FROM THE (ARCHIVE) POSTBAG: MING'S MISSING MILLIONS
[Editrix’s note: nobody was posting anything funny on the boards this week so here’s something from the archives.]
A while back, when we were still the boring old-fashioned Fed Chronicle, before our transformation to the new, zingy Fed 2 Star, we received a letter asking us a question we just couldn't answer. So we never bothered to print it. After all, what would be the point of just saying "Dunno" in a news article? It would ruin our reputation for being all-knowing.
But recently some new information has come to light which means we may just be able to answer that outstanding query after all.
The question was:
What happened to the Emperor Ming's treasure after he was deposed?
The Emperor Ming was toppled from his throne long ago, much to the relief of the oppressed peoples of the Galaxy, but we know he didn't die in the coup. He was seen lurking around disguised as a Captain for many years before dropping out of sight completely, but nobody knows what happened to him after that.
What we do know is that when he made a run for it, just before an angry mob could cut off his head and stick it on a pike, he hid his fortune where nobody could find it. Over his years as despotic Emperor, Ming had systematically looted and pillaged any source of riches he came across, and amassed a vast quantity of groats, as well as art treasures and all kinds of valuable stuff. And as stated earlier in this article, until recently, when asked what happened to all those riches, we would have just said, "Dunno".
But not any more! We have received a secret email which may just shed some light on the whereabouts of Ming's missing millions. Here's what it said:
Dear Friend,
It is with great pleasure to write you this letter on behalf of my colleagues. I have decided to seek a confidential co-operation with you in execution of a deal hereunder for the benefit of all parties.
Within the Galactic Administration Treasury and Revenue Department where I work as the Chief Assistant to the Assistant Chief we have access to a number of unregistered bank accounts and my duties include tallying the accounts to the persons owning said accounts.
I recently came upon an account containing many billions of groats from untraced sources, and the standard investigations into said funds showed no information about the owner of the account. However I believe the account was set up by the late Emperor Ming and used to deposit money extorted from the people during the course of his reign. Now the Emperor is no more (if not dead, certainly not in any position to claim the money himself) the money is available to any such person who has the codes to claim it.
I myself in my capacity as a treasury employee have such codes as do my colleagues, but our positions make it impossible for us take the money without attracting suspicion, so we are seeking the assistance of a third party who will act as a beneficiary of the unclaimed funds on our behalf. Should you be willing to assist in this transaction, your share as compensation will be 50%.
Kindly contact me with your bank account details so I may arrange the transfer of these funds forthwith.
Regards,
Edwin Spoddle
So there you have it - mystery solved. Ming's missing millions are stashed in a Galactic Administration bank account, and you can have a share of it if you send your financial details to Mr Spoddle. Go on then - riches await!
If you have nominations for the Quote, Mood, Post, Clothes, Act, or anything else of the Week, send them to fi@ibgames.com.
