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AOL NEWS YEARBOOK Earthdate July 1996 |
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AOL NEWS YEARBOOK Earthdate July 1996 |
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THE MONTH IN BRIEF The word "ind" was introduced to the Fed language: short for industrial it saves POs quite a bit of typing! It became impossible to offer someone a job, or set up a milkrun, to a planet that had no production. This includes capital planets of duchies, any special promotional planets, and Castillo. The July 4 holiday weekend saw a bunch of Fedders congregate in the Chicago area for the official Federation Unconventional Convention - or UnCon for short! 23 people, including the demi-Goddess Hazed, attended and a good (if somewhat drunken) time was had by all. The first advance news was given about FedTerm, the graphic front-end program for Federation, due to be released in August. Another new event was introduced: the Dating Game, where a Fedder had to question three lovely members of the opposite sex and pick one for a date. No, nothing tacky there, not at all. Christmas in July came to Fed... a special planet with a puzzle. Rudolph and Frosty had been incarcerated in ChristmasTown, and players had to try to spring them from jail. A prize of 5 free hours was on offer to the first to solve the puzzle - and NINJAL285 was the winner!
Ah. It is now July and time to look at yet another of the holographic images in the 1996 Fed Pin-Up Calendar. This month one of the very (hyper-) active Hosts is featured: FunDroid. Poised upon his tightly coiled spring, it is obvious that FunDroid is just about to start bouncing. Made of a high-quality steel alloy, FunDroid spends hours every day polishing his carapace to maintain his shiny hue. Why is he so happy? Well, that may have something to do with numerous indiscretions that he has been a party to. FunDroid has been known to spend many an evening behind the bar in Chez Diesel, besmirching a lady's honor. In this portrayal FunDroid is bouncing around some undefined event, looking to spread mischief and joy. Although he is not the typical beefcake that is found in the calendar, his light-heartedness compensates. And to finish off this month's installment, a little known fact about FunDroid: because of his near-constant bouncing, his spring needs to be replaced every week and oiled 5 times a day to prevent embarrassing squeaking. Stay tuned for next month's picture from the 1996 Fed Pin-Up Calendar.
We received a letter recently asking about discussion of puzzles on open channels; how much information, if any, should be given. Rather than reply directly to the sender of the letter, I am writing here so that all can benefit from my answer. The simple answer is: no information about puzzles is to be given out, by anyone, at all. In an ideal world that is what we would like to see. Each person should solve each puzzle on their own, without being told the answer or even given clues by anyone else. Of course, we don't live in an ideal world and it is human nature for people to want to help their friends with puzzles, or to show off the fact that they know the answer - and that means puzzle answers are going to be discussed, whether we like it or not. There are two things that are definitely not acceptable, and that is indiscriminate and unsolicited passing on of puzzle answers. That means sending mail that explains how the puzzles work to people who have not asked you for it is wrong. Many people want to solve the puzzles for themselves, and they will not thank you for sending them a cheat sheet. All you are doing is spoiling their enjoyment. Talking about puzzles over the open comm, using COM or XT, is also wrong. There will probably be people listening who don't want to be told the answer. Even asking a question about a puzzle can give someone information they don't want to hear. If you must discuss puzzles with other players, do it in private, in person by using TBs or gathering the interested parties into one location to talk.
All you high-rankers out there, secure in the fact that you've made it, you're an important Fed personage, you're a Planet Owner - or even (everyone bow down) a Duke. Wow, the achievement. The sense of power. You can do anything you like. You can ignore all those ignorant poor people, step on them like insects if they get in your way, use them for your entertainment, set them up and watch them fall. The joy of luring them into a trap, blowing them away for their presumption in expecting to join your exclusive society. Hey, you're important, so what does it matter if they die? They must be stupid to fall for your ploys so they deserve to die. And if they get mad at you, if they can't see the joke as they wake up in hospital, if they lose their tempers and have the temerity to complain about their treatment... well, they obviously don't know their place so they deserve to be chased, hounded, taught a lesson because they are obviously snerts and don't realise how important you are, how deserving of respect, and how insignificant they are. They're only poor people and there are plenty more out there. Well I have news for you, bullyboy: we were all groundhogs once. None of us were born knowing our way around in the Galaxy, we didn't evolve with the knowledge fully-formed in our infant brains. We all made mistakes when we started out on our careers as space haulers. If someone had stepped on us hard and squished us underfoot without even noticing, we'd never have grown up to be the space tycoons we are today. We'd have run away, given up in disgust, decided we should stick to our mundane lives or even taken another path and entered a different world where magic ruled. So hey, it may be tough at the top but it's even tougher at the bottom, and these newbods deserve our help and our tolerance, not our contempt. It's a big galaxy and there's room to let them in and let them take their place. Don't stop them rising through the ranks like you did. Or maybe, someday, someone bigger than you, more important than you, will decide that you deserve to be squashed.
Having realized the utter futility and hopelessness of life, OhPeanuts decided to make the ultimate expression of mortality. He chose to do away with himself on the planet Tikal. Prior to performing his final act, OhPeanuts held a wake for himself. Sadly, all the people at the wake could seem to think about was the disposition of his estate. After being bombarded by questions of 'Can I have your money?' OhPeanuts decided it was time for him to take his leave. In a ceremony rife with symbolism, OhPeanuts erected a crucifix. Upon completion he climbed upon the cross. All those assembled yelled 'no, don't do it' - well, all except for the delegation from the Kevorkian Eugenics and Euthanasia Foundation, that is. Then, in complete denial of the laws of physics, OhPeanuts nailed himself to the cross. OhPeanuts lingered for quite some time until, after a stirring rendition of 'Always Look On the Bright Side of Life' he fell on Hellishkid and was crushed by the heavy crucifix. Hellishkid was unhurt, but totally disgusted.
This remarkable event took place earlier this week: AFK! CaptainGHA has just arrived. How exactly did CaptainGHA accomplish this amazing feat of motility if he was AFK? Was he sleepwalking? Did he do it by remote control? Was he possessed? Even more important questions present themselves. Has this mysterious event happened to other people? Would someone whose body committed a crime while they are AFK be responsible for their actions? Be warned: you may not know what your body is up to while you are up getting a drink or responding to nature's call. And never, ever leave your body unattended in the Cantina!
The stock exchanges were in a tizzy earlier in the week when Strider694 announced that he was offering planetary blueprints for sale to Explorers in the process of constructing or terraforming their planets. This puts him in direct competition with Slarti's Planet Shop, which until this time had had a virtual monopoly on the market. Slarti, who has been in the planet-building market for centuries, issued this statement: "We remain the only full-service, one-stop planet shop. We can meet all your needs from the initial budgetary planning to the final post-production promotion. Conveniently located on Mercury, our doors are always open to serve you." Although some analysts are worried about the cash-flow of Strider694's new enterprise, the prospectus has intrigued a number of investors. For more information please contact Strider694.
This week MnPowers announced that after much experimentation he had discovered that there is a limit on the number of groats that you can have in your bank balance. After careful questioning of banking authorities in Switzerland (not to mentioning reducing our bank balance more than a little) they reluctantly confirmed that this was so. No-one can have more than 2,147,483,647 IG on deposit at the Fedbanks. After a meal with some imperial bureaucrats which lightened our wallet even further, the dedicated newsdroids discovered that Ming had indeed capped the legal bank holdings that citizens of Fed can retain. Further investigation of some blackmail documents that were found lying around the newsroom (ok, so they were actually in that locked cabinet in Hazed's office - who's going to know?) revealed the startling fact that Hazed was actually the instigator of the imperial regulation in question. It seems that in ages past, during a boom cycle of the economy in which many entrepreneurs were accumulating hordes of wealth, Hazed began to suspect that some of them were starting to approach her lofty level of wealth. Now Hazed had always been without a doubt the richest entity in the galaxy. The demi-Goddess now faced the unnerving prospect of having rivals. In order to prevent that and forever secure her place as the richest being in Fed, Hazed 'persuaded' Ming to legislate a cap on bank holdings. She then covered her tracks and hid the evidence of her involvement. Our advice for those who have somehow managed to acquire 2,147,483,647 groats? You obviously haven't been buying enough rounds at the bar. Get down to your favorite watering hole and make sure you pick up the tab for the night!
The Drunken Monkey tavern on Shade announces a new delicacy: melted maggot salad. The eatery, long noted for its traditional Shadese fare, has recently hired a chef from Hunter, who left that planet shortly before its recent disaster. The expatriate cook brought with him several recipes which will be gradually added to the menu. This is the first. Melted maggot salad is an appetizer which is usually served warm. The flesh is roasted to create a crunchy surface that hides the soft meat inside. It is traditionally consumed with ale, although first-time eaters may wish to imbibe stronger alcohol (preferably strong enough so that they forget what they are eating).
Your comms unit relays a message from DrokTarma, 'Good Morning Channel One... It's 8:08 am Standard Intergalactic Time. Just a chilly -290 degrees outside. There's an imploded Guardian Class near Mars and meteor showers near Saturn, other than that it looks like an easy commute.'. Your comms unit relays a message from DrokTarma, 'We can expect Light meteor showers today, darkness tonight, a warming trend near Sol. Cooler temps by Friday and clearing by the weekend. Back to the music on KFED or WFED East of Aynsleigh.'.
Mood swing in progress, please hold- DAVinVegas has just arrived. Honk if you love Fed! Tapestry has
just gone north. 35 characters isn't enough for my m SirJosh has just moved north-east.
Your comms unit relays a message
from PhilM31673, 'can anyone tell me what to do once I
have my ship?'. Your comms unit relays a message
from HoneyBuble, 'where can I buy sex points?????'. Your comms unit relays a message from CNYM38, 'A bored looking official is ignoring me. I feel like I'm at Sears.'. Your comms unit crackles with a message from TwPxKabuki, ''How do i send a comm message''
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