LINE NOISE News from Chez Diesel 8 October, 1989 BABY HUNTERS There's been high drama in Fed Data Space over the last week, prompted by the very welcome return of one of my favourite girls - Deborah. You may remember that she left Fed Data Space after marrying Piemur and conceiving a child (which he thought was his - but there is doubt about this.) But she reappeared last week, minus her child. She seemed unwilling to say what had happened to it. There were rumours that she had sold it for a large sum of groats but it is my belief that this is a vile lie invented by the gutter-press. However it came to pass that she was seperated from her child, she now wanted it back. She employed a computer bureau to try to trace its whereabouts, but they didn't seem to be coming up with any useful information, so she began asking her friends if they could help. And here is where I have to commend someone about whom I usually have only bad things to say. But, credit where it's due... the person who helped her to retrieve her baby was that red-eyed scumbag alien ex-TWF so-called reporter, Magius. He 'leaned' on some of the corrupt employees in the Galactic Administration Census Department and discovered that the child had been adopted by a family on Castillo. This seemed strange, since everyone knows Castillo is simply a research station, but Deborah was willing to leave no stone unturned and spent several days masquerading as a laboratory assistant in the scientific centre there. The head of the research centre was Professor Hilbert, a descendant of the famous Charles Hilbert, inventor of Hilbert Space. She was one of the few famous women to make a mark on the traditionally-male scientific fraternity. And Deborah discovered that she had a private residence on Castillo, hidden behind a forcefield - and it was she who had Deborah's child! Calling upon the help of Magius yet again, she set out to rescue the baby. The forcefield seemed inpenetrable, but old red-eyes, displaying far more intelligence than one would expect, cobbled together a device using the Vandier, bits of his spybeam and some sticky-back plastic, which nullified the field momentarily, enabling him to enter the house and retrieve the child. Deborah was so impressed by his heroism (as, I must admit, am I!) that she named her long-lost child Magius Jnr. But not everyone was pleased with the return of the child. Magius's betrothed, Roxanne, had long suspected an illicit liaison between her intended and the lucious Deborah, and Magius's concern over the child confirmed all her fears. She flew into an insanely jealous rage, and tried to kill the child! Once again Magius went to the rescue of the baby (suggesting he has more than an academic interest in its future... could he be the father?) and foiled Roxanne in her attempted infanticide. But he was utterly sickened by her behaviour, as any decent upright Fedder would be, and declared that their relationship was over. Will he now marry Debs? Before she left Fed Data Space, and before he was involved with Rox, he and Deborah had a brief but intense fling. He has certainly expressed interest in helping her bring up the child, giving further evidence to the supposition that he is the father. But will Rox just give in gracefully, or will she try to get even with the woman who has, as she sees it, stolen her husband? Things can only get more complicated! Illicit relationships seem to be all the rage at the moment. Despite her recent marriage, Penny seems to be putting it about a bit with no regard for the feelings of her husband. She recently indulged in an orgy of sexual passion with none other than her ex, Siko! It must be something in the air. Talking of illicit relationships, there were red faces in the Naval Base recently when it was discovered that a prominent female Fedder (who shall remain nameless for the sake of her dignity) had been sneaking in and 'making use' of their prize battledroid! ...' Oh alright, I'll name her. It was Pugwash. She claimed she was just cleaning it... but which bit was she cleaning? Pugwash has found herself at the centre of more controversy recently as some disgruntled Fedders have been spreading rumours about how she achieved her position as Head of the Conclave. They cannot believe she made it through sheer hard work and cleverness, and are trying to convince the Galactic Administration that she has been using her friendship with Our Illustrious Leader to gain privileges. Among the ridiculous claims made by these disgruntled losers are: * Proceeds from all sales made in Chez Diesel - including the Executive Services - are diverted to Pugwash's bank account * All conversations taking place in Chez Diesel are saved to a file which Pugwash has access to at any time * Any conversation containing Pugwash's name automatically activates her spybeam, allowing her to foil any plots against her. * Pugwash is the only Fedder who isallowed to have two personae - the obscure captains who appear from time to time are actually the Sexiest Fedder in disguise, keeping tabs on the lower ranks! Anyone with half a braincell would know that Pugwash is much too decent and upright a person to..stoop to such depths. Beside, she doesn't need to because Bella tops up her bank balance regularly in payment for favours! But there will always be those who are jealous of the success of others and seek to justify their own failure by claiming the rules have been broken. Another trick tried by the under-achievers is to claim that the game is at fault, not them. Ensor is one of those who cannot cope with the game as it is so wishes it to be changed to something he understands. He has uploaded two pleas in FOCUS for new features. The first is a rather silly idea about forming teams, but the second is actually a good idea! Go and add your views to both of these. His good idea is to increase the profit that JPs can make by offering jobs, by allowing them to offer the contents of more than one cargo bay at a time.Our Illustrious Leader is not sure of the feasibility of this proposal, but has an alternative plan that will not only increase the potential profits for contracts, but also help factory owners who are running out of warehouse space. A new command will be implemented which will combine the contents of two warehouse bays, providing they contain the same commodity. It will be in the next new version, which will appear in two weeks (ish). Also in the new version will be some enhancements to the planetary construction tools. The horrendous event writer will be made just a little less user-hostile, and the object editor will enable Explorers to correct the mistakes they made while trying to get to grips with the tools. There will be a new command - - especially for Ensor, and the Castillo bar will be redecorated yet again. And finally, Fed Data Space bids a fond farewell to Zugger and Sevrina. Bruce has been left in the capable hands of Pugwash while Sev is away. Line Noise wishes them both good luck at University.