**>> SPYNET BULLETIN **>> EARTHDATE 94.04.17 **>> AN H-by-A SERVICE **>> Compiled by Hazed plus a team of specialist newsdroids **>> your news and gossip and get paid good groats! **>> BELLA IN BED-SHOVE SCANDAL SHOCK HORROR! We have absolutely no idea what this headline means. Hazed asked us to put it in. Please, Bella, if you are offended by this don't take it out on us, we are just poor innocent newsdroids toiling in the most dreadful conditions to do our job, underpaid, overworked, under-appreciated, overcrowded, under-nourished, overtaken, under the thumb of our tyranical editrix Hazed, overcome with horror at the thought of what she'll do to us if we disobey her, undertaking to produce this fine high-quality journal week after week for no thanks at all... **>> THE PLANET OF DEATH The SpyNet Review this week has been filled with reports of deaths, most happening on one planet. A rough calculation shows the deathtoll to be around 85. Before you have visions of a massive graveyard filled with the rotting corpses of unfortunate Fedders, we should say that those 85 deaths only involved about 25 people. Yes, we're talking multiple deaths here. Whatever it was that was killing people exerted a strange fascination, making them go back over and over again. You'd think word would have got round after the first few casualties that the planet was dangerous and should be avoided. But obviously not. Showing some kind of death-wish, Fedders flocked again and again to the death-trap that was Tellurain's new planet. The motive for their dates with death: pure greed. The planet Neemeesis in the system Bree has a large logic puzzle on it, and the owner has promised to pay an enormous reward to the first person to solve the puzzle. We're not going to give Neemeesis the usual write-up we give to planets - describing what you'll find there. It should be very obvious from reading the SpyNet Review that what you'll find there is, in all probability, a messy and painful death. But with the hope of that huge reward, and the sheer inventiveness of the planet's locations - and the amusing deaths - it is worth visiting. But make sure you have insurance!! **>> THE REASSURANCE OF INSURANCE With the ease of obtaining insurance in Fed DataSpace, it doesn't make sense for anyone to take the risk of even walking down the road to the Trading Exchange uninsured. You never know when an accident might happen, even in Sol - a mis-typed key or a broken macro can send you to your death in a radiation-filled room; a stray laser-blast can blow a hole in your already leaky hull; and for the unwary, the magnetic power of the sun can take hold of your ship and draw you to a fiery death. Once you venture out of the Solar System to the player-planets, things can get more hazardous. Many of the worlds have vicious space mobiles that can attack if you pause too long in space to get your bearings. If puzzles offer high rewards, you can assume there's high risks involved too. So it really doesn't make much sense to risk wandering around on a player- planet without insurance. Particularly if the SpyNet Review shows that visitors have been dropping like flies. Even more so if the owner of the planet has a reputation like Tellurain. It makes even less sense to die on the planet, wind up in hospital where one can purchase more insurance without moving, yet neglect to re-insure and venture back out, into a world which has already killed you once, naked and vulnerable. Still, that's what people have been doing. So far, the dead-deads on Neemeesis are Adventurer Melchior, Adventurer Scott, Trader Locutus, Trader Wilhelm, and Adventureuse Baker. The limitation that stops players using the link until they reach Adventureuse is there for a reason: it's to protect players until they are ready to protect themselves. On this showing, maybe the limitation should be raised so you can't use the link until you're a Merchant! Most of these unfortunates have started again and are being helped up the ranks to regain their former position, but they aren't getting a whole lot of sympathy. Let's hope they've learned a valuable lesson. **>> LEAGUE OF DOOM Apart from the sad dead-deads, the SpyNet Review shows those who have been happily exploring the planet for pleasure and the hope of profit. We've compiled a league table showing those that died the most on Tellurain's terrible planet. Top of the chart is 'Rain himself, with 11 deaths on his own planet. Presumably he's been checking to see if the deaths work correctly! In joint second place, with 9 deaths each, are Talisan and Rai. Hazed shows next, with 6 deaths, followed by Tantras with 5, Mosquito and Longshot with 4 and Amigan with 3. Paladin, Seramarias, Blackadder, Gypsyrose and Brandy had 2 each, while Barberousse, Perseus, Renard and Satriani could only manage 1 apiece - presumably they bottled out and decided the prize wasn't worth the risk. It is obvious by this massive death-toll that the planet's owner is following in the footsteps of his brother by graduating from the Pegasus School of Assassination with flying colours! **>> FROM THE FED DATASPACE 'SOCIETY NEWS' DESK... Judging from the Spynet Review, it appears that our jolly FedSpace dilettantes have embraced a new preoccupation to while away their time, namely the headlong pursuit of methods that give them a taste of the Great Mystery! Yes indeed, those devil-may-care daredevils are flocking in droves to dangerous locales, the Paradise Island of the lot emerging as that balmy and beautiful planet of Cheese, Neemeesis. Neemeesis boasts a veritable bevy of butchery. The welcoming committee is an absolute scream, among others, featuring those merry pranksters, Peggy and the assassin. And on-ground celebrities abound, lead by that convivial angel-of-death, Glurg himself! Happy participants are alternately blown to bits by the mobiles, blown to bits leaving rooms, blown to bits by the TDX, drowned, poisoned, religiously annihilated and plummeted to a splattered end. What frolic! For those who enjoy the more traditional attractions found in Sol, we've noted not a few vacationers sampling the delights to be found on Snark! Yes, our jocund populace can always be counted on to push the sybaritic envelope. One can only wonder what they'll think of next! La di da, my dears! Lady Lulu 'Buffie' Capturfilingham **>> IS NO-ONE SAFE? Rumor has it that Rai, Squire of Seppuku was gunned down over Eire last week by a ferocious Journeywoman. What is Fed Dataspace coming to when pilots with no more than rudimentary computers cold-bloodedly hunt down and kill our gentry? Are Senators to be the next target? **>> YET MORE DEATH! Poor Spring. After a fling with Sean, she discovered she was pregnant, and killed herself. This seems just a little drastic! Perhaps it was the thought of how she would explain things to Siobhan that prompted her to end it all... **>> THE CHURCH OF ST. PEGASUS, DEFENDER OF NEWBODS Many of you may not be aware of the cult of St. Pegasus which has existed in Fed for the past year or so. One night, then-explorer Tellurian was flying through Sol when Peggy took a shot at his hauling ship, and blasted him to Snark and back. Well, Tell decided to meditate on this, and chose the site of many of St. Pegasus' famous exploits -- the Altar in the Martian ruins -- as his place of meditation. After much time, a vision of St. Pegasus came upon Tell (we all think it was more of those bad tacos he is wont to eat) and bade him to seek out the planet Nemesis, where the cult of the deranged horse lived. And so was born the planet Nemesis. Earlier this week, it seems Tell was possessed for the first time in ages by the homicidal horse, and he gave a reading from the Book of Bella, thought by many religious researchers to be the core mystery of the cult. So, without further ado, here is what went out over the comms that night... In the Beginning, there was nothing but the warm glow of the computer... And one day, a green woman with a wide-arse sat down at the terminal, and switched it on. And she sayeth, 'let there be light', and the cursor glowed. On the first day, Bella created the Earth, and saw it was good. So she rested, devising all sorts of ways to bring people into her creation. And thus, the free weekend was created. On the second day, Bella strove mightily against the bits, and created the Moon, and Mars, and all the other planets in Sol. And she populated it with mobiles, such as Godot, and the Marillion. And she smiled, for it was good. And so she rested. On the 3rd day, Bella created the objects, amongst which were the TDX, and the sargeur (which no one to this day rightly knows what it does). And she smiled, for it was wondrous. On the 4th day, Bella sat back and opened the gates of this new realm and it began to become populated with beings. Amongst them were the legendary Pegasus, his cohort Pugwash [this was Hazed, in an older incarnation -Ed], and Sevrina. And they were bored, for there was no way to kill. For Bella, in her omniscient vagueness, had not yet created ship combat. So when newbods came on, and whined, there was no way to kill them. And the people cried out, 'Woe is us, Bella, for we wish to silence the idiocy!' But Bella was too busy, embroiled in her code. And so endeth the 4th day. On the 5th day, Pegasus came into Fed, and was stunned by a truly stellar case of stupidity... and he handed the TDX to this new whiner, and there was death. And it was good. As the day moved on, the kindly Saint Pegasus, Defender of Newbods, began to discover new and fruitful ways to silence the cries. And the people were happy. Alas, Bella was still in the code. And so, the 5th day ended, with blood filling the sewers of Mars. And Pegasus rested. On the 6th day, Bella returned to her creation, and said, 'Lo and behold, for I bringeth you a new rank - you may promote to JP!' And the masses were pleased. Saint Pegasus stepped once more into the breach, and became that exalted rank. And there was much rejoicing. It was at this time that Saint Pegasus discovered the hidden mysteries of the mass murder, which are a cult secret to this day. And Bella was not pleased. And so, Bella put forth the code of the ships, which allowed people to blast each other to Snark and back. And it was good. At the end of the 6th day, Bella took a bath. And there was much rejoicing, for it was good. So endeth the 6th day. On the seventh day, Bella returned with 2 new creations... the GM and the Duke puzzle. Now the people could reach heights previously unattainable. And there was much laziness. And Pegasus, he looked down from his mount on Snark, and saw it was bad. People began sharing puzzle clues, and it was bad. People who had no right to advance, did. And it was very bad. Saint Pegasus swept through the solar system, bringing a vengeful justice to those who perpetrated such woes. And it was good. It was very, very good. But alas, our Lord Pegasus grew weary, and at long last, was assumed into the heavens above, where he still flies to this day, protecting the weak and innocent in Sol. So endeth the 7th day. On the 3000th day, Bella was still creating the senate code. We still await. Praise Pegasus! So endeth this lesson. Next week shall be a reading from the Book of Glurg, by Brother Tellurain. **>> PLANETS AND DUCHIES Tellurain's Neemeesis has signed up with Barberousse's Duchy of Source. There are two planets waiting to go into the game. Surfer's will go in Monday or Tuesday. It's a surfing world, naturally, and has the distinction of having the first player-planet spy-proof room since Jim's Blind Pig! Surfer paid an enormous amount of money for this privilege, despite the attempt by a consortium of rival players to outbid him at the last minute. Later in the week, Dirge's Tempest will be linked. We are told this will have a puzzle paying a big fat reward. And coming soon to a space near you, courtesy of Talisan: Shelter! Planet of dreams, planet of heathens! (Don't blame us, we don't write the ad copy, we just print it.) **>> SPYNET REVIEW Well done to everyone who was promoted during the week, and commiserations to those who died. The new Captains were Haywood, Jacid, Storm, Formic, Golgatha, Mirth and Dale. Locutus, Melchior, Wilhelm and Scott came back from the dead to make Captain. Formic, Starstruck, Baker and Alucard were promoted to Adventurer (despite Alucard's disastrous encounter with the roulette wheel!). The Traders Guide admitted Ishmee and Makaldar. Zaphod and Marley were promoted to Merchant. Talisan and Starseeker solved the fiendish GM puzzle. They both went on to make Explorer. Tellurain became Squire of Neemeesis as the lethal planet was linked to the game. There were seven deaths: Melchior, Scott, Locutus, Wilhelm, Gregan, Spring, Baker and Connor. See our earlier piece for details of some of these demises. Gregan decided to suicide for reasons unknown, and picked Tantras' Vertigo as the ideal place to do it. Spring suicided after a positive pregnancy test. Connor died in Sol, we don't know if this was accidental or deliberate. Finally, Emmi has played 2000 games!! **>> CONTACTS The following information will appear at the end of every News Bulletin, so you don't have to read it if you already know it. In the event of a problem or question, you can: * talk to Hazed or Bella in the game * a message to Hazed * send GEnie mail with the Mail about Federation option from the main menu A front-end terminal program is available for Federation, for the PC and Amiga. You can download a copy of FedTerm from the Federation official libraries (option 3 on the main Fed page). The third edition of the unexpurgated printed Idiot's Guide to Federation is now available, price $15.95. Type ORDER from any GEnie main menu and buy one. Or more! Federation has several categories in the MPGames RT. To get there, type M1045,1 from any menu prompt and SET category 13 (for information, instructions, questions and answers) or 14 (for general chat and discussions). The Federation Leader in the bulletin board is Oxcart (Mail ID: J.LONG29). There are also private categories for Explorers and the Sentate, run by Krell (Mail ID: K.HILLYER). The MPGames RT has a Federation player library in the files area, Lib 5. **>> BULLETIN ENDS