THE WORST PLANET THEMES OF ALL TIMES
by Freya
Editor's note: In the absence of any amusing quotes or posts from players this week, we delve into the archives to see what treasures lie therein.
Well, how relevant is this! Given the recent release of the event editor made us all think about planet design, here's a list of the worse planet themes of all time, written by Freya back in 2005.
As we test the new planet building tools and work on the design and code elements of the Founder rank, player thoughts and conversations turn, naturally, to plans for their upcoming planets. Some of the ideas being floated on the comms sound clever and creative, but there seem to be many more who want a planet but have no idea what to build. Herewith, to help guide the undecided, a selection of the Worst Planet Themes of All Time. The following is solely my opinion and does not represent the official IBgames position.
1. Planet of the Toxic Spelling Errors
It doesn't really matter what the planet owner intended the theme of this planet to be. It's so filled with spelling errors, not to mention tortured grammar, that it's impossible to figure out for sure what it is. If it's bad enough it gets 1 Pity Point for morbid amusement.
2. Xerox Award Winner
This planet's theme is plagiarism. Ha! And you thought we didn't read books so we'd never catch on to your cutting and pasting chunks of text out of the latest sword & sorcery novel or bodice ripper thriller. This planet theme is often combined with the It's Not Copyright Violation, Really! theme.
3. Copyright Violation Squad Planet
On the theory that Imitation is the Sincerest Form of Flattery (and the easiest), the theme of these planets is totally lifted out of the favorite film or tv series or novel of the planet owner. Locations and character names, literally transferred to the planet complete with storyline.
4. Planet Behind the Green Door
The real theme of this planet is usually concealed behind a stock landing pad. Often a varient on the Xerox Award Winner theme, this planet is explicit material and only seen briefly before staff remove it from the game.
5. The Utterly Cute Planet
Teddy bears and puffy comforters on canopy beds in front of cosy fires with hot chocolate and cookies and a hot tub and...
6. Dungeons & Dragons & Magic, Oh My!
Yes, we know you really wish Fed II had magic. And princesses. And elves. And Celtic mythology you made up by yourself. And princesses. And dragons. But nice dragons, that talk, and are toilet trained.
7. My Little Town
A reproduction of your home town. Only all the boring parts are left out. Whoops! There's nothing left. So you build a different home town. No one who actually lives there would recognize it.
8 Yo Ho Ho, Arrrgh!
The bright and shiny pirates with all their teeth and ships with plumbing and a tropical paradise to harbor in.
9. Creatures of the Night
Only nice sexy attractive celebrity vampires need apply.
10 Square Peg in a Round Table
The chivalrous renaissance that never was. Beggers and lepers need not apply. Everyone bathes in this version - they have hot tubs! I bet you never knew they had hot tubs and central heat and hot & cold running water in the renaissance. Everyone has a canopied four poster bed, in front of the fireplace, with a fur coverlet.
11. S&M dungeons
They never manage to get this right. It always turns out to be a bad version of Anna Rice.
If you have nominations for the Quote, Mood, Post, Clothes, Act, or anything else of the Week, send them to fi@ibgames.com.
