Official News page 1

MONORAIL EXTENSION OPENS AT LAST

by Hazed

Years late, massively over-budget, plagued by labor disputes and industrial accidents, it's beginning to seem as if the Galactic Administration cannot oversee any project without it turning into a complete disaster. Still, they generally do get there in the end, even if they have to throw billions of public groats into the pot to get things finished.

That's certainly the case with the extension to Earth's monorail system, which finally opened this week with almost no fanfare at all. Initial plans for an elaborate ribbon-cutting ceremony were shelved in embarrassment, and it was decided to simply commence the service without making a big fuss about it.

The original two stations, the spaceport and New Wall Street, have now been joined by Zoo Plaza and the Hospital of the Merciful Sisters of the Perpetual Sacred Heart (commonly shortened to Mercy Hospital). Trains travel up and down the line at high speed and are frequent enough that you should never have to wait for long.

The monorail operates with a flat fare of 34 groats per journey, no matter how far you travel. The stations are fitted with automated sensors which will detect those who cannot afford the fare, and prevent them from stepping onto the platforms. This state-of-the-art technology is said by the manufacturers to be fool-proof; well, I am sure there are plenty of fools who will try to outwit it.

To celebrate the opening of the new station, a group of medical students from Mercy Hospital held a monorail party, taking over a carriage and traveling up and down the line all night until they ran out of booze. They were careful not to damage the carriage, and only left a few stains on the cushions.

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