LINE NOISE News from Chez Diesel 8 August, 1988 It's a problem being a stinking-rich Trader. All that money cluttering up your bank balance - just what are you supposed to do with it? You can try and drink away your vast fortune in Chez Diesel (Social Centre of the Solar System) but that would take an awful long time. You could give it away, but face having to shell out the new money- grabbing rates of tax. You can buy two warehouses on the same planet, like Omi foolishly did. Or you can improve yourself. The means of buying extra points on all four of your statistics are now fully implemented. To get extra dexterity involves taking advantage of some of the other services offered by this establishment. Stamina takes the form of three Shredded Wheat that you have to attempt to swallow. Strength comes from displaying your prowess as a weight-lifter. And intelligence from a strange apparatus deep in the Mercury Caves. Of course, these activities are not without their risks - as Linebacker found out! The poor chap had a heart- attack while over-indulging his lusts; burnt his hand off trying to become more intelligent, and had a hernia trying to become Fed's Strongest Man (sorry - Saturnian). Undeterred, he carried on spending his vast reserves of cash and finally clocked up the 200 points needed to become Merchant - only to discover, much to his disgust , that Our Illustrious Leader hadn't written that bit of code yet! And all this frantic point buying had hammered his networth so he had lost his position as Fed's No 1. After much whinging he managed to persuade Bella to implement his new rank, so by now he should be a Merchant. For the time being this will make no difference except that he will be able to spy on other Traders - but with the sort of conversations Pugwash and Pegasus have, perhaps that will be enough! This all means more changes to the Conclave, but since the positions are moving up and down so fast I am going to stop reporting them unless something very unusual happens. What it also means is that Networth is no longer an accurate indication of how well people are doing, since it takes no account of the state of their stats. Perhaps a new Spynet service is called for! Four new objects are in the game. The Barbells, Coin and Luncheon Voucerr are all connected with the above puzzles, while the Sugar Lump is one of those give-it-to- someone-and-get- some-groats sort of objects. Or you can eat it to replace lost stamina. Our Illustrious Leader has spent a lot of time tidying up the game and correcting spelling mistakes, but there are still a few dotted around. If you see any spelling errors, mbx me and i will award two prizes: to the person who spots the most mistakes, and to whoever discovers the silliest! 5000 groats to each of them. There seems to be a vast gap at the moment between the Traders and the Poor People. There is currently only one Adventurer - Metaxa - so it looks like there will be no new Traders for a while. Unless you know better! Although it is fairly obvious that dropping the Tdx is probably not a good idea, it is still possible to assassinate obnoxious newcomers with it. Even some more experienced players have been fooled. But somehow I never expected to see a Trader die in this explosive fashion! God only knows just what happens. The Trader involved (mentioning no names, but how many female traders are there whose names begin with 'P'?) claims it just slipped through her fingers, but it is more likely she'd had a little too much Diesel's Old Peculiar! Of course, death means losing your spybeam so there is a Trader wandering around 3 mega-groats light! ! B&Z Loans Inc have split!!! Following discussions, Messrs Bilbo and Zugger have agreed to dissolve their partnership. Zugger is pulling out of the loanshark business altogether, to concentrate on his trading ventures, but Bilbo will continue to lend money to those too lazy to work for it (perhaps when he finds out about the new rate of tax he will change his mind!) Neither party would give the reasons behind this shocking break-up, but both said they would remain friends. (That's what they all say...) There will be no new features in Federation for several weeks now as Our Illustrious Leader is going on holiday. Bella denies she is fleeing the country to avoid irate parents complaining about the huge bills their children have run up playing Fed! So Line Noise will probably take a break as well. Unless, of course, I hear of any juicy gossip that I MUST pass on to you! Don't forget to tell me if you come across any news or scandal - a free drink to anyone who tells me something I can upload.