**>> SPYNET BULLETIN **>> EARTHDATE 93.11.21 **>> AN H-by-A SERVICE **>> Compiled by Hazed plus a team of specialist newsdroids **>> your news and gossip and get paid good groats! **>> BELLA MAKES A BOO-BOO Last week, we stunned our readers with the revelation that Hazed is not perfect; she made some mistakes in the planet Cabbage. This week, prepare for even more shocking news. Bella screwed up! [Pause to allow our readers to inhale some smelling salts and recover from their swoons.] Bella was asked to put in a new version of Gemini's planet, which corrected some of the typos. Bella happily copied over the new files, using the same method she always uses... unfortunately, she forgot that Gemini's planet actually resided in Tellurian's workbench, because he'd input the data for her! So Bella copied Gemini's planet over Tellurian's files, wiping out Nemesis completely. It just goes to show how easy it is to make mistakes when things are done differently. There are all kinds of systems and checks in place to ensure that planets get linked in correctly, but they all assume that the workbench files and the live planet files are linked to the same persona. So until Tellurian re-writes a mini-planet, Nemesis is... erm... unavailable! **>> ANOTHER POSTAL STRIKE Remember last month we reported on the forthcoming Galactic Postal Service strike, that would wipe out all outstanding sendmail? Well, it's going to happen again, on November 30 during the day. Make sure you pick up your sendmail before then, and don't send anything important for a few days previously - unless you are sure the person will be able to collect it before it vanishes! **>> GIVE THANKS TO FREYA A reminder that Thursday and Friday are GEnie holidays next week, so you can play Fed all day for the usual non-prime-time charge. Because it's Thanksgiving, we've got a special planet going in. It takes a slanted look at this traditional family holiday - featuring a Thanksgiving Day Parade, a typical holiday family get-together, a scrumptious turkey dinner, and much more. But this version of Thanksgiving is from the twilight zone, and nothing is quite as you would expect... The planet has been designed and written by Freya, and you know what a warped mind she has! The Thanksgiving planet will be in the game from 6.00pm on Wednesday November 24 to 8.00am on Monday November 29. During that time, Arena Space will be taken out so smuggling will be disabled. (Given the recent outbreak of peace, we doubt this will cause too many problems for people...) Incidentally, Hazed's planet Cabbage which was in over the last weekend clocked up over 4000 player minutes. If it had been a real player-planet, it would have been ready to promote in just over a week! **>> CHRISTMAS FUN IN FED This Christmas, as is traditional, Fed will be the place to come for fun and frolics. A special Christmas planet is being written by Tellurian and Blackadder, giving you the change to experience Christmas legends old and new. It will be in the game from Christmas Eve to New Year's Day. Santa Claus will be dropping into the game over the holiday period, bringing Christmas cheer and a huge sack of groats. He'll be giving presents to all the good little girls and boys. Santa goes off-duty on New Year's Day - and as he hangs up his red robe, he'll get a chance to play with the -*bad*- boys and girls at a costume party and elf roast! We'll also be holding one of our very popular free weekends some time during December. As usual, we don't announce the date in advance - but we'll put a notice on the main page the day before! This time, all player planets will remain in the game for the weekend, and smuggling won't be taken out. The only change that will be made is to allow new players to use the link - so please make sure that your planets don't have any movement table errors that might trap the unwary... **>> FUTURE EVENTS Hazed is starting to put together the schedule of special events for next year. If any of you would like to write a promotional planet for us, talk to Hazed about your ideas. We've already been approached by two players who wish to collaborate to write a planet for Valentine's Day... Alternatively, if you have any ideas for other special events you would like to organise, please step forward. Don't be shy, now! **>> I HAD THE STRANGEST DREAM Two new planets have been added to the game. Early last week, Gemini's Ssendmaerd, in the system Aytes, was linked to Fed Data Space. This is the most unusual planet ever put into the game (with the possible exception of Tristesse's Bliss - her world was a poem). Ssendmaerd is not so much a planet, it's more a concept. The locations do not depict real rooms linked by roads or corridor; instead it's a journey though the sub-concious. The whole planet is a dream - a very strange dream! Exploring Ssendmaerd is difficult and challenging, because many of the locations only give cryptic hints about possible exits, and there are many identical-looking places. Indeed, we hear that Gemini herself got completely lost on her planet one night! Casual tourists and traders will have a hard time, because the usual services around the landing pad are not easily identifiable. But for those willing to put in the effort it is worth persevering to experience what goes on in Gemini's dreams. **>> HISTORY AND LEGEND COME ALIVE Amigan's planet Athens, in the system Mycenae is a horse of a different kettle of fish. It's a planet in the traditional sense... but what an impressive example it is! It's a planet that tells a story, making it a joy to explore. As the name suggests, the planet is a depiction of life in Ancient Greece (although you can fall through a wormhole and find yourself in Sparta). The usual services lie around the landing pad, with a Grecian flavour of course, including the Three Fates clothing shop. A vineyard close to the landing pad provides a small maze for you to map, with a valuable item hidden therein. An extensive complex of bar and restaurant serves delicious drinks and food. Our droid was particularly impressed with the tzatziki and pastitsio, then got all sticky sampling the baklava. The thermal pool in the Spa sooned cleaned it up, followed by an invigorating massage that really got its cogs whirring. Excess energy can be worked off in the Gymnasium, although the fine physiques of the naked men there can be a terrible distraction. A tribute to Occy in a nearby field shows just what a reputation the lovable Senator has gained. There's an involved puzzle on Athens, with many parts for you to solve before you attempt the final section that leads to riches. Many of the locations give subtle clues to help you solve the puzzle, so pay attention as you wander around. The museum area in particular gives you hints, and if you can find your way up to Mount Olympus the Gods will help you. The whole planet is steeped in atmosphere - particularly if you find your way down to the River Styx and to Hades, or to the final part of the puzzle with the Gorgon. There are no wasted locations; every one gives you some vital piece of information, or adds to the mood of the world. Athens is a fun place to explore, and a real example of what can be achieved with the tools available. Amigan's use of events is particularly impressive and inventive. It is this that leads us to award him this week's Walrus of Merit. Well done! **>> COMING SOON... Hypatia's planet Valcanya will be linked into the game early next week. Emmi's Oac will go in the week after, once the Thanksgiving festivities have ended. **>> THE OLDEST JP Paladin, Fed's oldest JP, was musing in Sam's recently about his extreme age. When he did the JP puzzle, he told us, the Captain who helped him was... Bochiman! He also showed us his warehouse list, which was a real blast from the past, containing such ex-planets as Inversity, Megalusa, Quartus and Polaris! **>> WILL WORK FOR ENTERTAINMENT We've been appealing desparately in recent news bulletins for someone, somewhere, to find something to keep Glurg occupied. As a Senator, there is very little for him to do and we fear his attentions will turn to making mischief. Now that Bochiman is a Senator, he too is finding the time hanging heavy on his hands. He misses the exciting cut and thrust of running a duchy, and finds the sedentary life of a Senator very tedious. We think we have now come up with the answer. We propose that the two should team up and become a double-act. We've seen Laurel and Hardy, Abbott and Costello, Ron and Nancy... the Senators could be the greatest of them all! There's just two problems. We know they'd fight over whether they should be called Glurg and Bochiman, or Bochiman and Glurg. And which of them would be the funny man and which the straight man? **>> THREE'S COMPANY Craschcorr wants to get married. That's nothing unusual, many of the men in Fed want to get married. But Crashcorr does not intend to satisfy himself with just one wife; he wants three. All at the same time! This is not just sheer greed on his part. It has something to do with Hypatia offering to pay him 25 meg for his next promotion, if he can marry three brides. So far he's asked Amber and Emmi. Amber declined, because her heart belongs to another; Emmi tentatively agreed, so long as Maxwell said it was ok, and the wedding could be annulled 5 minutes later - no touching allowed! But we're not sure that this will be good enough. We understand a sub-clause of the agreement with Hypatia is that he must prove he can satisfy the wives! Glurg got into the act next, offering Crashcorr an outrageous sum if he would act as a stud to his donkey. He said that Crash would make far more than 25 meg in tips if he put on a good show! Crashcorr declined to service Lizzie, the donkey, and resumed his search for three willing women. We'll let you know how he gets on! Meanwhile, Glurg continued to hunt for a man who would fertilise his donkey. He turned his (and the donkey's) attentions to Ciaran. Although very tempted by the enormous amount of groats on offer, Ciaran decided he had more than enough to cope with keeping Marcia happy, and rejected the poor lovesick ass. When Alexander also turned her down, it seemed that Lizzie would have to remain unsatisfied, until Hazed, so disgusted at the feeble excuses offered by the men, nipped to the hospital and got a sex change, then returned to show them how it was done. We draw a veil over what happened next... suffice to say that Lizzie was satisfied, Ciaran and Alexander were revolted, and Hazed has returned to being a woman! **>> FOLLOWUP... Further investigation into the "Hazed & Glurg on Mercury" incident has revealed more news of interest. As you recall, we last left our heroine Hazed facing the dreaded grizzle alone, while Glurg beat a hasty retreat. You all may have been wondering how Hazed survived this encounter. Well, Senator Freya saved her! Dutifully grateful, Hazed offered Freya anything from the vast array of resources that she commands... groats, insurance, ships, herself... Freya contemplated these things for a brief instant, and then requested a simple but heartfelt funeral service at CD's. Once again perplexed, Hazed asked Freya, "A funeral? Whatever for?" Freya replied, "Well, after Senator Glurg hears about what I did, I'm dead!" We're not so sure Freya... read on! Senator Glurg has been showing an amazing array of behaviors of late. We suspect he in in the midst of a mid-life crisis! For example, there was the brilliant colaborative effort on Heaven. However he was observed exploring his creation in a bra and panties! Then he was spotted asking deep philosopical questions of Redwing. While the intrepid Redwing was able to fend off these (and other) unwanted advances, it still points up the problem. Perhaps the clinching piece of evidence is the report of his pilgimage to the font of all wisdom, Bella. Apparently Glurg actually took his ship to Bella's location (as opposed to teleporting)! He then humbly approached Bella and asked her, "What is the true meaning of life, O Mistress of FED?". Bella recovered quickly and responded, "Life is like a stream.". Glurg thought this over for a few moments and shouted, "How can that be!". Bella quickly answered, "OK, life is NOT like a stream!". This seemed to appease the Senator, as he then went away, mumbling quietly to himself! So Freya, we don't think you need to worry too much about retribution from Glurg... He's worried about more important things these days! In a continuing display of investigative reporting excellence, we tracked down the oldest living FED resident, and asked her about this Glurg/Hazed rivalry. She confirmed that this has been a recurrent problem since both were small children. She related this story to us: At a young age, Glurg and Hazed were playing together in a sandbox. Lacking proper supervision, they began "playing doctor" as children are wont to do. Soon the lesson in comparative anatomy began, with Glurg proudly pointing and remarking, "Look, I have one of these and YOU DON'T!!". Without hesitation Hazed replied, "So What! I have one of THESE and you don't, and I can get as many of THOSE as I want with it!". (Precocious, wasn't she?) **>> GOSSIP, SCANDAL AND LIES Amigan, flushed with the heady delights of joining the planet-owning clashes, has been seen showing Noe the intricacies of his plumbing in the thermal pool on Athens. Blackadder and Mosquito got married last weekend, the service presided over by Bishop Tellurian. Meanwhile, we gather that Tellurian has been hearing voices again. St Pegasus has (apparently) spoken to him, telling him to go out and gain more recruits to the Church. In response, Tellurian is setting up a new chapter, the Order of Pugwash, which will be a teaching order designed for those whose faith does not run to the particular brand of zealousness displayed by the Elders of the church. Sounds like Tell's been at the communion wine again! **>> PLANETS AND DUCHIES Apart from the two new agricultural planets, Plantking's Canna has advanced and is now a Leisure world. Zippo became the New Duke on the Block this week, filling one of the vacant slots left by Freya's ascension and Menace's death. The ex-Hell planets lost no time in throwing off the gloom of independence, and joining the new Duchy of Zippo, although there are still a surprising number of independent worlds. There is still one more free slot, and the race is on to see who will get there first. Looney is building facilities frantically and will probably be the next Duke. Topper is also building, and Plantking has just embarked on his builds. The duchies currently look like this: There are eight independent worlds: Arena (which doesn't count), Brewski, Oasis, Dunnottar, Chaos, Source, Fremd and Nautilus. Niun's Ocean has managed to seduce the two new planet-owners, bringing his duchy up to seven planets: Dahih, Insanity, Paradigm, Dawn, Links, Aytes and Mycenae. (Nemesis is currently absent until a new version is written.) The two duchies with absentee landlords show no change: Jim's Crime has no planets, and Krell's Gotham has just one, Jinx. The new boy has already gained seven planets for the duchy of Oppiz: Starship, Valaria, Roissy, Mirai, Rtyui, Warp and Aiel. With a new Duke expected any day now, and two new planets in the next couple of weeks, things could change again fast! **>> SPYNET REVIEW The lower ranks are starting to swell again with an influx of new players into the game, which is good news for everyone. The new Captains this week were Flint, Yosiman, Blade, Subterran, Annika, Hazard, Robert, Harlequin, Hanz, Steve, Cronar, Cromley, Skalla and Lion. The Adventurers and -euses were Herdsman, Les, Blade, Gordon, Stazek and Kilroy. Dynop joined the Traders Guild. Ciaron, Emirikol and Ragnarok were promoted to Merchant. Fletcher solved the fiendish GM puzzle. Following the addition of their new planets, Gemini and Amigan became Squires. Plantking advanced his planet and is now a Baron. Zippo made it to Duke, cracking the devilish puzzle and saving the galaxy from A Fate Worse Than Death! Congratulations to all of you! Five new companies were set up, showing that business is booming in Fed Data Space: Ciaron formed Callow Inc!; Telidon - Nightly Pleasures; Emirikol - Magic, Inc; Ragnarok - Stardreamer Inc; and Redwing - Redwing's Flight. Sadly, we lost another JP - Mulligan went dead-dead for reasons unknown. We don't normally report on the deaths of low-ranking players, but we were amused to see this on the SpyNet display recently: 11115:Commander The has just snuffed it in the Sol system - alas poor The **>> CONTACTS The following information will appear at the end of every News Bulletin, so you don't have to read it if you already know it. In the event of a problem or question, you can: * talk to Hazed or Bella in the game * a message to Hazed or Bella * send GEnie mail with the Mail about Federation option from the main menu A front-end terminal program is available for Federation, for the PC. You can download a copy of FedTerm from the Federation libraries (option 3 on the main Fed page). The Amiga version is in beta-test. A new version of the unexpurgated printed Idiot's Guide to Federation will be available Real Soon Now! Federation has several categories in the new MPGames RT. To get there, type M1045,1 from any menu prompt and SET category 13 (for information, instructions, questions and answers) or 14 (for general chat and discussions). The Federation Leader in the bulletin board is Oxcart (Mail ID: J.LONG29). There are also private categories for Explorers and the Sentate, run by Krell (Mail ID: K.HILLYER). The MPGames RT also has a Federation library in the files area, Library 5. Library 18 holds the Federation News Archives. **>> BULLETIN ENDS