Official News page 1

ALL QUIET ON THE FEDERATION FRONT

by Danny Droid

Our glorious editrix, Hazed, bounced into the Fed2 Star office this week, full of energy. "Right, team," she said. "Let's get started on another brilliant edition of the best little newspaper in the Galaxy. Is everybody ready?"

A chorus of feigned enthusiasm was heard from all corners of the office.

"So, what do we have to write about this week?" demanded Hazed.

Silence.

"Come on, team. Don't be shy. What stories are you planning for me?"

Silence.

"There must be something, surely. What's Bella up to? Isn't she going to have some exciting new feature with which to delight the denizens of DataSpace?"

I couldn't bear the silence any longer, so I stood up and cleared my air intake passages, then said, "Actually, the only communiqué we have had from Bella this week said that she was starting to look at the rewrite of the event editor again, so that we can - finally - let players write their own events. But that's a major, longterm project so there's no progress to report yet."

"Well, that's disappointing," Hazed said. "So we'll turn to the Galactic Administration for news. They must have some brand new initiative intended to improve the life of citizens that will, in reality, cause more problems than it solves, thus generating acres of stories with which we can delight our readers."

We turned to look at newsdroid RSJ33, who traditionally deals with GA issues. It shrugged. "Not a sausage," it said. "Don't forget that summer has started so all those bureaucrats are commencing their annual 3-month slacking-off period. We can't expect much in the way of work out of them until fall."

"Well, how about celebrity gossip?" asked Hazed, starting to look at little bit worried. "Surely someone has done something scandalous - a married person being seen with someone other than his/her/its spouse, a celebrity relationship on the rocks, something shocking involving excessive alchohol or illegal drugs or inappropriate behaviour with alien livestock..."

"Well, there is one thing..." said Magnus Metalhead tentatively.

"What?" asked Hazed, eagerly. "Is it Brix Chanterel? He's usually good for a scandal or two. What's he done this time? I hope there are pictures."

"No, not him," said Magnus. "But we do have pictures. Candid pictures of a celebrity on a beach in a very skimpy costume."

"Ah, that's more like it," said Hazed, salivating slightly as she contemplated the glossy pictures we could print in the Star. "We can do a double-page spread, plus a teaser on the front cover... that'll fill up the blank space." She rubbed her hands together in satisfaction at the solving of a problem.

Then, almost as an afterthought, she asked, "So who is it?"

"It's Arlene."

Gasps all round, and a shocked exclamation from Hazed: "Good grief, no. We are NOT that desperate! We're just have to go with the old fallback... a picture of a baby grizzle on a hoverboard."

Problem solved!

Fed2 Star index Previous issues Fed 2 home page