Inside Scoop page 1

A DAY IN THE LIFE OF THE FIRST LADY OF DOZ

by Jezz

It has been over a year now since that fateful day I fell into the mud-pit on Ainokea and my relationship with Zardoz blossomed from one of friendship to romance and marriage. Over that time, people have asked some rather odd questions about what life with Zardoz is like. I have even been asked if I'm a polygamist. Well of course I'm not. But there are definite advantages and disadvantages to being married to Zardoz, the Leader of the House of Doz. In order to dispel some of the myths about our relationship, I thought I would share a typical day with you.

Linking to Federation DataSpace. As you step into the link you see a sign saying, 'Knock hard. Life is deaf.'

Jezz stumbles into the Ritual Exchange looking a little bleary eyed. Zardoz has the coffee ready and waiting because he knows better than to speak to her before the first caffeine fix of the day.

Jezz sips her coffee and asks, "What time is it, Darling?"

Zardoz checks his watch "9pm Deos time. 8am The Rift time. Here are the financial reports for today, Love."

Zardoz says enthusiastically, "I've circled the lines you should be taking notice of and provided all the relevant spreadsheets to show you why my systems are making so much more than your systems."

Jezz looks dolefully at Zardoz as a droid wheels in a palletized stack of reports. "I thought that was because your Merchant staff hauls day and night out of sheer terror, since you dipped a couple of the less profitable factory owners in liquid nitrogen and put them on display as artwork in your office."

Zardoz grins evilly.

Jezz pulls the first tome of spreadsheets from the stack and looks at the financial reports for Sicilia.

Jezz rubs her temple with her fingertip, "Honey, I'm not sure I understand some of these numbers the Don is reporting. What does 'good roll assurance expenditure' mean? And here it says 'Factory fire insurance income'...."

Jezz pulls out a calculator and begins to run the numbers.

Zardoz leans over to take a look at the report and accidentally spills coffee all over it before Jezz can finish the calculations.

Zardoz exclaims, "Oops!"

Zardoz orders a droid to clean up the mess and remove all the reports as quickly as possible.

Zardoz says, "I'm sure the numbers are perfectly in order... erm... That reminds me... The Don is holding a spring festival in the Cathedral Square on Palermo this weekend and requests that you be there."

Jezz sighs heavily, "it's not easy being Santa Jezzeria, you know. It's not that I mind the flower throwing, it's that someone told me there's a pool for who can hit me with a good sized piece of shrubbery"

Zardoz calls Doncorleone and tells him the gig is up.

Jezz scowls, "And while we are on the subject of flowers... I couldn't help but notice you're carrying that big spray bottle of broad-leaf weed killer with you when you go to Titan these days."

Jezz sniffs "As if you need that on the ski slopes. I know why you take it there. You're making side trips to Phobos. It's for the daisies."

Zardoz puts his arm around Jezz, "Love, you know you're the only woman for me. Tracey is just... um... a gardening project!"

Jezz mutters something about a gardening project that is about to have a 'slug' problem.

Zardoz wonders how much chocolate this is going to cost him.

Jezz sniffs piteously and says "And to top it all.. I was insulted by a mere Manufacturer yesterday."

Zardoz looks outraged "What??.. "

Jezz nods mournfully, "He said I was a mouthpiece for the tyrannical and oppressive policies of the Federation. Just because I'm staff! I mean... don't people realize I have feelings too?"

Zardoz rubs his chin thoughtfully, "OK, would you like the total annihilation plan or the severe economic sanction program? And what's the name of this miscreant?"

Jezz grins, "Oh, you're my hero, Zard. Let's go for the economic sanctions. We haven't done that in a while. It was Barabbas."

Zardoz contacts Doncorleone, who contacts Lucabrasi, who sets fire to several factories belonging to Barabbas. Pressure is then brought to bear on many financiers to ensure that Barabbas will be unable to buy back any shares in his company.

Your comm unit crackles with a message from Barabbas, "Arrrghhh! It wasn't me! It''s not my fault!"

Jezz smirks.

Zardoz's comm unit signals a tight-beam message from Zodraz, "Zard... Bro... check your organizational chart for Barabbas."

Zardoz unrolls his huge organizational chart and looks at it.

Jezz looks at Zardoz's organizational chart..

Jezz has given Zardoz a really hard thwap!

Zardoz says, "Ow!"

Jezz exclaims, "He's your alt!"

Zardoz grumbles about dyslexic twins who should have kept him more informed about who was on his staff.

Zardoz wonders if any amount of chocolate will fix this, or if he'll have to spring for some jewelry.

Jezz wonders if she should hold out for a slithy.

Zardoz says, "I think I need to get some sleep, Love. I promise I'll get to grips with my organization and sort out who is on my staff tomorrow."

Jezz looks somewhat mollified and smiles, "ok, darling. Sweet dreams"

Zardoz asks, "What are you going to do while I'm asleep?"

Jezz fidgets and replies, "Umm... well I'm going to take Ookla to the groomers. His mane has a few mats."

Zardoz looks a little puzzled.

Zardoz asks, "Didn't you take him there last week? I thought that's where you went when you came back covered in hay."

Jezz shakes her head vehemently. "No, that was the... er... the zoo. Yep, that's it. And, Zard... you did say I should get to know your family really well."

Jezz smiles sweetly and kisses Zardoz goodnight.

Zardoz drifts off into a blissful sleep.

Jezz's comm unit signals a tight-beam message from Ookla, "MRrroowwllll... is he alseep yet?"

Jezz giggles

Ookla's comm unit signals a tight beam message from Jezz. "Don't worry, Big Guy. By the time Zodraz gets through tomorrow, Zardoz will think you were on my staff and not his all along. I'll meet you on Ardeal"

Jezz carefully erases Ookla the Mok from Zardoz's organizational chart and writes him onto her own under the job title "Jezz's Cabana Boy".

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