**>> SPYNET BULLETIN **>> EARTHDATE 95.06.25 **>> AN H-by-A SERVICE **>> Compiled by Hazed plus a team of specialist newsdroids **>> your news and gossip and get paid good groats! **>> UNCONVENTIONAL CONVENTION This weekend has seen Fedders gather together for the UnCon. A last- minute change of venue means the festivities are not, as advertised, on Freya's Farm but instead on Staten Island (an isolated landfill site off Manhatten). Here for the fun were been Hazed, Freya, Zodiac, Tabby, Windman and Deric. Unfortunately we are not able to provide you with a report of What Went On, because the participants have declared the proceedings secret. Every attempt to smuggle a newsdroid into the UnCon has failed... the site is now surrounded by slagged heaps of molten metal! Even Hazed, our beloved Editrix, who is normally so keen to impart information to us for the news, has been close-mouthed about what they have been up to. We can only assume they have been plotting something terrible over the barbequed steaks! **>> MISSING - PRESUMED DEAD? Concern is growing about the whereabouts of Mara, the watery bimbo, who hasn't been seen in Fed DataSpace for some time. Last spotted in the company of Devon, the lethal lothario, her friends are worried she might be a candidate for a milk carton like so many of Devon's previous loves. On the other hand, Devon himself has been conspicuous by his absence, so it could be that Mara is quite capable of holding her own and is giving as good as she gets. Galactic Administration enforcement officers are now concerned that the two have teamed up in some bizarre futuristic Bonnie and Clyde scenario (or possibly Thelma and Louise, but which gets to play who we have no idea!) Any information on their whereabouts will be gratefully received. **>> HOW TO LIVE DANGEROUSLY Of all Fed's puzzles, the most dangerous is the fiendish GM puzzle. Solving it offers many opportunities to die in all kinds of interesting ways, and even when you know what to do the slightest hesitation can be fatal. Which makes Hermes' success at the puzzle doubly impressive... because he did it uninsured! The boy obviously has a death-wish. That he succeeded shows he certainly has the luck of the Gods on his side. **>> RAVISHMENT Dierdre has been the target of a vicious, insanely fixated Blackadder who has been attempting to steal her away and use her body for nefarious (but unspecified) purposes. His latest attempt saw him teleport into her boudoir one evening when Budwarp was home late. Throwing her down onto her luxurious feather bed, he wrestled with her (using WWF rules, of course!) and tried to have his wicked way with her. Her frantic struggles allowed her to break free and escape his clutches, and she threw herself off the balcony. Any thoughts that she might be escaping from a fate worse than death into a fate that is death, however, are wrong. The gardener had, fortuitously, left a large pile of fresh fertilizer in just the right place, so Dierdre landed safely (if a little squishily) and carried on running away. But the trauma of her terrible experience left her weak, and trying to run up the stairs she almost fainted from the ordeal. This allowed Blackadder to catch up with her. Grabbing her again, he threw her over his shoulder and started carting her off, laughing like the maniac that he is. Fortunately for Dierdre, Budwarp arrived at just the right moment, and shot Blackadder with his water pistol which certainly dampened his ardour. Dumping Dierdre back in the compost heap, he fled, leaving Bud to comfort the now somewhat smelly Dee! **>> PLANETS AND DUCHIES Greybeard is our latest Squire, having linked in his planet Atlantis. Our explorerdroid took a quick look and it certainly seems that it's a good planet, with interesting descriptions. We'll bring you a review of this planet later. Ukla has put the finishing touches to his planet, Snafu. It's a very aptly named world, because nothing seems to work quite right... and the owner is the first to admit it! We weren't sure we'd be able to land our spaceship, there's so much rubbish strewn all over the landing pad. Luckily we spotted a tiny area that was clear enough for our ship to set down, and picked our way through the junk and garbage. Our priority was to find the bar, which at first seemed an impossible task... until we realised that for some strange reason, on Snafu bars are not called bars but bares. This confusion cleared up, we were able to relax and drink, before finding our way through the tatty corridors to explore the rest of the planet. The usual services are to be found around the landing pad, although we wouldn't trust our ships to these services, or our bodies (or equivalent) to the hospital... we're not even sure we'd trust Snafu insurance not to break at the wrong moment! Venturing further, we went and had a little chat with the wise-man, who seems to be responsible for the state of the planet. Snafu has two puzzles and you can get information about them by going down from the landing pad. Ukla has given us a very entertaining planet. It's an unusual concept well realised and we enjoyed exploring it very much. We recommend it! **>> SPYNET REVIEW Our Beloved Editrix, Hazed, is away at the UnCon this weekend and then will be absent for the next couple of weeks, leaving us newsdroids to play while the cat is away. Sadly, she accidentally packed the data gathering equipment into her case so we cannot bring you any details of promotions or deaths until she returns, when we'll bring you a super- duper mammoth bumper special edition of the SpyNet Review. **>> CONTACTS The following information will appear at the end of every News Bulletin, so you don't have to read it if you already know it. The current Federation Game Hosts are: Freya, Egg, Lyrynna, Grannie, Sparky, Zzzax, Shady, Geezer and Magneto. Their function is to answer questions, help new players get started, and make fun things happen. In the event of a problem or question, you can: * talk to Hazed or one of the Game Hosts in the game * a message to Hazed * send mail on your host system to the Federation team: on GEnie, mail FEDII.2 or use the option on the main Fed page on Delphi, mail FED2 or use the option on the main Fed page on Cris, mail FEDERATION2 You can buy a copy of the very excellent Idiot's Guide to Federation for the paltry sum of $15.95. On GEnie, type ORDER from any main menu page. On Delphi and Cris, send a check for $15.95 to: Leah Parker, 4543 La Crescenta Avenue, La Crescenta, CA 91214-2912. **>> BULLETIN ENDS