**>> SPYNET BULLETIN **>> EARTHDATE 94.09.04 **>> AN H-by-A SERVICE **>> Compiled by Hazed plus a team of specialist newsdroids **>> your news and gossip and get paid good groats! Thanks, we think, to the cleaning droid that stepped into the Hazed-shaped hole last week, producing a news bulletin without the help of us high- trained newsdroids. It didn't show, much, did it? **>> HAPPY HOLIDAY Just a reminder that tomorrow (Monday) is a GEnie holiday, so you can stay in Fed DataSpace all day without having to worry about prime-time surcharges. **>> FREEBIES As many of you have calculated, it's about time for another of those oh-so- popular free weekends. We can confirm that there will be one sometime during September. We'll post an announcement a few days before it actually happens so you can get excited about it. When it does happen, we won't be able to have all the player planets in the game, because we need to leave room for some new players! Previously, we've split the planets into two groups, putting in mini-planets for half the weekend and full planets for the other half. But there's currently a record number of planets (28 at the last count) so we will probably have to split into three groups. We'll let you know nearer the time how we propose to manage this division. **>> DE-NOTIFY In the face of almost unbearable whingeing, Our Illustrious Leader had no recourse but to give in to the strident demands of just about everyone for a way to turn off the SpyNet Notice facility she had no generously granted you all, for free, gratis, no payment at all. You can now use the command and you will be returned to a state of blissful ignorance, not knowing (or, presumably, caring) who is entering or leaving Fed DataSpace. If you wish to turn it back on again, you will have to leave and re-enter yourself. **>> WHOOPS! ACCIDENTAL PROMOTION Last week, the cleaning droid told you that planet-owners who had lots of money hidden away in their companies would lose the lot if they went dead- dead, whereas money held in the planet treasury would be preserved. On reading this, Emmi quickly moved her vast fortune out of her company and placed it back into the planet's bank account. Now, anyone who has read the Advanced Idiot's Guide will know that planet- owners' promotions happen automatically if they have more than four times the required amount in their planet treasury. But obviously this little fact was a mystery to Emmi, and she was astounded, nay, dismayed, to find, next day, that she had become an Industrialist. We have to ask just why she moved her millions with quite such alacrity. Did she have any plans to go d-d in the near future? Or does she always obey orders so swiftly when they are conveyed to her via this news bulletin? Hmmm... this has possibilities... Emmi, here's a message just for you: give all your money to Hazed! **>> SO YOU WANT TO JOIN A DUCHY? The Newsdroids found this article wedged under the door right as the latest edition of the FedNews was ready to be posted. We're not sure who wrote it, but it certainly qualifies as something worth printing. On that note... SO YOU WANT TO JOIN A DUCHY? Congratulations! Your planet has just linked, and you're ready to start making money. You've even read the Advanced Idiot's Guide to try and learn how to run your planet. However, there's one thing that the Idiot's Guide does not give you help on - joining a duchy. So, here are some things to consider. 1) What do you think of the Duke's politics? There's no mistake about it - politics in FedSpace are very important. Now that you've thought about what you think of your Duke's personal side, what about his political side? Who does he support? Who does he NOT support? Remember, by having your planet in someone's duchy, you are giving that person more power - power in terms of trading, power in terms of the upcoming vote for Emperor. If you think a person's politics and methods really stink, joining that duchy is a bad idea. 2) What do you think of the Duke on a personal level? If you think that the Duke of the duchy you're ready to join is just wonderful, you're on the right track. If you can't stand your Duke-to-be, what are you thinking? Remember, you're about to become associated with this person. If he blows up newbods every day before breakfast and you can't stand him doing that, you're making a bad choice. 3) How active is the Duke? This is something else very important. How often is your Duke going to be there for you? If you need to get him to do something for you, are you going to be able to track him down? If not, you may want to think about settling into a new duchy where the Duke is going to be able to give you whatever assistance you personally require. 4) What are you getting out of it? All right, you're going to be helping your future Duke out. Remember, every time those customs skim money off a trader's cargo, it's going right into the duchy treasury. Your Duke is also going to get a lot of power in the election for Emperor. What's your Duke going to do in return? Dukes can and have done a number of things in the past - given out a share of the money the duchy has taken in, given advice on running the planet, given assistance on things the planet owner is working on, stood in to give planet puzzle rewards to solvers if the owner isn't there, etcetera. So, what is your Duke going to do for you? 5) Who else is in the duchy? Not only will you be associated with the Duke, you're going to be associated with everyone in the duchy. Do you like these people? Hate them? Don't know them? Chances are if all your friends are in a duchy, and you all like similar things, then maybe you should check out that particular duchy as a candidate. 6) How many planets are in the duchy? Note where this falls in - a distant sixth. Just because Duchy A has one more planet than Duchy B doesn't make Duchy A the superior place to be. You'll find that if people want to trade on your planet, they won't mind jumping between systems. Good traders can make enough of a profit that staying in the same duchy to trade isn't much more than an added bonus. And remember, if every single person picked the duchy with the most planets, there would only be one duchy and there really wouldn't be much point, would there? All of this may sound very obvious. To you, perhaps it is. In the last three months, this author has watched people join a duchy "because it had lots of planets", complain about having an absentee Duke, pick a duchy where they personally HATED the duke in question, and other such lovely behavior. For those already in a duchy - perhaps it's time to re-evaluate where you are and why. **>> SMOKING DROID That cleaning droid is now a smoking heap in the back yard of the H-by-A office. Attached to the smouldering wreckage is a note saying "Halcyon is a PEACEFUL planet, damnit! it is!!!! anyone who says different should DIE!" It seems Djmayhem took exception to the snide comments it made last week about his new planet. He followed up his revenge by nailing a letter to the office door: What's all this defamation about my planet? I think I need to clear up a few things. First, techno music is the preferred music of the inhabitants, but you don't have to listen to it if you don't want to. It's not "piped" all over, it's only available in the dance floor (which is quite nice) and the music store (which DOES cary other types of music, just not country or disco cuz they're against the law). Second, there are only TWO places where you can get your brain fried, and BOTH are marked that special equipment is needed to enter, and the special equipment is available for free to anyone who can find it. With ALL my dangerous locations marked, and being such a peaceful place, I don't think it deserves the "not so favorable" review it got. Well, that's what happens when untrained junior domestic droids try to do jobs that require experienced professionals! **>> THE NE GALDUR FAMILY TREE as constructed by Tantras The disgusting ne Galdur clan, that has been infesting Fed DataSpace for many years, seems to grow ever larger. The latest addition is Telluruin, brother to Tellurain and Tellurian. If you're getting as confused as we are with all the Tells out there, this little family tree might help. Then again, it might just confuse you even more! ? | +------------------+-------------------+ | | A -+- B ? | | +-----------+-----------+-----+-----------+-----------+-----+ | | | | | | | | | C -+- D E -+- F G H E -+- I -+- J K L M -+- N | | | +-----+-----+ | | |=====| | | | O P Q R S A: Turan ne Galdur, father of many children B: Elli, she who couldn't say no C: Tellurian, Senator for Nemesis D: Gemini, Duchesse of Ssenmaerd E: Tellurain, Baron of Neemeesis F: Tantras, Industrialist of Vertigo G: Tellurianne, missing and we aren't looking H: Tellurainne, no one knows her location either I: Tellurina, suicided after disaster marriage J: Darkknight, suicided out of mortification K: Tellurani, lowly Trader L: Telluruin, lowly Explorer M: Blackadder, Baron of TerraIncognito N: Mosquito, Thane of Kama O: Tellras, died and became side order P: Tanrain, died and became pot of stew Q: Spuderoni, Devourer of Neemeesis R: Tellurita, she's dead Jim S: Telluwhat, lowly Captain, dead but came back **>> SPYPROOF ROOM BID Can it be true that the Emperor Ming has put in a bid to wrest the spyproof room away from the planet Surf? We've heard rumours that he feels such power is far too dangerous to be in the hands of a mere planet-owner: instead, he wants a portable device that will turn any location he is in into a shielded room. He is apparently trying to negotiate with Our Illustrious Leader for this privilege. We don't know if she will grant him his request; we do know that if she does, he will be made to pay for it, and the price will not be cheap! Speaking of Ming and Cheap, we noted recently that despite being Emperor, Ming still had an outstanding ship loan! These Mongos never do pay their bills. **>> PICKY, PICKY, PICKY Generations of Barons have tramped the green and pleasant fields of Horsell, exploring this peaceful land (peaceful except for the Martians hammering and hooting*) in their quest for Dukedom, hardly noticing the odd typo in the descriptions and making allowances for the misdirections that point them the wrong way. But one bored Senator recently hitched a ride back to Horsell with a wannabe-Duke, and decided to tell us that: One thing I found was a problem in the movement table for location 861. If you go southeast from there, you wind up in location 797 instead of 799. Another was the description for location 790 where it says "Off to the north you can see a small church, and slightly to its east is a village." The village, however, is off to the west of the church. So, Senator Nitpicker, you will be pleased to know that Bella has fixed those typos. Happy now? *FOOTNOTE: and the Vicar... etc, etc, etc... **>> STRIKING WORKERS No, we don't mean you should rush into the nearest factory and start walloping the workthings with a stout stick in order to make them work harder. We are speaking of a message you get if you try to buy a factory when you already have a full complement. You will be told in no uncertain terms that the workdroids have had just about enough, and will go on strike if they are expected to man (or woman, or thing) yet another production line. So now you know. **>> DAVE WOULD BE PROUD With the upcoming linkage of Romana's planet Brittany, we sent a newsdroid to interview her about it to let everyone slaver in anticipation (or dread). When we couldn't find Romana anywhere in sight (word had it she had gutted the back of her spaceship and was going on a mad shopping spree), Tantras stepped forward and said that as Romana's publicity manager he'd tell us all about Brittany. Brittany will be a planet that is designed specifically to pay homage to Romana's favorite singing group - Alvin and the Chipmunks! Alvin, Simon, and Theodore will be all over the planet, singing their various high-speed songs over and over and over again. The puzzle is to find out who has kidnapped their manager Dave Seville, as well as the Chipettes. Brittany was discovered by Alvin himself, who named the planet after his one true love Brittany. You can visit the great Chipmunk Palace near the landing pad, where Alvin's first harmonica lies bronzed, along with the elusive hula hoop that Alvin begs for in their Christmas Song. Up in space, you can find Simon's lab spinning in orbit, and be attacked by Uh-Oh Romana's Back. We weren't able to find out what "Uh-Oh Romana's Back" is - no sooner did Tantras say that then he was back in his own ship and taking off as fast as he could. We can't possibly figure out WHY... **>> WEDDING BELLS Scrooge has proposed to Seri. Really, it was just about the most unromantic occasion you could imagine, because he popped the question via tight-beam! No getting down on one knee, no red roses, no champagne, not even a ring! Despite this, she has accepted. Djmayhem and Trill are getting married - twice! Once in Fed, and then in real life. Details as soon as we know them. Congrats, guys! **>> WE WANT TO PUMP YOU UP! Ming the Merciless has returned to Federation Data Space, leaving in his Imperial wake a horde of laughing people who refuse to take him seriously. After all, who can take someone's claims to the title of Imperious Rex seriously, when most people don't even remember this laughable buffoon? Well, it seems he's spent an inordinant amount of time attempting to seduce the unwashed masses over to the Power of the Darksi...er...that's not right... [Copyright Lawyerdroids have forced us to change that] over to the side of the planet Mongo. His attempts had fallen on deaf ears until this past week, when he offered the job of Imperial Porcupine to Gemini, Duchesse of Ssenmaerd. There was one stipulation, however: she had to increase the size of a certain part of her anatomy to accommodate the Imperial Hands. After very little thought on her part (this IS Gemini we're talking about, folks), she agreed to go through with the procedure. Doctor (???) Topper then offered his services to Gemini, claiming this was his field of expertise (he's a hands-on kinda guy). Mightily did Topper strive in his mission of inflation, succeeding at long-last (and turning blue-in-the-face in the process). It was then that Gemini was reminded by her husband Tellurian that Hazed laid claim to part of the affected region, and he idly wondered if Gemini had consulted with Hazed about this cosmetic procedure. No one has heard from Hazed yet as to her response to this perhaps catastrophic turn of events, but we're sure all of Fed will know soon enough! **> PIE IN THE SKY (with no apologies to Alan Parsons) Fed saw an old friend return recently, in the guise of Maha. Almost immediately, war-drums were beating in the far-reaches of the galaxy as he and Tellurian renewed their old rivalry. Rivalry? Well, if you call pie-slinging a rivalry, then we suppose you're right. Many are the legends of these two dueling it out for the title of Fed's Pie Master. Choreographed pie-fights, replete with cream-filled pies, silly string, and just about anything else disgusting and gooey you could think of were common-place. And now, with Maha's return, no place is safe from the slings and arrows of outrageous pies. Keep your eyes on the barboards for notices announcing their next fight - you won't want to miss this! **>> LOVE FOR SALE Gemini is not one who would normally have to make use of call-boys. Indeed, she is generally considered one of Fed DataSpace's most desirable females, a "babe" as we believe the popular vernacular would term it. So why, then, did she offer Telluruin, the newest ne Galdur on the block, 5 gig if he would have sex with her? Granted, he's a bit of a dish - all that sexy black leather, he's certainly the most presentable of the clan we've seen so far. And he has told us he doesn't have sex unless he's paid huge amounts. But surely he's not worth that much! Obviously Gem had second thoughts after doing the deal with Ruin, because before they actually got to the point, she ran off and left him - frustrated, ready for action, and still broke! **>> PLANETS AND DUCHIES There have been two new planets since the last duchy round-up: Djmayhem's Halcyon, (sort of) reviewed last week by the charladydroid, and Shadow's Sylis, reviewed below. Djmayhem has joined Nightstalker's duchy, and Shadow has signed up with Riccardo. Rakshasa's Utopia is the only Independent planet at the moment. Looney's Insanity is made up of Jade's Dunnottar and Surfer's Surf. Riccardo's Links has Maxwell's Dawn, Emmi's Addis, Sean's Eire, Budwarp's Epini, Dierdre's Cove and the new Sylis. Nightstalker's Nightfall has Zagmar's Valaria, Akiko's Mirai, Tao's Rtyui, Chainsaw's Nautilus, Ciaran's Ulster, Chance's Chaos, Kainaw's Tisnar, Cicero's Roma and the new Halcyon. Amigan's Athens has Neuromancer's Paradigm, Mosquito's Sutra, Tellurain's Breen, Talisan's Skan and Drspock's Corona. Gemini's Ssenmaerd has Silk's Fortymile, Tantras' Vertigo, Dirge's Qushmarrah, Blackadder's Hyperion and Brawn's Outpost. Finally, Barberousse's Source has no planets at all. Brawn's Outpost is now a mining planet; it turned mini during the week. Budwarp's Epini and Emmi's Oac are now industrial worlds. Sean's Eire has converted to technical, and Zagmar's Valaria has advanced to leisure. Parabit will be offline for a month while Byterunner is otherwise engaged. Seppuku is also offline for a while, if you have a factory on the planet talk to Nightstalker about compensation. Starman was the first to solve Cove's puzzle, Dierdre paid over the 35 meg reward. Cove is very close to promoting, so no further rewards are being offered. **>> WATER, WATER EVERYWHERE Shadow's new planet, Sylis, is a small planet, with most of the surface area being water. The only land mass is a small island, with the landing pad on the northern tip. It's a newly-discovered world, so the spaceport is not overly busy, nor is the trading exchange (east of the pad). Obviously not very many travellers come to Sylis yet. But there also don't seem to be many natives around. West is the Aquariel Cafe, a quite lovely place to sit and watch the ocean. It is actually underwater, and the walls are glass; the parade of colourful fish swimming past is quite hypnotic, and we spent far too long sitting staring at the denizens of the deep. Underneath the landing pad is another underwater complex. Here, an airlock lets you out to swim through the ocean depths - provided you have breathing gear. We didn't, and we died trying to breathe water. Ooops! Deciding that we'd probably have gone rusty anyway, we headed south from the landing pad, into the main part of the planet. We passed Shadow's impressive looking house, but we couldn't pop in for tea because the gates were locked, so we headed for the beach! Here, we found out why the planet seemed quite deserted. Everyone was lying on the beach! We could hardly move for burning bodies. We ventured into the sea, to try to get away from the crush, but were menaced by some rather unpleasant-looking carnivorous fish. Discretion being the better part of valour, we retreated. Besides, we'd probably have gone rusty anyway. Heading back towards the landing pad, we found a path leading into a jungle. A beautiful flower garden housed a statue of a woman who obviously means a lot to the planet builder! Deeper into the jungle, and we came upon a sign warning of danger... it seemed it was time to turn back! Shadow has put together an interesting world. There's rather a lot of typing errors, which is a shame because they distract from the otherwise well-written and evocative descriptions. Even so, it's an enjoyable place to explore, and it looks like there's a puzzle there to solve. **>> SPYNET REVIEW Here's a bumper two-week collection of promotions news! Congratulations to everyone who did anything noteworthy. There were lots of new Captains: Luther, Seri (twice), Aja, Pink, Rai (back from the dead, making Captain three times), Wolfgang, Maha, Servant, Aloysius, Imp, Thataway, Lucy, Skydiamond, Id, Lynx, Ranger, Zoram, Chip, Telluruin, Sheppy, Michael, Benedicte, Mike, Edm, Mzcreant, Elvis, Chip (again), Scribble, Brigand, Heloise, and (oh no!) Psychochicken. The new Adventurers were Rai, Amerigo, Dongiovanni, Zoram, Telluruin, Chip, Seri, Pink, Lynx, Mzcreant and Ferril. The Traders Guild has the following new members: Rai, Dongiovanni, Seri, Amerigo, Telluruin, Chip and Static. Rai, Xyxxy, Telluruin and Amerigo made it to Merchant. The awesome JP puzzle was cracked by Cheri, Agnval, Rai, Skynx, Rg, Telluruin, Xyzzy and Amerigo. Gortek, Rai and Telluruin solved the fiendish GM puzzle. All three immediately made Explorer. Rai was then restored to his previous place as a Technocrat. Djmayhem and Shadow became Squires as their new planets were linked into the game. Advancing planets mean player promotions: Brawn is now a Thane, Budwarp and Emmi made it to Industrialist, Sean became a Technocrat, and Zagmar a Baron. There were quite a few deaths, and some of them were of high-ranking players. Rai snuffed it in the Parabit system, but he's returned now. Adventurer Jamesjoyce died in Sol. Trader Wired bought it in Halcyon. JP Agnval went belly-up in Tisnar. Explorer Hawkwood popped his clogs in Paradigm. Thane Alucard went to meet his maker in Sol (sadly, by his own hand). Trader Chip shuffled off this mortal coil in the deadly Bree system. Finally, GM Janel ran down the curtain and joined the choir invisibule, distraught that she had lost the love of her object of affection, Devon. On a happier note, Zagmar played his 1000th game! **>> CONTACTS The following information will appear at the end of every News Bulletin, so you don't have to read it if you already know it. In the event of a problem or question, you can: * talk to Hazed, Bella, Emmi, Mira, Tellurian or Tellurain in the game * a message to Hazed * send GEnie mail with the Mail about Federation option from the main menu A front-end terminal program is available for Federation, for the PC and Amiga. You can download a copy of FedTerm from the Federation official libraries (option 3 on the main Fed page). The third edition of the unexpurgated printed Idiot's Guide to Federation is now available, price $15.95. Type ORDER from any GEnie main menu and buy one. Or more! Federation has several categories in the MPGames RT. To get there, type M1045,1 from any menu prompt and SET category 13 (for information, instructions, questions and answers) or 14 (for general chat and discussions). The Federation Leader in the bulletin board is Oxcart (Mail ID: J.LONG29). There are also private categories for Explorers and the Sentate, run by Krell (Mail ID: K.HILLYER). The MPGames RT has a Federation player library in the files area, Lib 5. **>> BULLETIN ENDS