**>> SPYNET BULLETIN
**>> EARTHDATE 95.02.04
**>> AN H-by-A SERVICE

**>> Compiled by Hazed plus a team of specialist newsdroids
**>> <SEND HAZED> your news and gossip and get paid good groats!


**>> WHERE, OH WHERE, IS THE DUKE PUZZLE?

That's a very good question. We're glad you asked that.

Unfortunately the TechDroid is still testing the Duke puzzle to make 
sure it's working correctly, and he doesn't want to put it back into 
the game until he is sure that all the routines that change a leisure 
planet into the capital planet of a new duchy do what they are 
supposed to. Fingers crossed, he should have it done sometime this 
week...


**>> PLANET-OWNERS' NETWORTHS

A bug last week meant that planet-owners' networths were not 
displaying correctly. This has now been fixed.


**>> NEW GENIE RATES

GEnie users should make sure they read the log-on banner that 
announces the new rates, which took effect on February 1.


**>> ACCESS PROBLEMS

GEnie Engineering are still working on the strange problem that is 
preventing users of SprintNet numbers from getting into the game. Now 
this problem has been joined by a bug which stops anyone getting into 
the game from Delphi and Cris! That's being worked on too.

Meanwhile, if anyone finds the very annoying horde of gremlins that 
are causing these problems, please shoot them and send their carcasses 
to the Fed team!


**>> NEW INTERMEDIATE GUIDE

The Intermediate Guide to Federation has been updated and is now 
available in the Official Fed Library on page 220 on GEnie, and in the 
database on the Fed page on Delphi.

The Guide covers the ranks Merchant to Explorer, and the new version 
gives up to date information about running a company, buying and 
terraforming a planet, and linking a planet into the game.


**>> GROUNDHOGS ON MARS?

A few days ago was GroundHog day, that time of the year when a small 
burrowing rodent is called upon to assess the available meteorological 
data, make a climatic evaluation and then form a prognostication about 
the upcoming season.

Here is another explanation of the tradition in slightly plainer 
language: a groundhog will emerge from his burrow - if he sees his 
shadow there will be six more weeks of  heavy ion storms around 
Jupiter; if not, the storms will abate sooner than that.

So, tourists, gawkers and politicians looking for a photo-op were 
gathered on Mars to see Marsport Manny wake up. The crowd waited, 
breathless. Silence reigned. Then Manny's alarm clock went off.

Once again, a hush fell over the crowd as they waited for the 
GroundHog's appearance. Manny ducked his head out of his hole, and was 
quickly scooped up by an over-zealous Host who whisked him off to the 
office block on Earth to get a permit.

When the Host was finally relieved of the rodent and sedated, Manny 
was returned to his home on Mars. He peered around him with his 
failing eyes, searching for his shadow. He spotted a dark shape on the 
ground and chittered wildly. The crowd oohed and aahed as the 
meteorologists scurried away to report another six weeks of storms!

It was later discovered that the 'shadow' Manny the GroundHog had seen 
was simply a drunken Newsdroid with a tarp draped over it. What this 
indicates about Jupiter's ion storms in the coming weeks is unknown.


**>> SPEAKING OF GROUNDHOGS...

News has just come in of a number of fights over the allocation of 
GroundHogs. Menua the druid wants them for sacrifices - and Detros 
wants them to satisfy his unnatural carnal desires!

We feel a veil should be drawn over this story for fear that further 
details would frighten the winged horses.


**>> DON'T HOG THE TROPHY!

Competition for the very prestigious Tungsten Tourist Trap Trophy is 
hotting up. The trophy, also known as the T4, is presented each day to 
the planet that does the most for the Galactic tourist trade. Now the 
duchy of Epini is lobbying to have the name of the trophy changed to 
the Epini Tourist Trap Trophy, since his duchy members seem to be 
taking it in turns to win the trophy!

Come on, you other duchies. Organise some parties or something, to 
reclaim the trophy from Epini.
 

**>> THE RETURN OF NIGHTFALL

Since Nightstalker's return, the air has been heavy with rumors. His 
return, shrouded in as much secrecy as his departure, has spawned 
several theories. The most chilling (and perhaps absurd) rumor seems 
to have originated within the LCP. While this Newsdroid dismisses the 
story as absurd, it's been retold too many times to ignore.

A growing minority believe that Nightstalker's ascendancy to the 
senate and return to Dukehood is nothing more than a ruse to pull 
unsuspecting planet-owners from LCP duchies into a larger and opposing 
sphere, allied of course with Chaos. Another story which seems to have 
lost favor is that Nightstalker is now more power-hungry than ever and 
is attempting to form a one-universe government under the banner of 
Nightfall at the expense of all other existing duchies.

This Newsdroid has it from an 'informed source' that none of these 
allegations have any merit. According to my source, Nightstalker has 
been planning the rebirth of Nightfall, almost from the time of his 
ascension to the Senate. Pax Fed made the senate little more than a 
place to grow old. However, there was no place for Nightfall in Pax 
Fed. It was a duchy born into war and which knew nothing of the peace 
which now filled the known galaxy. Imperial Edicts had placed severe 
limitations on legitimate trade practices (Ed note: Some people feel 
the need to call this 'dumping').

So rather than return to a duchy with no future and a vanishing past, 
Nightstalker ventured out into the galaxy to find a place more 
hospitable to the Old Ways. Eventually he found such a place in a 
small galaxy comprised of little more than 2 black holes and a few 
assorted planets and asteroids. Building the link was fraught with 
problems and the cost overruns were enormous.

In the fog-laden camps of the workthingies it is whispered on the dark 
nights when Duke Nightstalker is nowhere to be seen that one 
particularly cruel accident even took the soul of his wife Nocturne; 
however, for reasons which are still unknown, she is now very much 
alive. This and heavy casualties among the workthingies set back the 
opening of the Nightfall link. This newsdroid has it on good authority 
that all the problems with the link have now been cleared up, and the 
link has been rendered harmless (at least as long as you're not a 
workthingy).

While the reasons for locating a duchy in such a remote location are 
not completely clear, my source informs me that Nightfall is no longer 
a strictly commercial enterprise. Rather than being a duchy bent 
solely on financial domination and military preparedness, it is now 
the keeper of the Old Ways. When pressed for what these Old Ways were, 
my source became typically tight-lipped, so that question will have to 
be left unanswered.


**>> LONG ENGAGEMENTS???

Fresh from the rumor mill, this Newsdroid has learned that Starstruck 
and Lorelei are still engaged to be married. Perhaps this may not seem 
like news to some of our casual readers, but in a Universe where 
engagements rarely last more than a month, and some less than a single 
day, this is extrordinary. As if this wasn't enough to confirm the 
obvious suspicions, there are whispers that the happy couple are 
'saving themselves for marriage.'

Given the absurdity of this notion, some high placed observers are 
questioning whether Starstruck and Lorelei ever intend to marry. It's 
not as though either of them haven't been seen in compromising 
positions at the Ritz, before Surfside became a ghost town. Although 
there are no confirmed sightings since their engagement, this is a 
clear case where no news (of a
marriage ceremony) is news.


**> WHAT A MOTHER WOULDN'T DO...

There's nothing a mother would not do for her own precious son! She 
will sacrifice everything to give him exactly what he needs in this 
life... and the next. To give up ones life is but a small token of how 
deeply rooted these feelings can be. And to the Gods be pleased!

This is exactly where Porcupine's thoughts have led her. Here, to the 
very brink of an altar. An altar!? "No sacrifice is too high," claimed 
the spiny rodent whilst gnawing on a bit of pineapple. She looked 
lovingly over at her son, in the grip of Menua, and approved of the 
knife he had selected for this occasion.

Menua, unfortunately, misunderstood and thought there was to be a 
mother/son sacrifice. Cowcupine immediately interjected, 'At least 
spare my mommy!' to which she amended, 'Yes, listen to the kid!' After 
undecipherable looks from the spiny one, Menua concluded that a 
sacrifice was not to take place after all. He went away muttering the 
unfairness of it all in one sentence, "I never get to have any fun."

Shortly after, Cowcupine (or little Cowpi) left in pursuit of calf-ish 
delights. Porcupine took this opportunity to follow Menua and approach 
him. Newsdroids were stunned to overhear this conversation:

Porcupine asks, 'Now see what you did?'

Menua exclaims, 'I DID NOT!!'

'You wasted a perfect opportunity!', exclaims Porcupine.

'its your Son ', says Menua.

'You could easily have sacrificed him!', exclaims Porcupine.

Menua says, 'I thought you liked it'

Menua smiles, 'next time will do it '

'Now, what greater a sacrifice could a mother give to appease DIS than 
her own son?' smiles Porcupine.

Menua looks at you and nods "very true ! how noble of you !"

'I know' says Porcupine.

Could this all be true? Or just the idle rambling of a deranged 
newsdroid incapable of gathering the truth? Nah!


**>> WHAT AN OVER-BITE!

While the three attendees are known to attend, there is a strong rumor 
that the trio now greatly prefer the darkness and have a sudden 
aversion to the light of day. So let the party of the third part be 
known as the third party. And what a party it was! 

During the commencement of the party, Detrim was overheard to have 
asked the waitress - a known crawler of the night - if she was 
interested in creating little creatures of the night. The bartender, 
her husband-droid, took offense at the offering and promptly began 
shattering bottles against the wall where Detrim was standing. In 
defense of his friend Squire Tofer stepped in and disassembled the 
bartender. Tofer was unhappy with this happening as it took him away 
from the pleasure of the night he was experiencing. It seems as though 
Squire Tofer, better known as the Lord of the Night, was busy creating 
his very own Queen of Darkness.

When the festivities ended, mass destruction had ensued and the Bar 
needed extensive repair. As the party waned, 2 hours later, and many 
spiked necks later, Tofer and Detrim broke out the bulldozers and 
leveled the place to be rebuilt.

"So now, the Mighty Tofer waits nightly for his newest, tasty victims 
to appear and for the festivities to begin." says Detrim. Briefcase 
also succumbed to the mysterious goings on taking place on the Lord of 
the Night's planet. Chance due to his Sainthood resisted the charms of 
the inhabitants.
 
In a side bar to the story, the imperial health inspectors pulled a 
surprise inspection of the Canyon Cafe, this coming after reports of 
strange tasting meat used in their salads, pizza, and london broils. 
Anyone having seen the said inspectors please contact the imperial 
health inspector's office as they have been missing since leaving on 
the inspection tour.

Squire Tofer has now announced a sudden over stock of supplies and 
announces a two for one sale on all meat dishes.


**>> BRAVERY OR FOOLISHNESS?

Last week Kainaw held an "Open House" on his planet. He conducted a 
tour of his death trap for a multitude of... well a bunch of... 
perhaps a few of... OK, a couple? 

Kainaw was allowed to give a guided tour to Bryan last week when he 
held his "Open House" on Tisnar!!

When asked how it went, Kainaw smiled and said, 'Bryan was the only 
one to brave the Tisnar Open House. He DID die once, but he didn't go 
d-d.'


**>> "I LIVE TO SERVE!"

Every once in a while a Trader so valiant, so willing, so dutiful, and 
so brave comes along that he or she astonishes the Universe with the 
lengths to which he or she will go to impress a Rich Person.

This Newsdroid gives you Trader Bryan as Fed's most recent example of 
such a poor person: Plying the space lanes of the Duchy of Epini, 
Bryan rises each day with a cheerful greeting and an offer of his 
trusty ship for hauling dry goods for any Epini planet needing them.

Last Saturday, he caught the eye of none other than Duke Budwarp 
himself, Father of the old Trader's Guild, Patron of Trader Friendly 
Planets, Benefactor of Young Upwardly Mobile Merchants (known on 
Stonehenge as YUMMIES).

When Bryan made his usual offer to haul for Epini planet owners, the 
Duke made it known that the supply of Epini rum was needed on his 
subject planets. Dutifully, Bryan flew to Epini to aquire the casks of 
rum, only to discover that the exchange was deserted and overgrown 
with weeds.

Undaunted, Trader Bryan queried Duke Budwarp and his Duchesse, 
Baroness Dierdre, as to where he could pick up the rum. The Duke 
deferred to the Duchesse, who informed Bryan that the sugar cane crop 
had to be harvested first. Bryan eagerly replied that he would be glad 
to do it and asked directions to the Duke's cane fields, at which 
point, the Duchesse directed him far South of the Epini Ducal Palace 
where the Duke's cane fields stretched for miles in every direction.

Sweating profusely in the sweltering tropical sun, Bryan hacked and 
slashed and cut his way through the shoulder-high stalks, with an 
occasional inquiry to Dierdre as to whether he had enough yet. Once 
he'd made a pile of 5000 tons, the Duchesse told him he had a 
sufficient amount.

Then Bryan discovered that he had a problem. How to get all that cane 
back to town and convert it to rum so he could complete his mission? 
No matter what he did, he couldn't manage to pick all of the stalks 
up, and they all just lay there rotting in the field. 

The Duchesse finally rescued the hapless trader by telling him she was 
still waiting on the woods he had promised her and that he wouldn't 
have to cut them down or haul them into the exchange. Taking his 
caning with good humour, Bryan proceeded to haul the much less labour 
intensive woods for good profit.


**>> SPYNET REVIEW

Alas, poor Adventurer Chester - he died on Tisnar, the deadliest 
planet in the Galaxy. And alas poor JP Ghost who snuffed it, 
apparently by his own hand. RIP!

Congratulations to everyone who promoted during the last week. The new 
Captains were Athena, Ceasar and the attractively named Snifferdroid.

Athena became an Adventureuse.

Cowcupine (the cute little spiny quadruped) also reached Adventurer, 
then became a Trader and a Merchant. Talk about scrabbling up the 
ranks with all four hooves!


**>> CONTACTS

The following information will appear at the end of every News 
Bulletin, so you don't have to read it if you already know it.

The current Federation Game Hosts are: Freya, Porcupine, Grannie, 
Sparky, Zzzax, Geezer, Magneto, Syfari and Goblin. Their function is 
to answer questions, help new players get started, and make fun things 
happen.

In the event of a problem or question, you can:

* talk to Hazed or one of the Game Hosts in the game

* <SEND> a message to Hazed

* send mail on your host system to the Federation team:
  on GEnie, mail FEDII.2 or use the option on the main Fed page
  on Delphi, mail FED2 or use the option on the main Fed page
  on Cris, mail FEDERATION2

You can buy a copy of the very excellent Idiot's Guide to Federation 
for the paltry sum of $15.95. On GEnie, type ORDER from any main menu 
page.

**>> BULLETIN ENDS