Official News page 7

REAL LIFE NEWS: HEINOUS CRIME OF THE MILLENIUM

by Hazed

Thieves broke into a factory in the northern Israeli city of Haifa a few weeks ago and made off with 100 tons of the food product that was manufactured there. What makes this crime so appalling is that the swag was: chocolate spread!

Such a large heist means that a fleet of trucks would be required to drive off the stolen chocolate, which the company's owner valued at roughly $415,000. The company's alarm system was deactivated and its surveillance footage stolen as well, indicating that it may have been an inside job.

I assure you, I was nowhere near the factory at the time. I have an alibi!

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