything they like with objects." Blaze asks, "Will the tools for planet building all be part of a revised Genesis?" Hazed says, "Ah, that's a complex issue. Yes, players will be given tools to customise their planets, and they will build the maps using something like Genesis, although it will be easier to use. Then there will be a separate program to add objects, another one for mobiles, and so on. And then players will get a custom version of the events system to play with." Blaze smiles, "Very nice...those players who enjoy planet construction should be in heaven :)" Hazed says, "They won't be able to do all the things that Bella and I can do to the Sol planets - for example, we wouldn't want to give players the ability to create money out of thin air or give away free stats or stuff like that." Blaze exclaims, "Spoilsports!" Hazed says, "But yes, people who enjoy planet construction will love it. But, that will be a way down the line - when planets first go in they won't be customisable." Blaze asks, "You mentioned getting Fed II to a point where you can start charging. What exactly IS that point?" Hazed says, "That point is..." She shuffles her feet as Blaze gazes pointedly at her. Hazed drawls, "Well, we have a list of the things that we think are needed - and I would love to be able to say, oh yes, that will take Bella a month to complete, or two months...or whatever. But with a lot of this stuff, it's impossible to estimate how long it will take to code. Some things Bella thinks are fast, take ages because she runs into a bug; other things she thinks are complex and time-consuming, she romps through really fast." Blaze asks, "Well is the goal to at least have planets and their economy in place?" Hazed says, "No, we think we can go with it once we have the trader rank in. Players can trade on the Sol planets - like they did in the early days " Blaze notes, "Really...but they would still have a cap on groats and may wait several weeks for the next rank" Hazed says, "Yes, there's no way round that. People will always be able to play faster than Bella can code." Blaze asks, "Do you think that most would pay for that? To wait?" Hazed grins and says, "I don't know, but if they don't, we are no worse off than we are now" Blaze says, "How are the numbers in Classic Fed? I know a lot of folks haven't made the transition yet." Hazed says, "Right now, we are not doing any promotion or marketing. Once we start to charge, we will switch the web site around so newbods are aimed towards Fed II rather than classic Fed, and then we'll do a heavy round of promotion. Classic Fed numbers are drifting down... because we are not getting any newbods, since we stopped promoting. So the people who leave for various reasons are not getting replaced with new blood." Blaze asks, "Are former players being kept updated on Fed II via the mailing list?" Hazed says, "Well, anyone who has left but is still subscribed to one of the mailing lists, ie the Chronicle, will know what's going on. But we don't send out mails other than that. It would be too much like spamming." Blaze asks, "Out of curiosity, how many folks are subscribed to the Chronicle list?" Hazed replies, "I don't know... I'd have to go and count them. The mailing list software we use does not have a counter on it." She rolls her eyes and continues, "But it has other nice features which make up for that lack" Hazed drawls, "Going back to what needs doing before we can charge..." Blaze likes Hazed's British drawl. Hazed says, "There's a bunch of admin-type stuff that will be needed - players need to be able to change their passwords or email addresses, or request new passwords if they lose their old ones. I need tools to cancel accounts. All that kind of stuff. Plus we'll need some way to give staff the management commands they need, so they can lock out naughty players." Blaze asks, "Will one paid ibgames account allow access to both versions of the game?" Hazed responds, "No. The two games are completely separate. Although our plan is that one price gives you access to all our games, classic Fed cannot be included in that because it runs on a completely separate billing system. So Fed II, Barbarossa, Age of Adventure, etc (when those are launched) will all be included in the one subscription." Blaze asks, "Do you intend to phase classic Fed out entirely at some point?" Hazed says, "We will keep it going as long as there are players who want to pay to play it - and so long as the creaky hardware holds out. But this whole push to code Fed II was prompted by a failing hard disk on that server, which was kind of a wake-up call." Blaze asks, "So when the hardware gives out (it seems precarious, as evidenced by a mishap around Thanksgiving), that's "all she wrote" on classic?" Hazed says, "Fraid so. That model of server isn't made any more, so depending on what went wrong, we may not be able to get replacement parts for it. And we wouldn't be able to just buy a second-hand machine and copy everything over to it, because even that version of the operating system isn't available any more, and some of the libraries that classic Fed uses are no longer available." Blaze asks, "Let's talk about spybeams!! Any decisions on what capacity they will have here?" Hazed says, "Ok, spybeams. Well, they will let you spy on other players." She grins and wonders, "What more do you want to know?" Blaze says, "I understand that restrictions on who you can spy and where the spyee is located will be part of their usage." Hazed says, "Final decisions haven't been taken, but the current thinking is that yes, there will be restrictions. One restriction could be that you can only spy on people who are in the same duchy as you." Blaze winks, "Except for you, of course ;)" Hazed exclaims, "Of course! Probably, anyone with a beam will be able to spy people below Trader or something. That means people can help newbods, or laugh at newbods bumbling around. There are lots of possibilities. The trick is to come up with something that still lets spybeams be fun and useful, without leaving them open to abuse." Blaze exclaims, "Indeed!" Hazed says, "What that will be, won't be decided exactly until Bella comes to code it" Blaze asks, "Speaking of duchies, on AOL beta, you had a cadre of hosts who were bumped to ducal status to accommodate new planets. Will something similar be done here?" Hazed drawls, "Well, yes and no...on AOL we had an existing version of Fed that had planets and duchies in it, that just had to be ported to AOL. So when the game started, although there were no players at that rank, the code was all there. So we were able to provide some artificial planets owned by staff, but in Fed II, the code ain't there." Blaze says, "Ahhh...no such code will exist here when the first planets come into existence." Hazed says, "Can't put planets in outside the solar system - no matter who owns them - until Bella codes: Hyperspace jumps, links, planets outside sol, economies, etc etc. But when that does happen then yes, probably, we'll start out with some staff-owned planets. We'll need that for test purposes." Blaze observes, "Its sounds as if that's a good ways down the road." Hazed grins and says, "Well, it comes after trader, merchant, jp, and gm ranks, obviously. And Bella has plans that you should do something different at each of those ranks." Blaze asks, "Will those rank names remain the same?" Hazed says, "Those ones probably will. PO ranks will probably change names " Blaze never liked being a THANE anyhow. Hazed says, "Again, you should realise that although Bella says something now about what she plans for the future, she may change her mind several times in the time until she comes to code it - final decisions won't be taken until she actually codes it. That's the way she works. But the thinking now, is to change the rank names so they are more business-oriented and less aristocratic-sounding. So we'd have things like tycoon and magnate." Blaze says, "She does seem to pay attention to player feedback too, at least to take it into consideration." Hazed says, "Oh yes, player feedback is vital. Without player feedback, I don't think Bella could do this. She needs it for encouragement - it's her form of applause" Blaze applauds Bella!! Hazed says, "Even if she doesn't use an idea someone comes up with, it may spark her into coming up with something else she hadn't thought of. And she also needs to know when players hate something, or think something causes a big problem." Blaze says, "How would you classify Federation as a game these days? I mean really, its seems to be a MUD, but you've scoffed at that classification in the past." Hazed says, "It's a multi-player game. All those terms are a bit fluid. MUD stands for multi-user dungeon, but these days people take it to mean either a sword n sorcery game, or a game written using one of the game creation systems. Fed doesn't fit into either of those categories, obviously." Hazed ponders, "On the other hand, a while back people started calling Doom a multi-player game because 8 people could play against each other. So this kind of game started to be called a massively multi-player game, to distinguish." She shrugs. Blaze says, "I've been told by a game designer that a MMORPG [Massively Multi-Player Online Role Playing Game]*is* a MUD." Hazed says, "Well Fed isn't really an RPG either. It's not a role-playing game in the traditional, dungeons and dragons, sense. It's actually an economic simulation." Blaze exclaims, "Ooo its an ES!" Hazed grins and says, "Fed is kind of in a category of its own. But then that is part of Bella's genius - she doesn't write anything that is "like" anything that's come before." Blaze smiles, "That is certainly so :) So on a personal level....why are you a DEMI goddess, as opposed to a full blown goddess?" Hazed says, "Because Bella, the creator of the universe, is the goddess. I, who merely manage the universe, am therefore a demi-goddess." Blaze exclaims, "Makes sense!" Hazed grins and says, "I may be doing a lot of the work on the planets right now, but that doesn't make me creator of the universe. Its all Bella's vision - what I do is paint it a different colour." Blaze asks, "How many hours a week would you say you are putting into ibgames admin?" Hazed says, "Do you mean, my job as a total, or just the bits of it that are strictly admin? Cos a lot of what I do is not admin. I don't count working on the Chronicle as admin, for example." Blaze says, "Well everything that involves the games, regardless of the task" Hazed drawls, "Hmmm... Well, it varies. I work at home, and therefore I set my own hours. So some days I only do a couple of hours work, other days I do 10 or even 12 hours work. Unless I am actually away, like on holiday, I do some work every day - that includes weekends, Christmas Day, every day. Because when you work from home, if you are at home, you're at work! I am not a morning person, so I have set my hours so I don't have to get up early. I have never totaled up all the hours I work each week, but it feels like I do a good full week's work." Blaze smiles, "Basically when something needs done, you do it. And you are still free to have a life :)" Hazed grins and says, "I just don't do it 9-5" Blaze asks, "Are you relieved to not be dividing time between different games, what with Age of Adventure and Barbarossa currently on hold?" Hazed says, "Well, Fed is my first love, and it will be my last, as the song says. In one way, I am delighted that we are now working on Fed II, I love being able to tamper with the planets myself. And I am also very relieved that things can start moving in Fed again - it has been frustrating over the past few years, managing a game where the code can't be changed, not even to fix bugs. " Blaze comments with a wink, "Indeed frustrating to play that game ;)" Hazed continues, "But on the other hand, the company would be in a stronger position if we had more than one game" Hazed says, "And although we will keep classic Fed going, it's not the same as having two completely different games. It's also frustrating that we got Age to a certain point, where it is a-l-m-o-s-t playable, and then had to stop." Blaze says, "So close and yet so far" Hazed says, "I know. I suspect that even if we had Fed and Age and Barbarossa up and running as charging games, I would still spend most of my time in Fed. It really is my kind of game." Blaze says, "Perfecting your bread and butter for now seems to be a wise management decision though." Hazed nods and says, "Yeah, with hindsight we would have done things very differently, probably started work on this version of Fed a lot sooner." Blaze asks, "About 6 years ago, you were diagnosed with diabetes. How's that developing?" She realizes that she asked that as if it were another game and apologizes! Hazed grins and says, "Well, I'm still alive. I'm doing ok. I am having no success in losing weight - I suffer from the twin problems of being a lazy slob, and being greedy, but I am going to try to tackle that this year. Because if I don't, it will make managing my diabetes harder as I get older" Blaze smiles, "You've been exercising a bit, I've noticed :)" Hazed says, "Well I went for a walk today, but it was the first time for a while. The weather has been atrocious here, and it doesn't take much to make me decide to skip it" Blaze knows that feeling ;) Hazed says, "When I finally haul my carcass out the door and go for a walk, I usually enjoy it. But there are always things I would rather be doing, such as reading. I was the same as a child - I spent all my time with my nose in a book, and had to be dragged out for a walk. If I could figure out a way to walk and read at the same time, things would be a lot easier." Blaze asks, "What sort of books do you read?" Hazed says, "Mostly, I read science fiction and fantasy. Sometimes when I want a change I read detective stories. When my brain can't cope with anything terribly complex, and all I want is mind-candy, I read "sex and shopping" style books. Can't beat a good trashy novel for taking you away from your own life." Blaze exclaims, "Ain't that the damn truth!" Hazed says, "I rarely read non-fiction - for me, the purpose of reading is to transport to another word, another life. That sounds as if I hate my own life, but that's not the case. It's just that I love stories, I love putting myself in someone else's shoes. A book can do it like nothing else can - there are few TV series that have the same draw for me as a good book." Blaze smiles, "Everyone enjoys an escape from the routine :)" Hazed says, "Right. But if I don't have a book with me, I will read whatever is available - the back of the cornflake packet." Blaze asks, "Anything else you'd like to pass along to your galaxy of followers?" Hazed drawls, "Um...In the words of the great Bill and Ted: Be excellent to each other." Blaze smiles, "Right on, sistah :)" Hazed says, "I would like to see in Fed II less of the personal enmity and back-biting we get in classic Fed. I have hopes: some of the things we have coded in, such as the block command, will help. Plus, with people having something real to do - ie promote through the ranks - they won't have to fill their time in Fed with antagonising others" Blaze nods in agreement and exclaims, "In theory anyhow!" Hazed grins, "Well, in theory. Human nature being what it is, I am sure people will still find ways to annoy each other " Blaze smiles, "Best of luck to ya, Hazed :)" Hazed says, "Thank you." Blaze exclaims, "Its a wrap!"
I really wanted to have one of those heart-to-heart discussions with Hazed, just like the ones we've never had before. For a while I've been ready to branch out, to take on new responsibilities. My canine brain was full of ideas and I was anxious to engage the demi-goddess in a game of idea-tug-of-war. The way I usually get attention from Hazed is to do something really obnoxious or stupid, like chewing the server cable wires, and she usually rewarded me with a resounding >THWOK< on the snout. A new approach was called for, and I gathered up my courage, fleas, and review of Ascii and made my way to CDs. Once in the bar I quietly tried to slip my slightly chewed and quite slobbered on article – written of course on old Wee-Wee™ pads - into the middle of all the slick fancy portable holo-discs stacked on her table. Without even looking up from her work she snatched my paper out and tossed it onto the top of another smaller pile labeled 'Late And Useless Submissions.' I didn't even get a grunt of recognition. Stronger measures were called for. I sat on the floor beside her chair and laid my muzzle on the table – adopting that expression perfected by the canine pet world known to us all as the 'poor little puppy dog look.' My ears were flattened down perfectly and my eyes developed that verge-of-tears look, but even my exquisite posturing didn't draw a glance from her. I tried the sigh – you know the one your dog gives you when he's trying to tell you that your human undertakings were of no value to him whatsoever and you are wasting your life by not scratching his ears. Still no response. I sighed harder. And harder. And when I finally sighed hard enough to blow droplets of dog snot on the holo-disc she was working on I got her attention. She looked at the disc, looked at me, back at the disc, and then regarded me with a somewhat confused expression, as though trying to figure out who I was. "What do you want?" she finally asked. "Great demi-goddess Ma'am..." I whined. "I need something new to do. A challenge, a new venture, responsibilities, powers..." My mind was in fast-forward to the first idea I wanted to propose – breeding experiments among all the animal mobiles. "What do you do now?" she interrupted. "Um... er... well..." I muttered. "You mean when I do something?" Hazed gave me one of those looks that meant a nose thowking was in my near future. I took a breath and gathered my statistics. "136 articles, 62 planet reviews, passed out 12 Carpenter Awards, 7 Walruses, and 1 Gold Plated Dog Pile Award." She started getting that glazed look in her eyes so I hurried on. "But I could do Great Works too!" I pitched. "Like, I could finally write that History of the Dalmartian book I've been thinking about. Wouldn't that be significant? Or maybe the drug trade just needs some proper canine-type management to get back on its feet. I could teach Mario how to fetch! Or maybe I could research all the ways to skin a black cat..." "Hush," she said, and started tapping her chin with her stylus in thought. I hate it when she does that, I just can't help staring at that single three inch chin hair when she taps that way and it always gets me in trouble. But this time, once the demi-goddess had thought for a while, things took a very strange turn. "Come here, you sweet little puppy," Hazed cooed. She crooked her finger at me and motioned me closer. Being blessed with a brain the size of a shriveled pea, I did as she asked. She laid her hand on the top of my head, wincing in disgust for only a mere second when a couple fleas did the Mexican Hat Dance around her hand. "I think I know exactly where your talents would be put to excellent use," she crooned as she ran her hand down my back. This was looking really good for me; I thought maybe she was going for the haunch-scratch. But instead she run her hand over the length of my tail and with a sudden grasp and yank at the end she pulled my pelt completely off my body! "YEOOOWCH!" I bawled, shivering in my hairless and skinless state. "What was that for!" Hazed gave my hide a single small shake before tossing it to the cleaner. Years of mud, fleas, and small smelly bugs I'd rolled in flew everywhere. "You won't need this where you're going, and I might need it later. Here, put on this suit before you ooze all over the floor." She tossed me a yellow body suit fashioned from the latest lightweight nano-fabric technology. I struggled into the suit, poking a few extra holes where needed. "Hazed, you'll never fit into my skin!" I tried to reason. "Oh, it's not for me," she explained. "If you're not going to do planet reviews anymore I might need this skin for the next reviewer, and you certainly won't need all that fur in your new job. That holo-disc you just snotted and ruined was my recipe for Senators – I can't make any more without the instructions. So, I need your skin." Even though the suit was really much more comfortable than the mangy fur I usually wore, I wasn't ready to admit it yet. I was anxious to hear what my new responsibilities so I cut the whining volume a bit. I asked Hazed what I would be doing next, along with a bit of sobbing breaths to make sure she still knew I was miffed over being tricked out of my skin. "Solar flares," she muttered and started turning back to her work. "Eh? Solar flares? What will I do with solar flares?" I was totally lost. "Solar flares, we have a problem with them. In Fed II we just haven't gotten the solar flares quite hot enough to toast people that dare to go to the sun's orbit. That will be your job," she said with a nod. "I can't even boil water!" I complained. My Bachelor of Fine Arfs didn't include any instruction in astro-physics, pyrotechnics, or toasting people. Hazed chuckled. "You won't have any problem at all. We'll park you on the sun and every evening send you all the marsrat-chili you can eat. Voila, instant solar flares." "All I can eat?" I perked. "Just sit on the sun and eat chili? No more writing? No more exploring?" "Yes, Alsatian. No more planet reviews for you." I think I've gone to doggy heaven.
FROM THE SOCIETY NEWS DESK: INVITATIONS AND RESTAURANTS Unwanted Invitations Hello again dearies! Spring is upon us and the social season is starting to heat up. This reporter's mailbox is literally overflowing with invitations to the coming social gatherings. Some are annual soirees and others are newcomers staking their claim in the crowded party scene. There is the Venusian Ambassador's accustomed celebration. His will be my 10th year in a row attending. And there is also the Selena City Mayor's Annual Black Tie Ball for charity. Of course, how could I forget Slarti's Benefit for the Cargon City Museum. I will try to attend them all. It is simply too ghastly to send my regrets to anyone hosting a social party. Unfortunately, it seems some malefactors can miss them, and don't seem to mind littering the Fed II ground with the precious invitations. Are they simply uncouth scalawags who wouldn't know the difference between a dinner fork and a salad fork, or the utter joy in being introduced in the Grand Ballroom at the estate of the Duchess of Pegasus? I haven't an inkling. All I do know is that the hosts go to great length to invite the regular inhabitants of Fed II DataSpace. And these regular inhabitants don't even have the social etiquette of a Grizzle. All they do is drop these invitations all over the Spaceport on Earth. Do they have a clue as to what RSVP means? I think not! Ingrates! They are ruining this season's social calendar with these actions. How will the host plan these extravagant events without knowing the number of people coming? A word from the wise... Always RSVP. Your Society Desk Tip of the Week. Please do not continue to litter the Fed II DataSpace with these cards! Instead, send them to where they belong and I'll see you at the parties, darlings!
The talk of the solar system in the society circles all centers on the latest restaurant. The establishment is called Fortenzi's in Selena City. In this humble reporter's words... stay away from this restaurant. The restaurant is not easy to find. It is located off the underground plaza which is gaudily decorated with neon lights and noisy beyond belief! It is a wonder they do any business at all being located across from a casino, of all things! I was accompanied by three members of our book club, and arrived during the height of a late post-theatre dinner rush. We strolled through the door and announced our presence to the maitre d'. He rudely told us that reservations are required. I scoffed at him and gently reminded him who I was and assured him that I would be delighted to mention his establishment in my Society News column should he accommodate us. I was shocked to hear him reply that he had never heard of this column and refused to seat our party. I was flabbergasted and at a loss for words. I have never been refused a sitting at any restaurant in Sol. I wonder if he has heard of my column now.
"FAME - ANYONE WHO SAYS HE DOESN'T LIKE IT IS CRAZY" * Well, a Feddywood icon anyway. This is your chance for the bright spotlight of *F*A*M*E* to shine down on YOU!! So if you're reading this, you must be interested in finding out about the hot new soap opera, "As The Waffle Burns." I'll give you a bit of insight as to what this whole ordeal is about. A television show. Has it ever been done in the Chronicle before? Maybe something close to it, but this is a few leaps and bounds beyond anything you'll be able to find. A 'visual soap opera'. Here's the idea, followed by an outline of your participation, should this casting call pique your curiosity. Unless you've been living in a cave the past six or so years, you've probably heard of a very popular life simulation game. While Fed is enjoyable as a text-based game, this would provide us with the perfect opportunity for some visuals! (GOOD ones though! Don't freak!) So here's how it'll work. I build a house in the simulation, name a few characters after you soon-to-be famous people, set the free-will to ON and let them go. I report on the major happenings and embellish the truth just a bit to make it a worthwhile read. Now, you're probably asking why I am planning to use this game at all and how it is a 'visual' soap opera. Within each story (you KNOW soap operas have about a bajillion stories going on all at once), I will leave a link to a website, where screenshots of the action related to that story will be displayed. Don't get all excited, I do NOT have the nudity patch. Besides, I don't EVEN want to see you all naked. Moving on. Before you decide that my mind is a bit too far out there to control a character with YOUR name on it, I'll explain a few things. First off, I will abide by Chronicle guidelines 100%. I will not degrade, mock or insult anyone involved in this project. There will be humor, of course. It wouldn't be any fun to read if there wasn't humor! Also, there will be a disclaimer at the beginning of each episode explaining that it is entirely fictional, based on NO real events and is the work of a specific un-mentioned game and the mind of yours truly, NOT the characters involved. If that doesn't calm your fears, perhaps the following will. The Tuesday before shoot, for anyone who requests it, I will email a copy of the episode. You may email me back by Wednesday, 10.00pm eastern if you do not agree with your character's portrayal. If I do not hear from you by 10.00pm on Wednesday, I will assume that you are okay with what there is and will send it to editing and production. So in conclusion, the *only* thing I need you future Fedcelebs to do is loan your name out in the name of fun and fame. The contract lasts for four episodes, after which you may be asked to renew your contract or may be dropped from the show. Can you still see your name in a star on the North/South Road? Fill out the following consent form and send it in to claim your very own dressing room and starring role! Thank you for your interest! Filming begins Friday, April 16th. STAY TUNED FOR THE SERIES PREMIER ON APRIL 25! * Quote by Bennett Cerf ~~~~~Consent Form~~~~~
BLOCKADE RUNNER CHAT: JAZIR The noisy din of pirates and buccaneers (the entourage) fades to the background as patrons of the club curiously watch a camera crew arrange equipment. Fresh rounds of drinks are ordered up, while Blaze rises from a corner table in The Urban Spaceman Bar on Venus to greet you with a warm smile. "Welcome to the Blockade Runner Chat! I'm your hostess Blaze, and every couple of weeks I interview a different Federation II personality as we explore in-depth the views that each guest has of our Fed universe. Today we have a fine chap who has accomplished many things during his years between the Old and New Galaxies. Please welcome DUKE JAZIR of ESTATE!" Blaze exclaims, "Ahoy, Jaz!" Jazir smiles, "Ahoy, Blaze! :)" Jazir buys Blaze a large glass of rum; she thanks Jaz and sips on it. Jazir likes his interviewers plastered ;) Blaze slurs her words a bit, just to make Jaz feel like he's got the upper hand as she asks, "So, Jaz, you've been in Fed for how long now?" Jazir says, "Let's see, found the place in July of 95, so going on 9 years" Blaze asks, "You found the transition to Fed2 relatively easy, after all that time?" Jazir smiles, "Certainly, the Fed2 map is similar enough. I do like the added challenges as a hauler and an adventurer" Blaze notes, "But you're maxxed out as an adventurer now... and no events here to distract you. Why do you stay?" Jazir smiles, "Here? I'm simply waiting for what comes next. Trader should be very interesting, and very different I think :)" Blaze asks, "Did you do the trader rank the hard way the first time around back 9 years ago? Actually trading?" Jazir says, "Oh yes. No macros or rich fedders to give ya groats in those days, I did it all by hand using cut and paste. Definitely a learning experience. You had to really learn trade routes, and work them" Blaze asks, "I notice that your race is unusual.... what's a "chill an"?" Jazir corrects her, "Chill'An, actually, Fed2 managed to mangle it a bit. It refers to my first planet in Old Fed, Chill. Jazir was one of the last to escape the planet before it went POOF in the Great Move to the Web" Blaze exclaims, "how fortunate for you!" Jazir says, "Very! The star died, and an already cold planet become considerably colder! I'm glad I didn't stick around" Blaze asks, "You mention your old planet Chill. Your first persona there was Shade, which you couldn't claim as a name on the web due to a duchy already named Shade. Why didn't you claim that name finally here in Fed2?" Jazir winks, "And who says I won't? ;)" Blaze raises her eyebrows and asks, "Will you? ;)" Jazir smiles, "But Shade died in the catastrophe that took Chill. I, Jazir, am the last survivor, so I continue to use my own name :)" Blaze exclaims, "So you, as the last survivor of Chill, must be over 100 years old by now!" Jazir says, "Easily, we live long, us Chill'Ans" Blaze thinks Jaz shows his age quite well! He smiles, bows, and thanks Blaze. Blaze asks, "Frozen blood?" Jazir says, "Precisely! We are very well preserved" Blaze asks, "have ya played any other characters of note over the years, or kept strictly Jazzy/Shady?" Jazir says, "Kept strictly to the one, never had much desire to play a second, I mean, really play one. Every now and then, I start an alt, to remind myself of what it was like to be an FO or PO again, but not often. Thus chars never last for long, they just serve to remind me about why I'm happy as a Duke :)" Blaze asks, "A very noble cause, to humble yourself and keep yourself in the loop. But then you come off as a very noble man. Are you?" Jazir says, "I like to think so. I have had one little rule, throughout 9 years of fed. I have wanted to be known as a good friend to my friends, and a terrible enemy to my enemies. I think I've succeeded on both counts :)" Blaze exclaims, "I can't imagine you with enemies, I thought *everyone* liked Jaz!" Jazir says, "Well, I don't make many enemies. The snerts were the first I had to deal with. Contract snerts in particular. These idiots would void contracts, knowing how much it hurt the JP, for the sheer pleasure of it.." Blaze asks, "During your guild days on AOL?" Jazir says, "Ah yes, JPAAS, it was a direct result of those snerts. JPAAS was not a guild, at least in the usual sense of guilds. JPAAS was a list, no more, no less." Blaze smiles, "Well most guilds in those days had their individual agendas :)" Jazir says, "It was a list of JPs who shared a certain opinion on how to deal with snerts. Namely, through TLs and missiles. If a JP encountered trouble with a contract snert, he contacted those on the list, and we would be happy to arrange the assassination. Many snerts knew better than to accept a contract from the JP they just knifed in the back, so help was often needed" Blaze says, "Define what a snert would do to deserve a place on this list" Jazir says, "Ah yes, for me, I required that the snert know that voiding a contract hurt the JP" Jazir says, "In those days, the several 100k they cost us really did hurt. If they knew that, and voided a contract anyway, then there was a problem" Blaze asks, "And *bam* they got on the list?" Jazir says, "Likely, there was a hauler blacklist in those days, of known snerts that JPs were advised to avoid, but often, we simply ambushed the snert" Blaze winks, "So you aren't as overall *nice* as you come off to most ;)" Jazir smiles, "I am nice, really, but to those who wish to fight against me or my friends, I am quite ruthless :)" Blaze asks, "Let's fast-track a few years... a couple of years ago, how did you end up as a member of the 3D?" Jazir says, "Was never really a 3D member, agreed to be listed as a friend of it. I am a friend of anyone, absent some sort of serious provocation. I was a WINGS Member, and in fact still am :)" Blaze says, "But you were listed as a member, on the 3D website, and on bar posts." Jazir shrugs and says, "What I tell them, and what they list and post, are likely two different things" Blaze asks, "You didn't object to it?" Jazir smiles, "No particular point in that. I knew very well what I said, and would honor my word, not what any one said was my word :)" Blaze says, "So tell me about your break from that alliance, which has been held in rather close confidentiality." Jazir says, "There was a tendency of making Fed quarrels personal, using RL stuff when angry at a Fedder. Eventually, I heard far too many reports of this to doubt them, so I arranged a private chat on Estate. At least, it was supposed to be private, a good deal of POs came along" Jazir continues, "I laid out my concerns, and asked for an explanation. Instead, I was subjected to personal attacks, based on what little was known of me in RL, but it was laughably pathetic. So I withdrew from the 3D. I refrained from launching a shooting war despite the provocation." Blaze asks, "Did you face repercussions after the withdrawal?" Jazir says, "There was a false rumor being spread that I was sleeping with Zyphr at the time, but no one really believed it. No one really treated me any different." Blaze winks, "Were you sleeping with Zyphr? ;)" Jazir smiles, "Nope. She's a fine lass, no question, but she was already spoken for :)" Blaze smiles, "I hope she finds her way into this new world :)" Jazir smiles, "I suspect she will :)" Blaze asks, "The duke of Estate has always been more active than his duchy... can you explain that?" Jazir says, "Certainly. I never Duked to run a duchy. I have no patience for what recruiting has become these days. I duked to solve the puzzle. Took me 13 warps, but solve it I did! Then I focused on mastering the details of fed. First Fedpardy, won a cerebral league may back in the 5th season, then fighting." Blaze asks, "you hadn't mastered them while having an exchange?" Jazir exclaims, "Oh, I mastered exchanges well enough, but there is so much more to Fed!" Blaze exclaims, "So you set out to master every aspect!" Jazir says, "Exactly! After fighting was planet design. I won a Walrus for the finished version of Estate" Blaze beams! Jazir says, "I once, out of boredom, calculated how many minutes per STU in Old Fed. 1.44, in case this becomes a Fedpardy question ;)" Blaze asks, "STU? Forgive me, for I am rust-laden." Jazir smiles, "Stardate Thingie Unit. The right number on a barposts stardate :)" Blaze giggles and notes, "You are very proficient at Fedpardy... is that pure memory, or do you have other tools?" Jazir says, "Memory principally, just tonight, I got several questions right because I remember the original news reports those things were announced in. Other than that, just experience at answering Fedpardy questions, and a good deal of game knowledge" Blaze asks, "Do you enjoy trivia overall?" Jazir smiles, "Yeah, definitely a challenge. I enjoy challenge generally :)" Blaze says, "You seem to *seek* your challenges though, instead of requiring them to fall into your lap" Jazir smiles, "Well of course! Old Fed is a bit quiet now, one must seek out challenges, and make your own, if need be. Keeps the game interesting. That's the beauty of Fed, we are allowed to play the game virtually however we choose." Blaze asks, "What's your next challenge, Jaz?" Jazir says, " Next challenge, hmm. Probably here, in Fed2, whatever comes next. I have done virtually everything there is to do in Old Fed" Blaze asks, "Virtually? What haven't you done there?" Jazir says, "Oh, there are planets I haven't explored, puzzles unsolved, that sort of thing. Have yet to win a second Walrus, etc" Blaze smiles, "But those are things that you've done, just haven't done it multiple times :)" Jazir smiles, "I suppose, but there is a challenge in the repeat :)" Blaze winks, "Well I wish ya luck in repeating your challenges! Thanks for joining me tonight, Jaz!" Jazir smiles, "My pleasure :)" As Jazir departs, a messenger hands Blaze an envelope etched in gold. She carefully opens it and looks surprised as she reads the enclosed invitation aloud, 'Your presence is requested on Monday 19 April at 11.00pm EDT on the Classic Fed grounds of Estate for the wedding of DUKE JAZIR and DUCHESSE SNOWSTAR." She grins at the camera and notes, 'Now *there's* a new challenge for him!"
Recently there was a 'DD" in Classic Federation that sparked much conversation. A couple people who knew the DDed player in 'real life" brought up publicly on channel 9 matters of a personal non-game-related nature. I was surprised and very disappointed. I find this behavior unacceptable and lacking any amount of class. The House Rules defines what is private as being '...those things that people cannot come across as part of their normal activities in the game." How often do you solve a puzzle to receive a report on the mental status of another player? When you promote do you get information about another players 'RL" occupation, family, relationships, or personal beliefs? Of course not. While the DDed player had left Federation when his personal life was offered for discussion, the community has lost players in the past because elements of their personal 'real" lives were revealed with malicious intent. Wicked players have gone as far as to step out of the game and cause serious threat to the real life relationships and careers of other players. I wish I could say that players who pull stunts to such a large degree don't play the game any longer, but they do. In asking around about stories of people who have or know of people who struggled with having their real life invaded by a irate player I came across a couple stories that were fairly recent and easily recognizable. I wanted to include them but I do need to be careful not to violate the trust of other players. Instead, I'm including a slightly older story told to me by a friend who requests to remain anonymous. '"Back on AOL, one of Player A's POs was dumping on Player B's duchy. A spat arose, and Player B, knowing that Player A and I used to have a relationship in real life asked me if I knew his social security number! He flat out told me he intended to screw up his military pay and had the means to do so." Sadly this isn't the most disturbing piece of the story, my friend continues, 'The same dude was a former explosives specialist. I've heard him threaten to put mailbox bombs on players." It sounds crazy, and it is, but people on the Internet can be dangerous. We need to remember that we don't know who we're communicating with in the game. We don't know who is listening; we don't even know if old foes go under new names. When you share private information about somebody else I ask that you consider three things: Does the person want this kept private? How can this information be used to hurt the person? Am I comfortable with people knowing similar things about me? 'Real Life" information is not to be messed with or shared willy-nilly, it needs to be respected. It is not hard to keep your mouth shut, what was said on 9 the other night never should have been shared, we don't know what pain could come out of it. While the players who shared the information didn't necessarily have a intent to hurt anyone, that doesn't mean another player doesn't or won't. When it comes to real life, it's not just a game.
THE NEW PLANET REVIEWER
That's right people, I'm the new Planet Reviewer for the Chronicle and my name is Drizzl. I might not sing as well as the Urban Spaceman but I'm cool and I'm trendy. There are going to be some changes around here but more on that later, let me fill you in on my rendezvous with Hazed first. When I stumbled into Diesel's (fashionably late), my sunglasses went black hole dark. That's to be expected when one enters the presence of a Demi-Goddess, but it's also part of the price to pay for ultra-coolness. Lucky for me I could follow the sounds of her beckoning snickers to the table and manage to actually sit in a chair with only a few bruises. As I made myself comfortable I ordered a drink to sip at while Hazed ignored me before getting down to business. Or maybe she wasn't ignoring me; it's rather hard to tell when I can't see anything with the sunglasses on. However, a soft thump of something hitting the top of the table got my attention. "What was that?", I inquired innocently. "Oh that. That's the previous planet reviewer, or what's left of him anyway.", was Hazed's reply. Now that really got my attention. I reached out with a hand to see just what or who this reviewer was. I was expecting a warm handshake or something of the sort, but to my surprise I felt fur. Not soft, silky fur either. No... this was coarse and wiry fur, the kind of coarse and wiry fur that would be good for scrubbing the ring of dirt from around my tub. A little more poking at the filthy pelt led me to believe Hazed had already done that very thing with her tub. I figured this was a good point at which to show Hazed that I had what it takes to be a Planet Reviewer. "Ah. It feels like fur of some sort." And yes, I managed to say it with a straight face. I didn't betray one hint of strain on my towering intellect whatsoever. Sitting back and sipping my drink, I waited for Hazed to compliment my brilliant mind. "Really? What was the first clue?", she began with a not-so-complimentary sneer. "Ok Drizzl, this should be easy enough to understand. A planet-owner sends in a request to have his or her planet reviewed. At that point it's your job to explore the planet, using this skin if needed, and submit a review of said planet. As such, you will judge the planet's merit and decide if it should receive a Walrus or a Carpenter's award with the review being written up in the weekly Chronicle. Make sense so far?" I made that vague motioning of my head that meant yes. Of course all I had heard her say was that I had the power to utterly rip a planet to shreds with a review. So maybe she didn't say it exactly like that, but that's what I heard. "I explore the planet. I review the planet. I award the planet." I replied, which was confirmed by a grunt that I assumed meant yes. "That's all there is to it. Now get to work and get to work now." came the command from on high. And with that I made my way out the door to begin my new career as Planet Reviewer. Which brings me to the here and now, so listen up people, as I only want to have to say this one time. Forget what you've seen or heard from the old planet reviewers. I come armed with dictionaries, thesauruses and punctuation guides. If your planet has typos, I will find them. If you have errors, I will find them. Movement errors? You bet I'll find those, even with my dark glasses on. Cute and clever will not impress me. Clever and very well written descriptions will impress me mightily. Bribes will even work, so far as I will count the groats in front of you whilst lying about how your planet will be ensured of a prestigious award. So the point of all this is: Take the time and care to write your planet well and you well get a deserving award. Planets written with lower standards will also be rewarded with a review of questionable caliber. You have been warned.
FROM THE SOCIETY NEWS DESK: WEDDING REPORT Goin' To The Chapel Of Love While Yours Truly loves to attend galas and parties with Fed's upper crust, attending nuptials brings out the best of this reporter. And, as we head into the warmer months, my mailbox should be overflowing with wedding invites... ::hint hint:: This week's wedding of Duchess Snowstar and Duke Jazir took me back to original Fed, where a certain young reporter cut her teeth so many years ago. Too many to mention! The guests gathered in the Garden of Repose on the planet of Estate. The garden was resplendent with lush plants and trees. And, the tiny gemstone aqueducts filled with running water are to die for! The guests seemed as awestruck by the beauty of the surroundings as they were by the bride. The blushing bride wore a white silk strapless gown, gaining high marks for her sense of style. Will strapless gowns become the fashion statement for the year? Only time will tell. Her corset was encrusted with Venusian diamonds. A nice touch that says "I know how to make an entrance". The Maid of Honor, Flair, decided to show off a stunning "Hey, I am not getting married, but I can still look damn fine" look as she entered the Garden wearing an elegant chemise made of blue satin. Everyone was quick to comment on the tiny white pearls inlaid in diamond patterns. Daring and dramatic, to be sure. But, an audible gasp could be when she took off her white lace coiffe during the reception. The coiffe was actually a headpiece! Beautiful, elegant AND practical. It passed my three tests of style with flying colors and maybe a new fashion statement has been born. You go, girl! Juel, Duchess of Juelz and good friend to the Bride and Groom, officiated the wedding. She was stately in her white flowing gown, her head adorned with a flowering crown of daisies and babies breath. Other notable guests included Sistertwo, Phedre, Art, Urissa, Faolan and Antonia, the lovely wife of the Best Man, Fancy. And, surprise surprise, returning early from their no doubt steamy honeymoon were the radiant Nuhira and her fresh groom, Furgas. All the guests were dressed splendidly and added to the festive mood of the day. Well, the wedding was fabulous dahhhlings, and the reception afterwards in the Palace Drawing Room was exquisite. I shall not relate any events that transpired there, as this is a family newspaper, and this reporter is on thin ice with Hazed since the last incident from many years ago. She has a memory like an: CENSORED. Ta ta for now, Dahhhhhhlings!
FROM THE DESK OF ELLIOT VANDERFLIK, DIRECTOR AND CO-PRODUCER OF "AS THE WAFFLE BURNS" Notice: What you are about to read is in no way true or role-played in Federation DataSpace. The people, events, and statistics depicted are based on nothing real and are the work of Elliot Vanderflik's twisted mind, and the help of a few screenshots from a simulation game. The participants have volunteered their Fed persona names to portray these characters. My future faithful viewers, we are so excited about what is going on down at the apartment building. The Doris Community Complex has never been so active. At least not since Armstrong Cuthbert moved in and drove away the native Ch-luki people. The past two weeks have been a quite a whirlwind of emotion. To start, we had to get seven people moved into their apartments for the filming. There were a couple that just could not part with their luxurious furnishings that they have in their normal homes but were too big for their apartments. These people were dealt with accordingly. Bruno, my pet fire-breathing dragon, had a bit of fun creating bonfires of these items. Some people just need to be taught humility and Bruno doesn't mind being a teacher. Back to the subject at hand, Doris Community Complex is now at capacity with the following people. Chewbacon. Age 20. Cruise. Age 22. Elijah. Age 45. Geiiga. Age 26. Halcyon. Age 43. Hazed. Age 21. Marina. Age 24.
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