**>> SPYNET BULLETIN **>> EARTHDATE 94.03.20 **>> AN H-by-A SERVICE **>> Compiled by Anne Nohnemess plus a team of specialist newsdroids **>> your news and gossip and get paid good groats! **>> THE OFFICIAL BIT... This week, we turn the newsdroids over to the tender loving care of a guest editor - who wishes to remain anonymous, the wimp! Obviously he, she or it is terrified that people will take offence at what they write. First, the official news. **>> CRY FREEDOM Last weekend's Free Weekend came to a successful close on Monday morning. Welcome to all the new players, and many thanks to the old players who took the time to help the flood of newbods get started. Marcia, in particular, deserves thanks for her patience in answering umpteen million questions from newbods who hadn't read the instructions... We will be holding another free weekend later in the year. Our next special event is over the Easter weekend. The Easter Bunny will be bounding into Fed DataSpace with a hop, skip and a jump, his basket overflowing with groats to give away. Hazed's planet, Cabbage, will be back by popular demand. And because it's also April Fool's Day, you'll be able to explore Tacky-Yawn, a planet where good taste runs backwards. Tacky-Yawn has been specially written by Blackadder, so if you enjoyed Humbug, the Christmas planet (on which he collaborated) or TerraNova, you'll love Tacky-Yawn! More details next week. **>> SERVICING THE CUSTOMERS As you know, Bella is buried deep in the bowels of the game code, doing a fundamental rewrite to the structure of the game, as well as adding the new secret senator commands. Recently, she's had to take a lot of time out from programming to deal with player problems. The Federation Partnership has decided this is not a productive use of her time, and has ordered her to get back to her keyboard and stop sticking her long green nose into customer service matters. From now on, Hazed is formally in charge of customer services, and you should talk to her if you have any questions or problems about Fed. The Mail About Fed option on the main Fed page leads straight to the heart of her mailbox - or you can send GEmail to FEDII.2. Hazed logs onto the game much more frequently than Bella, and will be able to deal with sendmail or GEmail in a swifter and more efficient fashion. Even technical matters should be directed to Hazed in the first instance - she'll pass them onto Bella if necessary. **>> MORE DUCHIES Tomorrow, Bella will increase the number of Duke slots to six (currently they are set at five). There's a large number of new planets being written at the moment, so there's definitely room for another Duke. This means that the next time someone solves the Duke puzzle, there won't be any new Senators. **>> PARANOID ELECTRONICS INC. An Explorer recently plied Bella with drinks, got down on bended knee, agreed to part with an enormous amount of groats, offered her favors of an unspecified nature, and grovelled loud and long, if she'd grant his request. His request: he wanted players to be able to put spybeam-proof rooms on their planets. Currently, the only spybeam-proof room is Samantha's Bar on Castillo (Jim's old planet, Crime, had a spybeam-proof room due to file corruption, but that's long gone). Being a sucker for flattery, not to mention bribes, Bella agreed that she would allow one spybeam-proof room to be in the game at any one time. Given that this audacious Explorer had been the first to suggest it, he would get the franchise from Paranoid Electronics Inc. and have the first such room, but it would cost a humungous amount of groats! When his planet goes out of the game, the Paranoid Electronics franchise will go up for auction to any existing or prospective planet-owner. This is definitely a gambit to be sponsored by a very rich Duke! Oh yes... who's the lucky Explorer whose imminent planet will get the franchise? It's Surfer! **>> THE GOOD, THE BAD, AND MOST DEFINITELY THE UGLY [an editorial, not necessarily reflecting the views of H-by-A] We've all heard repeatedly that Fed is a game of 'No Rules'. If the code allows it, then it obviously is something that is allowed. Player-enforced rules have long been the norm in Fed DataSpace, and have evolved over the course of time into a pretty reasonable code of conduct. Some things are just not done, even if the game allows it. Case in point - when was the last time there was an actual dead-dead hunt? Not in this reporter's memory. This brings up an issue many of you may not have ever thought about - the hiding of items needed for a particular puzzle. As most folks know, just about every puzzle in Fed requires the usage of at least one item - some require many. Case in point - the Duke/Duchesse puzzle. Once a planet reaches the Leisure level, odds are good that the Baron/ess will be embarking on the rather arduous task of completing the seven builds needed to allow the planet owner to embark on a trip to Save the Galaxy From A Fate Worse Than Death. If one pays close attention to the DI display, one can get a very clear idea as to how close the planet owner is to running the puzzle, based on the amount of workers the planet has available. If you see that the planet has completed the builds, you can then begin a daily routine of grabbing one or two of the required items for the Duke puzzle, and stashing them somewhere difficult to reach. Of course, this would require knowledge on your part of the items needed in the puzzle. Which is precisely what happened this week, much to the dismay of then-Baron Ramius, of Ausland. He had slogged through the builds, watching his planet dissolve before his eyes. He had arranged with several people to gather one night, to join him on his journey. After gathering the needed commodities to ensure a safe passage for he and his helpers, an item turned up to be missing. Not only was it missing, but it was nowhere to be found on the seven planets in the Sol System. After over two hours of relentless searching by a rather large band of players (during which Sol was searched from top to bottom at least four times), it was finally determined that the needed item was in the one place unreachable that night - Snark. Normally this would have been an attainable place, but circumstances were such that the Guild Master puzzle had been run that night, effectively shutting down access to it until the next reset. Two hours were wasted by the search party. Ramius was frustrated and quite upset by the fact that people had had to waste so much time for a meaningless task. Now, there's nothing wrong with hiding puzzle items - to some people it is a time-honored tradition to do so - but do so in a place that is at least reachable, with a small amount of effort by the searcher(s). It strikes this reporter as nothing less than malicious to have taken a critical item and put it in a place that very likely was going to be inaccessible after a short amount of time. The culprit(s) should be real proud of themselves, secure in the knowledge that they caused a number of people to waste time and money on this meaningless quest. Fortunately, there's a happy ending to this. The items needed were rounded up immediately after reset the next night, and Ramius did indeed complete his mission, Saving the Galaxy From A Fate Worse Than Death. This, despite adversity from an unknown foe. **>> GOIN' TO THE CHAPEL OF...LOVE? From the Fed DataSpace 'Society News' desk... This past weekend, FedSpace celebrated another of those, shall we say, 'lively' events known as the Free Fed Weekend. We're personally of the opinion that it would be more aptly titled FreeFed Freeforall, but that's only one opinion however exalted it may be. At any rate, the hallowed doors to Space were thrown open to the masses and they did, indeed, rush in. Comms were nigh over-loaded with pleas for assistance and insightful queries such as "I just ran out of fuel...help!", "How do I make lots of money quick?" and our personal favorite "What do the little numbers to the left of the names on the 'who' list mean?" Our ever-accommodating M. Altasren answered that one, informing the inquisitive newbod that those numbers tell how many times one can yet clog the comm-lines with irrelevant questions before their character is summarily annihilated. However, out of the pandemonium, there did emerge at least one near-event fit for reporting in a column dedicated to Fed's upper-crust. The reader might be asking why we say 'near-event'. That is to say, we do so because it did not happen. But then weddings tend to be that sort of thing now and then. Really... what's important after all? The short little speech followed by a tired vow or the elaborate and intriguing preparation and build-up to the act? Dear reader, we're sure you'll agree it's the latter of course! Thus, read on for the scintillating details! Mlle. Emmi has become Fed's leading match-maker having innovated new and improved methods for young ladies to choose a bridegroom. Mme. Mosquito adds another plume to her bonnet, assuming the position of Wedding Consultant. (Yes, our dear 'Skeets' is showing herself to be a lady of many talents!) And make no mistake, it was to have been a star-studded evening! Mlle. Emmi was chosen to be bride Talisan's Maid of Honor, with bridesmaids Mosquito, Marcia, Gemini, Tabby, Azure and Starseeker. (It was hinted that Mlle. Freya D.G. was also asked but had to reluctantly decline for reasons associated with that shadowy figure on the fringe of Fed society known only as 'the Godfather'.) Fed song bird, Mme. Gemini graciously consented to perform the solo, her own rendition of that moving wedding favorite, "I love you, you love me". Grooms Men were to include Blackadder, Barberousse and Amigan (with additional gents to be added.) It was confided to us that Senator Tellurian was to be asked to stand up in the role of Best Man as well as being the chosen candidate to give the bride away, since he has (she avowed) always been such a father-figure to her. An officiator was never chosen, but the location was set to be south of Earth in open space, which would have been simply spectacular considering the celebratorial fireworks planned for immediately following. Yes, we're happy to report that we can, indeed, give our readers a glimpse of the planned wedding attire. The ladies in the wedding party were asked to appear in bright purple bridesmaids' dresses adorned with lovely big bows. And the wedding dress? The blushing bride, helped by her dear friend and consultant, had selected a floor length sheath made entirely of sheer black lace, the only embellishment, a small red symbol embroidered on the front of the bodice. Daring and dramatic, to be sure, but not a bit out of keeping with Fed society's perennial quest for style and urbanity. We're left with no doubt that this wedding would have been another triumph to equal Mme. Mosquito's past accomplishments in bringing outstandingly choreographed events to life that thrill and delight us all. Oh, and... by the way, the groom was to be Gregan. La di da, my dears! Lady Lulu 'Buffie' Capturfilingham **>> DUELLING TWI..ER...WITS [The following editorial came via Courierdroid, and does not necessarily reflect the views of the Guest Editor] A FedNews Editorial by Walter Tellurkite Here at the Fed Newsroom we get many letters sent in relating to our news features. We like to review these in the interest of keeping the news as informed and impartial as possible. In this way, it has come to our attention that one recent feature in particular has resulted in a landslide of attention, thus we turn the question back to you, along with late-breaking coverage of a debate between the parties concerned. We ask... is Plantking a dimwit... or not? Plantking and Hazed D.G. gave us more insight into the intricacies surrounding the issue this past Saturday in an informal debate broadcast via comms. Duke Plantking began the exchange by noting that Hazed's cats would be better suited to report the news than is she. Hazed riposted, stating it is beyond her intervention that Plantking is a dimwit. She eclipsed that with the assertion, "I spit on your lawsuit! You'll be laughed out of court" (a theoretical jump so brilliant that it astonished listeners and set the tone for what was to follow.) She additionally assured Plantking that there were numerous witnesses to support her. After a pause, during which we assume Plantking ordered his arguments, he retorted "You must be looking in the mirror." The D.G. immediately congratulated him on his debating skills, assuring him "Oh come on P.K., surely you can do better than that. And you a new Duke. No wonder you haven't attracted any serfs yet." At this point in the proceedings, the moved audience could do no less than clamor for more, "cheering on the combatants indiscriminately" as one observer poetically described it. When all thought no higher peaks could be reached, Plantking made an astounding come-back with the statement, "You have proved you are just a scandal-creating hag!" And amazingly, the pace accelerated. Hazed countered, "Hag? HAG?? Did you hear that everyone, he called me a hag!" To which Plantking answered, "Well, I wanted to be kind to you." Hazed D.G., at this point, wanting to be assured that the process stayed within proper debate etiquette, replied "Obviously, he is incapable of arguing or debating in a rational manner. Knowing that the facts speak against him, he descends to personal abuse." Clearly, the pair had by now moved into a realm of abstract reason inaccessible to most. Plantking next offered "Me??? You dare talk about abuse?", an inspired circle of logic that effectively returned the debate to the initial supposition. Hazed capped this brilliant move, saying "Well, I think calling me a hag is abuse, isn't it?" To which Plantking rejoined "That's your middle name. Clothes can't cover up the real you." Hazed replied, the volley having now become intense. "They don't need to. I strip myself bare before my public, and they know that I am sheer perfection," leaving Plantking unable to do other than comment on the invincibility of this argument by saying "It's getting pretty deep in here." Again turning the thread around, Hazed responded "Can't help it if you're so clumsy and dimwitted you keep stepping in it." This concluded the debate but Plantking was heard to comment "...to be continued" leaving us with the belief there are to be forth-coming matches between the two that could possibly throw new light on this burning question. I conclude this editorial by asking once again... Is Plantking a dimwit? Perhaps only time itself can give us the answer. And that's the way it is... Stardate 209342:0000 **>> PERSONALS Trader Clandestorm, who holds a PhD in intergalactic psychology, is pleased to announce that she will now be available for consultations in her private booth. Please schedule appointments in advance. Sliding Scale. [I bet it is! - Ed] **>> PLANETS AND DUCHIES Politics do indeed make strange bedfellows. The face of Fed politics has altered drastically in recent weeks, with three new dukes appearing in the span of about eight days. So, with that in mind, let us take a walk through the muddied waters of Fed politics, shall we? Perhaps some insight will be gained by this little excursion. The names and ranks of all planet owners have been included, to help separate the players on the scorecard. First off, you have the independent planets of Starbase1 and Starship. Of course, Starbase1 is pretty much useless as a trading source, unless you happen to be one of the few blessed with a teleporter. Kimos, Thane of Starship, seems to have pulled back in recent times from any affiliations with dukes. He was last aligned with Zippo, when Oppiz was a duchy, but withdrew for his own reasons. Moving down the duchy display, we find Canna, run by Duke Plantking. After going planet-less the first few days, he has acquired Thane Zan's Paradise and Baron Oxcart's Jinx. He's struck a deal with Duke Nightstalker, and has granted favoured status of 3% to the Duchy of Nightfall. Next up we have the surrealistic Duke Looney's Duchy of Insanity. His serfs include the reviled Baron Otoole's Brewski, Industrialist Jade's Dunnottar, Baron Riccardo's Links, Industrialist Amigan's Athens, and Thane Blackadder's Terranova. Insanity is closely allied with Duke Barberousse's Source, with a favoured status of 2%. Athens and Dunnottar are renowned for their excellent exchanges. The Duchy of Ausland, ruled by Duke Ramius, shows up next on your DI DUCHIES display. Current serfs are Industrialist Gemini's Ssenmaerd and Squire Fletcher's Pagrah. He's bound to pick up more planets from the burgeoning ranks of Explorers soon to link in planets, and one never knows who might be wooed to the newest duchy on the block. Surely Hypatia's Valcanya would join, should she reappear in Fed DataSpace. Ramius has set his favoured status to Source, at 2%. We now come to the Duchy of Nightfall, run by the ever-present Duke Nightstalker. Planets falling under his domain are Technocrat Zagmar's Valaria, Technocrat Marcia's Roissy, Industrialist Akiko's Mirai, Thane Tao's Rtyui, Thane Chainsaw's Nautilus, and the newly acquired Squire Rai's Seppuku. Nightstalker has replied in kind to Plantking's favoured status, with a 2% customs set on goods from Canna. Lastly, we find the Duchy of Source, run by Duke Barberousse. Once a packed duchy with somewhere around ten planets, it has shrunk down to a more realistic size of five planets. His current planets include Thane Neuromancer's Paradigm, Thane Maxwell's Dawn, Thane Emmi's OAC, Squire Silk's Fortymile, and Squire Skurge's Vannitel. He currently has a favoured status on Insanity, set at 6%. With the Senate code looming on the horizon, politics are definitely starting to heat up in Fed DataSpace. A number of Explorers are close to linking in new planets, which will surely defenestrate any political workups. At least ten planets are known to be close to completion, and who knows where they will end up? We sure don't! Stay tuned, and keep watching as they link in. Things are sure to become very interesting in the near future! **>> SPYNET REVIEW We're catching the last of the free-weekenders in this week's SpyNet Review, hence the enormous number of low-level promotions. The new Captains were Gahan, Bloodthorn, Intimidator, Indy, Tarok, Seminole, Dashall, Starstruck, Ventrue, Ruk, Roxdoug, Tracer, Eeyore, Joy, Drizz, Amanda, Blargg, Jeremiah, Steelrat, Branday, Jaskarda and Jude. Adventurers and Adventureuses were Trevor, Briefcase, Gahan, Tarok, Ruk, Eeyore, Oatmealavenger, Drizz, Xavier, Samantha, Clandestorm, Dancer and Roxdoug. Blackhead, Tasslehoff, Stratoviz, Marley, Astromike, Cryptonson, Clandestorm, Oatmealavenger and Shadow all joined the Traders Guild. Patch, Chance, Alexander and Rakshasa made it to JP. The new GMs were Tantras, Patch and Sthil. Tantras and Patch then made it to Explorer (this is about the seventh time Patch has become an Explorer; he just keeps on going dead-dead and having to do it all again! Let's hope this time he can actually get a planet into the game). Blackadder was promoted to Thane as Terranova advanced to mining level. Ramius solved the devilish Duke puzzle, saving the galaxy from A Fate Worse Than Death! His promotion bumped Jim up to Senator. Sadly, Renard went dead-dead - no idea why. Icepirate also snuffed it, again. Finishing on a happier note, Sean, Looney, Azure and Neuromancer all played their 1000th game! **>> CONTACTS The following information will appear at the end of every News Bulletin, so you don't have to read it if you already know it. In the event of a problem or question, you can: * talk to Hazed or Bella in the game * a message to Hazed * send GEnie mail with the Mail about Federation option from the main menu A front-end terminal program is available for Federation, for the PC. You can download a copy of FedTerm from the Federation official libraries (option 3 on the main Fed page). The Amiga version is in beta-test. The third edition of the unexpurgated printed Idiot's Guide to Federation is now available, price $15.95. Type ORDER from any GEnie main menu and buy one. Or more! Federation has several categories in the MPGames RT. To get there, type M1045,1 from any menu prompt and SET category 13 (for information, instructions, questions and answers) or 14 (for general chat and discussions). The Federation Leader in the bulletin board is Oxcart (Mail ID: J.LONG29). There are also private categories for Explorers and the Sentate, run by Krell (Mail ID: K.HILLYER). The MPGames RT has a Federation player library in the files area, Lib 5. **>> BULLETIN ENDS