The weekly newsletter for Fed2 by ibgames

EARTHDATE: July 31, 2011

Official News page 2


FROM THE POSTBAG: ATM

by Hazed

It's been a long time since we've received a letter in the Fed2 Star office. Well, one that we could publish - we receive weird stuff all the time, like intense fan mail from obsessive stalkers, or hate mail from readers who objected to something we wrote.

No, I mean a letter asking a question about how something works in Fed DataSpace, where we publish the answer in the newsletter in order to inform all of our readers.

Maybe our readers know it all by now.

Or maybe they have found someone else to answer their questions. I did hear rumors of an ex-newsdroid of mine attempting to set up a rival publication, but that didn't end well.

Not for the droid, anyway. I, personally, am very happy with my new hatstand.

But here it is: a letter. Asking a question.

It says: "Just out of curiosity, I was wondering why the ATM isn't on the map of the Solar System space?"

Well, at first, I just chuckled to myself. I mean, what ATM? Everyone knows it's a myth. Yes, we've all heard the stories, about there being a cash machine on the other side of the sun. We've even told the stories ourselves, to gullible newbods, and then laughed as they crashlanded on the fiery star while trying to find it.

But surely nobody believes it. Right?

But then I had a sudden attack of journalistic ethics. Not something that happens often in the murky world of news reporting, but occasionally even I can come over all righteous. I decided to report the facts.

Yes, readers, there really is an ATM on the far side of the sun. It was put there at my request, so I have a way to access my vast fortune in privacy, without shoulder-surfers trying to see me type in my PIN. Nobody else has that privilege, and they never will. That's because I own the bank - or at least, I am a majority shareholder.

So now the secret is out. But the ATM still won't show up on the map. Because if it did, there would be queues of people trying to use it to get cash, and I would have to wait my turn. And I hate queuing!


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