**>> SPYNET BULLETI\N **>> EARTHDATE 93.10.17 **>> AN H-by-A SERVICE **>> Compiled by Hazed plus a team of Guest NewsDroids: Tellurian, Freya, Galimos, Zodiac, Ni, Sean, Barberousse, plus assorted dogs, children, hangers-on and wastrels **>> your news and gossip and get paid good groats! **>> DOWN ON THE FARM This edition of the Weekly Fed Bulletin is brought to you from Freya's Farm in the Catskill Mountains. A select gathering assembled for a weekend of goodfood, excellent beverages and convivial company. The demi-Goddess herself flew over from across the pond to join the party. So what did this depraved grouping get up to, then? Well, highlights of the weekend included Hazed giving Galimos bondage lessons, by demonstrating her rope work techniques, first on Ni then (in more detail) on Tellurian - who in particular seemed to be having far too much fun. Hazed, of course, claimed she was just continuing in the tradition she had learnt as a Girl Scout! Ni and Zodiac took advantage of Tellurian while he was hogtied, biting and tickling until he was -really- having too much fun! Freya cooked up a storm, providing an endless stream of popovers, eggs, muffins, sausages, steaks, apple pie, mashed potatoes, broccoli, pumpkin pie, and endless snacks, all washed down with endless quantities of coffee, homebrew, Irish Quaaludes, Gladys, and Jolt Cola. Freya gave new meaning to the phrase Get stuffed' with a detailed lesson in turkey gynecology. The party gave everyone a much-needed chance to plot, scheme, conspire, and otherwise confound their rivals. Be afraid. Be very afraid! A midnight screaming match would have terrorised the neighbours - if there were any! When things calmed down, the group stargazed, picking out the Fed stars. Hazed was upset that Scratchwood was not visible this side of the ocean. Hazed was introduced to many aspects of American culture, hitherto a mystery to her, such as some peculiar child's toys. She was particularly taken by the assorted medieval weaponry, including an axe that screams. A rock em, sock em time was had by all! **>> NORMAL SERVICE... This special Farm edition of the news wil not contain any offical Fed news, reports on new planets in the game, or SpyNet Review. We'll catch up with all the boring details next week when Hazed gets over her jet-lag. **>> HEAVEN - I'M IN HEAVEN Well, we will mention one official piece of news. This weekend, you have been given the chance to visit the afterlife, courtesy of the Religion and Philosophy RT. Glurg and Tellurian wrote us a planet giving their warped view of life after death. Highlights included the House of Mirrors, the Holy Rollercoaster, the Atheists' Ferris Wheel (that wasn't there) and Crystals R Us, carrying the highly recommended bestselling book Know Your Inner Dweeb'. [Hazed was not amused by certain aspects of the planet that depicted her in a not-too-favourable light. She took the opportunity of severely punishing Tellurian in person. She was most disappointed that she did not have the opportunity to do similarly with Glurg, but she'll save that one up.] If you're reading this news hot off the presses, there'll still be time to go to Heaven because it will remain in the game until 8.00am eastern on Monday morning. On Wednesday October 20 at 10.00pm eastern Bella will be returning the favour by guesting at a conference in the R&P RTC at page 390. She'll be talking about the ethical and moral implications of creating a multi-player game. Should be fun! **>> ECONOMICS 201 The open comms were crackling this week as a number of non-planet owners tried to tell planet owners how planets run. For those who did not switch their comms off, a rather lengthy discussion about planetary economics ensued. This debate seperated the sheep from the goats (Occy was not present) and proved that some players know a great deal about how the Galactic economy works; and others haven't the slightest clue. If further discussions come up, listen in: you might learn something. **>> POSITION AVAILABLE: HUSBAND The H-by-A office has been asked to print the following advertisement: The Widows Ni and Zodiac are currently accepting applications from men desirous of filling the empty slot in their marriage. Applicants should have a minimum stamina and dexterity of 60 each, and a minimum strength of 50. No intelligence required. Send your resume with related work experience, along with any letters of reference, a portfolio, and a current estimate of your NetWorth to their marriage broker, Hazed (FEDII.2). You will contacted to schedule an interview and audition. **>> A MATTER OF TIME? Freya has been walking close to the edge... after our reports last week that she had been liaising' with certain gentlemen, we note that she spent some hours in Horsell with Niun and Galimos. She claims they were just talking. Yeah, right! We infiltrated a NewsDroid (disguised as an espresso machine) into the Godfather's office - and were aghast to find that Freya's photo has vanished from his desk! It must have been stolen, we are sure. [More coffee please, NewsDroid...] **>> A PUZZLING EXPERIENCE Maxwell's new planet, Dawn, kept half of Fed working for almost a whole week to solve his puzzle. It has been acclaimed the best puzzle ever to have been put on a player-planet. The puzzle turns out to be linked with the change in Maxwell's personality that had haunted several females over the past week. We can't say any more about the puzzle because we'll give it away - but if any of you haven't explored Dawn and had a crack at the puzzle, we urge you to do so! This planet gets the the H-by-A Seal of Approval. (And the Walrus of Merit.) **>> WEDDING BELLS... OR NOT... Overheard in Sam's one dark night: Emmi telling a close confidant that if it weren't for Maxwell, she would be in Sean's arms! Certainly we've been hearing complaints from Sean that every time he and Emmi start getting intimate, Maxwell shows up and puts a stop to things. In fact, we've been seeing her in many people's arms: and other parts of the body as well! Just what was she doing with Barberousse under the table? Meanwhile, Max has proposed to Emmi. She hasn't jumped at the chance to become Mrs Vampire: she seems to be weighing her options. **>> NOTHING SO DEADLY What's the scariest thing you can imagine? No, it's not Pegasus on the rampage. It's not Bella working on the persona file when she has a hangover. It's not even Hazed at the wrong time of the month! The most scary thing we can think of is - dare we say it - A Bored Senator! In particular, A Bored Senator Glurg! Let this serve as a plea... we beg you, from the bottom of our hearts (or equivalent), if you see Glurg talk to him; buy him drinks, have sex with him, anything, anything at all, to stop him from getting bored! **>> COUNTDOWN A Countdown party was held on Ramius' planet, Ausland, to watch his clock tick its way to 20,000. As the ball dropped, a grand waltz whirled the participants around. Partners were exchanged so rapidly that we were unable to keep track! **>> WHO? Skurge is suffering from an unfortunate affliction. He doesn't know who he is, where he comes from, what it's all about... He has occasional moments of lucidity but most of his life is a pathetic blur. While in a mental fog, he asked Emmi to take his name - if he could ever remember what it was! **>> DANGER - CONTAMINATED WATER ALERT The Galactic Administration has issued the following all-points bulletin: We have reason to believe that the water supply on one of the player-planets has become contaminated with a personality-altering substance. Fedders are asked to take extreme care when drinking - it's probably best not to water the alcohol too much! This may not be a bad thing for some players... for instance, Galimos has taken to being polite, friendly, helpful, kind and considerate to his fellow man, woman and thing. We do not yet know if this is a permanent change; there are signs that it may not be, since he slips back into his bad old ways for periods of a few seconds. Could it simply be an intermittent bug in the program? **>> BRAIN SALAD SURGERY Various NewsDroids have reported a disconcerting trend of late. The evidence points to either a mass outbreak of laziness, or possibly something more serious. Not only are players not bothering to RTFM, they do not want to take the time to: a) Explore b) Map c) Look for items they need d) Try to solve puzzles e) Learn the intricacies of the game If it is not due to laziness, then there must be an enormous shortage of braincells in Fed Data Space! **>> CONTACTS The following information will appear at the end of every News Bulletin, so you don't have to read it if you already know it. In the event of a problem or question, you can: * talk to Hazed or Bella in the game * a message to Hazed or Bella * send GEnie mail with the Mail about Federation option from the main menu A front-end terminal program is available for Federation, for the PC. You can download a copy of FedTerm from the Federation libraries (option 3 on the main Fed page). The Amiga version is in beta-test. You can order a copy of the unexpurgated printed Idiot's Guide to Federation by typing ORDER at any GEnie menu. Cost - a mere $12.95. (New edition will be available shortly - and this time we really mean it!) Federation has several categories in the new MPGames RT. To get there, type M1045,1 from any menu prompt and SET category 13 (for information, instructions, questions and answers) or 14 (for general chat and discussions).The Federation Leader in the bulletin board is Oxcart (Mail ID: J.LONG29). There are also private categories for Explorers and the Sentate, run by Krell (Mail ID: K.HILLYER). The MPGames RT also has a Federation library in the files area, Library 5. Library 18 holds the Federation News Archives. **>> BULLETIN ENDS