LINE NOISE News from Chez Diesel 9 January, 1989 GUTTER-PRESS The gutter-press 'journalists' at TWF have gone too far this time! First they claimed that THEY are the authors of Line Noise and that I was merely a 'talentless strumpet'. An out-and-out lie designed to undermine my popular support, probably they are just jealous of my success. They were forced to retract this ridiculous statement, but whether it was the threat of legal action, the fear of violence, or the prospect of being excluded from the next Fed Meet that caused their abrupt u-turn I don't know. Suffice to say that I have put in a substantial damages claim to compensate for the mental anguish and trauma this scandalous statement caused me. But all hopes that they had learned their lesson from this sordid episode were dashed with the appearance of their latest issue yesterday. In an unbelievable article they have the temerity to claim THEY created Fed Data Space, and that Bella is just their front- woman! As you can imagine, Our Illustrious Leader is not amused by this. When questioned, all she would say was 'I don't make threats, but...' and I couldn't help feeling sorry for Magius and Zugger when I saw the dangerous green glint in her eyes. However, there is no doubt that they deserve whatever reprisals Bella decides in her wisdom to visit upon them. Let's hope it curbs their future journalistic excesses! I've been busy recently coping with the decorators. They made a terrible mess, I had to keep a constant eye on them to prevent them nicking the cutlery, and they kept stopping for the longest tea-breaks in the history of the universe! But now they are finished, and they have done a marvellous job. I hope you like the new decor. The piano is proving particularly popular with the clientele, so much so that I've booked a band to entertain you all. The Brothers are famous for their heavy-metal renditions of those popular favourites, 'Fly Me To The Moon' and 'I Left My Heart In Cargon City'. Shame about their horrendous trousers! Castillo Bar has also undergone refurbishment recently. It's been renamed Samantha's, presumably because of the impending return of that not- very-much-missed Merchant. Rumour has it that Sam has been spotted trading in the dead of night, when Fed Data Space is usually deserted. I don't know about you, but I find it strange that she should choose to return after such a long absence, so I decided to investigate the situation. My enquiries lead me to conduct a detailed analysis of the playing patterns of certain Fedders, and fascinating stuff it turned out to be! Can it be coincidence that it is only with the mysterious disappearance of Snoopy that Samantha is returning? Why have the two players never been seen at the same time? Could it be that they are ONE AND THE SAME PERSON? I think we should be told! Vandalism appears to have hit Federation Data Space. Is nothing sacred? Examples of some deliquent's work can be seen outside the domes on Titan. Our Illustrious Leader has been slaving over a hot keyboard recently to bring you all sorts of minor changes. The command can now be abbreviated to , saving a lot of wear and tear on the fingers for Merchants utilising the Spynet Wire Service. When remote buying, JPs are now told the warehouse bay number in which the goods are stored, which speeds up the process of offering jobs to Poor People. The command will now include the short description of your location, as well as listing the players/ships/ objects/mobiles present. And I understand that new safety measures have been introduced on the Venus Shuttle. Rich People will be delighted to know that spybeams are no longer destroyed when you die. Or at least, they are not supposed to be, but a bug is still disintegrating them on your death. Bella hopes to track down the problem shortly. A vast new area to explore is now available - the Pirates Asteroid Base. The only problem is getting to it! And it isn't a very safe place to wander about in, as some of the JPs have found to their cost. Since the GM puzzle involves the Asteroid, I can see insurance premiums reaching a new high. However, one of the benefits of promotion to GM will be the zeroing of insurance costs, so it will be worth it in the end. Another benefit will be 15 points added to your lowest stat. The puzzle will involve destroying the base. Three people will have to co-operate, but only one will get promoted. However, there is no rank requirement on the helpers, provided they have a minimum stamina of 75, so newly-promoted GMs will be able to help JPs in their turn. It's a shame - I was rather looking forward to the squabbling between JPs as to which three would co-operate to solve the puzzle! Of the five JPs, only four have the necessary stats to reach the base safely - poor Zugger is lagging way behind. But since it is likely to be at least two weeks until the puzzle is implemented, he has time to catch up. The requirements for Explorer haven't been decided yet, although Bella says it is unlikely to be a horrendous puzzle, or a stat requirement. Possibly it will be linked to the number of pizzas you have bought for her... A big thank you to all those jolly nice people in Compunet Data Space who showed supreme good taste in voting me the most humerous person on the net. And congratulations to our very own Xaviour, who was voted best artist. A few dates for your diary: It is with great regret that I announce the imminent death of Pugwash's youth. A wake to mourn this sad loss will be held in Chez Diesel at 9.00 on Monday 16 January. Floral tributes will be welcomed. On a happier note, tomorrow (10 January) sees the first anniversary of Fed opening its link to the public. It certainly doesn't seem like a year... doesn't time fly when you're having fun? Since the game didn't really get going for a month or so, birthday celebrations are being delayed until February. The Official Birthday Fed Meet is being held on Saturday 4 February at 7.00 - for details see my upload in the Fed News Directory. I hope you can all attend this auspicious occasion. I will need to know exact numbers a few days before the event so please mbx me if you will be coming. Line Noise will be marking the anniversary with a number of features, among them 'Fed - The First Year', a look back on the twelve months since Chez Diesel served its first pint of Old Peculiar. If you have any stories about Fed you would like me to include, mbx me and I'll upload them!