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by ibgames

EARTHDATE: October 9, 2016

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GALACTIC ADMINISTRATION OFFICIAL PROPOSES BANNING ALIENS FROM SOL

by Hazed

Tapping into public unrest on Sol planets about aliens “coming over here and stealing our jobs,” an official high up in the Galactic Administration has proposed that curbs should be put in place to prevent alien immigrants.

In a speech this week, Brash Puffbully, who works in the Department of Home Affairs as Chief Assistant to the Assistant Chief, said that he had been listening to the concerns of “ordinary, decent, hard-working people who are sick and tired of non-humans stealing the resources of Sol planets.”

He said that the people of Sol were proud of their culture and heritage, and didn’t want to see it diluted by “alien ways, strange food and unnatural practices.”

When he was questioned about what measures he had in mind to prevent aliens from coming to Sol, he said we should “Build a dyson sphere around the system – and make the aliens pay for it!”

In a briefing later he expanded on his desire to control the movement of aliens into Sol. “You know, these aliens that come here, they have lots of problems, and they are bringing those problems to us. They are bringing drugs, and bringing crime. They are coming to steal our jobs and to sponge off our welfare system. They are going to attack our wives and our daughters, some of them have been known to eat human flesh.”

He also suggested some form of registration scheme for aliens in the Solar System, adding that companies who employed aliens instead of humans should be “named and shamed”.

His views received support from some Earth residents we spoke to, particularly older humans who had never left the planet. A maintenance man working for the Galactic Administration, who didn’t want to give his name, said he was in favour of the proposals. “We need to take back control of our borders,” he said. “I don’t want my job to be taken away from me and given to an alien who will work for less money.”

Gilbert Jibber, who works on the monorail, also said we should restrict aliens in Sol. “I don’t want to find myself living next door to something with an unnatural number of limbs, or even worse – tentacles. And have you see the slimy ones? Ugh!”

A clerk in the GA’s Planning and Zoning Department, Ms Gemma Worthly, told our reporter, “Well I think Mr Puffbully has made some good points. Have you seen the weird stuff they serve in Godot’s café? You try to bite into it and it bites you back. Disgusting.”

Non-humans who have settled on the Sol planets reacted with disgust to Puffbully’s comments. “Not this again,” said an Arcturian called Phil who lives on Mars. “Every few years somebody tries to whip up a hate storm against aliens in order to shift blame for things going wrong. It’s very tedious. But if we ignore this Puffbully idiot he’ll probably go away.”

Weeble on Titan also spoke to one of our reporters. “Felicitations of the current time period, my good droid,” it said. “Mr Puffbully’s regrettable comments are similar to the rhetoric espoused by the odious Sol First group. I wonder if he is a member? It is one of the uglier characteristics of humans that when forming into cohesive social groupings they need to exclude some people and look down upon them, in order to feel superior themselves. I have studied Earth history, you see. This contempt often seems to turn to hatred and violence and all manner of unpleasantness ensues.

“I do hope we are not going to see a resurgence of the anti-alien sentiment that whips up hatred, resulting in gangs offering harm to aliens. Although in my experience most humans, while they may not like aliens much, are too lazy to do anything about it.”

A Galactic Administration spokesdroid was quick to disavow Puffbully’s comments. “Mr Puffbully’s views are his own and do not reflect the policies of the administration. Sol has always welcomed visitors from other star systems and has no intention of changing this.”

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