**>> SPYNET BULLETIN **>> EARTHDATE 94.02.20 **>> AN H-by-A SERVICE **>> Compiled by Hazed plus a team of specialist newsdroids **>> your news and gossip and get paid good groats! **>> MY FUNNY VALENTINE On last weekend's special Valentine's planet, a whole bunch of players were depicted, some in less than flattering ways. Not surprisingly, we received some complaints about this. Not from the people spoofed on the planet, but from those who weren't featured and felt left out! We had an underwhelming response to the Valentine's competition, whereby a prize of groats was offered to those who identified the players spoofed. Not one person bothered to enter! Still, the planet did prove very popular and great fun was had by all exploring it. Congratulations to Tellurian and Freya for writing a very entertaining planet. Here is a complete (we think!) list of all those who appeared, or were referred to, on Saccharin: Occy, Oxcart, Zodiac, Bella, Altasren, Azure, Krell, Hazed, Paladin, Glurg (and Lizzy), Tabby, Rezrov, Freya, Tellurian, Barberousse, Russ, Marcia, Topper, Ciarian, Justy, Gemini, Jade, Emmi, Blackadder and Destiny. Phew! **>> FUTURE PROMOTIONS We wanted to give you some idea of what promotions were coming up in the near future, so we sent a newsdroid to spy on Bella's deliberations. It came back with the following message: It is not inconceivable that in the course of the next month or two, or thereabouts, there might be the vague possibility of us considering the feasibility of perhaps putting on yet another of our very popular free weekends. Probably. Well, you can't get much more definite than that, can you? **>> NO RULES? Let's correct one thing right away. The statement that "Fed has no rules" is wrong. That's the way some people have chosen to interpret the situation because it suits them, but it's just not the case. For a start, there's the GEnie policy. All the time you're on GEnie, you are bound by their policy, which gives you guidance about what is allowed and what isn't. You can read the GEnie policy by typing POLICY at any main menu. If you were playing Fed on a different host system, then you'd be bound by the rules of that system. There's also a Fed policy, which gives some guidance about what is allowed and what isn't. This was posted back in April 1991 in Cat 13, Top 1, Ms 6 of the MPGRT, and it still applies. We're going to make it a bit easier to find - when we make the changes we've planned to the instruction menu, it'll be posted there. "Fed has no rules" is a misinterpretation of the true situation, which is that Fed has no -*arbitrary*- rules. There are no Gamesmasters who will suddenly tell you that you're doing something wrong. The players are by and large left to get on with things, and we'll only step in if problems arise. As far as gameplay goes, if we don't want you to do something, Bella will change the game code so you just can't do it. As far as social behaviour goes, you are bound by the Fed policy and by GEnie policy. **>> SAFETY INTERLOCKS ENGAGED, CAPTAIN! The game code contains a number of safeguards which are there to prevent problems arising. Some of them stop players doing things which might make the game crash. Some of them are there to prevent players from doing things that might unbalance the structure of the game. Many of them have been in place for many years, without ever being needed. If new situations come to light that might be dangerous, Bella adds new code to deal with them. A player called Pouncer has just fallen foul of one of these safeguards, which hasn't had to be used before. She finds herself unable to give groats to other players, because she's been handing out such large amounts to low-level players that she was seriously unbalancing the economy of the game. This code has been in the game ever since it's been on GEnie - in fact its been there so long that when Pouncer reported what she thought was a bug, Bella had forgotten that the code existed, and had to look up the source file to find out what was going on! The question remains, of course: where did Pouncer get such a large fortune from? We are sure Bella would be very interested in the answer. **>> SIBLING RIVALRY Over the past week, there's been a positive flood of long-lost siblings turning up to haunt their sisters or brothers. First, Senator Freya's long-lost evil twin, Freta, arrived to plague her. There was obviously no love lost between the two sisters, and the spacewaves were filled with their bickering. Hazed was the next to suffer the appearance of an embarrassing relative. Her sister, Hazey, turned up and tried to save her from her life of sin. Given that Hazed is more than happy with her life of sin, she wasn't amused! When asked if she wanted to be born again, she replied that she was born again every time she had an accident, thanks to the Galactic Administration's cloning service, and she didn'd need the intervention of her appalling sister. She quickly rid herself of the nuisance by electricifying Hazey (during a game entitled "Is There a God?") and restaurants throughout the Galaxy were provided with a new pizza topping. Senator Tellurian's brother, Tellurain, turned up next. To be honest, we can't really tell the difference between them! But who will be next to be afflicted by an unwanted sibling? **>> THE ETERNAL TRIANGLE Most people seem to prefer monogamous relationships, so when two men are attracted to the same person, you can be sure that sparks will fly! Tantras and Jim are currently slugging it out for the attentions of the same love object. First Jim posted that he was marrying the lucky bride, date and venue to be announced later. But Tantras wasn't about to give in to his rival without a fight, and after a torrid toe-sucking scene in CDs declared that this intimacy meant that they were already married, according to his religion! We've not seen Jim since for comment. So who's the lucky player to be the centre of this tug-of-love? It's Otoole, whose endearing little ways have caught him two of Fed's most eligible bachelors. Whichever of his suitors he chooses, we wish him luck. It only remains for us to ask: just what does 'CHOP YOU' actually mean? **>> TERRANOVA NEWS Blackadder has upped the ante to 40 meg as an incentive to those who solve his puzzle, and demonstrate to him that they know how it works. As if that isn't enough to encourage people to go for it, he's also offering a dream date with himself if the solver is female, or with Mosquito if the solver is male! We're not sure if he consulted Skeets about this... **>> SENATOR (INSERT NAME HERE) IS FED'S LATEST GADABOUT In spite of the spybeam proof nature of certain locations around FED Dataspace, one of our newsdroids has uncovered a shocking piece of dir ... ah ... news concerning an unnamed Senator. You see, it seems that this Senator is ... well ... experiencing some "difficulties" in his "morally binding cohabitation agreement." (Ed. -- That's a megagroat phrase that's SUPPOSED to mean "MARRIAGE.") As a result, he has been seeking solace in the arms (or equivalent appendages) of several other women (or equivalent persuasions, dependent on species), including at least one young lady who has recently separated from HER erstwhile "Significant Other." After allegedly being spied upon and seen in various compromising positions, this Senator gave account of himself to one of our newsdroids (who now must undergo an extensive overhaul due to it's inability to recall names... NAMES! NAMES, DAMMIT! WE NEED NAMES! Ooops, oh well, we DID get enough to finish the story!) Apparently, what the Senator was doing was "Having drinks," "Sharing a Chocolate Sundae," well, you get the idea; innocent stuff! Yeah, right! Like we believe someone who dies with Cream Cheese on his lips! (Ed -- The preceding statement was pure speculation on the part of the reporter. At no time did the newsdroid mention Senator Ya BUM! We all know that you're running around on your lovely wife. Why don't ya do the decent thing and... Huh? Wha'? Gettawayfromewithose! Help! Helmmph! Mummph! Mufflemuffle! We regret that the preceding news piece cannot be completed at this time. The reporter has just been nabbed buy several large, burly men in trenchcoats. **>> REPORTER KIDNAPPED! One of our ace gossipmong... um... reporters (well, maybe not "ace" but a good one... no, not even a good one, perhaps adequate? No, he's not really worth a wooden nickle! We don't know why we keep him. I think it's because his mother owns the print shop!) Anyhow, he has been abducted by several large, burly men in trenchcoats. While the identity of the abductee cannot be given (for reasons of security and hopeful survival) he/she/it can be identified by the following wardrobe items: A Straitjacket, Cement Overshoes and a Large Colorful Rag stuffed into his/her/its mouth. If seen please contact the nearest newsdroid at your earliest convenience. No reward is being offered at this time. Thank You! signed -- The Manglement **>> IRISH HOLIDAY Sean was seen leaving with Siobhan last week to go to Ireland for a vacation. Sources say that they will be gone for a while. Has Sean finally come to his senses and given up on ever having Emmi as his own? Has Sean stolen Siobhan away from Conor? We have dispatched a newsdroid disguised as a sheep to Ireland to see what it can discover. **>> PLANETS AND DUCHIES There has been little movement between the duchies in the past week. Otoole has decided Brewski has been Independent long enough, and has joined the Duchy of Insanity. Given his relationship with Jim, it's surprising he didn't join Crime! Perhaps he doesn't believe in mixing business with pleasure. Meanwhile, Mirai has seceded from Zippo's Oppiz and joined Insanity, owned by... erm... now, who is it that owns Insanity? Emmi's planet, Oac, is now a mining world and will be going mini shortly. Ramius' Ausland has just advanced to technical. **>> SPYNET REVIEW Congratulations to all those who promoted during the past week. The new Captains were Karasten, Freta, Derf, Grump, Hazey, Starseeker, Conner, Strider, Tellurain, Joseph, Draco and Jaeger. Soulscream, Katasten, Strider and Tellurain made it to Adventurer. The Traders Guild admitted Gregan, Tellurain and Turbo. Bason solved the awesome JP puzzle and is now a Journeyman. Emmi pushed her planet to mining level, becoming a Thane, and Ramius became a Technocrat when his planet advanced to technical. Finally, Drspock became CEO of Diaper Enterprises. **>> CONTACTS The following information will appear at the end of every News Bulletin, so you don't have to read it if you already know it. In the event of a problem or question, you can: * talk to Hazed or Bella in the game * a message to Hazed or Bella * send GEnie mail with the Mail about Federation option from the main menu A front-end terminal program is available for Federation, for the PC. You can download a copy of FedTerm from the Federation libraries (option 3 on the main Fed page). The Amiga version is in beta-test. The third edition of the unexpurgated printed Idiot's Guide to Federation is now available, price $15.95. Type ORDER from any GEnie main menu and buy one. Or more! Federation has several categories in the new MPGames RT. To get there, type M1045,1 from any menu prompt and SET category 13 (for information, instructions, questions and answers) or 14 (for general chat and discussions). The Federation Leader in the bulletin board is Oxcart (Mail ID: J.LONG29). There are also private categories for Explorers and the Sentate, run by Krell (Mail ID: K.HILLYER). The MPGames RT also has a Federation library in the files area, Library 5. Library 18 holds the Federation News Archives. **>> BULLETIN ENDS