**>> SPYNET BULLETIN **>> EARTHDATE 95.08.06 **>> AN H-by-A SERVICE **>> Compiled by Hazed plus a team of specialist newsdroids **>> your news and gossip and get paid good groats! **>> CHANGE IS IMMINENT Here is some advance warning for those of you who are planning to promote to JP in the near future. Sometime in the next two or three weeks, we will be putting in a new version of the game which has a lot of changes - we'll tell you all about them nearer the time. But one thing you need to know about in advance is a change to some of the promotion requirements. In the new version, the requirement for promotion to JP is no longer dependent on raising your stats to a certain level then solving a puzzle. Instead, it requires you to prove your financial ability by successfully running a company, so that it makes at least 25 meg profit during a cycle. The promotion also costs 40 meg which will be taken out of the company balance, and in exchange, on promotion to JP you will gain 10 on each stat. At the end of each ten-day company cycle, the game will check the profit last cycle. If it is 25 meg or more, it will then check the company balance. If there is enough money in the company, the game will take the 40 meg and you will become a JP. If there isn't enough money, the game will continue to check the balance each time you log on until there is enough money. If the cycle ends without the promotion happening, then the game goes back to looking at the profit last cycle. We have deliberately set the figure of 25 meg on the low side and we will be monitoring it with a view to increasing it in the future, but when we do increase it we will give you at least ten days notice. Merchants are no longer required to increase stats to a certain level, so their ability to use the stat items has been blocked. The promotion to GM is going to require getting stats to a certain level and then solving the GM puzzle, so JPs will once again be able to use the stat items. Speaking of the GM puzzle, one of the changes we have made is to remove the requirement to run at great speed to escape destruction, which was causing problems to some people because of network delays or slow modems. **>> TRIVIA TRIVIA TRIVIA... Don't forget tonight's trivia with Lyrynna, giving you a chance to tax your brain and tease out those obscure little factoids about Fed. It's at 7.00pm eastern in CDs. **>> WE ARE THE CHAMPIONS! We all know that Fed is not a violent game. It's not about fighting, it's about trading. But sometimes, it does the soul good just to have a blast! Every second Sunday of the month its your chance to show off your fighting prowess and display the might of your powerful twin lasers in a fighting championship in Arena Space. If you've never fired a mag gun or a laser, come along and pick up some tips from the masters and mistresses of space warfare; if you think you've got what it takes to show the old hands a thing or two, issue a challenge and show us what you're made of! Join us on Sunday, August 13th, at 7.00 eastern in Arena Space for the fighting championships! **>> KILLER BUTTS FROM OUTER SPACE! It was a calm, peaceful evening... until the killer butts from outer space attacked! Everyone was hanging on in CDs, when a startling report came in over the comms - something was streaking through the galaxy, heading towards Mars! Shocked, everyone pulled out their telescopes only to see... a gigantic green butt! Most fled at once, save Zzzax (who wanted to keep reporting) and Oxcart (who'd fallen asleep at the bar). Zzzax gasped as the butt grew bigger and closer with each passing second, for this was no ordinary butt... it was Bella's rear end, which had somehow detatched itself from Our Illustrious Leader! Zzzax finally decided to forget the reports and to run, but it was too late; the rear end landed on CDs and crushed it (and everything inside) flat as a pancake! Zzzax abandoned Oxcart and stabbed at his teleporter, but not before getting smushed himself. Once safe on Shelter (where the party moved), Zzzax was forced to use BUTT-B-GONE! (gets rid of unsightly butts, only $39.95 at all True Value Hardware stores) on Mars. Alas, he forgot all about poor Diesel, who lost her butt as well when the Space Butt was destroyed! It was at that point that Oxcart woke up (we're not sure if his butt survived, because no one wanted to look), and Zzzax came up with the solution - use Ox's air pump on Diesel's remains of her butt! After some persuading, Ox agreed, and Zzzax activated the pump... but it wouldn't turn off! Before long, Diesel's butt was threatening to wreck the newly rebuilt CDs... It was at that point that more BUTT-B-GONE! was applied, and soon it was a happy ending... well, except for Oxcart, whose pump was all over Diesel's butt. Oh well! **>> NEW OFFICE Yes, that's right! Ambassador Zzzax from Zaturn is still looking for new offices! The latest entry is from Industrialist Talisan of Shelter, who just remodeled her entire planet. (Those Christmas decorations just had to go!) Now, if you go into the "It's Always Christmas" store, you'll see a gorgeous painting of Zaturn... which is more than just a painting! Once inside, you get to see just what famous movie figure Talisan thought Zzzax reminded her of; the results are hysterical! Zzzax loves his new office, and was quoted as saying, "Marvelouz! I zink zat Talizan haz captured ze ezzence of ze Zaturnian race!" As before with Ukla and the office he designed on Snafu, Talisan's won the parking space of Zzzax's Naval Base, which will stay for a month before moving on. If you'd like to enter Zzzax's Office Contest, just design him a room or suite of rooms on your planet, and drop Zzzax some sendmail about it! **>> DIERDRE SPEAKS OUT In many interviews with our well loved Duke Budwarp he's declined comment based on a need to consult with his lovely Duchess Dierdre. Now, far be it from us to imply that our Noble Duke is a few quarts shy, or absent minded, or perish the thought hen-pecked. However, the Lady Dierdre, unhappy with the tone of recent Fed News articles has finally decided to speak up in defense of her darling Duke. A newsdroid recorded the following interview with Lady Dierdre: NewsDroid, "What would you like to comment on Lady Dierdre?" Dierdre "That contrary to what the Fed News continues to print, Bud does NOT need to consult me on anything. He knows all :)' NewsDroid, "hmm, really?" Dierdre, "'He's a very intelligent man :)" NewsDroid, "But he always says, "I have to get with Dierdre" Dierdre, "'That's just because he's sweet :)" NewsDroid, "hmmmm, erm yes, but...." Dierdre, "'Ah...yes, Cove celebrated it's first birthday last night ." NewsDroid, "back to Duke Budwarp and his memory...." Dierdre, "We had a big party with hats and favors." NewsDroid, "but about Duke Budwarp and his political..." Dierdre, "We all had pizza and beer and blew out the candle on the pizza." NewsDroid, "erm, yes...I believe we see now" There you have it, gentle readers, direct from Lady Dierdre. **>> GENCON Many Fedders will be going to GenCon next week from Thursday to Sunday, which is being held at the Mecca Centre in Milwaukee. If you're going, look out for Oxcart, Paladin and Talisan, as well as many others! They'll be the ones in the bar chugging back Diesel's Old Peculiar. **>> DEATH BY NEGLECT Oh woe, oh sorrow! Bring out the wailing mourners, let them cry their despair to all eight corners of the Galaxy! For Helena, the face that built a thousand ships, is dead! She whose beauty dazzled all who beheld her simply withered away from lack of attention. She pined because her one true love, Bgg, didn't want to have anything to do with her. Oh, cruel fate! Since Bgg is obviously the cause of her demise, we demand that the Galactic Administrations Justice Department issue a warrant for his arrest on the charge of murder most foul. The untimely death of this poor, sweet, innocent, kind, gentle woman must be avenged. **>> SPYNET REVIEW Congratulations to everyone who was promoted during the week. The new Captains were Robert, Shinto, Dalkron, Stoltran, Helen, Darkside and Daiichi. Shinto and Rchael made it to Adventureuse. Redb and Master were admitted to the Traders Guild. Douglas and Redb reached Merchant. The awesome JP puzzle was cracked by Hannah. Lynch solved the fiendish GM puzzle. Wildstar linked his new (old) planet, Tamayo and then rapidly advanced it to industrial level, becoming an Industrialist in the process. Sorak became a Baron by pushing his planet Tyr up through technical to leisure level. Mosquito is now a Baroness, having done the same to Kama. **>> CONTACTS The following information will appear at the end of every News Bulletin, so you don't have to read it if you already know it. The current Federation Game Hosts are: Freya, Porcupine, Lyrynna, Grannie, Sparky, Zzzax, Geezer, Magneto, Syfari and Goblin. Their function is to answer questions, help new players get started, and make fun things happen. In the event of a problem or question, you can: * talk to Hazed or one of the Game Hosts in the game * a message to Hazed * send mail on your host system to the Federation team: on GEnie, mail FEDII.2 or use the option on the main Fed page on Delphi, mail FED2 or use the option on the main Fed page on Cris, mail FEDERATION2 You can buy a copy of the very excellent Idiot's Guide to Federation for the paltry sum of $15.95. On GEnie, type ORDER from any main menu page. On Delphi and Cris, send a check for $15.95 to: Leah Parker, 4543 La Crescenta Avenue, La Crescenta, CA 91214-2912. **>> BULLETIN ENDS