LINE NOISE News from Chez Diesel 24 December 1998 The much trumpted Alliance Meeting started as a bit of a damp squib last night, although it certainly ended in fireworks! At 7.30 the only members present were Xaviour and Gizmo - not even Snoopy arrived on time! Pugwash was there to keep a friendly eye on the proceedings, and Pegasus determined to be as obsructive as only he can. The Great Dog himself arrived a few minutes late and the meeting commenced with only 3 members present (surely not a quorum?) Siko, Magius and Ensor joined the meeting later. The first item on the Agenda was the unveiling of Snoopy's master plan to dispose of the evil Red Baron, Pegasus. Everyone waited, tense with anticipation, as Snoopy began to speak. How did he propose to deal with the meanest son-of-a-bitch in the entire Galaxy? Were the Alliance going to gang up on him en masse and blow him out of the sky? Or was some more subtle method to be used, such as luring him into a death location? Or perhaps Snoopy planned to bore him to death? But no! The onlookers were aghast when Snoopy admitted there was NO PLAN; it had just been a ruse to get Pegasus worried. This statement was greeted with scorn even by the Alliance Members, who had seen no evidence that Pegasus was in the least bit alarmed by his impending death, merely irritated by Snoopy's boasting. Pegasus himself was openly derisive, and challenged Snoopy to a duel there and then. When Snoopy declined it seemed clear that he was nothing more than a wind-bag. Changing the subject (and trying to save his face) Snoopy announced the results of the election for a new leader. Of the vast Alliance membership, only 11 people had bothered to vote - a disapointing turnout for such an important event. Perhaps they had something better to do - like watching paint dry. The results are as follows: Xaviour - 1 vote Magius - 1 vote Zugger - 2 votes Snoopy - 7 votes With an overwhelming majority in favour of Snoopy continuing to fling his hard-earned groats around to whoever whinges loud enough. Xaviour expressed private relief that he had not been elected the new cash machine! At this point, Magius handed in his resignation because he was getting no benefit from paying his 7K a month subscription fees. I'm surprised it took him so long to realise this! Snoopy then announced his plans for the Alliance's future. His first action as the re-elected leader will be to close the Alliance down. Before you all say 'good riddance', he will be reforming the organisation under the same name but with a different structure. Only the few 'true' members will be asked to rejoin. When asked what criteria a current member should have for being considered a 'true' member, Snoopy was evasive. All he would say is that they must want the Alliance to succeed in its beliefs. He stated that the two beliefs of the Alliance are to help people play the game, and to stop people like Pegasus scaring off people by blasting them. However, he admitted that he is totally unable to protect his members from Pegasus - so there goes belief No 2! He also made the ridiculous claim that Pegasus only attacks Alliance members because he is scared of them! This was greeted by howls of laughter from all present. Snoopy's next idiotic statement was "it is hard stopping someone from firing at you". Pugwash very gently pointed out that on the contrary, it is very easy. To prove her point, she issued a challenge to Snoopy. Over the next 4 days, she invited Snoopy to try and shoot her. If he managed to get a shot at her - even if it missed - she would give him 500K. If he failed, he would owe her the same amount. After much hesitation Snoopy accepted the challenge. It will be interesting to see the outcome of this! The meeting broke up at this point, so Pegasus again challenged Snoopy to a duel. "Put up or shut up" were his exact words. Snoopy desperately looked for a way out without looking like an utter wimp. He said that he would fight Pegasus if Pegs would promise not to attack Alliance members in the future. Much to his dismay, Pegasus instantly swore on his mother's grave that the Alliance would be safe from his deadly twin lasers from that moment on! (Whether he will keep this promise remains to be seen.) Left with no way out, Snoopy was forced to fight. It was a long, drawn out battle as the two players chased each other round the Interplanetary Wastes. Pegasus definitely had the better of it - in the course of the fight he managed to polish off Monty and the Vega who happened to get in the way. Zugger decided that Snoopy needed some help so joined in, but even he didn't last long against the Mighty Red Baron. There was a lull towards the end of the battle and Snoopy shocked everyone by saying he was giving up because he just couldn't afford it any more. Pegasus then caught him unaware and swiftly finished him off with three shots from his twin lasers. Snoopy woke up in hospital and promptly quit, so we were unable to question him further about his intention to give up. It is unclear whether he meant that he was quitting Fed all together because of his huge phone bills , or was killing off Snoopy and starting again because of his huge insurance bills. I think he meant the latter, but we will have to wait and see. If he does start again, I wonder if he will be able to equal Pugwash's achievement of 9 days from GroundHog to Merchant? I imagine he is also counting on the generosity of all those he gave money to but how many of them will have conveniently forgotten? Whatever he decides to do, it seems that the Alliance has had its day. Without Snoopy's attempt to gain the illusion of power, there is no reason for the group to exist. And Snoopy as a GroundHog would be unable to pretend, even to himself, that he is anything worth taking notice of.