**>> SPYNET BULLETIN **>> EARTHDATE 95.01.29 **>> AN H-by-A SERVICE **>> Compiled by Hazed plus a team of specialist newsdroids **>> your news and gossip and get paid good groats! **>> PROBLEM SOLVED? Lucky Tellurian will shortly be the proud recipient of a Fed t-shirt, which will cause him to become the sartorial envy of all his fellow Fedders. Why? Because the information he supplied us showed Bella the cause of the mystery crashes (or if not -*the*- cause then -*a*- cause). He noticed that the game crashed after he used the command, and he sent Bella the exact details of what he had typed. It turned out that typing too much text with the command sent the game into a spin. The mystery crashes have obviously been caused by several different things, none of which happened all that frequently - which is why the causes were so difficult to track down. Have we nailed down all the problems? Well... something strange happened last night, but us humble newsdroids haven't been told yet what caused the problems. So the jury's still out on whether things will run smoothly from now on. Meanwhile, please do keep sending us reports if anything strange happens, with as much detail as possible. **>> FACTORY OUTPUT PROBLEM Several people have reported to us that their factory output mysteriously switches from the exchange to the warehouse. Bella spent some time trying to reproduce this problem on her development kit, but was unable to - so in order to find out what is actually happening, we need some evidence. Please send us captures, showing the factory display after you've set it up as you want it, and again after you notice it goes wrong. That will help Bella see in which circumstances the problem occurs. **>> AUTOMATIC CASH TRANSFER As mentioned in last week's news, there's a limit on the amount of groats the game can handle in duchy treasuries and company balances, the limit being 2 gig. If either of these two amounts goes over 2 gig, it flips over and converts into a very large negative number. Very inconvenient. From time to time people forgot about this, or they got caught out by large influxes of groats they weren't expecting. So Bella has now made the game take care of the problem automatically. If either of those two balances goes over 1.5 gig, the game will transfer 1 gig out of the balance into your personal bank account. This in effect means that the new limit is 1.5 gig, but you don't have to worry if you do exceed it because the game will take care of it for you. **>> WHO KILLED SANTA CLAUS? All Fed DataSpace is in mourning following the mysterious and tragic death last night of Santa Claus. The jolly old elf, who has bestowed presents on Fedders every Christmas for many years, recently decided on a change of career and hung up his bulging sack in order to join the world of politics. With the full support of the Weekly Fed News Bulletin, and (it is believed) Bella and Hazed themselves, he intended to run for Emperor and was fully confident that he would be the people's choice. Last night he made his first foray into Fed DataSpace wearing his new politician's hat, and marked this out-of-season visit with his first campaign speech. An on-looker captured his speech and the events leading to his demise... >Your comm unit crackles with a message from Santa, 'Ho ho ho! Hello boys and girls. I have come to tell why you should vote for me!' >Your comm unit crackles with a message from Santa, 'Vote for me, and I will make Christmas happen several times a year!' >Your comm unit crackles with a message from Santa, 'I will give presents to all children, whether they are bad or good.' >Your comm unit crackles with a message from Santa, 'Better working conditions for elves is at the top of my manifesto.' >Your comm unit crackles with a message from Santa, 'So all you elves out there, you know I am the man you should vote for.' >Your comm unit crackles with a message from Santa, 'I will outlaw visits from boring relatives at Christmas.' >Your comm unit crackles with a message from Santa, 'From now on, Christmas will be a much happier time.' >Your comm unit crackles with a message from Santa, 'And if there are any boring relatives out there, you can have a jolly time visiting each other.' >Your comm unit crackles with a message from Scott, 'Now if you had more Christmases, they wouldn't seem as special. That won't do!' >Your comm unit crackles with a message from Pulcherrimus, 'hmm.. good point' >Your comm unit crackles with a message from Santa, 'Oh... well, if you don't want more Christmasses, how about your own very special personalised Christmas!' >Your comm unit crackles with a message from Santa, 'You choose when it should happen. And everyone gives you presents, you don't have to give them anything.' >Your comm unit crackles with a message from Santa, 'When I am elected Emperor, I plan the emancipation of all reindeer.' >Your comm unit crackles with a message from Santa, 'I am here to persuade you that I am the Emperor Fed DataSpace needs to set it right.' >Your comm unit crackles with a message from Santa, 'Come and shake my hand, bring your babies for me to kiss.' >Your comm unit crackles with a message from Scott, 'Okay, Santa...you give everyone Merchant to GM automatic promotion to Explorer and you've got my vote.' >Santa shakes you warmly by the hand and presses a campaign button saying "Santa the Saviour - your Emperor" onto your lapel. >Your comm unit crackles with a message from Santa, 'Yes... I promise that everyone can be promoted to whatever rank they want, WITHOUT having to work for it!' >Santa knows that no-one expects politicians to keep their promises. >Your comm unit crackles with a message from Santa, 'And FREE groats for everyone who votes for me.' >Your comm unit crackles with a message from Santa, 'And just to show I have no hard feelings, reduced cost groats to people who don't vote for me.' >Your comm unit crackles with a message from Santa, 'I promise never to use the flog command (unless I really feel like it)' >Your comm unit crackles with a message from Santa, 'Now, I must go and visit my people. I embark on a grand tour of the planets.' >Santa has just left. >Your comm unit crackles with a message from Santa, 'Erk!' >Your comm unit crackles with a message from Santa, 'What's this?' >Your comm unit crackles with a message from Santa, 'Arrrghhhh!' >Your comm unit crackles with a message from Santa, 'No! Get away!' >Your comm unit crackles with a message from Santa, 'Help!' >Your comm unit crackles with a message from Santa, 'They're after me!!!' >Your comm unit crackles with a message from Santa, 'No... you cannot silence me... I WILL be Emper...' And then there was silence, but the Review told the awful truth: 05585: Santa has just snuffed it in the Satin system - an expensive business! 05599: Senator Santa has just snuffed it in the Cove system - alas poor Santa Piecing together the evidence, and with the help of security cameras we have had cunningly placed in certain key locations through the Galaxy, we can try to shed some light on this terrible tragedy. Santa embarked on his whirlwind tour of the Galaxy in order to campaign for votes, first visiting Hyperion, in the Duchy of Insanity. He kissed a few babies, made a few speeches, then moved on to his second destination, Corona, in the Duchy of Athens. Playing the sax in an impromptu jam session he hoped to capture the youth vote, then recommenced his tour with a visit to Satin, in the Nightfall duchy. Here, disaster struck, in the form of a gang of ruffians who set upon our gallant Senator Santa and struck him down after a brief struggle. He died and woke up in the hospital without insurance, and in a panic his only thought was to teleport away before they could get him again. Stabbing wildly at his teleporter buttons, he was moved to the next planet on his tour, Cove in the duchy of Epini. But before he could search about for the insurance office he so desperately needed, he was ambushed a second time, by hooded assassins. Santa put up a brave fight but was overpowered, and sent to oblivion. R.I.P Santa. Who would do such a thing? Why would anyone want to harm the fat old man that boys and girls throughout the Galaxy love? What has he ever done to hurt anyone? His move to declare himself an Emperor candidate must have some link to the violence that befell him. Politics is, after all, a dirty game. Just look at the places where he was killed - first in the duchy of Nightfall (which supports Marcia) and then in the duchy of Epini (supporting Barberousse). Who had the most to lose by Santa's standing for the election - and the most to gain by his removal? With the backing of this mighty organ of the press, how could Santa have failed to win and become Fed's first Emperor? I don't think we need to spell it out. You can work the rest out for yourselves. This of course leaves us in somewhat of a quandary. Who do we support now in the Emperor elections? Well, we'll have to think carefully before bestowing our influence on anyone. Meanwhile, an Imperial Edict has been issued: **>> IMPERIAL EDICT Let it be known by this publication to all FEDERATION, its citizens and workthings, that I, Emperor Ming the First, Merciless, Magnificent, and Marvelous (and Sexy, but it messes up the alliteration)... have taken the Emperorship for the duration of my LIFE. There will be no succession of office until my demise. **>> MING TO BE EMPEROR-FOR-LIFE? Today's announcement from the Imperial Counsel caught Federation denizens by surprise. Emperor for life? What does that mean? Are the elections cancelled? Has Ming bribed the supreme demi-beings? Is Hazed attempting a new coup in Bella's absence, this time by installing Ming as her puppet? Newsdroids were dispatched to collect reactions from the creatures of Fed DataSpace. A representative of the Poor People merely shrugged and muttered "same old same old". We take this as a positive note. We managed to snag a planet owner who'd paused in his hauling to get a brief comment, "No comment". Surprisingly, the group we thought would be most agitated, and likely to be plotting dark deeds, the Senate, took the news with amazing calmness. One senator was overheard planning a picnic at a favorite grassy knoll, another discussing theater tickets, and a third consulting with a fourth about remedies for a really BAD cold. **>> ULTRA SENATOR Tantras has proposed a brand-new rank between Senator and Emperor; the Ultra Senator! Only Ultra Senators could run for Emperor, he says - this would separate the interested from the innocent bystanders. To become an Ultra Senator, the puzzle is simple. The magic Ultra Senator Peanut is missing somewhere in FedSpace - not just the Solar System, but the ENTIRE Federation Universe! The only way to find it is to search every square... but it gets more difficult than that! You see, the Ultra Senator Peanut is very finicky; it will only come out of hiding if it senses the death energies of a Senator in the same space as it. So, to search the space you're standing in, the Senator has to die. To make the puzzle a little more challenging, the Peanut also moves every hour! When will we see Ultra Senator? Well, even if Bella leaves the United States in one piece, there's still the waiting Emperor Code... **>> PUZZLE SECRETS Newbod has just solved one of Fed's fiendish puzzles. It took him many tries to get right, and he died several times. Sometimes he felt he was banging his head on a brick wall, not having a clue what to do next. But thinking about it hard, and maybe getting a little hint from another player, put him on the right track, and now he's done it. He's over the moon, proud of his achievement, and he feels he has learnt something about how the game works that will be very valuable for his future Fed play. Richardhead has just solved one of Fed's fiendish puzzles. He got it right first time, and didn't die at all. Not because he's clever - he's not - but because he whinged and whined until someone gave him the answer. The whole answer. He doesn't understand why it worked like it did, or why he had and his helpers had to perform the actions they did, he just followed the solution he was given. He feels no sense of achievement, no pride in having passed a milestone. He's gained no new knowledge. Just a new rank that he didn't earn. Which of those would you rather be? Which would you rather have allied to you? If you're after friends or allies, giving away puzzle secrets is not necessarily the best way to help people. You may be helping them zoom through the ranks in double quick time, but you may also be preventing them from enjoying some of the aspects of the game, and stopping them for learning the things they need to learn. Think about it. **>> SECRETS OF FED GEnie players now have the opportunity to learn some of the secrets of Federation that have been kept hidden for years. Download file #221, SECRET03.GIF, from the Federation official library on page 220, and learn! The file description says "This is a grand (well, adequate) illustration showing more secrets about Federation. After viewing this file, comic must be eaten so that no one else can learn the dreadful secrets!" **>> TROUBLE IN PARADISE? There is a couple in Federation that has not graced our spybeams for a while. Lost seem to be the times of eating popcorn (no pizza, please!) and watching the nightly boink (sorry Rusty). Of course the couple in question is Blackadder and Mosquito. Has the fire died to cinders? Newsdroids are staked-out, armed with their proficient spybeams, in the Ritz to find out this very question. Their spybeams are also scouring the galaxy for a new feature. **>> BEYOND THE CALL OF DUTY Recently there has been an influx of GroundHogs, so it seems, in DataSpace. So much so that Caterpillar needed a helping hand one night. (Helping hand??? Doesn't this bag have enough as is?) And who came to answer the desperate cry of help? None other than Benson. And exactly who did Benson end up helping? Snake! Yes, that is right, our patient helper went through the trials and much tribulations of assisting the serpent who has bound and determined to be dragged through the game by the hand (or pelvic spurs, it would seem). Was this enough abuse for Benson? Would he ever help a NewBod out again? One would not think so, but he was back in the rig trying to help out Varian. Hats off to Benson's determination! **>> WHAT'S THAT RUNNING OUT OF YOUR: Fly! For the nasty Cryptosporidium is right on your tail! Yes, Crypto does serve a useful purpose in Fed's ecosystem by clearing out those crowded space lanes so your ship flies out at an alarming rate and quantity. The director of Fed's Astronomical and Scatological Society, Dr. Cole Neiman, explains the phenomena as having originated in an obscure room in a popular bar on Mars. "My Big Bang theory accounts for all observable data that we have collected thus far in our unending quest to determine the exact origins of the rank smell emitted from the Malordorous Alleyway." Dr. Neiman postulates an almost unthinkable idea. That being the wretched Cryptosporidium was originally blown out of the arse of none other than our beloved Diesel. Well, THAT explains a lot! Our newsdroids will not be revealing the paternal lineage of Cryptosporidium because we are deathly afraid of Occy's lawyers. **>> PLANETS AND DUCHIES Brandy became our newest Squire as her new planet Nexus was linked into the game. Our roving explorer-droid files his report below. Brandy joined up with Budwarp's Duchy of Epini. Silo moved his allegiance from Looney's Insanity, also joining up with Epini. Scrooge's Hermitage is now a mining planet, and China's Satin is an Industrial world. Aja's Sphinx and Chainsaw's Nautilus both advanced to leisure. Are they going to be building for Duke? If so, that makes at least seven people doing the builds, which could upset the applecart considerably if they all make it before the elections. We'll bring you a full round-up of the duchies next week. **>> DO ANDROIDS DREAM OF ELECTRIC SHEEP? Brandy's planet Nexus linked earlier in the week, and as per usual, an explorer-droid was despatched to check it out. Let me tell you, this newsdroid is very thankful to look like a droid at this point! It seems that there's standing orders to "retire" replicants on this planet. From the moment you step from your ship, you're made aware of just how grey and dreary Nexus is. People are flocking away in droves to leave the pollution behind them. Once you're on the main street, the rain is incessant, as is the traffic-droid. Make sure you listen to it, as this droid found its cogs and wheels all over the road when crossing contrary to instructions. For all the mood-setting, Nexus is a familiar place, as Brandy retells the "Blade Runner" story on her planet. You find yourself mistaken for Deckard, and are sent out to retire some replicants. (This droid still wonders if the chief needs to have his eye-circuits replaced.) Your travels take different forms, from flat-footing it, to a police hover-car. If you enjoyed the movie (or the book), Nexus will probably be a great deal of fun for you to explore, from the veterinarian to the sheep on the apartment building roof to the Penfield mood organs in town. **>> SPYNET REVIEW Congratulations to everyone who was promoted during the last week - we hope this week nobody got left out! The new Captains were Vilhelm, Patrick, Marionarsis, Russ, Trebor, Admiral, Alex, Zipper, Varian, Brazeth, Iceman, Varian (again!) and Conman. Hawkeye, Asrianna, Helena, Jennifer and Brazeth made it to Adventurer. The Traders Guild admitted Gabriel, Jennifer, Helena, Asrianna and Clovis to its ranks. Rosinante, Gabriel, Kain, Pulcherrimus and Carla were promoted to Merchant. The awesome JP puzzle was solved by Fastjack, Spacesinger, Siobhan and Gabriel. Brain and Kassandra cracked the fiendish GM puzzle. Brain and Xxyl made it to Explorer. Brandy was promoted to Squire when her new planet linked to the game. China and Scrooge became Thanes, advancing their planets to mining level. China then moved on to become an Industrialist as her planet advanced again. Aja did a double-jump, to Technocrat then Baroness, promoting her planet to leisure. Chainsaw also became a Baron as his planet turned leisurely. Merchant Cisco died dead-dead in Sol for reasons unknown. And, tragically, Santa was killed - see the story earlier in this bulletin. **>> CONTACTS The following information will appear at the end of every News Bulletin, so you don't have to read it if you already know it. The current Federation Party Hosts are: Mira, Redqueen, Caterpillar, Lyrynna and Gazoo. Their function is to answer questions, help new players get started, and make fun things happen. In the event of a problem or question, you can: * talk to Hazed or one of the Party Hosts in the game * a message to Hazed * send mail on your host system to the Federation team: on GEnie, mail FEDII.2 or use the option on the main Fed page on Delphi, mail FED2 or use the option on the main Fed page on Cris, mail FEDERATION2 **>> BULLETIN ENDS