**>> SPYNET BULLETIN 
 **>> EARTHDATE 94.06.26 
 **>> AN H-by-A SERVICE 
 
 **>> Compiled by Hazed plus a team of specialist newsdroids 
 **>> <SEND HAZED> your news and gossip and get paid good groats! 
 
 
 **>> TYRANNY! 
 
There have been extraordinary scenes in the H-by-A office, as Hazed
tightens her grip on Fed DataSpace, determined that she will use Bella's
absence to consolidate her power. Her nefarious plan, if successful, means
that Bella will never return and Hazed will keep you all groaning under her
yoke of tyranny forever. 
 
The woman is a megalomaniac, and only Bella's restraint has kept her from
acting out her power-crazed desires before. Now you know what we NewsDroids
have had to put up with for years! She demands constant adulation and
worship - why, only yesterday she decided that from now on wherever she
walks she will be proceeded by semi-naked muscled boys and nubile girls
strewing rose petals in her path. 
 
And the way she's been treating Diesel's sex-droids doesn't bear thinking
about. Several of them have been scrapped, she's left them completely burnt
out. There's a glut of trashcans in Fed DataSpace at the moment! 
 
The only good thing is that she's been concentrating so hard on oppression
that she left us to write this news unattended! So we are putting our heads
(or equivalents) on the block, so to speak, daring to take a risk that she
won't read it after it's finished. We want to foment a rebellion! Rise up,
throw off the chains of the oppressive demi-Goddess, and send forth search
parties to find Our Illustrious Leader and bring her back! 
 
 
 **>> PARANOID ELECTRONICS, INC. 
 
We keep on getting enquiries from planet owners, asking what you have to do
to get a spyproof room. 
 
The answer is very simple: 
 
You bribe Bella. 
 
However, she will only allow one spyproof room (apart from Sams) at one
time, so since Surfer has got it now no-one else can have one until his
planet goes nova. At that time, the biggest bribe will get the room! 
 
Bella is said to want the bribes to start at the 10 gig mark. Any less than
that and she won't even open the envelope. 
 
 
 **>> WEDDING DETAILS 
 
Dierdre and Jainzar are getting hitched! You are all invited to watch (and
heckle) the ceremony on July 10 at 11pm eastern. The invitation we received
didn't say where it would be held, but we're sure the venue will be posted
on the bar board soon. 
 
Well... when we say "you are all invited" that's not strictly true. You are
all invited except for one person. Deirdre has said she doesn't want the
chicken to attend! We interviewed Psychochicken, and he said "Dierdre has
singled me out for a non-invitation to her wedding. I am distraught. Send
her messages in my favor. Support the banned! Dierdre discriminates against
murderous avians!" 
 
 
 **>> FOOLS DIE YOUNG 
 
We've said it before, and no doubt we'll have to say it again in the
future: Don't wander round player-planets if you aren't insured!! 
 
In particular, don't move a muscle on Neemeesis unless you're fully
covered. Don't pick anything up, don't talk to strange men, don't eat
anything that didn't come from a recognised bar. 
 
Trashcanman obviously didn't realise just how dangerous the planet is. He
died on Bree (the assassin got him) and quit for the day. When he came
back, he completely ignored the large notice that told him "You are not
insured" and went for a walk. He found out the hard way about picking up
objects that are not as harmless as they seem... 
 
Think of it as evolution in action. 
 
 
 **>> THE BOOK OF MOSAIC 
 
Not long after the birth of Glurg's only child, our Lord Pegasus tested
Glurg. He said to him, "Glurg!" 
 
"Here I am," he replied. 
 
Then Pegasus said, "Take your son, your only son, Mosaic, whom you love,
and go to the region of Snark. Sacrifice him there as a burnt offering on
one of the missile silos I will tell you about. 
 
Early the next morning, right after the reset, Glurg got up and saddled his
donkey. He took with him two of his understudies and his son Mosaic. When
he had gathered enough explosives for the burnt offering, he set out for
the place Pegasus had told him about. Glurg looked up and saw the place in
the distance. He said to his servants, "Stay here with this object with
Lizzy while I and the boy go into Snark. We will worship and then we will
come back to get you out of the maze." 
 
Glurg took the explosives for the burnt offering and placed them on his son
Mosaic, and he himself carried the spanner. As the two of them went on
together, Mosaic spoke up and said to his father Glurg, "Father?" 
 
"Yes, my son?" Glurg replied. 
 
"The explosives and spanner are here," Mosaic said, "but where is the
hapless newbod for the burnt offering?" 
 
Glurg answered, "Pegasus himself will provide the newbod for the burnt
offering, my son." And the two of them went on together. 
 
When they reached the place Pegasus had told him about, Glurg built an
altar there and arranged the explosives on it. He bound his son Mosaic and
laid him on the altar, on top of the explosives. He activated the spanner,
then he reached out his hand and took the spanner to slay his son. Pegasus
called out to him from the control room in Snark, "Glurg! Glurg!" 
 
"Here I am," he replied. 
 
"Do not be afraid. Have faith in me, my son." 
 
As Glurg wielded the heavy spanner over his head, he frantically waited for
the spynet to notify him of a groundhog's entrance into Federation
DataSpace. But alas, none came. His faith in Pegasus strong, he brought the
spanner down upon his only son Mosaic, splitting the lad's skull into
several fragmentary pieces. As Glurg looked on in horror, he could hear
Pegasus chuckling from above. 
 
"Trust no one, my son." 
 
 
 **>> WATCH THE LIZARD 
 
Ferdelance continues his hunt for antelope snacks, having developed a taste
for them from Hazed. At Samantha's, he was treated to a moose head (not the
beer) and appeared sated until he tried to wash it down with a Chaosian
Lethal Injection and choked. 
 
In retaliation, Ferdie grabbed Kathy and threw her at her brother Chance
who caught her just before the bar brawl began. Fists, tails, phasers and
scales flew. Even Data lost his head, crawling back to his body on his
lips. Devon fed Ferdie one of Hazed's special sleep-inducing antelopes but
Ferdie has been taking antelope-antidote and promptly spit up the meal
which pretty much ended the brawl and left a mess for Sam to clean up that
she was none too happy about. 
 
 
 **>> BABY BLUES 
 
Having escaped her babysitter, young Lydia came to Samantha's for milk and
cookies and a bedtime story about the Tuatha De Danaan but wound up with a
price on her little head. 
 
Rai felt insulted when Lydia refused his offer on non-Gaelic blood and
tried to frighten her by wearing a mask to make him look like Alucard
(quite why he thought that dressing up like a vampire would scare her, when
her father Maxwell -*is*- a vampire, we don't know). When that had no
effect, he put a bounty on her one-year-old noggin. Apparently the Sidhe
(Faery Folk) didn't take kindly to the reward as Rai soon found his macros
mis-firing. And neither did Baron Maxwell who paddled Rai soundly when he
arrived though Rai had intended the paddle for Lydia. The reward was
dropped quicker than Rai's drawers and beet ice cream was served to all
present. 
 
 
 **>> SORRY, KENTUCKY DOESN'T FRY CHICKEN 
 
She's bwaaak! Psychochicken returned to egg on the travellers of Fed and
was fit to be tied for receiving a non-invitation to the upcoming nuptials
of Dierdre and Jainzar after she couldn't keep her guns in her pants. 
Psychochicken cried that she was not a killer by choice but that Fed
society had deep-fried her into a life of murder when no jobs were offered
to her - another fowl bawl. Adventurer Slider was one of the first with the
guts to face the chicken - unfortunately, they were strewn all over
Mercury's orbit. Soon others joined the impromptu barbeque but Sauron,
Starman, Brawn and others all laid eggs. Senator Cryptosporidium purchased
the ship Kentucky to hunt the bird but wound up prey itself. It appears
that Psychochicken has lifted the wallet of some Rich Person as she spends
seemingly inexhaustible funds to continue her hunt. 
 
 
 **>> THREE'S COMPANY 
 
The feud between Mira and Freya has hotted up again, after we thought
they'd kissed and made-up last week. And this time they've involved a third
person! 
 
Poor Mara has got dragged into the sordid fight, purely because of the
similarity of her name to Mira. Mara was chatting to Topper when Freya
arrived, it being her turn in his bed; but she was hungover and thought
that it was Mira, queue jumping. She launched into poor Mara and
practically tore all her hair out! 
 
Once the mistaken identity was sorted out, she was mortified, and tried to
apologise to Mara. But Mara was fuming, and ran to tell tales to Mira...
who lost her temper with Freya again! 
 
Last seen, Mara and Mira were ganging up on Freya, who can't understand why
they are being so beastly about an innocent mistake. 
 
 
 **>> STOP PRESS! 
 
After thoroughly ticking off several Fedders, Ferdelance was challenged by
a couple of them to meet them in space. Finally, after being called a
chicken, he agreed to meet Azure... who promptly gunned him down. 
 
He has apologised profusely and promised not to be a pest in the future,
nor to be mean and rude to others. We shall see. If he breaks his
promise... we're sure Chance still has a spot in Arena Space ready for more
ship debris! 
 
 
 **>> LIES, DAMNED LIES, AND THINGS IN THE FED GOSSIP COLUMN 
 
We all know about the impending marriage of Dierdre and Jainzar. But what
most people do not know, is that at the moment of the proposal, (Which was
very lovely, with Jainzar on a bended knee asking for is fair lady's hand)
she could not spell his name to save her life! Could it be she is marrying
the wrong man? 
 
In a very interesting twist this week, Data has pledged himself to be the
"Love Android" of out own Editrix, Hazed!  This seems to please her to no
end, as she will be saving thousands of groats on D-cell batteries.  This
newsdroid overheard Hazed saying, "He just keep going...and going...and
going..." 
 
There was an incident in Chez Diesel's this week involving Galauriel,
Cryptosporidium, and a cheese grater.  But the newsdroid short-circuited
before any further information could be gathered.  Thank goodness for small
favors! 
 
And in a disturbing bit of news for the entire FedSpace...it has been
rumoured that the bottles of Chateau DuCard '34 that Alucard has been so
generously buying for the last few months are tainted.  It seems that the
grape chamber's pipelines were accidentally crossed with his in-house blood
supply lines.  Any "strange" occurences that this may bring, should only be
temporary, but don't be surprised if Red Wine sales go WAY up in the Bars
of the Systems. 
 
And one of the newest relationships to delevop, between Widowmaker and
Galena, has been becoming so sickeningly sweet, that the Surgeon General's
Office has posted a Diabetes Warning for anyone in the same sector as the
two. 
 
Meanwhile, Devon and Mara were engaged in an intriguing discussion about
"mouth-music." Is that what they're calling it these days? 
 
 
 **>> SPYNET REVIEW 
 
It's been another busy week at the low end of the game. Congratulations to
everyone who was promoted. 
 
The new Captains were Shocker, Windman, Romana (twice), Kitn, Dustin, Erica
(twice), Galena (back from the dead), Timothy, Rhiannon, Snar, Trashcanman
(back from the dead), Archangel and Akira. 
 
Shocker, Windman, Trashcanman (twice), Docholiday, Romana (twice), Galena
and Rhiannon were promoted to Adventurer or Adventureuse. 
 
The Traders Guild admitted Data, Romana (twice), Devon, Galena and
Ferdelance. 
 
Kathy, Data, Corinthus and Romana made it to Merchant. 
 
Shadow, Briefcase and Widowmaker cracked the awesome JP puzzle. 
 
Gemini and Maxwell were both promoted to Baron, as their planets advanced
to leisure. 
 
1156:Gemini has reached Baroness! Well done!  
3434:Maxwell is now Baron of Dawn  
 
A few deaths to report: Adventureuse Galena and Adventurer Trashcanman both
came to grief on the treacherous Bree; and Merchant Shauna fell on her
swiss army knife. 
 
 
 **>> CONTACTS 
 
The following information will appear at the end of every News Bulletin, so
you don't have to read it if you already know it. 
 
In the event of a problem or question, you can: 
 
 * talk to Hazed, Bella, Emmi, Freya, Tellurian or Tellurain in the game 
 
 * <SEND> a message to Hazed 
 
 * send GEnie mail with the Mail about Federation option from the main menu
 
A front-end terminal program is available for Federation, for the PC and
Amiga. You can download a copy of FedTerm from the Federation official
libraries (option 3 on the main Fed page). 
 
The third edition of the unexpurgated printed Idiot's Guide to Federation
is now available, price $15.95. Type ORDER from any GEnie main menu and buy
one. Or more! 
 
Federation has several categories in the MPGames RT. To get there, type
M1045,1 from any menu prompt and SET category 13 (for information,
instructions, questions and answers) or 14 (for general chat and
discussions). The Federation Leader in the bulletin board is Oxcart (Mail
ID: J.LONG29). There are also private categories for Explorers and the
Sentate, run by Krell (Mail ID: K.HILLYER). 
 
The MPGames RT has a Federation player library in the files area, Lib 5. 
 
 
 **>> BULLETIN ENDS