**>> SPYNET BULLETIN **>> EARTHDATE 95.09.10 **>> AN H-by-A SERVICE **>> Compiled by Hazed plus a team of specialist newsdroids **>> your news and gossip and get paid good groats! **>> WHAT'S NEW, PUSSYCAT? That's a very good question! There have been a number of behind-the- scenes changes and bug-fixes that you won't really notice, but there's also been some things you will spot. **>> EXPLORER REQUIREMENTS The requirements for the rank of Explorer are now in the game. You need to raise your stats so your dex, strength and stam are 90, and your int is 75. You also need to have shipped out 40,000 tons of goods by giving jobs to Poor People. The tons are only credited if the hauler is below Trader, and if the goods are delivered; jobs that get voided don't count. At the moment, the promotion to Explorer doesn't do anything much. There's a new set of code to be written, to allow Explorers to purchase planets from the Planet Shop. This will be in the game sometime the week after next. Meanwhile, Explorers can spend time designing your planet on paper, honing it to perfection! **>> GM PUZZLE BACK IN ACTION The GM puzzle is now available for those who wish to try their hand at it. Existing JPs should check the display to see where they have to start with the puzzle - if you got to JP by solving the old JP puzzle then you will need to go and get your assignment from the usual place. JPs who have embarked on the fiendish GM puzzle will find themselves immune to the nosiness of their elders and betters. No-one can spy them until they have completed the puzzle and been promoted to GM. **>> THE AMAZING DISAPPEARING, REAPPEARING, DISAPPEARING WAREHOUSES! There's been some confusion during the week about planet-owners' warehouses, and the muddle led to the game crashing several times as bewildered people tried to sell or buy warehouses that weren't for sale, or couldn't be sold! Under the new scheme, planet-owners only have one warehouse, which is on their own planet. By tunnelling into the centre of their world, these warehouses become much, much larger than normal warehouses... each bay can hold up to a million tons! The command will combine lumps accordingly. Because this warehouse is actually part of the planet, it's impossible to sell it. New planet-owners will have all their warehouses taken away at the same time as they lose their companies and factories. Planet-owners can't buy warehouses anywhere else. Sorry about the confusion, and the lack of warning that the warehouses were going away! Anyone who wants to claim compensation for their lost property should drop some sendmail to Hazed. **>> WORKBENCH CHANGES The Techdroid has removed all mention from the Explorers' Workbench of KILL events, which do not exist, have never existed, and probably never will exist! Objects and mobiles that do not have any text in their description will be automatically be given something bland as a default. Eventually, the workbench checker will not allow any descriptions to be left blank. **>> EMPLOYMENT STATISTICS A new entry on the planet display you get when you type shows you the percentage of the workthings on the planet that are in employment. This should make it easier to see if there's enough labor for your factories to run! Planet-owners won't find this anything new, of course - they've long been able to see this information for their own planet. But now anyone can get the statistics for any planet. **>> LARGER LUMPS The command now lets you combine lumps of goods up to a total of 300 tons. This means you can pack far more into a warehouse! You can still only add 5 lumps at a time, though. **>> BUGS FIXED There was a bug which meant the command you use when offering jobs to Poor People that you wanted to end up in your warehouse didn't always work. It turned out the problem was that the word "warehouse" in this hideously complex command was case-sensitive, and would only work if typed in lower case. This has now been fixed, and you can type it in lower case, upper case or a strange combination of the two. waRehouse. WaReHoUsE. WAREHousE. You get the idea... Those who make a habit of sitting at the Interstellar Link watching the passing traffic jumping in and out of hyperspace had been noticing their scanners malfunctioning and reporting ship types wrongly - the same ship would be reported variously as a harrior, a dragon, or a mammoth in the space of a few minutes! This has been fixed. **>> IMMINENT CHANGES This is your LAST WARNING to make sure your locations have a way out other than by typing . Later this week, the Techdroid will put in a new version in which this command will no longer be a valid direction on the ground, but will remind you what planet you are on. You do not have to remove all planet directions from your files, eventually we will get the game to delete them all automatically. Remember that you may also have to change the text of the description to show the change in exits. Until we do remove all the directions, the workbench checker will complain bitterly if you do have any directions in ground locations. It won't stop the planet from loading into the game... but because it checks locations first, it won't go on to check objects or events, so if you do have any problems in those files, the checker won't tell you about them. The Techdroid is working on the mechanism that loads planets in and out of the game, and he'll be putting this in later this week. Planets will no longer be dependant on a reset to load in or spin out - instead, they will go in and out dynamically, as requested by the owner. To take your planet offline, type . Actually, the planet won't leave the game as such, but it will become "closed for business" so nobody will be able to get to it, either through hyperspace or by teleporting. To bring it back, type and it will become accessible again. This change means that you will be able to make changes to your planet and have them take almost immediate effect! **>> TELEPORTERS, BEWARE! When this version goes in, the Techdroid will go through all the planet files and change the numbering. Every location on planets outside Sol will be moved up 8 numbers higher, so the systems will all start at 9 instead of 1. We will make sure a warning notice goes up which you will see at login, to try to prevent teleporter accidents! When this change is made, everyone who is outside Sol will be moved back into Sol, to the Meeting Point on Earth. A side-effect of the change means that the option in the workbench to let you delete your files has been temporarily disabled. **>> DUKE PUZZLE NOT AVAILABLE We completely forgot to warn you all that the Duke puzzle is not currently available. Poor Baron Scrooge was most put out to find that when he did the puzzle last week, he didn't get his promotion! Sorry about that oversight. The reason the puzzle isn't available right now is because there's some coding that needs doing to make sure that new Dukes get to keep their planets. This ties in with the changes needed to take away all the economic functions of capital planets, and to provide Dukes a way of getting their requirements through tithing. These changes will not be made immediately. Before Dukes see anything new, the Techdroid is going to make the changes to the build system that were mentioned in previous news bulletins. **>> FIGHTING CHAMPIONSHIP TONIGHT This evening, join the diminutive imp Syfari and Friends for Fed's Fighting Championships. Even if you've no more experience in fighting other than arm-wrestling Godot, don't let that deter you. Tonight's program will begin with a discussion of fighting techniques of the masters and how Fed's recent changes has modified those strategies. That will be followed by a live battle. Come hone your skills against Fed's hottest warriors and learn their secrets! Tonight at 7:30 EDT (time approx) Location to be announced via Barboard. (Syfarese-to-English dictionaries available on site.) **>> HOW TO SOLVE PUZZLES There are lots of puzzles to be solved in Fed. Some are simple puzzles with small rewards, some have to be solved to achieve promotion, and then there's the puzzles that players write themselves on their planets, which often pay big bonuses to the successful solver. If you would like to have a go at solving some of Fed's puzzles, but don't know where to start, come to our next Fed Training School, which is all about how to solve puzzles. It won't tell you the answers to any puzzles... but it will give you some useful tecniques to use to work things out for yourself. The Puzzles school is at 9.00pm eastern on Sunday September 17th. Assemble in Chez Diesel for the start of the school, then follow our experts around as they teach you all you need to know. **>> AN INVITATION The Honour of Your Presence is Requested at the Celebration of the First Anniversary of Budwarp and Dierdre, Sunday, September 17, 1995, at 9PM Eastern, upstairs at the Admiral Bimbo Inn, Cove, Duchy of Epini Dress will be formal; bar, buffet, & dance floor provided. **>> STAND UP! "I have a problem. I wonder about my body..." So began a conversation overheard by this newsdroid in one of Fed's planetary bars the other evening. The following is a continuation of the discussion. Unspecified Duchesse says, "Pull up a chair." "Deposit 5 cents please," adds Baron Haywagon. Whereupon, the worried Adventurer Ashley (named changed to protect the innocent) revealed her body, now at a new 65-44-52 full-figure. "My but that IS a problem," comments Haywagon. "Ashley, you're huge!" exclaims Duchesse Unspecified. "My chemistry is messed up. Any time I get worked up, they swell," elaborates Adventureuse Ashley. "Looks like the rest of you swells as well," leers Haywagon. When nothing conclusive was revealed on further eavesdrop... er, on-the- spot converge, Duchesse Unspecified hugged Adventureusse Ashley very carefully and that young lady took herself off to contemplate possible solutions. Now, one might suppose that was the proverbial end of the episode. But this reporter feels a more dire implication may be in the offing. We take you back, just over one short year ago, to the following newsbreak: UFO SIGHTING A number of curious reports from the FED populace all collaborate the sighting of a UFO last Sunday evening. The object or 'craft' per se has been described as resembling double elliptical dirigibles. When asked about the phenomena, one eye-witness commented 'I thought Fuji and Goodyear had the biggest blimps..." Until more information is uncovered regarding the bulbous mystery orbs, official sources have dubbed them 'Double-Trouble'. As we all know, the source of this late-breaking mystery story was later unveiled in a Holo mini-series (brought out following the popularity of the big screen hit 'Lorenzo's Oil') titled 'Talisan's Boobs'. Is it possible that this is only the beginning of a terrible viral invasion of Fed? Do Fed ladies have to worry about their chest suddenly making a break for it, tumbling out of their fashionable attire with seemingly a will of 'their' own? Is this a plague? Is Fed the new Hot Zone? Is it the water? And (heaven forbid!) what if Grannie gets it? Be on the lookout for any signs of bulging bosoms in your area and please report any incidents to Diesel at your earliest opportunity. **>> ON THE CUTTING EDGE... Rumor has it that Epini is implementing a new trading procedure within Duke Budwarp's populous duchy. When asked to elaborate on the process involved, the Duke revealed a startlingly daring plan. Epini planets are now going to mail in their trading! We're sure other duchies will be watching this innovative new plan of action with a calculating eye. **>> NEWSFLASH! Observant pilots cruising Sphinx Duchy-space might have recently noticed a strange shroud covering the entire planet of Citadel! Whispers spread as Fed denizens worried that Spuderoni had devoured the entire planet, and the strange cloak would fall away to reveal only the bare bones of the planet Citadel. But we have confirmation today on a much happier note! Spuderoni has NOT eaten Citadel! Nor is the planet the scene of a new Cristo installation. NO!... the cleaner has not run amok! Tellurani is redecorating! When asked what the revised impregnable fortress will look like, Rani secretly confided that she's borrowing Laura Ashley catalogs from Freya and Hazed. The demure Tellurani stated, "I plan to give it just that look that screams Freya and Hazed. (Or is that the look that makes Freya and Hazed scream?) Whichever, we're sure the newly furbished Citadel will be a standard by which new planet designers can gauge their expertise! Will the pudding pool now sport English sterling? Will the lunchbox be decked with dried flowers and ribbon and hung on the wall for a wreath? Will the stainless steel be adorned with tasteful borders? And, will Spudi be wearing nice little print dresses that look like glorified sacks? Only unveiling time will tell, readers... watch for the official Citadel House Tour, coming to your neighborhood soon! **>> APPLICANTS TAKE A NUMBER... Duke Chance has revealed that he is accepting applications for 'Emergency Backup Squeezes' from among Fed's ladies. His exact words when asked about these actions were, "I really have nothin' holdin' me back." Yes, it's verified. Chance is unleashed. When queried regarding his qualifications, he candidly stated that he's 'the best' and he can back that up. However, when it was pointed out that he had just stated there was nothing holding him 'back' and he had just said he could 'back' anything up, his response was, "Both and neither." At this point, bystander Rynait was heard to comment, "What are ya yakkin about?" To that Chance winked suggestively. One can only wonder why Chance was winking suggestively at Rynait. The only answer to this was tendered by another innocent bystander... Rchael shakes her head and mumbles something about MEN! and women being men and and... >Rchael gives up and sips her wine. And speaking of Rchael... **>> RCHAEL'S MULTIFARIOUS SECRET LOVE LIFE REVEALED! This just in! Evidence has proved that innocent-seeming Merchant Rchael has not only been romancing Squire Greybeard, but his Duke Chance, his cousin Redb and even Baron Oxcart (or course one can hardly be surprised in the case of Oxcart, but just how does he fit into Greybeard's family?) When Greybeard quizzed the young lady about these revelations, she was heard to comment, "Now GB calm down, you should know better than that." To which Oxcart retorted, "Give it up, RC. I've tried that excuse before." This was countered by Chance, adding, "Right... how could she have been with Redb when she was with me?" One would have expected Greybeard to be quite upset by these developments. However, he responded with a surprising equanimity, stating, "Hmmm. As Duke, you are entitled to so much, Chance." Just what does Duke Chance demand of his planet owners? Inquiring minds want to know! And what is Baron Oxcart doing with Rchael if he's planning to marring Duchesse Aja? When asked how the Duchesse would view his dalliance with Merchant Rchael, Oxcart began working on his story while Chance smiled at the Grim Reaper standing off to Oxcart's left. **>> GETTIN' HITCHED Speaking of weddings... "mmm, mmmmmmmmm.. um, when two people get marrrrr... ack," says Chance. Yes, we know no more on the question of whether Duchesse Aja and Baron Oxcart are actually planning to tie the knot (or whatever the appropriate phrase would be when speaking in terms of Oxcart). There ARE rumors of a planned trip, backward in time, to the fabled Horsell, and it would seem that this excursion is somehow linked to the ephemeral nuptials. Talk has it that it's even this evening! Perhaps. **>> NOTICE... ALL DUKES AND DUCHESSES... please send-mail ASAP to Grannie any information relating to bars and pubs on your respective capital planets. **>> OH NOOOOOO! IT'S SPREADING... This just in! Heard live over comms in our own Fed-space: Your comms unit crackles with a message from Occy, 'I try to be a breast of things' Your comms unit crackles with a message from Aja, 'You're a BREAST Occy???' Your comms unit crackles with a message from Alexander, 'You tit!' Your comms unit crackles with a message from Oxcart, 'Just one?' Your comms unit crackles with a message from Silas, 'Who's breasts? Hazed's?' Your comms unit crackles with a message from Occy, 'Only one at a time is all Ox.' And news of the epidemic spread, from one to another of Fed's populace, all nervously contemplating the horrifying possibilities. Mere hours later... 'She's got quite the rack,' says Chance. 'You certainly can milk that subject for all it's worth,' says Greybeard. 'At least her feet stay dry in the rain,' says Chance. 'Argh!' exclaims Rchael. Chance shivers. 'It's rather nipply outside.' Syfari coughs. 'We'll keep you abreast of developments, Syf,' smiles Chance. **>> BENSON BRAVELY ACCEPTS NEW POST It's been reported that Benson has unselfishly taken it upon himself to become Fed's latest and greatest STUD. Evidence would support that he and Gypsyrose are engaged in a torrid affair. And if one were to believe whispers in poorly lit corners of the bar, Tabby was waiting for him afterwards. Line up girls! Then again, it's a well-known fact that Benson is the proud father of the twins born to Amy this week. In Amy's own inimitable words, "Benson was 'the donor'" "Did he donate, or did she charge in there and take?" asked a curious onlooker. "Least the kids'll be well fed," commented Chance. **>> VINTAGE PLANET, ZIPPY TO RETURN! Lest we be accused of trying to improve on perfection, we're quoting this verbatim... Newsdroids has Seen occy in the workbench reinouting the Famous world of Zippy back since it got eatting up. There you have it. Can we say more? **>> SPYNET REVIEW Alas, poor Baron Skurge and Merchant Stephan, we knew them well. They've both gone d-d. Congratulations to everyone who was promoted during the week. The new Captains were Kakatana, Shandi, Apocalypse, Molder, Bochipink and Loup. Skyslyder, Spiff, Apocalype, Kakatana, Critter, Realm and Chironess have all made Adventurer or Adventureuse. Skyslyder, Rachael and Rokmonster were welcomed into the Traders Guild. All three moved straight on to become Merchants. Wildstar advanced his planet, Tamayo, to leisure status and in the process became a Baron. **>> CONTACTS The following information will appear at the end of every News Bulletin, so you don't have to read it if you already know it. The current Federation Game Hosts are: Freya, Porcupine, Lyrynna, Grannie, Sparky, Zzzax, Geezer, Magneto, Syfari and Goblin. Their function is to answer questions, help new players get started, and make fun things happen. In the event of a problem or question, you can: * talk to Hazed or one of the Game Hosts in the game * a message to Hazed * send mail on your host system to the Federation team: on GEnie, mail FEDII.2 or use the option on the main Fed page on Delphi, mail FED2 or use the option on the main Fed page on Cris, mail FEDERATION2 You can buy a copy of the very excellent Idiot's Guide to Federation for the paltry sum of $15.95. On GEnie, type ORDER from any main menu page. On Delphi and Cris, send a check for $15.95 to: Leah Parker, 4543 La Crescenta Avenue, La Crescenta, CA 91214-2912. **>> BULLETIN ENDS