Fed II Star newsletter - masthead

News Yearbook

EARTHDATE: July 2004

FED FUNNIES

READ THE
OFFICIAL NEWS

READ THE
INSIDE SCOOP




In the Fed Funnies for July 2004:
FUNNIES FROM THE FED II LAUNCH PARTY
POSTS OF THE MONTH
MOOD OF THE MONTH
QUOTES OF THE MONTH
JOKE OF THE MONTH
DISGUSTING METAPHOR OF THE MONTH
NEW PROVERBS FOR THE MODERN ERA


FUNNIES FROM THE FED II LAUNCH PARTY

Devaberial sits on his own lap.
Devaberial has given Devaberial a warm tickle.

Freya stands up and does an old soft shoe routine over to the bar
Freya tapping away she leaps onto the bar and does a cakewalk up and down the bar
Freya twirls and does a few high kicks ending in a dramatic leap of the end of the bar

Everyone in the world except Jythier has left.

Maggie has given Maggie a passionate grope.
Maggie grins
Maggie says, "FUN"
Freya drawls, "you could go ....."
Fancy wonders how soon Maggie will go blind.
Freya smiles
Maggie says, "A lot less sooner than you"

Paladin says, "no, MB was saying that he was going to a slient location to play Fedpardy"
Freya says, "yes he prefers to play with himself"
Maggie cups a hand over Freya's mouth, "No more drinks for you"

Ron has picked up a party popper
Ron crawls under Blaze and...
A party popper explodes with a loud bang, releasing colored streamers which zoom around the room under their own power. Silver glitter, shaken from the streamers, twinkles as it drifts slowly downwards.

Moonus asks, " is there a reason why i can not ex anyone?"
Blaze asks, "TOo much groping and you've gone blind?"
Moonus says, " that may be it"

SPYNET REPORT: Commander Klink has entered Federation DataSpace.
Vlad asks, "i wonder if Klink is hoping for the rank of Colonel to be put in?"

Part of the parade:
The alien theme continues, with representatives of some of the aliens who were forced to find homes in the Solar System after the collapse of the Interstellar Link left them stranded. Most important is the Rigellian ambassador, riding in a chariot drawn by snarcots. She waves regally to the crowds, her green skin looking washed out against the red skies of Mars.
Ron grabs a condom and chases after the Ambassador's chariot.
Ron climbs aboard...... the chariot
Kes laughs when the Rigellian ambassador's security taser Ron.
Vlad drawls, "well, there goes Tux Deluxe...."
Kes says, "It was going out of business anyway."
Maggie laughs
Vlad counts the seconds from the comment from ron
Paladin says, "another family business put out of business by the GA"
Blaze winks, "What comment? He joined them ;)"
Ron kisses the Ambassador goodbye and scampers back

Vlad says, "they should open a cafe on Lattice.....call it BLT.....Bacon Lattice and Tomato"

B, double E, double R, U, N, Beerrun ... Moonus has just arrived.
B, double E, double R, U, N, Beerrun ... Moonus has left.
Blaze says, "He's running a lotta beer tonight"
Paladin asks, "is it a new commodity?"
Kes says, "Apparently"
Blaze says, "Hot commod"
Kes says, "Actually it's just an input"
Blaze winks, "GOtta replenish the bar, yanno ;)"
Paladin asks, "input for what? water?"
Devaberial says, "In a sense."
Fancy says, "The exchange displays prices for Beer: 900 kegs available for sale."

POSTS OF THE MONTH

213099:161 - Vlad: We own the worlds.....we own the people.....we are the ones who tell you what to do so go on get movin'! There's some tax we're skimming, right off of your profit, but it's true we make a better Fed,'cause we said so! (All you ducals sing!) We own..

213106:577 - Wingdman: If one synchronized swimmer drowns, do all of the others have to drown too??

213109:055 - Wingdman: I'm alive! But don't tell my boss, cuz I'm calling in dead...

213109:060 - Art: Butterflies are indifferent...
213109:067 - Pouncer: How do you know? Did *you* come out of a cocoon? Hm? Hmm?

Stardate: 108839:5315 - Gandolf: The lazier a man is, the more he plans to do tomorrow. --Norwegian Proverb

Stardate: 108847:3804 - Gandolf: As a matter of fact, the world _does_ revolve around me
Stardate: 108848:9536 - Skydancer: Gandolf! Did you fly into the sun again?!

Stardate: 108860:7658 - Freya: I have an existential map. It has 'You are here' written all over it.
Stardate: 108862:2123 - Gandolf: I thought I was over here, but you say I am over there, but your map says that YOU are here... I'm confused.
Stardate: 108864:3863 - Paladin: How can you be in two places at once when you're not anywhere at all?

Stardate: 108868:8657 - Xorus: The Intergalactic Central Bank has just changed interest rates in a manner as yet undetermined and indeterminable, either measured or unmeasured, spuriously or for a considerable period. You may now scream in panic. Thank you.

Stardate: 108882:5129 - Freya: I called AOL Tech support to find out how to send a 'blind copy' in the new AOL 9.0. After a pause, the tech said, 'How do you expect a blind person to read email?'

213112:513 - Beandip: It's another Tequila Sunrise
213112:591 - Hazed: Better than Tequila Mockingbird

213112:819 - Cian: Additional word of advice: Keep in mind that diarrhea of the mouth often indicates constipation of the mind. :)

213113:078 - Wolfyn: Too bad that all the people who know how to run the country are busy driving taxicabs and cutting hair. -George Burns

Stardate: 108946:7704 - Freya: Tip the world over on its side and everything loose will land in Los Angeles. -- Frank Lloyd Wright
Stardate: 108948:2905 - Skydancer: well, that explains Hollywood

Stardate: 108959:0786 - Xorus: I object to the word "being" used as an object-neutral label for the set of baryonic existent objects, as its ontological implications perpetuate the violence enacted upon inertial-preferenced substances by the so-called laws of thermodynamics.
Stardate: 108960:6660 - Bella: or not, as the case may be

Stardate: 108962:7286 - Freya: It's the opinion of some that crops could be grown on the moon. Which raises the fear that it may not be long before we're paying somebody not to.

Stardate: 108985:0521 - Lirimaer: Artificial Intelligence is no match for Natural Stupidity...

Stardate: 108993:1574 - Lirimaer: I eat because fat people are harder to kidnap.
Stardate: 108993:8890 - Paladin: I don't eat because thin people are harder to catch
Stardate: 108994:1934 - Tidus: Who needs a reason to eat, i'm just hungry *goes and eats*

213118:639 - Wolfyn: I have no trouble with my enemies. I can take care of my enemies all right. But my damn friends...They're the ones that keep me walking the floor nights! -Warren Harding

213122:667 - Wolfyn: Before electric lighting there was acoustic lighting...

Stardate: 109038:4188 - Marina: What if the hokey pokey really IS what it's all about??
Stardate: 109039:3008 - Elijah: But it's not so we don't have to worry.

Stardate: 109041:9676 - Freya: Public Notice as Required by Law: Any Use of This Dataspace, in Any Manner Whatsoever, Will Increase the Amount of Disorder in the Universe.
Stardate: 109041:9702 - Freya: Although No Liability Is Implied Herein, the Consumer Is Warned That This Process Will Ultimately Lead to the Heat Death of the Universe.
Stardate: 109042:3934 - Gandolf: In space, no one can read disclaimers ....

Stardate: 109054:9170 - Gandolf: I think, therefore my head hurts...
Stardate: 109055:3877 - Squeeky: don't think too hard Gandolf you might break something :)

MOOD OF THE MONTH

Go ahead, get annoyed that Rasal has appeared with a shimmer of teleportation effect.

QUOTES OF THE MONTH

Your comm unit crackles with a message from Danny, "Once we find a cure for Fin Rot, we'll thaw out our magnificent Emperor and he shall rise again!"
Your comm unit crackles with a message from Neecerie, "or is that float again?"
Your comm unit crackles with a message from Danny, "I think technically he'd stop floating, but I'll have to confirm that with his team of Royal Physicians."

Your comm unit crackles with a message from Neecerie, "I cant beleive i hauled before in my life...god i am slow at it"
Your comm unit crackles with a message from Marina, "hehe same here...and we look back in pride at that *boggle*"
Your comm unit crackles with a message from Freya, "Hauling by hand, barefoot in the snow "
Your comm unit crackles with a message from Neecerie, "i just keep thinking how insane i must have been to do that for hours on end......"
Your comm unit crackles with a message from Freya, "uphill both ways"
Your comm unit crackles with a message from Freya, "with 75 ton pods of commods on our backs"
Your comm unit crackles with a message from Neecerie, "pedalling the spacecraft with our bare feet"
Your comm unit crackles with a message from Krimhurg, "ooh, mebbie Ill jus sit on the lp and take pics ;)"
Your comm unit crackles with a message from Marina, "Flapping our arms for wings"
Your comm unit crackles with a message from Freya, "building our own internet out of tomato soup cans and wet cotton strings"
Your comm unit crackles with a message from Neecerie, "hits self:::: you have to wet the string first?"
Your comm unit crackles with a message from Krimhurg, "well.. we did ask for something to keep us busy..."
Your comm unit crackles with a message from Neecerie, "thinks that explains a lot::::"
Your comm unit crackles with a message from Freya, "gotta wet the string if you want broadband"

Your comm unit crackles with a message from Preach, "Wahoo. I'm a trader."
Your comm unit crackles with a message from Preach, "Now I gotta do things for myself? What kinda life is that? ;)"
Your comm unit crackles with a message from Hazed, "The life of a working man. Be proud, stand tall, don't take charity."
Your comm unit crackles with a message from Hazed, "Keep your nose to the grindstone, your shoulder to the wheel, and success shall be yours"
Your comm unit crackles with a message from Buddy, "I kept my nose to the grindstone too long and now I have no nose"
Your comm unit crackles with a message from Hazed, "How do you smell?"
Your comm unit crackles with a message from Buddy, "most people tell me like roses"

Your comm unit crackles with a message from Preach, "looks around::"
Your comm unit crackles with a message from Hazed, "And what do you see?"
Your comm unit crackles with a message from Chryys, "oh oh oh I know !!!! dead people !!!\"
Your comm unit crackles with a message from Hazed, "Better than seeing dead-dead people"

JOKE OF THE MONTH

Your comm unit crackles with a message from Buddy, "why did the robot cross the road?"
Your comm unit crackles with a message from Buddy, "because it was programmed to do so"

DISGUSTING METAPHOR OF THE MONTH

Your comm unit crackles with a message from Hazed, "Anybody awake out there?"
Your comm unit crackles with a message from Roger, "Sure"
Your comm unit crackles with a message from Buddy, "I am awake"
Your comm unit crackles with a message from Hazed, "Oh good, I can pick your brains"
Your comm unit crackles with a message from Hazed, "Now where did I put my fork... "
Your comm unit crackles with a message from Buddy, "unscrews head and exposes his positronic pathways*"

NEW PROVERBS FOR THE MODERN ERA

Your comm unit crackles with a message from Hazed, "If wishes were marsrats, beggers would eat."

Your comm unit crackles with a message from Kes, "A rolling Tamarack and Custer minecart gathers no rock dust?"

Your comm unit crackles with a message from Kes, "or...too many traders spoil the exchange"

Your comm unit crackles with a message from Kes, "A stitch in nanofabric saves GTUs"

Your comm unit crackles with a message from Paladin, "a stitch in nanofabrics saves hides"

Your comm unit crackles with a message from Hazed, "Don't put all your genetically modified eggs in one incubator"

Your comm unit crackles with a message from Kes, "Waste ammo, want insurance"

Your comm unit crackles with a message from Fancy, "He who hastes is lost in space."

Your comm unit crackles with a message from Gwarrior, "Get in, sit down, shut up, and haul!"

Your comm unit crackles with a message from Kes, "When in Fed, do as the Fedders do"

Your comm unit crackles with a message from Zero, "When not in Fed, Still do as the Fedders do."

Your comm unit crackles with a message from Zero, "Marsrats: The other *other* white meat."


If you have nominations for the Quote, Mood, Post, Clothes, Act, or anything else of the Week, Month or Year, send them to feedback@ibgames.com.


READ THE OFFICIAL NEWS


READ THE INSIDE SCOOP



More Web Fed News Yearbooks

Back to the Federation Archives

Fed II home - button
Fed II help - button
Odds and ends - button