**>> SPYNET BULLETIN **>> EARTHDATE 95.04.21 **>> AN H-by-A SERVICE **>> Compiled by Hazed plus a team of specialist newsdroids **>> your news and gossip and get paid good groats! **>> BUDWARP'S HALF AGAIN TAX For reasons as yet unknown, but rumored to be related to HUGE cost overruns on his latest doomsday weapon, Duke Budwarp appears to be taking steps to shut down the trading lanes in Fedspace. This newsdroid, while unable to reach Budwarp for comment, has asked several of Epinian planet owners why the sudden shift in tax policy, and they've all been without answers. Nightstalker offered the dubious suggestion that the remaining contents of Budwarp's brain (most of his brain is rumored to be held by Baroness Dierdre) spilled out, corrupting a more reasonable 5% tax, to its current 50% level. Whatever the reason, it's clear that Epini is barring the windows and locking the doors as milkrun after milkrun into the duchy dries up. **>> PLEASE NOTE THE SIGNS "TRANSFORMATION IN PROGRESS" Recently, visitors to Aise have seen Cheri trading in her tank of Aise water in which it is necessary for her to reside at all all times until her upcoming transformation. When asked if a newsdroid team could be on site to record the transformation for posterity, Cheri just shook her head, her wet braids tumbling about and said, "It's a very private ceremony, but I will try to inform you of the details for the next issue." It's amazing that Cheri could lug that tank across the many galaxies, but she assured us that it was no trouble at all. We also asked Cheri what she thought about Fed since her return and she said, "Mostly, I am glad to be back; Aise did very well while I was away swimming with the Mer-Beings of Aise. The only thing I find disturbing, besides Budwarp's new 50% tax, is this chronic 'Fed is Dead' virus that seems to be striking at all points of the galaxies. It's alive and well for me and I suggest those that are afflicted to visit Aise and to swim in the soothing seas of Aise. It may go away, or, who knows, you may meet a Mer-Being who could tickle your fancy. We were flashed another very big smile as she dove deeper into her tank and twitched her golden scaled tail at us. More on Cheri in our next issue. And just a note, when visiting Aise, and if you see Cheri, be sure to ask for one of her famed Cherry Lime Rickeys..."that be potent stuff". **>> TISNAR...DEATH TRAP OR... This exchange took place over open comms earlier this week. We decided to let our readers decide... Kainaw: Tisnar hasn't had many visitors lately. I have no idea why. Matrix: Really? :> Admiral: Maybe it's because they heard about your little problem. Kainaw: I haven't had any problems. Drspock: I think it got a bad rep...Kainaw...I heard through the grapevine that it was a death trap. Nocturne: I wonder if its that disturbing tendency to die there. Matrix: I've never had a problem, but then again I'm an imp ;). Kainaw: I don't think of it as a death trap. I think of it as a handy alternative to the utterly pathetic suicide command. (Ed. Note: This seems to confirm our rumors that whatever Kainaw did to his planet, he actually did it on purpose, intending to offer perhaps an alternative to the tradational pocket knife to the trendier Fedders.) **>> SPECIAL ANNOUNCEMENT Bodhi is throwing his first annual Black Tie Orgy. While details are not yet available, but will be provided as soon as we get them, a sneak peak at his promotional release produced the following: Come one, come all to Fed's first annual Black Tie Orgy (actual black tie attire - other than the bow tie and smile, optional). Meet new kissing cousins and cousines or simply renew your relationships with old partners... **>> NOTABLE QUOTE OF THE WEEK From one of most notable tactical great minds (Ed. Note: Note the use of the word 'strategic'): Silas: I think we oughta invade AOL...strategic-like :) Matrix: Feh, Aries rocks :) **>> GRAFFITI ARTIST Ishmael really wishes to make his mark on Fed DataSpace... to be more specific, on other people's ships. He's been hob-nobbing with Galactic Administration scientists, buying them drinks, giving them gifts, and generally schmoozing with them. Not for any altruistic reasons, of course - he's trying to get them to develop an aerosol of paint that will stick to ship hulls, thus allowing him to creep around at dead of night spray-painting his slogans and pictures all over sleeping vessels! So if you wake up one morning and find your ship is a different color, you'll know who to blame. **>> SPYNET REVIEW This week's winners of the Tungsten Tourist Trap Trophy were varied... Aise won it twice, and Water, Fractal, Bliss, Conception and Epini each gained the T4 once. The new Captains of the week were Striker, Grue, Fluffy, James and Trevice. Striker went on to become an Adventurer. Trista advanced her planet a level and became Industrialist of Bliss. **>> CONTACTS The following information will appear at the end of every News Bulletin, so you don't have to read it if you already know it. In the event of a problem or question, you can: * talk to Hazed or one of the Game Hosts in the game * a message to Hazed * send mail on your host system to the Federation team: on Genie, mail FEDII.2 or use the option on the main Fed page on Delphi, mail FED2 or use the option on the main Fed page on Cris, mail FEDERATION2 You can buy a copy of the very excellent Idiot's Guide to Federation for the paltry sum of $15.95. On Genie, type ORDER from any main menu page. **>> BULLETIN ENDS