**>> SPYNET BULLETIN **>> EARTHDATE 94.08.07 **>> AN H-by-A SERVICE **>> Compiled by Hazed plus a team of specialist newsdroids **>> your news and gossip and get paid good groats! **>> GOUNDHOG DAY (Headline suggested by Amigan.) Fed DataSpace was stunned early in the week when a GroundHog appeared going by the name Tellurian! One of Fed's most active Senators had been reduced to a mere newbod, much to his chagrin and everyone else's amusement. A Spokesthing for the Galactic Administration said that Senator Tellurian had become hopelessly corrupt, and the authorities had had to rub him out. Since this would apply to any Senate member, we knew there had to be more to the story. And we were right! Speaking to the unexpectedly poor person, we discovered that Tellurian had been foolish enough to insult the demi-Goddess Hazed at just the wrong time of the month. In her wrath, she'd done what she had often threatened to do: she'd turned him into a GroundHog. What fun everyone had, turning their spybeams onto the poor ex-Senator, as he roamed the Solar System with begging bowl in hand, reduced to poverty, howling for his lost teleporter. Luckily for Tellurian, Our Illustrious Leader took pity on his plight and reversed Hazed's hasty decision. But to teach him to guard his tongue in future, she put a mega reward on his head! A giga reward, in fact, that had players forming cartels to try and shoot him down for the bounty. Let's hope he has learnt his lesson. **>> THE LOST REWARD Sadly, some wicked people conspired to remove Tellurian's reward before anyone could actually claim it. This report, just in: Skan, 209482:0590 (APD) In a shocking series of events, the Honorable Tellurian ne Galdur, Senator for Nemesis met with an untimely death on Shelter, in the system Skan, shortly before stardate 0600 today. Officerdroids are investigating the mishap, suspected to be a planned ssassination, planned by the Senator's own brother, Baron Tellurain ne Galdur and his cohort, Industrialist Talisan Montchatte. Officerdroid John O'Hare told reporters that while it did look like a setup, Senator ne Galdur teleported to Skan of his own free volition, without prompting from either of the suspected parties, other than one tight beam from his brother, proclaiming, "Quick! Tal is AFK!" Unfortunately, the senior ne Galdur did not ask for directions and foolishly teleported into the death trap so cunningly laid by Ms. Montchatte. An anonymous source has implicated both Thane Mosquito and the Honorable Hazed, Senator for Scratchwood, saying that both had full knowledge of the insidious plan beforehand. The motive for the assisted accident was Senator ne Galdur's enormous reward: over 100 meg. The Senator had boasted previously that he was too smart for the denizens of Fed DataSpace, after he narrowly missed being vaporised by Baron ne Galdur's twin-lasers. Sources from inside the ne Galdur family report that the senior brother's paranoia escalated immediately after being left with a scant 3 hull between him and certain death. Officer O'Hare confessed that while everybody at the station was pretty sure this was a planned homicide, they could pin nothing on either Industrialist Montchatte or Baron ne Galdur because they neither killed Senator ne Galdur directly, nor did they suggest he teleport to the location which caused his demise. O'Hare was quick to point out that it had to have been pre-meditated, based on the room description: Tellurian's Demise Oh, how the mighty has fallen! The higher they are, the harder they fall. And this one just plumetted off the depths of all known charts. Rain and Tal embrace and laugh merrily as the fallen Senator loses not only his pride, but also his reward. Skeets watches from a safe distance. **>> MARRIED... BUT ONLY JUST! Galena and Paladin's recent wedding was apparently a disaster from start to finish! Paladin conveniently tried to forget that he had previously made arrangement to be Gemini's champion, thus giving her control over his love- life (among other things). Not only did Paladin fail to inform his wife-to-be of his status, he also forget to ask Gemini's permission to marry! When it came to the part of the ceremony where objectors are asked to speak (usually a formality), Gem stepped forward and stopped the proceedings dead. After her objections, Tellurian refused to carry on with the wedding, Galena fainted with the shock, Devon and Emmi tried to argue with Gem and Tell that the wedding should go ahead... it was chaos! While the congregation talked amongst themselves, and a distraught Galena was comforted by her friends, Gemini and Paladin took themselves off to sort things out in private. No-one knows exactly what arrangement they came to, but finally the wedding was able to go ahead... although we've heard rumours that Paladin hasn't been allowed to consummate the marriage yet. Let that be a warning to all over-hasty paramours: make sure you dissolve one arrangement before embarking on another. **>> LOVE AND DEATH Budwarp and Dierdre are now engaged, wedding to be announced later. To celebrate their new love for each other, the couple went swimming in the deep pool on Dee's planet, Cove... and she tried to drown her paramour! He hit his head on a rock after she misdirected him, and almost died. Was it deliberate? We think probably not... because even Dee isn't stupid enough to kill Budwarp for his inheritance -*before*- they've actually got married! **>> PURITY AND INNOCENCE Briefcase is on a mission. A mission to rid Fed DataSpace of sin. He's lecturing anyone who stands still for a few moments on purity and innocence, because he considers that the perverts of Fed need a little in their lives. Briefcase feels that sex is given far too much importance in the day-to-day lives of the denizens of Fed DataSpace. He has decided to set an example, to show that it is an unncessary activity, and he has set up an 11-Step program to guide his fellow Fedders to purity and innocence. We'll print full details of his program in next week's news. It has been suggested that Briefcase's renounciation of the pleasures of the flesh is a result of his failure to find a sexual partner. But surely that's not true! **>> ... OF THE WEEK Mood of the week goes to Elex, for "Omnem amo et proximus es", which our latin scholar droid tells us means "I love everyone and you're next". Thief of the week is The Vile Cryptosporidium, who is running around in Tellurian's old ship! Presumably he'll give it back eventually, but it will need fumigating thoroughly... **>> PLANETS AND DUCHIES It's all change again, with a new Duke on the block. Amigan defeated those nasty Martians, saved the Galaxy from a fate worse than death, and now gets to run his own duchy. So far he's attracted just one planet into his domain: Tellurain's deadly Bree, formerly part of the Ssenmaerd duchy. When Marcia made Duke last week, Ciaran's Ulster became Independent; now he has joined Nightstalker's Nightfall. Alucard's Phlebos has also joined up with Nightfall, abandoning it's previous duchy of Source; a complete change of allegiance. Looney's duchy of Insanity has lost Amigan's Mycenae, because he's now a Duke. Jade's Dunnottarr has spun out, so Looney's just left with Surf. Fletcher's Pagrah has spun out; otherwise Riccardo's Links duchy is unchanged. Two planets have advanced to mining: Rakshasa's Utopia and Alucard's Snart. Utopia zoomed right on to become an Industrial world, along with four others: Kimos' Starship, Chance's Chaos, Neuromancer's Paradigm and Blackadder's Terraincognito. Incidentally, the final reward for the puzzle on Snart was claimed by Thor. **>> SPYNET REPORT Congratulations to everyone who was promoted during the week. The Captains were Tellurian (how the mighty are fallen!), Samantha, Patch, Duncan, Skynx, Linx, Pinotnv, Dongiovanni, Spacesinger and Finn. Patch, Skynx, Benson, Duncan, Spacesinger and Samantha were promoted to Adventurer or Adventureuse. The Traders Guild has some new members: Jonathan, Beethoven, Brain, Patch, Skynx, Benson and Duncan. Rg, Raven, Cheri and Trill made it to Merchant. Maxwell reached JP, on his struggle back from the dead. The fiendish GM puzzle was cracked by Romana and Shadow. Shadow made Explorer. Rakshasa and Alucard were promoted to Thane. Kimos, Chance, Rakshasa, Neuromancer and Blackadder became Industrialists. Amigan cracked the devilish Duke puzzle and is now the proud owner of his very own duchy. **>> CONTACTS The following information will appear at the end of every News Bulletin, so you don't have to read it if you already know it. In the event of a problem or question, you can: * talk to Hazed, Bella, Emmi, Mira, Tellurian or Tellurain in the game * a message to Hazed * send GEnie mail with the Mail about Federation option from the main menu A front-end terminal program is available for Federation, for the PC and Amiga. You can download a copy of FedTerm from the Federation official libraries (option 3 on the main Fed page). The third edition of the unexpurgated printed Idiot's Guide to Federation is now available, price $15.95. Type ORDER from any GEnie main menu and buy one. Or more! Federation has several categories in the MPGames RT. To get there, type M1045,1 from any menu prompt and SET category 13 (for information, instructions, questions and answers) or 14 (for general chat and discussions). The Federation Leader in the bulletin board is Oxcart (Mail ID: J.LONG29). There are also private categories for Explorers and the Sentate, run by Krell (Mail ID: K.HILLYER). The MPGames RT has a Federation player library in the files area, Lib 5. **>> BULLETIN ENDS