LINE NOISE News from Chez Diesel 7 May, 1989 NORMAL SERVICE Just when you thought it was safe to venture back into Fed Data Space... Following the timewarp last week, which shunted a whole week onto an alternate time- line, the Galactic Administration has been slowly restoring life to normality - or what passes for normality in Fed! The Conclave processed the claims for compensation, and expert investigators were hard at work trying to fathom the cause of the disaster. It now appears that the culprit was the red-eyed alien scumbag TWF so-called journalist, Magius. Horrified at the thought of being a father, and desperate after the failure of Plan A (abusing Naias both physically and mentally to try and cause a miscarriage), Plan B (putting broken glass in jars of babyfood) and Plan C (embarking on a campaign of terror in a town on Earth), he tried Plan D, his last resort, and split Fed Data Space into two alternate futures. What action the Galactic Administration will be taking against his evil actions is unclear, but he cannot hope to remain unpunished for this, the worst ever of his many crimes. But just as Fedders were settling back into their usual routines - making groats, buying rounds in the Social Centre of the Solar System, and shooting each other - than Fed Data Space was hit by another crisis, a series of inexplicable crashes. Our Illustrious Leader has been slaving hard to put things right, and after only a few days of intensive work with her insect repellant she hunted and killed the bug that had been causing the problems. Her success came in the nick of time, as withdrawal symptoms were setting in amongst frantic players forced to use BEAM as a substitute for their daily fix. In between the problems, the JPs have been continuing their attempts at the fiendish GM puzzle. Zugger finally found the missing link and was promoted - and in the same evening gained the rank of Explorer as well. Magius was confident that he would follow immediately in his colleague's footsteps, but managed to get it wrong several times before eventually being promoted - even though Zugger had told him exactly what he had to do. This leaves just one JP - Ensor, who was promoted last night - but it will be some time before he has the stats to attempt the GM puzzle. In the new version put in recently, Our Illustrious Leader provided a number of new features. Proving very popular is the new command. This shows the top player for each rank, giving Poor People a bit of competition while they grind their way up the ranks. Quitting while in space is no longer a short-cut to another planet - when you return, you will find yourself exactly where you left. The output buffers have been increased, which will solve the problem of people getting timed out when they are spying on others. The reward system has been refined slightly - the cost for putting a price on someone's head has been lowered by a tenth. Objects are now worth more groats when you give them to a mobile, depending on your rank - the base value of the item is multiplied by your level. Monty's reward has been upped to 100K. Our Illustrious Leader intends to collaborate with Hazed-by-Alcohol (publishers of the most amazingly successful book in the history of history, The Idiot's Guide to Federation II) to produce a monthly Fed Newsletter. The Newsletter will be free, and will be posted to anyone who wishes to be put on the mailing list. If you would like to recieve copies, please mail me your address. Hazed-by-Alcohol, in their bid for Galactic Domination, are moving into the T-shirt business. They intend to produce Fed T-shirts for the PCW Show in the autumn. They have a number of ideas for slogans, but need some more! Send them your ideas - mbx NO1 or DIESEL - and the best slogan will get a free shirt. While Our Illustrious Leader was partaking of a pint or two of Diesel's Old Peculiar recently, I managed to sneak a look in the Big Red Book in which she writes down all the details of work she intends to do to the game. I saw mention of many wonderous things - some of which have been promised to us before but not yet materialised - but also many new innovations which will change the face of Fed Data Space as we know it. The most exciting is the introduction of Level 7 computers. These will be very expensive - possibly as much as 2 meg - and you will need an intelligence of 120 to use them. So all you Rich Peeps, get saving! A Spraycan will be introduced, allowing you to write messages into the Review. But it can only be used once, then it will recycle like the rest of the objects - just as well otherwise the Review would soon fill up with absolute trivia. But the biggest revelation is that you will be able to set up your own company! Obviously it is one of the ways Explorers will make money out of their new planets, but it is not limited to Explorers. Any player can do it, even lowly Commanders. However, since it costs 2 meg to incorporate yourself, and 10 meg to set up production, only the higher ranks will be able to take advantage of it. However, for Traders and Merchants it will provide an alternative to the endless boring slog of trading, trading, trading... Full details of how to set up your own company will be printed in the first issue of the Fed Newsletter, so don't forget to send me your address.. HOLD THE FRONT PAGE... News just in of Fed's first wedding! There have been many romances in Fed Data Space, but none have ever gone as far as marriage - although a few have come close, such as Pugwash and Pegasus, and Pugwash (again) and Birdseye. But now, a couple have become engaged and will be tying the knot soon. The blushing bride will be Naias; the lucky groom - Magius!! It seems that red-eyes has decided to stop fighting the truth - he has admitted that Cryptosporidium is his daughter, and wishes to provide a stable family background in which to bring her up. The whole of Fed Data Space was shocked by this news, and cannot quite believe that Magius has chosen to do the decent thing at last! The happy couple are now making plans for the forthcoming wedding, although Our Illustrious Leader has expressed doubts about the legality of the union - it seems that Magius may have been married before. I shall bring you further details on the wedding as the plans are announced.