**>> SPYNET BULLETIN **>> EARTHDATE 92.01.12 **>> AN H-by-A SERVICE **>> THE BITCH IS BACK! Goodness, is that any way to talk about Our Illustrious Leader? We'd better be careful; she might hit us with her crutches! The good news is that Bella is now able to use a computer again. We're not sure what was stopping her previously, since we were not aware that she typed with her toes... She's been making regular appearance in Fed Data Space, and is ready to undertake small tasks - for example, she's given recent Explorers access to the Workbench. However, she is certainly not ready to get fully back to work! When she does feel up to doing some programming work, one of her first tasks will be to put it some code to save off data about planetary economies every hour. Planet owners who suffered recently with the spate of crashes over the holiday period will be greatly relieved by that! She will then start reimbursing planet owners for their (no doubt huge) losses. This is being coordinated by the Conclave, so make sure you put your claims to them. There's a topic in the BBS to upload the details of your losses. **>> MPGRT NEWS The big news in the multi-player games area is that Krell has been appointed the new Federation category leader. This means she is charged with the job of keeping order amongst the choas, stimulating discourse, and tidying up after everyone. Congratulations Krell! Does this mean you have to forget how to spell? The Fighting School due to be held this afternoon has been cancelled. It would have started with an hour's theory in the RTC, followed by a practice session in Fed. Bella was going to make modifications to the game to make it a little safer - for example, Pegasus' nasty little habits would have been curtailed for the duration - but because she is not yet up to doing the extensive programming required, we have postponed the Fighting School for a few months. February's RTC will be about role-playing; more details soon. Hazed has started a topic in the BBS calling for you to vote for the sexiest Fedders. She tried to conduct a survey by mail but only received three votes, so we'll have to see if an open discussion garners any more interest. **>> POISON PEN WRITES... Following the Throats (Deep and Shallow), the hysterical campaigners, and the salacious gossip-mongers, we introduce what we hope will be a regular report from our special correspondent: Poison Pen. *** "Deep Throat" Murdered??? *** Perhaps it's just a rumour... we can't really say our source is unimpeachable, but if we are to believe the ramblings of certain unsavoury characters in the dark corners of a certain seedy bar, it seems that the same person or persons who reportedly kidnapped and disposed of poor Tal have claimed a second victim - roving gossipmonger 'Deep Throat', whose purple prose has been noticeably absent from these pages the past few weeks. Perhaps he was investigating the mysterious kidnapping/murder a bit too closely... Which makes us wonder... will Slew be next? *** What a Picture! *** Freya recently returned from a holiday, and we must say the snapshots from her trip are truly fascinating. Unfortunately, or perhaps fortunately, we can't describe them here. Suffice it to say that they were, well, interesting. As were the souvenirs. *** More Strange Disappearances *** Where has Maxis gone? Rumour has it that, after being jilted by both Krell and Cryptosporidium, he went on a murderous rampage, blowing more than a few young Captains out of the sky in frustration, then retired to a life of abstinence and quiet meditation in a monastery somewhere in the inaccessible regions of Phoenix. All we have to say to this rumour is, not bloody likely. The alternate explanation, which we are rather more apt to believe, is that lovesick Maxis has taken the Warranty on a journey to the farthest reaches of the galaxy, where no humanoid has gone before, to seek out the parental spore from which the Vile One originally... er... budded, for want of a better term; in order to ask for its daughter's hand [or equivalent] in marriage! Aackverdi, too, seems to be missing. No clues here - this one is completely open for wild speculation. Perhaps he was eaten by one of his lo... er... pets. *** Speaking of Oxcart... *** Oxcart has once again been roaming the Solar System wearing nothing but a trench coat and a pair of extremely tacky shoes, showing off his assets to one and all. He wishes you would all act shocked, as you're supposed to, and stop laughing. Only Oxcart's very special friends get to see his new videotape, a star-studded compilation of footage from those secret hidden cameras he installed in the restrooms at Chez Diesel's. Among the stars of the show are Rezrov, Hazed, Piemur, Rezrov again, Oxcart himself, and one of Freya's warehouse droids. *** Everyone Wants to Know...*** Why is Sheffield being so quiet? What is he up to? We can only wonder. **>> DESTINY v RICHARD: THE BIG MATCH We reported last week on the vague rumours of a feud between the two Traders. A roving newsdroid was despatched to interview Destiny, and here are extracts from the statements recorded: "I was shocked to learn that he thought I was taking things from him just for the sake of making him suffer (although I would do it if there was any fun to it)... If he was too slow in finding the necessary items, then it is his own fault for not thoroughly exploring Fed Data Space and finding the quickest most efficient search pattern. However, I am not going to blow him out of space as of yet. Grovelling does become him, he has apologised... if he deigns to start trouble again, then the death mask is the only face he shall see." Destiny then went on to gain promotion to Merchant, and said: "...I have made it to Merchant with the help of Richard... His slowness in acquiring the items made it easier for me to get them..." followed rapidly by achieving JourneyPersonHood: "...Couldn't have done it without him [Richard]. If I hadn't wanted to keep the items from him, I would not have gotten the points I needed." However, it appears that Richard may be regretting the humiliation be suffered at the hands of Destiny when he was forced to apologise, and has plans to continue the feud. We do hope there's lots of violence and blood, it makes such a good news story! **>> IS THIS WAR? News just in tells of Blackmark and Oxcart both using Richard as a target drone in an incident this morning, but their lousy aim meant they hit each other more often than Richard! They obviously need the Fighting School. We've also heard rumours that Oxcart was attempting to get into the record books by going after Monty in a wimpy ship - 10 hull, level 1 computer and armed with only a mag-gun! Ox claims he would have defeated the pirate if Blackmark hadn't barged in and stolen the kill. **>> PROMOTIONS NEWS Full marks to Destiny, who since last week's news zoomed through four ranks, being promoted to Merchant, JP, GM and Explorer! Is this a record? The notorious Blackmark also made it to JP, despite the wishes (and in some cases active hampering) of his many enemies. We imagine he will find it a little harder to solve the GM puzzle! Richard, Angel, Altasren and Pyro all achieved Merchantdom. Congratulations, all of you, and to new Traders Pyro, Mirth and Hawk. Don't forget to tell us about your promotions if you would like them mentioned in the news; we don't always pick them up from the SpyNet Review. **>>CONTACTS The following information will appear at the end of every News Bulletin, so you don't have to read it if you already know it. In the event of a problem or question, you can: * talk to Hazed, Bella or Clem in the game * leave a message in the game log * send mail with the Federation Feedback option from the main menu You can order a copy of the unexpurgated printed Idiot's Guide to Federation by typing ORDER at any GEnie menu. Cost - a mere $12.95. Federation has several category in the new MPGames RT. To get there, type M1045,1 from any menu prompt and SET category 13 (for information, instructions, questions and answers) or 14 (for general chat and discussions). The Federation Leader in the bulletin board is Occy (Mail ID: OCPAC). The MPGames RT also has a Federation library in the files area, Library 5. Library 18 holds the Federation News Archives. **>> BULLETIN ENDS