**>> SPYNET BULLETIN **>> EARTHDATE 93.06.06 **>> AN H-by-A SERVICE **>> Compiled by Hazed plus a team of specialist newsdroids **>> your news and gossip and get paid good groats! (That's if sendmail is working, of course) **>> I'M BACK! [And now, a message from our beloved editor, Hazed.] Hello darlings, I'm back, did you miss me? I know it just wasn't the same, having the news produced by rank amateurs, but really they did a pretty good job all things considered - so good, in fact, that we've decided to let more of you mere mortals have a bash at the news. Once a month I'm going to select a victim... erm... volunteer to become a Guest Newsdroid. You might feel a tap on your shoulder sometime soon, as I make you an offer you can't understand! I see that all was complete chaos while I was away. As I expected, Bella completely went to pieces without my guidance and made all kinds of horrendous cock-ups - including losing sendmail. It just goes to show how indispensible I am. Perhaps she will at last realise my true worth. Now I'm back in the saddle, I'm sure all these bugs and crashes will be cleared up in no time. It takes a professional, you see, and well- meaning though our little green Rigellian friend is, she just doesn't have the Right Stuff. Still, she did the best she could. Since you ask, I had a wonderful time in Los Angeles. Those who attended the Fed UnConvention will know just how wonderful it was; those that didn't will have to wait for the offical report. And now, with only a little more ado, let me press the Big Red Button that fires up the newsdroids. **>> PROBLEMS AND FIXES Bella's been working hard to track down the bug in the new version of the game that makes it crash after it's been running for 10 or 15 minutes. She's been putting the new version up with lots of de-bug code in. This means that everytime something happens, the game writes a message to a log saying which part of the code it is accessing. Then, after it crashes, she can look at the messages and (hopefully) get some idea of what the game was doing when it died. As soon as she has cracked this problem, the new version will go in properly, and that version contains fixes for some of the annoying little bugs you've been experiencing, such as negative factory cycles, incorrect bonuses on milkruns and so on. Sendmail will also be put back in at that point (hurray!). With the new version, the game will reset much faster, so if you try to log on while the game is firing up you won't have so long to wait. **>> PLANETS AND DUCHIES Sapien and Dunnottar have both gone mini. The new slim-line Sapien is... interesting... but not for the gullible. Valeria and Insanity should be going mini very shortly. Florence's new planet will be linked into the game during the middle of the week, and Tellurian's at the end of the week. We've completely lost track of whether there have been any changes to the duchies recently, so here's a complete list of who's in what. There are six Independent worlds: Arena, Ibex, Oasis, Harlequin, Rhylannor and Dahih. Elex's Scadia contains Xhit and Jinx. Piemur's Phoenix is now down to five worlds: Valaria, Hell, Oberon, Mirai and Insanity. Freya's Vitro has Dunnottar, Oppiz, Sapien and Xixax. Krell's Gotham consists of Cabal and Regulas. Khan's Neutarus just has Starship. **>> OFFICIAL MEET REPORT The second Federation UnConvention was held in Los Angeles two weeks ago. Present were Krell, Hazed, Cryptosporidium, Rezrov, Oxcart, Freya and Paladin. Marcia and CQ showed up for some of the events. We all got very drunk. Well, that's what a traditional Meet report should say, but if you want to know more about what happened, a planet is being prepared which will let you experience the delights of the UnCon for yourself. We'll let you know when it's ready. **>> HOT SUMMER NIGHTS As part of GEnie's Hot Summer Nights promotion in August, Fed is having a cross-promotion with the Romantic Exchange area (in which Jade is a leading light). Jade is writing us a special romantic planet, no doubt with several silvery moons for lovers to cannoodle under. Bella will take part in an RTC in the RomEx area about how writers can use role-playing games such as Fed to develop the characters in their books. More information on this promotion as the details are firmed up. **>> GOSSIP, LIES, ETC. ETC. [From our special undercover correspondent] Menace is continuing his swath through the ranks of the newly Commandered, bankrolling anywhere from seven to twelve (depending on whose count you believe) young ladies to Adventurer and beyond. The conquests include Flamin, Melacha, Gemini, Anethesia, Lyselle, and Sarah. Of course, there's a price for Menace's money, advice, and jobs... Seriously though, Menace, you're not so bad a guy. Do you *truly* need to pay a megagroat or two a shot just for a romp with a newbod? Don't sell yourself short, big guy! METHINKS THEY DOTH PROTEST TOO MUCH: We're still not sure whether Emmi and Altasren are an item. From the celebrated tea-testing meeting of two weeks ago (it washed out of Altasren's robe with a spot of Tide), to the Ready Whip kinkiness of last week... yes, they're cuddly, and yes, she's sporting a magical ring all of a sudden, but dark rumors suggest that it's all a front for other entanglements. Stay tuned... A certain up and coming religious figure has been making eyes at a certain bewitching gypsy, and reincarnation be damned. You heard it here first... **>> FEMME VERY FATALE! More adventures of Fed's newest femme fatale. Rumours have been steaming round the airwaves that Glurg and Max had a big shootout because Max hurt Emmi's feelings. Here's the full story. Emmi was hanging around on Sapien with a bunch of folks, and she invited Max to join her. He politely declined, saying he had to see a man about some monopoles, or something like that. Being a hot-tempered young thing, she was rather miffed that Maxwell spurned her invitation in favour of boring old monopoles! Glurg, not liking to see his sister so upset, began shooting at Max - taking him to within one shot of death. Emmi cheered him on, proving that hell hath no fury like a woman scorned. Further investigation, however, shows that this whole scene was actually meant as a warning from Glurg to Altasren. The elf claims that he has found the love of his life in Emmi, despite her drenching him in tea on a previous occasion. Glurg has warned him that if - or do we mean when? - he breaks her heart then Glurg will come after him and gun him down. Amazingly enough, Altasren has so far been faithful to Emmi. She, on the other hand, is torn between him and Maxwell. She belives in fidelity but wants them both and can't choose between them. Evidently some sort of time-share arrangement would not be satisfactory to any of them. Before becoming smitten with Emmi, Altasren had the occasional fling with Ni - nothing intense, they were just friendly playmates. Ni was absent for a few weeks while the Emmi-Alt thing developed, and on her return she and Altasren were just as friendly as ever - although he told her quite frankly that his heart belonged to Emmi now. But Glurg heard Ni call Altasren "dearheart" and is suspicious. Emmi doesn't know about Altasren's previous attachment to Ni, but we expect she'll be hurling more than just tea when she finds out! **>> STRANGE TASTES Emmi has been spotted ordering the most peculiar meals in Fed's bars. Among her revolting choices has been beet icecream! Is Emmi pregnant? We think we should be told! Maybe it's not pregnancy: maybe it's just the increasing family resemblance to her brother. As well as grossing people out with disgusting food, she actually tried her first assassination the other night, when she attempted to convince Ni that she could use the barbells with her 38 stamina. Ni, luckily, did not fall for that trick, having learnt to be suspicious of the entire family. Glurg is beaming with pride in his sister. **>> SHORT MEMORIES Tellurian obviously heals fast: he's forgotten all about his previous true-love, Noe (for whom he died) and spent a wild, torrid night of passion with Gemini. **>> SPYNET REVIEW Yes, I know we promised we would have a gigantic SpyNet Review round-up of all the promotions once Hazed returned from her holiday, but it just isn't possible. The data collecting droid relies on sendmail to get the information, and since Bella has very selfishly taken that facility out of the game, we have no information whatsoever! As soon as sendmail is put back, we will programme a droid to collect the information again and resume our reports. But if you were promoted during the last two weeks, we're sorry, you don't get your 15 minutes of fame! **>> BULLETIN ENDS