FED II EATERY REVIEW: THE NOODLE SHOP
by RTG1728
This week finds us deep within the asteroid belt on the planet Jade. Hidden in the delightful Tai Po district is a charming noodle shop, called – interestingly enough – Noodle Shop.
Upon entering the restaurant one first notices that the shop is severely lacking in decoration. Customers eat at round tables covered in plastic sheets. A container of MSG adorns every table, of course.
At least the restaurant has plenty of space, and is not at all cramped – except for the poor chef, who works in a cubicle that resembles the habitat of a bureaucrat of the Galactic Administration. Considering my own cubicle at the Star Offices, I am quite envious.
If our readers will momentarily suspend their disbelief, Noodle Shop serves noodles. Your humble narrator never imagined that an entire restaurant could be devoted to such a thing. The Solar System truly is an astonishing place!
I sampled many various bowls of noodles, and my chemical analysis instruments informed me these were quite delicious. However, I do not recommend the oranges which are displayed in the small alcove at the back of the restaurant. Though they are beautifully decorated, they are apparently not meant to be eaten; you dear newsdroid ate one, and remembered no more.
Upon waking there was some problem with my circuitry that I would call a headache, if it were possible for my head to ache. This was accompanied by a large dent in the back of my head such as a blunt instrument might make.
I attribute this to the large amounts of MSG present in the oranges and banging my head on a table, and in no way blame the owners of the Noodle Shop, nor suspect them of any malicious activity in response to what they may have considered blasphemous behavior on my part.
Just don't eat the oranges!
THE GREAT WAGE WARS CONTINUE
by Jessecka
I don't pretend to know a lot of things about our fragile economy, and I never said I was a very good accountant. I'm just a simple girl, trying to run a company, and keep my workthingies happy and healthy. But it seems like lately, it has become harder and harder to get good workthingies, and one of the reasons seems to be more and more factory owners. Now I know everyone has the right to open new factories, and competition in the workplace can be productive, but the demands of these workthingies are getting to be outrageous! Just the other day, the head workthingie in one of my factories on Rhea demanded, you heard me, DEMANDED that I actually offer my workthingies a benefits package like some of the other CEOs had begun to do. The nerve! Like paying them enough to eat off of isn't enough anymore... they want insurance and restrooms in the factories as well? What is the universe coming to?
I did a little research, and discovered that my fellow CEOs have begun to fight the current wage wars with a little different style. Before, the acceptable mode of fighting was to raise wages, luring workthingies away from your fellow factory owners with higher pay. The problem with that now is though, most CEOs gather in the Lounge, or pop in from time to time, and discuss business. Once CEOs begin to swap stories, and get a few drinks in them, they tend to let slip vital information, like what they have their wages in a certain factory set for. It is easy, therefore, to set your wages a groat or two higher, and steal those workthingies away. After a drunken evening in the Lounge, it will be a day or two before that CEO even thinks to check on his, her, or its factory, by which time, there is dust on the floors from no one working.
Evidently someone has caught on to this, and begun to think about things in a different light. What if I start promising better working conditions? Better wages will no longer be enough to steal these workthingies away. Great idea, in theory. Sure, if you have restrooms in every factory, and an off day every month, the workthingies will stay with you even if someone else offers more money. But the side affect to this is now the other workthingies get jealous, and soon, we will have an all out riot on our hands! Workthingies refusing to work without proper safety equipement... like they really need those protective suits while working with radiation! Workthingies demanding life insurance... like it is our fault if they die on the job! It is almost getting out of hand.
The universe is changing my friends, and we better hurry up and get it together, or we will be left out in the cold, with no workthingies to run our factories. I wonder how much it would cost to put those bathrooms in on Rhea...
LOUNGING AT THE BEACH
by Jessecka
Several of us from the Lounge have found a wonderful new pastime, sunbathing on the beach on Magrathea. Now, for those that do not like to explore, there are miniature planets on Magrathea that you can take a look at, and Fedders have been going there for ages, to get away from the cares of a busy universe. It was on one of these minis, as we call them, that we had our latest party, the Beach Party!!
Your comm unit crackles with a message from Jessecka, " time for the beach party!!"
Jessecka says, "okies, I'll be on the Margreatha LP"
Magrathea
Your ship is in orbit around an artificial planetoid built by Slarti, the man who has cornered the market on planetary construction. He recently expanded his operations, and moved from his old ground-bound location on Mercury, to a new custom-built facility in space.
A huge flashing sign on the surface of the planetoid says "We Build Worlds".
Pigman asks, "so is this like a temp planet?"
Jessecka says, "it is where we will get to build our planets, Pig, and it has mini planets to explore"
Your comm unit crackles with a message from Jessecka, "okies, Party express is leaving, if you are coming, come now!! Party on Magrathea, go west from Titan til you get there!!"
Your comm unit crackles with a message from Pico, "must be some party"
Jessecka asks, "ok, ready? everyone following me?"
White Sands beach
Perfection! The sand is so soft you can't wait to stretch yourself out and soak up some rays. The beach stretches off into the distance for miles, and you're sure to find yourself somewhere secluded to rest.
If you get too hot, there's shade to the east in a small rocky cove, or you can head south down to the shore where gently rolling waves break onto the sand.
The way back to the landing-pad is northwest.
not following anybody, 'specially people named Jessecka. Elijah has just arrived. Elijah is wearing some medallions and is carrying a keyring. Elijah is wearing a wedding ring.
Gearjammer has just arrived. Gearjammer is carrying a keyring.
Pigman is here.
tod - Unis/Venus, Sleeperagent is here.
Dunavant is here. Dunavant is carrying a keyring.
Wearing the chain her master gave to her, Rowan is here.
Furgas is here. Furgas is wearing a medallion and is carrying a keyring.
Hurricane Arlene is here. Arlene is wearing a medallion and is carrying a keyring.
You!. I am your master, and I am also selling my body for slithies. Ryuken is here.
Put the rum in the coke you nut and drink them both together, Jessecka is here.
Elijah tosses sand around.
Ryuken pours his glass of water on the sand, makes a mud ball and flings it at Jessecka.
Jessecka exclaims, "hey!"
Jessecka says, "wow, we got a few people on the beach tonight"
Elijah starts shifting sand around, before long he has constructed a giant castle that he climbs into.
Jessecka laughs.
Elijah pulls up the draw bridge.
Sleeperagent raises an army, besieges Elijah's castle, and starts burrowing operations, to bring down the walls
Furgas gets out his water gun and start assulting the castle.
Ryuken yells, 'Tsunami' as he throws a bucket of water on the castle.
Elijah constucts Cannons to fire at Sleeper and Furgas.
Elijah whines as his castle is washed away.
Sleeperagent builds bullworks to shield his army from the cannon fire
Ryuken says, "remember what they said about building a castle in the sand."
Furgas rushs the castle and raises my flag then rebuild the walls with cement
Ryuken puts his handprint in the cement to immortalize himself.
Rowan puts on her sunblock as she doesn't want to explode.
Elijah returns to the sandy rubble of his once glorious castle and begins to craft a giant picnic table with seats for all and a few more.
Elijah builds a little sand-grill and creates sand-hotdogs to grill on the sand-fire.
Pigman has left.
Ryuken exclaims, "dinner just left!"
Ryuken exclaims, "go get it!"
Rowan looks at Elijah, he looks good for dinner.
Elijah says, "Bah. My blood is bitter."
Elijah says, "I recommend Jessecka for Sweatness, or Arlene for a Bold Taste."
From there, the whole thing went downhill, with Elijah and Ryuken wrestling in the sand over a conch shell, and someone chasing Pigman for supper. We also passed around cute drinks with small umbrellas, and had some left over fireworks from the Graduation party. A wonderful day to spend lounging in the sun and a lovely white sand beach!
FED II EATERY REVIEW: LLAMA BURGERS ON BRASS
by RTG1728
This week finds us on the asteroid Brass. I had visited the planetoid on a routine business matter, but was forced to remain longer than I had intended due to a slight misunderstanding over some llamas found in my ship. I maintain that the vile beasts wandered into my cargo hold by mistake, but the authorities seem to think that I was attempting to export them without a proper permit.
Why anyone would want to smuggle llamas is beyond me, and I am insulted at the slanderous accusations that I would both attempt such a thing, and that I would associate with certain persons involved in the Lunar black market to whom I could sell the creatures for exorbitant amounts of money and slithies. Some newsdroids less scrupulous than yours truly might know that their saliva is quite valuable, as it is necessary for obscure and illegal genetic experiments. But I would never be involved in such things! The gall of those suspicious authorities!
Since I had so much spare time, I decided to stop by a refreshment tent frequented by the locals. This tent is located in the main dome, and is open on three sides. Against the one wall are a table and benches. It is all quite quaint.
You can imagine my surprise when I sat down and saw that the customers were eating the very object of my ire. Llamas! Apparently the inhabitants of Brass consider them a delicacy, and consume them in burger form. I was only too happy to try a bit of the bizarre food myself. I'm told revenge is a dish best served cold, but I can't believe that a cold llama burger would be particularly pleasant. I'm not sure a hot burger was any better, of course, as I'm a droid and lack taste-buds. My sensors told me that it was at least edible.
I refused the offer of fermented llama milk, however. It was served in a modem. Some things are just too weird.
I was eventually allowed to leave Brass. It occurs to me now that this isn't the first such misunderstanding to occur in the asteroid belt recently. I am reminded of an incident involving a traveler to Silk. I suspect a conspiracy, and as a reporter it is my duty to investigate further. I encourage you all to try the llama burgers served in the refreshment tent on Brass for yourselves; perhaps one of you will stumble upon a lead!
A QUESTION UNANSWERED
by Jessecka
Now, sometimes I get information about other players that I find hard to not write about. This is one of those times, and I could not resist the urge any longer. This is a little gossip between two of the Lounge Crew, and I'm bringing to you. All names have been changed, as usual, to protect the not so innocent.
A certain woman, we shall call her Jane, had a birthday not too long ago. Of course, we all love Jane a lot, and we had her a surprise party in the Lounge, complete with birthday cake and candles. A certain guy, we shall call him Jim, got a little over excited, and gave Jane multiple gifts for her birthday, including a very large, very nice diamond ring. Immediately she put the ring on, glowing with happiness. Jane had been pursuing Jim for many months, and now she thought she had him in her sights.
But her assumptions were wrong. Jim, although deeply in love with Jane, loved his bachelorhood maybe a little too much, and like all men, was not ready to make a commitment. Jane became quiet, a little hurt by not being taken right away to the Justice of the Peace for a quick ceremony. Jim, as well, became quiet, pondering the reasons to marry, and wondering what he should do.
One night, a few weeks ago, Jim got a little rowdy, drinking a few too many fizzies. While Jane was sleeping peacefully, Jim gave that all important question... hey, wanna get hitched? Of course, as she was sleeping at the time, she did not hear the question, and gave no response. His feelings hurt, he left, going to nurse his wounded pride in private. After he sobered up, he thought, thank goodness, she was asleep, and didn't hear me.
Well, as you know, there were plenty of witnesses to the incident in the Lounge at the time, and Jane was told about it as soon as she woke up. Now, the question remains, since he is now sober, will he ask the big question again? Well, he hasn't yet, but don't worry, once I get more information, I will bring it straight to you.
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