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AOL NEWS YEARBOOK Earthdate August 1996 |
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AOL NEWS YEARBOOK Earthdate August 1996 |
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THE MONTH IN BRIEF A particularly nasty (and plausible-sounding) hacker scam targetted Fed players, and those who were gullible enough to fall for it found their Fed characters were suicided. Remember, folks, never ever give your password to anyone at all, and never type it in online except when you log on. AOL's Black Wednesday, when the system was down for most of the day, meant that hordes of Fedders were not able to feed their addiction. Tragic! The FedTeam went to GenCon, the annual gaming fair held in Milwaukee, and demoed Federation to the masses. A good time was had by all, as described by Nick Danger in his special report from the Con, which you can read in the Nick Danger folder of the news area. FedTerm was also demoed at GenCon. A graphical user interface for Fed for Windows users, it added point-and-click commands and made the game generally much more attractive. A week later, it was released to the public to generally positive reviews (apart from those who were expecting it to turn Fed into a full-fledged graphic game, Doom in Space!). Two game hosts changed their names: WaitDroid became FireImp and FunDroid metamorphosed into GalinFennr.
This month's holo from the 1996 Federation Pin-up Calendar shows a stunning array of poses from Hazed. Wearing some of the most revealing lingerie that could be found in the Victoria Secret catalogue, Hazed looks seductively slutty as she engages in various leisure activities. There are also several shots of Hazed at work: we see the Demi-Goddess, leather-clad, beating a Game Host whilst several Greeters grovel at her feet. Another shows Her hard-pressed to keep the newsdroids in line. It seems that the work of a deity is never done. Stay tuned next month for yet another excerpt from the 1996 Federation Pin-Up Calendar.
As the Pan-Galactic Games wrapped up this week, spectators exulted in the display of raw athleticism. Joanie Indiri astonished fans with an amazing routine in zero-grav gymnastics. A new record was set in weightlifting, but Alfred Aldoa's accomplishment was tainted by accusations that he trained for the event in the high-gravity atmosphere of Saturn. Energetic protests by avid enthusiasts lobbying for the inclusion of team monopoly in the Pan-Galactic Games did not dim the spirits of people attending the swimming venue, where the medal podium was dominated by gene-engineered swimmers. Although webbed feet and hands were deemed acceptable for competitors, it has still not been decided whether beings with gills will be allowed to participate in the next Games. Despite some slight problems with the infrastructure of the space station on which the Games were held, only 34 died due to rapid decompression and no more than 103 fatalities are expected in the coming year as a result of exposure to deadly amounts of radiation. Overall, it was a huge success and sports fans are looking forward to the next Pan-Galactic Games four years hence.
Once again, the Fed News toils endlessly to bring you, the reader, the TRUTH about what's been happening in FedSpace. And it seems that the players of Federation have been duped by a massive cover-up these last couple weeks! Originally, we had received news that Duke Exobot, Duke BggWow, and Duke/Duchesse Amenemhet/Amy had decided to go dead-dead in another bizarre suicide pact that seems to be affecting the older Dukes of Federation. But now, it seems, the culprit was something far greater... yes, that's right. The fiendish hunger of Icedrake! Icedrake had been sulking around FedSpace because lately it seemed no one was ready to sacrifice up their planet to satisfy his endless hunger. (Maybe this is why people seem to avoid the Candy mini-planet like the plague? Hmmmmm.) Our three wayward Dukes might have even still been alive if it wasn't for the maniacial plotting of MKaspar200 and SatnSheets. SatnSheets had wanted some more planets available for her duchy, and so she enlisted MKaspar200 to help her with her plan. "Gosh Icedrake," they said. "You look AWFULLY hungry... and I heard that Bureaucracy planets fill you up for months because of all that red tape!" "Is that ssso?" Icedrake hissed. "Yes," they grinned. "And we know which planets have the biggest, fattest, juiciest bits of all. Especially when smothered in pixie sauce." Well, when they told him about the pixie sauce, it was simply too much for the starving Icedrake. And before anyone knew what was happening, Starfinder, Droidium, and Heliopolis had all been devoured by the world-chomper. With no more planets to govern, our grieving Dukes took their own lives. Curious to see how Icedrake felt about being part of this massive desception, we asked him how he felt about eating those three capital planets. "Well," he responded, "Heliopolis was a bit ssspicy, but I rather liked it. Ssstarfinder was very oily, but it went down pretty easily. Droidium was nice and crunchy, a great after-dinner sssnack." Will Icedrake's eating habits lead him to Sol planets? Will the Dukes come back from the grave with Drake-Be-Gone spray? Keep reading the Fed News as we work to bring you the developments as they occur!
Poor Gigfog... he decided to taunt his fellow Fedders by putting an unkillable mobile in his space with a very, very large reward on it - a whopping great gigagroat. No doubt he was looking forward to chuckling as he watched greedy bounty hunters hurl themselves into the fray against his killing machine, and die frustrated and penniless. Trouble was, the invincible ship turned out to be vincible after all - someone killed it and claimed the reward, leaving Gig embarrassed and with a much lighter wallet. Needless to say, he's lowered the reward to something a little more reasonable!
To Fed players, the recent reports of life on Mars come as no surprise. Anyone who has ventured into the Martian ruins knows that the planet was once inhabited; and those who have braved the perils of the Duke puzzle have come face-to-face (or equivalent-to-equivalent) with the time-travelling aliens. Another form of life well-known to the inhabitants of the almost-barren world is the marsrat, which is seemingly able to sustain life despite the lack of air or water outside the sealed buildings. Scientists have long speculated about how the marsrat is able to exist, and has concluded that it survives on a diet of leftover pizza foraged from the trashcans outside Chez Diesel. A fitting food for a creature which often finds itself used in pizza when there's a shortage of other meat on Mars!
After the not-so-surprising discovery of life on Mars, scientists have been shocked to discover that some of the rocks which make up Saturn's rings are formed from frozen beer! This leads to speculation that the giant planet was at some point part of a vast brewery, possibly operated by the Martians during their reign of power many centuries ago. The discovery was made when scientists melted down some of the icy chunks and analysed the resulting liquid. They expected to find mineral water; they were surprised to find the ice melted down into a light beer. "This isn't the kind of beer you find on sale in CDs," commented a scientist. "It's much weaker, obviously mass-produced with an eye to quantity rather than quality. We wouldn't recommend anyone actually drink this stuff. Diesel's Old Peculiar is much better". Rumours that the scientific expedition which made this discovery has been sponsored by a well-known Martian inn-keeper have not been proved. (But we'll keep looking for the evidence.)
Speculation, gossip, rumors. Sometimes the stories the grizzled veteran at the end of the bar tells you are true, but more often than not they turn out to be just so much hot air. And yet, these yarns and tall tales can sometimes cause violent reactions. Such was the case this week when Ming the Merciless, Emperor of Sol and Protector of the free planets, heard about a rumor that has been making the round recently. You've probably heard it. The rumor that suggests that Ming doesn't exist. Shocked and appalled that anyone could disbelieve in his overwhelming presence, Ming set about to counteract the effects of the slanderous gossip. The slum on Venus where the rumor was purported to have originated was leveled and a statue proclaiming Ming's greatness was erected in its place. Imperial edicts were announced, requiring all members of the imperial bureaucracy to pause for 10 minutes, three times a day to ponder the existence of Ming. Immediately after these actions, Ming was seen in Chez Diesel. Those few that managed to survive the carnage reported that Ming was having everyone in sight flogged. Ironically, there were so many fatalities that the rumors of Ming's non-existence may continue, simply because most who have seen Ming are no longer alive.
Wpoco seems to love weddings - the infamous overlord of Weasel certainly seems to have enough of them. In fact, judging by the frequency, the only thing she likes better than getting married is getting divorced! Early in the week, Wpoco and LtleShaver were joined in matrimony at Chez Diesel. Naturally, there was much alchohol involved, and rumor has it that Wpoco also married a pink fountain named Bob, although this report may be due to the booze-soaked circuits of the newsdroid dispatched to the event. Of course Wpoco soon grew tired of LtleShaver (and besides, the fountain was getting jealous) so she dumped the duke. That same night, at a divorce party to celebrate her freedom from Shaver, Wpoco married the lead singer of FogHat, who were one of the bands playing at the party. The next day, she scored a hat trick by divorcing the singer, the king of Turkey and a Ferret, all in the same day. Then the reports of Wpoco's whirlwind romance, marriage and inevetible divorce to DHyslop came in. DHslop described himself as 'the lowest-ranking person ever to be married and divorced by Wpoco'. At week's end it was discovered that Wpoco had divorced the pink fountain named Bob, dumping the water jet in favor of a transvestite borhter. Anyone who can provide information on what a borhter is should contact the nearest newsdroid immediately. Imperial bureaucrats are looking into the curious fact that Wpoco seems to have been divorced more times than she has been married, but Wpoco casually explained this as resulting from an accident with a time-travel machine.
Haulin, Haulin, Haulin, ... Rawhide AlexHoltz has just gone north. Hi..I'm SoSay and I'm an addict SoSayCin has just gone south-east. With an eggbeater in his underwear, LrdVengnce is here. She's lost that hauling feeling, Linni is here.
Your comms unit relays a message from WsklyWabbt, '<--- met a guy yesterday who actually laughs like this::::Yuck Yuck Yuck::::'. Your comms unit relays a message from Shimmer42, 'Ya mean he doesnt say LOL?? ::gasp::'. Your comms unit relays a message from MsMaraJade 'Remember: You're never lost in Fed. You're just MAPPING! :)' Your comm unit relays a message from DanMathMan, 'BTW I feel kinda embarassed, I had to type, <offer job xmet sex 21>, I don't know what I'm geting into:P'. Your comms unit relays a message from StephenJM, 'I just bought some clothes, but I'm not wearing them!' Your comms unit relays a message from ChattrsBck, 'can some one help me get a job and a planet?'.
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