**>> SPYNET BULLETIN
 **>> EARTHDATE 94.05.22

 **>> Compiled by Hazed and a team of dedicated (but hung-over) newsdroids


 **>> AND A GOOD TIME WAS HAD...

So, here we are, nearing the end of the third official Federation
UnConvention. Our thanks to Topper for putting us up (or should that be
putting up with us!). When this meet was first planned, it was going to be
a get-together of about 5 people, but as soon as the demi-Goddess Hazed
announced her intention of flying across to join the frolics, the list of
prospective attendees grew and grew.

Of course, when the vile Cryptosporidium suggested that it should put in an
appearance as well, the numbers shrank into minus figures!

So, as is traditional for Fed Meet reports, here's a list of those who
attended some time during the weekend:

     Hazed, the divine Anglo-Saxon Love Goddess herself

     Cryptosporidium, the less said about which the better

     Topper, our genial host with the most

     Mira, Topper's love slave and provider of a constant supply of 
     caffeine

     Deric, the owner of a very nice ass

     Emmi, who snores, stole all the blankets, and tried to push Hazed out 
     of bed

     Barberousse, who's developed a phobia for yellow things that honk (and
     we're not talking ducks here!)

     Tantras, being oppressed by Hazed

     Paladin, who has requested that absolutely nothing be reported (thanks
     for the bribe, Pal!)

     Fletcher, and of course everything was his fault

     Gemini, who claimed her innocence all weekend (but no-one believed 
     her)

     Tellurian, who is even more ticklish than we thought

     Galauriel, complete with hair curlers

     Budwarp, who wasn't here long enough to do anything that the 
     newsdroids could turn into a snappy line

     Maxwell, who retired in some distress after Emmi made him a sandwich
     (or was it the sunlight that did him in?)

     Sean, who wisely decided to sleep elsewhere

     Mara, everyone's favorite honey

     Zodiac, declining to model publically the little red number

     Assorted hangers-on including Reginald, making his third appearance at
     a FedCon, and Yogi the dog who coped extremely well with the hordes of
     screaming Fedders invading his home.

As always, we all behaved in a mature, serious, adult fashion and did
absolutely nothing that is worth reporting. Yeah, right!


 **>> HIGHLIGHTS FROM THE WEEKEND

Ok, we'll take pity on you and cover a few of the highlights (or lowlights)
of the weekend so far, but our lawyers have advised us to keep it vague.

We were all impressed with the cleanliness and comfort of the shuttle which
took us on Saturday's exploration, although despite many shouts of 'Wait'
and lighting up of Yak 42s it didn't move when we wanted it to.

A visit to the Air and Space Museum saw the gathering trying to spot their
planets on the starmaps. We enjoyed seeing the advanced technology used to
control some of the exhibits, including a Commodore Pet. The Krsna
Conciousness books collected by the greedy Fedders provided hours of
hilarity.

We were pleased to hear that Tellurian was using the weekend as a chance to
rest his hands. We have no idea -*what*- he was referring to!

Zodiac won a prize in the sleazy PJ contest, judged by Topper. We
understand she offered a very large bribe in order to ensure her success,
but we were not able to find out exactly what that comprised.

Emmi's slippers deserve a special mention. They were... beyond description!

Spandex mood-shorts, it says here. No, we can't possibly explain. You had
to be there!

Barberousse completely forgot to refuel his ship on the way down, and ran
out in space not far from his destination.

Required reading for the weekend was the legendary 'Oxcart and Zarnaf'
transcript. If you don't know about this, ask for a copy.


 **>> THE OFFICIAL STUFF...

Rakshasa's planet, Utopia, was linked into the game on Monday.
Unfortunately, the owner hadn't showed up in the game for over a week, so
the new world didn't actually appear! She logged on later in the week and
the next day the planet was available for exploration.

Due to the Fed Meet, all our newsdroids are otherwise engaged so the report
of the planet will have to wait until next week. We have, however, heard
rumours that it is a dangerous place.

Chance's Chaos was linked on Thursday, and will also be reported on next
week. He is offering a 30 meg reward to the first person to solve his
puzzle.

There will be no SpyNet Review this week, for obvious reasons. Expect a
bumper super-duper mega extravaganza round-up of promotions next week, once
Hazed has got over the jetlag from which she will no doubt be suffering.


 **>> ONE OF OUR COMMANDS IS MISSING!

New factory-owners have been commenting recently that they can't use the
<SET PRODUCTION> command to make their factories operate after they leave
the game, as described in the new edition of the Idiot's Guide (available
for the paltry price of $15.95 by typing ORDER from any main menu, a
bargain, rush out and buy several immediately and earn Hazed's undying
gratitude).

There's a very good reason for this. The command is no longer available. As
is traditional, Bella deliberately removed the command just after the Guide
had gone to press, thus ensuring it was wrong before it even went on sale.

The ability to run factories in your absence was taken out because it was
causing huge memory fragmentation problems. As a trade-off, factory thingy
units were sped up to compensate so factories still produce the same amount
of stuff.


 **>> COMING SOON (ISH)...

Bella's had an idea. Oh no, what a scary thought! That little green brain
has been chuntering along, and has come up with the plan to make Explorers
work a bit harder for their promotion.

She plans to make you build your own Interstellar Link before your planet
will be linked to the game. No details as yet, and this won't go in for a
while, so those currently working on planets don't have to panic.


 **>> COMING SOON (MAYBE)...

Soon to be available! The Official H-by-A Idiot's Guide to Dumping. Watch
this space for details.


 **>> STUFF THAT USUALLY APPEARS AT THE END...

Well it won't be on this edition, so if you need to know all that useful
stuff it's just too bad. If you've got a problem, talk to Bella or Hazed in
the game, send sendmail to Hazed, or use the 'Send Mail about Federation'
option on the main menu.

That's all!