**>> SPYNET BULLETIN **>> EARTHDATE 95.12.10 **>> AN H-by-A SERVICE **>> Compiled by Hazed plus a team of specialist newsdroids **>> your news and gossip and get paid good groats! **>> THE NEXT NEW STUFF... The TechDroid is busy working on underlying development staff in the aftermath of the new build code. Once that's completed, he'll be back to coding new stuff, and the first thing you can expect to see is the requirement for Explorers to build a link before they can bring new planets online. We'll bring you details in next weeks news about how this will work. **>> ADVANCED WARNING FOR GENIE USERS GEnie has posted the following information about a planned maintenance outage, which we are repeating here in case you have missed seeing the log-on banner: GEnie Engineering Warns of Scheduled Maintenance The GEnie system will be taken offline for maintenance and enhancements from approximately 3:00AM EST until 6:00PM EST on Saturday, December 16. GEnie currently operates on host computers located in several geographically dispersed facilities. Recent system enhancements now make certain high speed local area network-based interprocessor communcations available which can speed up switching between areas on GEnie. To take full advantage of these improved capabilities, however, the processors must be located in the same facility. We are, therefore, taking GEnie offline on Saturday the 16th to colocate our processing facilities in one geographical location. When the system is returned to service, we'll be able to utilize state-of- the-art interprocessor functions previously unavailable. Thank you for your patience while we make further improvements to the quality of our services. Please accept our deepest regrets for any inconvenience our system maintenance may cause. A Word About System Messages If you are online with GEnie when the system is taken offline, your session will be interrupted with a message stating "THAT SYSTEM HAS BEEN SHUT DOWN". This does not mean it has been shut down forever ... just for the length of scheduled maintenance. If you try to logon after the system is taken offline, you will receive the message "THAT SYSTEM IS UNAVAILABLE". Again, this is a status message and not an indication of any long-term condition. In either case, hang up your phone or type "BYE" and press when the "REENTER U#" prompt is presented. You can reenter your userid and password, but as long as the system is in maintenance mode, you will not be able to access your account. **>> BE A CHAMPION FIGHTER TONIGHT We all know that Fed is not a violent game. It's not about fighting, it's about trading. But sometimes, it does the soul good just to have a blast! Tonight is your chance to show off your fighting prowess and display the might of your powerful twin lasers in a fighting championship in Arena Space. If you've never fired a mag gun or a laser, come along and pick up some tips from the masters and mistresses of space warfare; if you think you've got what it takes to show the old hands a thing or two, issue a challenge and show us what you're made of! Join us tonight at 9.00pm eastern. **>> LEARN ABOUT ROLE-PLAYING Role-playing, in its most basic sense, means creating a character for yourself and acting as that character would act. In many games, this means making complex choices such as race or religion that restrict you throughout the life of the game. But in Fed, it's much simpler - you just decide who or what you want to be, and do it! A quick change of clothes, set your mood to something suitable, and change the way you act and talk to people - and you're a hardened space trucker, or an interstellar cowboy, or even a green tentacled alien from the planet Zog - whatever you want to be. Our school this month aims to show you how to set up a consistent and believable character by inventing a background for yourself. You can learn how to have the most fun by staying in character and drawing other people into your scenes. The Role-playing school is at 9.00pm eastern on Sunday December 17th. Assemble in Chez Diesel for the start of the school, then follow our experts around as they lead you through role-playing scenes all over the Galaxy. **>> SOMETHING BUGGY AROUND HERE Recently denizens of the galaxy have been plagued by all manner of insects: Waterbug, Centipede, Millipede, Grasshopper, and Caterpillar. Amongst these bugs, grubs, and slugs, the worse yet was one that struck horror into the morality of the spacelanes. One so vile that sentients have quivered at its name for centuries untold. This could only be the insect Cockroach. Cockroach, scurrying under table and propriety, has infested Federation with his infectious claims. What does this revolting creature want? None other than Lorelei, the flaxen-haired lady of Instill's heart. (This must all be some plot to get Lorelei into the News once again. - Ed.) Not only does he want to claim her for his own, he also insists that she was already once his! When NewsDruids inquired Lorelei about this, her response was, "Eww! Never!", before elevating herself on the tallest piece of kitchen furniture. It s known that once infested with Cockroach, societies have found it impossible to exterminate the pest by ordinary means. This has not hindered the heated attempts by Fed's most valiant fighters to rid the galaxy of this filth. Despite Cockroach's many deaths (all suicides), Fed has not been able to successfully get rid of him. He keeps coming back! The problem has been isolated to Earth, but this doesn't stop the roach bugging the COMMs. Is this just an isolated event? Will the little bugger go away and find another galaxy to infest? NewsDruids will follow this and report any change in this plague. For the time being, no articles, packages, bags, or food items will be permitted to leave Earth to ensure this epidemic does not reach Interstellar proportions. **>> FAREWELL, FAIR LADY The tragedy has saddened many folk, bringing wails of lament drifting through the space ether. Ceinwen, Thane of Forest, has taken her life, her planet, and her charm forever from Federation with two revolting slashes of an army knife. Ceinwen will be sorely missed and everyone wishes her luck in her next life. Should she have one! **>> EMBARGO THREATS! LCP has pulled off yet another stunt! The leader, undisputedly named as Budwarp by sources, and his colleagues declared an embargo on the duchy of Chaos! This embargo lasted for all of ten minutes, leaving NewsDruids to wonder just why it was even issued! Sure, Chaos duchy members will see that their duchy has been slighted by examining the posted Spynet Review, but do reviews speak louder than action? As of yet, there has been no consequences to this feeble attempt to threaten Chaos. NewsDruids can only assume that LCP has indicated Chaos to be the sole cause of unproved "dumping" tactics. Until LCP proves to our NewsDruids that Chaos is indeed guilty, we at H-by-A will mark this as yet -another- terroristic attack by the League. Posted on the bar boards were the warning words that should anyone harbor the pirate Daphne, LCP will take immediate (but for how long?) actions against the duchy! Daphne has insisted keeping her affairs private, as well as the affairs of the Trader's Coalition. NewsDruids surround her planet pleading for interviews, a few sorted words, or possibly a photograph of this alleged one-person terror who so threatens planets unlimited! We are certain the events of this weeks events will carry on into next week, so stay posted for more details! **>> BATTALION OF DRAGOONS! Any and all information regarding the mysterious Dragoons will be rewarded! As of now, it is believed that the Dragoons is an affiliated group under the wing of Budwarp's LCP set to destroy the ploys of Daphne. It was once believed that Admiral, alleged leader of the Dragoons, worked for Daphne. In his attempt to takeover Musica, he successfully implicated her in masterminding the devious plot. Later he apologized, but the initial feelings lingered. This has serious implications if the Dragoons are headed by Budwarp. Certainly Brandy, PR of the LCP, could have devised the plan to attack one of LCP's own planets just so Daphne looks bad in the public eye. No matter how sweet and innocent (and lovely) Brandy appears! NewsDruids have witnessed a few of the Dragoons ploys. If Menua isn't successful in sacrificing poor GroundHogs, Admiral is adept at collecting them! He has been seen handing over vast amount of groats to new arrivals with "no" terms for repaying. However, he immediately issues funds for them to purchase a ship from Epini! Now, as this groat-giving is claimed to be unconditional, NewsDruids suspect this to be inaccurate. The druids are now investigating the sudden demand for legal contracts in the LCP duchies. Traders be wary! **>> RUMOURS, SCANDALS, AND LIES Upon the recent return of Flick, Federation has seen an explosion of unseemly affairs! It is no surprise to NewsDruids assigned to follow this man's flamboyant leisures that they have found him soliciting the affections of such monumentous ladies such as Dierdre, Daphne, and none other than Diesel herself! Druids can only surmise that Flick has been trying to endear himself with any Fed lady with the name beginning with the letter D! Fastjack is another one that returned after a long, long absence! It is rumoured that Fastjack had only slipped out for a few hours to grope his lady Kathy, and forgot to return! The whereabouts of Kathy are, as of yet, undetermined, but it is said he is keeping her in some secluded lodgings off the western spiral of Andromeda. Did he tell her that he was just slipping out for a few hours? And would this indicate that he will, again, forget to go back?! These answers can not be answered until NewsDruids are successful in hunting down Kathy. Jordan, reputed lady-killer (for unknown reasons) hasn't done anything worthy of mention in this section of the News. We proceed to the next bit. Mightyman, Federation's new stud, has been seen lingering in CD's trying to seduce Porcupine! He was seen issuing her a long, passionate kiss that left her weak in the knees! Immediately after performing this action, he did it again, leaving her to decide if she liked it or not. NewDruids did record their promises to meet at a later time! Just what are these two up to?! And how will this affect his promotions? NewsDruids are fearful to follow this affair, but what's a few more scraps to the overflowing electronic pieces covering the new planetfill of Castillo? Rhiannon, Federation's newest sensual being, has posted that she is actively seeking a male counterpart. Or would it be that she is searching for more than one man? As of now, nothing has been reported that she has been successful with her search. Men, step it up a bit! This is certainly a chance of a lifetime! **>> SPECIAL NEWS ANNOUNCEMENT! H-by-A has been successfully infiltrated by the ingenious PO Menua! Any mention of NewsDruids, instead of the customary NewsDruids, has been from Menua's clever designs to subvert those at H-by-A and plant his druids in every corner of Federation! Not only does Menua seem to have religious aspirations, but he is extending his arm to the media and politics! His attempts to completely take-over H-by-A has been thwarted (We hope! - Ed.) and this problem should be corrected by next week. Sentients and others are warned to be aware of his attempts and to watch their step carefully should they find themselves at the Altar on Stonehenge. Menua, it seems, has been successful in converting Porcupine to his will. They have been seen trying to persuade Mightyman to the Altar in order to sacrifice him to the Tree Oaks of Wisdom. When asked about this, character witnesses immediately came to the aid of Porcupine saying she would NEVER kill someone, let alone sacrifice them! She immediately stated, 'Oh no, Menua would take care of that aspect.' **>> PLANS FOR TELEPORTATION It was stated in a previous issue that Apocalypse was to be awarded a teleporter for his valiant actions. Calls for funding have been made and Budwarp stepped up and said that he would supply all the groats that building a teleporter for Apocalypse would take. Thanks for your support, Budwarp! **>> AND YET ANOTHER GUILD! The setting: Chez Diesel's (the SC of the SS) the smoke-filled, the loud, and the home of the good luncheon deals. The time: Just another night swilling Old Peculiars between trading commitments. The mood: Thick, as a skull of a Newbod, with plots, scams, and dirty underdealings. The people involved: Amberli, Flacon (said to be Hallo), and the newly arrived Detros. The stage curtains open on Flacon proposing a deal to Amberli, "Would you like to join the ranks of the merchant guild?" Amberli appears to not understand the question asked, so Flacon repeats it. Now, if Flacon had done his homework, he would have seen that Amberli was indeed a Merchant Class already. Flacon immediately clarifies, 'no not that way it is a organization for traders.' 'And what is this guild that has sprang up in the last hour since i was here last', replied. And newsdroids immediately flipped the switch on RECORD. It appears that there is yet another organization squeezing its way in between the fists of the LCP and Chaosian Cohorts. This organization has apparently been around for some time and has not received its full recognition since Flacon has not been around to promote it. Flacon then when on to state that this "merchants guild" is set up to stop the LCP! "Count me in. As long as no one else knows about it.', was the fascinating response of none other than Drspock!! Amberli felt it necessary, at this time, to state that he should not hear this. Does this mean that Amberli has covertly aligned himself with the LCP? He does state at this meeting that he is thoroughly neutral and this, too, shall pass; but if Drspock is capitulating to this urgent call to arms, wouldn't that be just the thing Amberli does NOT want to hear because it puts him between friendship and loyalty? Amberli was also confused as to what purpose this guild would serve and asked, 'You and Daphne's group going to embargo Epini?' Newsdroids picked up Amberli's prompt interjection defending Epini. Flacon did answer to what purpose it would serve. He states, 'No we take ransom on planets or threaten entire custom fleets.' Amberli would have none of this, and dutifully stated so. Not backing down from his resolve, Amberli pushed the captain on important issues, such as: His current rank and how he even has the slightest clue about what has been going on, who he really is, and how he'll manage extorting money in terrorizing fleets and shooting down other merchants. Flacon demanded that he was a person of respect, a person once named Hallo, and a person fully capable of hurting the LCP at its heart. He also claimed that there would be a profit made. Still Amberli was not convinced. It was plain on his face that he could not figure out how there would be a profit in such destruction. For not only is this guild a merchant guild, but a mercenary guild as well! Already rewards have been set, privately, as high as a meg. Newsdroids gather that this is now a minimum amount! This all too much resembles the LCP and its humble beginnings. Flacon stated that anyone not aligned with this guild will not be found as a friend; consequently, a target. The statement of Flacon's, 'But you are in the middle we only recognize the members as friends.' brought about this priceless response from the up until now quiet Detros, 'funnily enough that was what Stalin said more or less!' Amberli took this as a threat and slapped Flacon with the proverbial leather glove. Flacon smiled quietly and retreated to the bar. Detros exclaims, 'now peace reigns once more I'll get some drinks in!' He promptly bought drinks for all. Curtain closes, fade to black. **>> A CHANCE FOR INTERROGATION! With the recent export of Newsdroids to the landfill == PLANETfill(!) of Castillo, the new droids do not seem immune to this genocide! We sent out one Newsdroid to cover the interview of Chaosian Duchal leader, Chance. Regretfully the droid was not let off Castillo after wandering there until proven H-by-A members were sent to scavenge the droid. Because the droid received several severe bashings from attendants, a few roles of footage were lost. Subsequently, the droid never made it off Castillo; however, the salvaged reels were. The interview picks up about half way through: Q: Surely you can not be blind to the things going on around you! Chance: 'The 'embargo' went down faster than it went up, Chaos ain't headin' up no dumpin' raids at all.... Ain't my fault if them Planet Owners are gettin' outsmarted by a couple traders, eh', says Chance. 'In fact, if Bud asked, I'd be more than happy to instruct his planet owners more adequately' [Drspock raises an eyebrow.] Q: (to Drspock) Care to comment on that?' [No commit] Q: Chance, how do you see Chaos's future? A: 'Well....I'm kinda in the process of rebuildin. Several of my Planet Owners have gone on to greener pastures for one reason or another.' [Would that be the greener pastures of the groat taxing LCP?] A: 'And I'm lookin' fer more. But just not any loser will do, eh. Gotta have some smarts, independent thought and all that, eh. If they wanna be coddled and treated like kids, well, there's other Duchies around.' Q: Have you ever thought of an alliance with a more...visual... duke/duchess, such as Aja? A: 'Things are in the works. Aja and I have always been on good terms, by the way. She's a smart babe who knows what's what.' Q: Are you looking to be with the most irresistible and delicious Brandy? A: 'Dunno, rarely see the kid. But ain't she with Bud in the KLM?' Q: Was KLM intentional? A: 'Must get a lotta exercise jumpin' to conclusions, must be how ya keep yer bod in such great shape. I can never keep 'em initials straight... Whatever the FOD'd problems are, ain't got nuthin' ta do with me or my Duchy.' Q: Chance, when is the last time you got laid? A: 'Well... when I attempt to get a response to see if someone would 'do it' or come back to my planet, I think it was somewhere between 'None of your business' and 'Take a hike'...' Chance also added in these comments on his own: 'If things go right, there's gonna be a big surprise for everyone who knows, or thinks they know me. Nobody speaks for Chaos but me. I have no 'representatives' who I've given permission to speak in my place. 'Cept for Cabal, but that's different' Chance has admitted that he supports the Trader's Coalition and will openly help anyone else. He has also mentioned that he has taken no active steps towards solving the dispute between Chaos and the LCP planets. Could this newly found 'merchants guild' that Falcon is speaking for be the first actual steps against the LCP? Or is Flacon's efforts yet another ploy by LCP to make Chaos look bad, as in the case with Admiral? **>> OLD ROMANCES NEVER DIE... Instill, the man who holds Lorelei's fragile heart, has clenched his fist on the very lifeblood of the poor woman! Drained and pale, Lorelei was seen to stomp into CD's, demanded, 'How dare you?!' and stomped off. Poor Kainaw, feeling guilty as ever, asked, 'What did I do now?' But it was Instill that dared! He, who has laid promises at the flaxen-haired maiden, who has promised undying love, and who has loved before, has admitted that he is still in love with Hannah. Hannah was Instill's love prior to Lorelei, but regretfully Hannah passed away. But Instill's affection has not fade away, it seems that it has just turned to pain. Pain is exactly what Lorelei felt when she discovered Instill at Hannah's grave, pouring his soul out about how his love has not changed. It is clear that Instill has felt nothing for poor Lorelei, yet used her to fill some morbid emptiness inside of his soul. When Porcupine, after chomping on an exceptionally excellent piece of bark, asked, 'Well, what's Instill doing?' Satriani replied, 'Pining.' Porcupine looked bemused and asked a follow-up question, 'What, pining for the fjords?' Rumours are buzzing around the galaxy. There are those that speculate Instill will take his own life to be with his one true love. There are also those who think Instill will just visit the grave nightly. And then there is the one that wonders if Instill will still dig Hannah. Lorelei does not seem to be sticking around for the answer to the galaxy's questions, but H-by-A Harlequin RomanceDroids await with bated circuits! **>> TAKING OVER WORLDS! Fastjack has flipped! He has delved into that never-returning book of Megalomania! Delusions of Grandeur! Earth-shaking proportions! Earth-shaking? No! Fastjack isn't out to rattle a few continents. His plans were all laid out, everything would be perfect this time... until his mother called and told him to clean up his spaceship. Our would be villain slinks off muttering, 'darn, and I was planning to destroy Earth later tonight.' **>> NEOS... A NEW FORM OF TERRORIST OR SIMPLE SETTLERS ON CHAOS? After the recent air war and aborted military takeover of Musica by Admiral, questions have begun to fly through Federation dataspace; just what IS this Trader's Coalition and just exactly WHO is really behind it all. While Benson was publically praising his minister of defense and his duke for aid in defending Musica, Dierdre, Duchess Consort of Duke Budwarp, was making some rather pointed comments about the recently returned Senator Nightstalker sponsoring neoterrorist training camps on Chaos. While Senator Nightstalker could still not be reached for comment (but our relentless newsdroid teams are still persuing him), our sources did manage to catch Duke Chance as he was busily teleporting from one site to another. When asked if he had any comment to make on rumored neo-terrorism camps on Chaos, the duke responded, 'What the *expletive deleted* is neo-terrorism? I've never terrorized a Neo in my life; in fact, Neos are very highly regarded on Chaos.' Duke Chance then teleported to an undisclosed location. **>> SENATOR CAUGHT...ER...INTERVIEWED AT LAST Asst Newsdroid: Senator Nightstalker, you have been accused of sponsoring terrorist activities against the planets of Epini. Do you have any reply to these accusations? Senator Nightstalker: These charges are ridiculous, scarely worthy of a reply; I have never supported terrorism. Next, I suppose that Dierdre will be telling everyone that it's Rai (one of my most loyal vassel's) at work. Asst Newsdroid: Then your visit to Chaos was? Senator Nightstalker: Chaos has a thriving economy, and I've been known to consult with various economic agents within Chaos. I have always supported free enterprise. Asst Newsdroid: And these ecomonic agents practicing free enterprise would be? Senator Nightstalker: In most cases, planet owners within the duchy of Chaos, but I have followers everywhere and, of course, the occasional trader and merchant. Asst Newsdroid: Followers, Senator? Could you state your philosophy?. Senator Nightstalker: Its not so much as a philosophy so much as a recognition that the groat is almighty. Asst Newsdroid: And how does Dumping fit into your philosophy, Senator? Senator Nighstalker: I've always supported Dumping, both as a planet owner, and a Duke. Dumping is a misnomer. Rather than an act of terrorism, it actually refers to the practice of mismanaging a planet economy so that your enemies can actually see at a glance where your shortages are and aren't. Asst Newsdroid: Is there any truth to the rumor that Daphne, one of the leaders of the Trader's Coalition, is one of your followers and was present at the secret meeting on Chaos? Senator Nighstalker: I'm sorry, but I can't mention any names. If I start naming names, it would make it easier for the enemies of Chaos to figure out exactly who was and who wasn't there. And I'm afraid that there are parts of the meeting that are too sensitive for public comment. Asst Newsdroid: Can you give our readers *any* idea of what was discussed? Senator Nighstalker: It's hardly news, I should think. We merely discussed ways of increasing the number of groats held by Chaos. Asst Newsdroid: I see. Do you deny that there is a neo-terrorism training camp on Chaos, and that not only have you visited it, but also that you sponsored it? Senator Nightstalker glanced away from the Asst Newsdroid to the Newsdroid Producer, saying 'I thought that we had an agreement.' The Newsdroid Producer decided that this was a good time for a fuel break. Asst Newsdroid: Have you visited terrorist training camps on Chaos? Senator Nightstalker: To that I can unequivacably state, no. Asst Newsdroid: Have you sponsored any Neo training camps on Chaos? Senator Nightstalker: We will have to conclude this interview later. An urgent matter requiring my personal attention has just been brought to my attention. With that Senator Nighstalker also teleported to any unknown location. More details as they become available to our intrepid newsdroid staff. **>> UNFEASIBLY LARGE LUMPS A poor planet-owner, who we shan't name because we're much too kind for that, ran into difficulties when he (well it could be a she or an it but for the sake of brevity we will say "he") combined multiple bays of lubs into an enormous quantity, in excess of 1000 tons, and then found he couldn't move it. Not only that, but when he tried to load it into his ship those thieving stevedores stole the lot! Poor Mr. X. obviously hadn't been thinking about what he intended to do with the lubs at the time of combination, since there is no way to split a lump apart again. Planet owners, be warned - think before you ADD! **>> PLANET NEWS Just what is going on on Tisnar, Kainaw's planet? There have been numerous deaths there recently... including the d-d of poor Pooh. Attempts to interview the owner to find out just why his planet has become so deadly have been unsuccessful; but our investigators have talked to scientists, who tell us that the planet has fallen into a black hole and is now very dangerous. Prospective visitors should obviously check their insurance first! We seem to have got rather behind in reporting on and reviewing new planets linked into the game. If we've missed your planet, and it's ready to be reviewed, drop some sendmail to Hazed and she will despatch a reviewdroid to take a look. **>> SPYNET REVIEW Alas poor... it's been a week of d-ds, with Baron Dirge, Thane Ceinwen and Merchant Big snuffing it. RIP, folx. Congrats to everyone who promoted during the week. The new Captains were Cockroach, Rhiannon, Fastjack, Rdget, Arwen, Rodney, Detros, Nocturne, Bones, Tranish, Tohre, Tarazed, Big and Kord. Fastjack, Arwen, Rhiannon, Detros and Rdget made it to Adventurer or Adventureuse. The Traders Guild admitted Arwen and Fastjack to its ranks. Fastjack, really zooming through the ranks, was promoted to Merchant. Sting and Oxcart proved their economic prowess and reached JP. Greybeard advanced his planet to mining level and became Thane of Atlantis. **>> CONTACTS The following information will appear at the end of every News Bulletin, so you don't have to read it if you already know it. The current Federation Game Hosts are: Freya, Porcupine, Lyrynna, Grannie, Sparky, Zzzax, Geezer, Magneto, Syfari and Goblin. Their function is to answer questions, help new players get started, and make fun things happen. In the event of a problem or question, you can: * talk to Hazed or one of the Game Hosts in the game * a message to Hazed * send mail on your host system to the Federation team: on GEnie, mail FEDII.2 or use the option on the main Fed page on Delphi, mail FED2 or use the option on the main Fed page on Cris, mail FEDERATION2 You can buy a copy of the very excellent Idiot's Guide to Federation for the paltry sum of $15.95. On GEnie, type ORDER from any main menu page. On Delphi and Cris, send a check for $15.95 to: Leah Parker, 4543 La Crescenta Avenue, La Crescenta, CA 91214-2912. **>> BULLETIN ENDS