**>> SPYNET BULLETIN **>> EARTHDATE 92.05.10 **>> AN H-by-A SERVICE **>> Compiled by Hazed plus a team of specialist newsdroids **>> your news and gossip and get paid good groats! **>> A NEW PUZZLE TO SEND YOU OUT OF YOUR MINDS Our Illustrious Leader is continuing to work on the mega-puzzle that will accompany the promotion from Baron to Duke. New commands will be put into the game over the next week or so (some may be in already) and although they are not fully implemented, they will give you some information about what will be involved in the task! There are already many clues scattered around if Barons care to start looking. The first pieces of the puzzle should be fully in place in about two weeks. **>> SNAIL'S PACE For some time, GEnie has been experiencing slowdowns during peak periods - typically 9.00 to 11.00 (eastern) each evening. However, it's worth pointing out that these slowdowns do not automatically affect Fed! Don't assume that if it takes ages to log on and move aroung GEnie, it won't be worth playing the game. Federation "lives" on a different computer from the GEnie menu structure, and the game may not be affected. Occasionally Fed is affected by the slowdowns, so if you are playing and the game is sluggish, please let Bella know: she can then pass on the information to the GEnie TechDroids. If you use the command, the messages are time- stamped so Bella will be able to see when you were having problems. **>> WEDDING BELLS If you're reading this on Sunday afternoon or early evening, it won't be too late for you to attend the nuptial ceremonies of Mirth and Buskirk, who are tying the knot today (Sunday). (Quite what they are tying the knot in, we are not sure, but it may have something to do with the rumours that Mirth has had experimental surgery in order to ensure he pleases his bride on the wedding night!) The wedding takes place at 9.00 pm (eastern) in the Chapel on the Moon, and will be followed by a reception on Muse, Mirth's planet (directions to the celebrations are from the Landing Pad). The ceremony will be conducted by Rezrov (the Very Reverend?) and Oxcart will be playing the organ (we will refrain from making the obvious comments.) We will be dispatching a newsdroid to the wedding and party, and will provide a full report in next week's news (which probably will contain the obvious comments about Oxcart's organ!). **>> A-MUSE-ING NEWS Speaking of Muse, we are assured that the planet is now much safer and calmer. Many of the areas that proved hazardous have had new safety restrictions added, and provided you are careful, death should not result. In addition, the Amusement Park is now open to all visitors: no admittance pass is necessary. Dane was the first person the kill the Vortexx, the evil killing machine that lurks in Muse space, and Darknight was the first to help Mirth's cousin by solving the puzzle on Muse. It seems that Krell has lost her touch - she was seen running like hell from Vortexx, her smoking hull looking like a gruyere cheese. All would have been well, except she managed to fly right into Muse's sun! Well, it is rather a silly place to leave a star... **>> OUCH! Sometimes Poor People seem to forget about the existence of spybeams. They do the most disgusting things to each other, without seeming to realise that everyone is watching them. Or maybe they do realise and it just adds to the excitement... Dyars and Morgana were spotted in Samantha's doing things with clothespins that we can't possible report in the news! But they brought tears to the eyes (or equivalent) of our newsdroid. Later, they startled a new player on Earth. Kittycat entered the game, picked her name and stats and everything, and found herself in the Starship Cantina - and was outraged to receive a message saying "Dyars has tweaked your nipple"! She almost quit the game, but then she realised he had actually been tweaking Morgana's nipple, and her nipple had just got in the way. So she slapped Dyars, and he got mad, and the whole thing could have got very unpleasant if Morgana hadn't promised to pay for Kittycat's ship (including kitty litter) and show her where she could hunt Marsrats and things! **>> PROMOTIONS NEWS Satriani has made JP, and is now starting to work on the fiendish GM puzzle. Blindman claims he will be Emperor in June (although he doesn't specify a year). He also says that if you believe that, he has some excellent land on the east side of Mars to sell you... **>> FROM THE DESK OF BROKEN PENCIL AND LEAKY PEN... From our sports section ----------------------- Recently a new tag team has appeared in Fed Dataspace. The duo have been unmasked to reveal them to be Bochiman and Dane. This duo has seen several matches and we are here to bring the brief details about each match. In the first match, our tag team duo challenge the current champions Krell and Freya. Bochiman and Dane figured this would be a good time to get noticed and possible score big time. What they hadn't counted on was finding Freya and Krell in CD's on that eventful day. Freya and Krell had just finished eating a rather tasty pizza when our duo came in and challenged them. Seems that Bochiman and Dane enjoyed Krell's and Freya's violent reaction and they began to beg for more. This caused Krell and Freya to hurl their once tasty pizza onto the floor - and Bochiman and Dane were forced to toss in the towel. The second match involved another set of lovely young ladies from Fed. Vixen and Illyra where working out in the gym on the Moon, when our tag team came in and challenged them to a match. They figured these women did not have the tough reputation of Krell and Freya. What Dane and Bochiman didn't know is that they were working on their skills to becoming another contender for the F.F.S.T.T.M. (Female Free Style Tag Team Match) and ahd been working on their self defense skills. After several minutes of snickering and gaffawing over Bochiman and Dane, Vixen and Illyra took a right hand of our duo and conveniently flipped them over their shoulder. The last that was seen and heard of our due, was that Vixen and Illyra had just thrown them off Mercury. Finally, our tag team duo of Bochiman and Dane were seen challenging an inanimate object which they figured they should beat due to the fact it did not move. What they didn't know was this object has claimed many a person, and we all know it as the GM puzzle. After many excursions into the GM puzzle, we find our dynamic duo had died many a time in their quest to win at something. But the good news is they finally beat the GM puzzle by the skin of their teeth (which has become quite thick as of late) and have finally made it to the Explorer's cat. Upon arriving there, they found that they had to pay an admittance fee. Bochiman managed to scrape the cash together and then built a nice nest egg, when Dane finally made it. But Dane didn't have the cash and began to pick Bochiman's pocket. Could this actually be the end of our tag team duo? Will we find them challenging each other to a match soon? Well your guess is as good as ours so make it now and then see if they follow through on your wishes. Our financial page ------------------ As we stated in our lead story, Explorers are now being charged for admittance into the Explorer Cat. It was once upon a time just enough to raise the proper stats and then enter. But now it seems Krell is taking up a collection for herself, conspiring to take yet more money from another unsuspecting group of players - the planet owners. We happened to run across this story when we were out and about. (We aren't rich enough to hire out newsdroids to do the copy, we actually have to go out and find the info and then return and write it up and then proofread and then Hazed comes along with her blue pencil and...) Anyway, in a quaint little bar on the edge of the galaxy, an unnamed female player gained a vast amount of money from one male (who we figure is wrapping up his career here in Fed) who shall remain nameless. The unsaid male transfered cash amounts of 2,000,000 groats only to be meet by a tax of some 600,000 groats. It seems that this certain planet owner managed to find out what was going on and raised the tax rate to 20%. But as you all can see 20% of 2 meg is only 400k and not 600k. so we surmize that Krell has managed to place her hand into the pot again and grab a hold of vast cash reserves from the owners. Ah our society page ------------------- Love is in the air - as we all know Mirth and Buskirk are being wed this Sunday evening. But no matter how lovely the cermony may be, it won't compare to the antics the night before. It seems Mirth was taken to a bachelors party to find a rather tall cake waiting for him. As he examined it and began to taste the frosting, out jumped a scintillating young woman. Mirth was taken back by such an unexpected event and managed to help the young lady (who we learned was none other than our beloved Vixen) out of the cake and gave her a sweet hug and a peck on the cheek. After a little dancing and drinking, Vixen was last seen sneaking out the backdoor of the bash with Rezrov in order to avoid the insane advances of Oxcart. The problem is Rezrov never was heard from for the rest of the night, but it was noticed that Windsong had the tassles Vixen was wearing, hanging out the airlock. Go figure, can you imagine Rezrov taking advantage of such a lovely thing as Vixen? It was later heard, the party was a success, even though many had expected the stag film to be something other than the beloved cartoon "Bambi". Yet before we even left this party we had rumors that another party was in full swing and we managed to sneak in past Krell's guards in El Dorado. There we saw things we could just not believe. There was the bride to be, swinging from the rafters trying to escape the clutches of Illyra and Vixen. Buskirk managed to drop several mega-groats into the slinky shorts of one male dancer, (because these reporters value their lives so much, we decided ti would be unwise to mention his name) who was reported to have gained a lot of respect due to the lose of weight and the ability to once again reveal his shorts to all those who wish to look and wonder. As this male dancer wiggled and shook on the bar top, he was removing the last of his clothing when seconds before the Bully Boys barged in, Krell and Freya managed to pull him out of sight and into the bride's awaiting wedding gown. The Bully Boys, having heard the report of a rowdy group of females become distraught that they had found nothing and decided to drag us out and break our camera containing the pictures of this once proud male dancer. Other news from the love front ------------------------------ It has come to our attention that a new form of courtship has arrived in Federation Dataspace. It seems that with love in the air, others also have taken to the air. The normal way of courtship is to come on to someone with a quaint little phrase like "What is your sign?" But to this new breed, that just won't cut it. To be fully prepared, one must find a heavily armed and defended ship and then find a place to hide. Some find the rings of Saturn a romantic place to hide out and wait for their targ ... we mean beloved to fly by, at which time they unload their weapons on them. The most famous couple to participate in this type of playful lust is Krell and Oddball. We all know passion can burn strong and hot within those affected, but not as strong and hot as the friendly fire from the many TL's that will be fired towards ones own love. From the rumor mill down by Lover's Lane ---------------------------------------- It seems that with the passing of Angel and the rebirth of Jade, Jade has thrown caution to the wind and is not being the angelic image she once was. She has been seen hanging out and talking to Destiny of late. When approached about the common appearance of Destiny and her, on and off the game, one has to begin to wonder just how much these two are involved. Each has reported that all they do is discuss books and what they think is good and bad in literature these days. The question we have is why sneak down to Sam's? We are sure that there are others interested in reading a good book now and then, provided that one is not too busy playing Fed. **>>CONTACTS The following information will appear at the end of every News Bulletin, so you don't have to read it if you already know it. In the event of a problem or question, you can: * talk to Hazed or Bella in the game * leave a message in the game log * a message to Hazed or Bella * send mail with the Federation Feedback option from the main menu You can order a copy of the unexpurgated printed Idiot's Guide to Federation by typing ORDER at any GEnie menu. Cost - a mere $12.95. (New edition will be available shortly!) Federation has several category in the new MPGames RT. To get there, type M1045,1 from any menu prompt and SET category 13 (for information, instructions, questions and answers) or 14 (for general chat and discussions). The Federation Leader in the bulletin board is Krell (Mail ID: K.HILLYER). There are also private categories for Explorers, run by Krell, and for the Conclave run by Oddball (Mail ID: D.STALZLE). The MPGames RT also has a Federation library in the files area, Library 5. Library 18 holds the Federation News Archives. **>> BULLETIN ENDS