Official News page 4

TECH BREAKDOWN AT TITAN OLYMPICS SENDS SKIERS INTO ORBIT

by Hazed

The winter Olympics being held on Titan for the first time have ended in farce, as the gravity generators that make it possible to ski on a world where the natural gravity is only 1.14g broke down a few days ago, turning the skiers into flyers.

The Titan Tourist Company that has been running the ski resort for the past few years were delighted when their bid to host this year's Olympics was successful, and they were sure the prestigious event would enhance their profile and bring even more tourists to Saturn's moon.

Now they face galactic ridicule as their technology has been proven to be not up to the job, putting competitors at risk and leaving the continuation of the games in doubt.

The problem started during the neuter's downhill slalom on Tuesday. Halfway through Estolan Marquisiby's run, the gravity cut out momentarily, so that when the skier who was favorite to win went over a bump and its skis left the track, it failed to come down again, continuing along several feet above the ground. A few seconds later the gravity kicked in again and it fell, landing awkwardly and bruising a tentacle.

The race was called off and an enquiry ensued. Technicians examined the gravity generators and declared that this was just a one-off glitch that wouldn't be repeated, so the next day, races resumed. All seemed to be going well until the women's slalom late in the afternoon, when the gravity cut out again just as previous gold medallist Rebecca Wongski was taking a very tight bend. She lost traction and went headfirst into a tree and had to be taken to hospital to be recloned.

At the same time, the men's luge event being held on another part of the mountain was also affected, with the competitors flying off the track and into the air, where they started to orbit Titan and had to be rescued by passing trading ships.

At this point the technicians reported that the generators were "completed fried" and said there was no possibility they could be restarted. The remaining events have been cancelled and the games will be re-run later this year at an alternative venue yet to be announced.

Matrock Sloobean, proprietor of a rival skiing resort on an icy dwarf planet in the Oort cloud, was quick to offer the services of his establishment. He criticized the Titan company: "It's clear that their resort is under-resourced and does not have the capacity to stage a major event like the Olympics. It's a miracle that nobody was killed. Well, not permanently. This disastrous failure must call into question the continuance of Titan as a ski resort for tourists." He then went on at length about the high safety standards at his Oort cloud resort, and offered a package of incentives to Olympic officials should the games be moved there.

Meanwhile, Mr Shoddy, of the family business that runs the bungee jumping service from the rooftop of the GA HQ, said to journalists that he would be more than happy to find a way to offer a skiing service to replace the Titan venture. "How hard can it be?" he ventured hopefully.

Fed2 Star index Previous issues Fed 2 home page