**>> SPYNET BULLETIN **>> EARTHDATE 95.04.28 **>> AN H-by-A SERVICE **>> Compiled by Hazed plus a team of specialist newsdroids **>> your news and gossip and get paid good groats! **>> STILL LEGLESS Our newsdroids were stunned to find Cheri still missing her legs this week. Her planned ascension to the title of High Priestess is now in doubt. In an exclusive interview, Cheri provided some details. Desiring some conversation with Drspock, she had special water from Aise shipped to Conception in order to maintain the standards befitting a candidate High Priestess. But apparently the rules are more stringent than Cheri realized, as the presence of Aisean Water in Drspock's hot tub wasn't enough, and her ritual was corrupted. Cheri made it quite clear that it was simply her presence on Conception that has delayed her ascension, however it's the opinion of this newsdroid that Cheri is not above pulling on a cybernetic leg, even if she lacks one herself. All this has left more than one male Fedder wondering whether it's really worth Cheri's efforts, if the rules are this unforgiving. She's been seen to assure more than one worried bachelor, that the rules are far less strict for High Priestess, than they are for High Priestess candidates. She was unwilling to provide any further details, so we can only guess what she meant. **>> WHO IS THIS DARING STRANGER... AND WILL HE LIVE LONG ENOUGH TO FIND OUT? Earlier this week, daring (or foolhardy, depending on one's point of view) newcomer Darius publicly challegned Wildstar for the hand of the lovely lady Mosquito. While Wildstar had not publicly replied at press time, sources close to the Baron indicate that rather than merely ignoring the upstart, he may on the other hand, simply be waiting for the next upcoming Fed tourney to use his twin lasers to banish Darius and defend his lady's honor. While Skeets herself has not issued a public statement on this situation, unnamed sources indicate that Darius would not have an easy time winning the lady's hand or heart in any event, as there is strong family opposition to the challegne; Lorelei herself issuing a public warning for Darius to leave her mother alone. **>> REQUIM FOR THE REMNANTS OF A BRAIN Independent sources speculate that Duke Budwarp lies perilously close to death this week with all public appearances being made by his droid double and his duchesse consort hovering over him in what could only be called a death watch. It is believed that what remains of his brain continues to leak out of a cracked skull (ed. note. an incident that never was explained) at an alarming rate, and taxes in Epini are fluctuating madly from 50% to 1% to 10% along with the Duke's mood swings as all of Epini waits to determine the duke's fate and whether the duchesse consort will be able to restore stability. **>> TWELVE STEP COMES TO ABSOLOM Perpetually exhausted from battling the workbench? Got that last little bit of a puzzle that you really wanted to add to your planet but you just can't bring yourself to face the dreaded editor again? Take hope, fellow sufferers... soon you too may be able to enter Slarti's with nothing more than the usual nervousness that a first time explorer does. Draco announced this week that negotiations have just been concluded to bring a Betty Ford clinic to Absolom where Editoraphobics and those suffering from Post Traumatic Stress Syndrome after their battles with the workshop could relax and rejuvenate in serene surroundings, eventually beating their workshop terrors. While further details are not available, it has been leaked to this source that the clone of Betty Ford herself will be travelling to Absolom to oversee construction of the megagroat facility and perform the ribbon cutting herself. **>> NOTABLE QUOTE OF THE WEEK This week's quote goes to ailing Duke Budwarp's droid double, who upon hearing of Darius' challenge generously offered to make the necessary final arrangements. Darius: I challenge Wildstar for the hand of the lady Mosquito. Budwarp: Funeral arrangements will be made as soon as possible for Darius. **>> SPYNET REVIEW Aise is back as most popular planet, having won the Tungsten Tourist Trap Trophy three times in the past week. The other holders of the T4 were Bliss, Stonehenge, Libra and Conception. Congratulations to Ryan, Darius and Mandy, who all made Captain this week! **>> CONTACTS The following information will appear at the end of every News Bulletin, so you don't have to read it if you already know it. In the event of a problem or question, you can: * talk to Hazed or one of the Game Hosts in the game * a message to Hazed * send mail on your host system to the Federation team: on Genie, mail FEDII.2 or use the option on the main Fed page on Delphi, mail FED2 or use the option on the main Fed page on Cris, mail FEDERATION2 You can buy a copy of the very excellent Idiot's Guide to Federation for the paltry sum of $15.95. On Genie, type ORDER from any main menu page. **>> BULLETIN ENDS