Official News page 9

REAL LIFE NEWS: AT LAST, A MAJOR SCIENTIFIC MYSTERY IS SOLVED

by Hazed

Navel-gazing is usually seen as a waste of time - the phrase refers to excessive introspection or self-absorption. But for an Austrian scientist, it has resulted in a breakthrough which answers a question that many have wondered about:

What causes belly-button fluff?

After three years of research, a chemist called Georg Steinhauser has come up with the explanation. It seems there is a particular type of body hair that traps stray pieces of lint and draws them into the navel.

In order to make this discovery, Dr Steinhauser studied 503 pieces of fluff from his own belly button. Chemical analysis showed that the fluff wasn't just made up of clothing fibers, but also contained flecks of dead skin, fat, sweat and dust. Lovely. He also asked friends, family and workmates about their belly button fluff. He must have been a wow at parties!

He has written up his conclusions and they have been published in the journal Medical Hypotheses. The scaly structure of the hair, he says, enhances the 'abrasion of minuscule fibers from the shirt' and directs the lint towards the belly button. "The hair's scales act like a kind of barbed hooks," he said. "Abdominal hair often seems to grow in concentric circles around the navel."

A belly button piercing, apparently, can stop the process in its tracks and help keep the navel fluff free. Shaving the hairs on your tummy also works, at least until they grow back.

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