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AOL NEWS YEARBOOK Earthdate October 1995 |
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AOL NEWS YEARBOOK Earthdate October 1995 |
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THE MONTH IN BRIEF The first player-planets linked into the game in early October 1995 - that is, planets owned by real players, as opposed to planets owned by Game Hosts. The new worlds included BuckNUTSO's Amora, SarahT's Tuna, EllemennoP's Bubble, Tyreseus' Caledon, BobGunther's Seabright, FauxHack's Pride, TSaint's Lambda, JosieWales' Zenica, GuyRay's Nightclub, CrazyCue's Resort, RokMonster's Hollywood, Irkbere's Haunt, and Chann's Success. Haunt became the first planet to be awarded the very prestigious Walrus of Merit, presented for excellence in planet design. Some of the Host-owned planets were promoted and became duchies, giving the new planets more scope to find themselves a suitable home. Building factories in Sol was prohibited completely, and workthing wages was capped at 1000 groats to prevent excessive demands from the unions. A spokesdroid for one of the labor unions, the Bio-chip Labor Alliance Group (BLAG), expressed outrage at the "callous attitude of the Galactic Administration to the workthings who simply want to earn a fair living". A Galactic Administration official replied that far from being fair, recent demands by workthings had been little short of extortion and blackmail. Fed's first promotional planet was linked into the game: Hellhouse, specially written for Halloween. It was spooky and scary and dangerous, but fun! We appointed a new Game Host - OxcartII.
There was a brief but effective strike by workthings on Venus this week. The workers walked off the job in the middle of the working day in order to draw attention to their sad plight. Many CEOs planning to invest on Venus were frightened off when they were confronted with this report:
The Venusian branch of the Better Business Bureau quickly stepped in, and the strike was over in a matter of hours. The Venusian marketing board is already drawing up an advertising campaign to try to lure back investors who were scared off by the labor unrest. Yati Farn, head of local 132 of the Workthingies Union of Venus, had this to say about the strike: 'It was the best possible outcome. We got what we wanted and the capitalist pigs got screwed! What more could I ask for?'. In response Emil Zelyakoff, a vice-president of Nisrik Mining Corporation posited 'The workers wandered over to the bar at lunch and got so sloshed that they forgot to come back to work. It's as simple as that. We are currently investigating the feasibility of locking the workers in the mines during meal breaks.' Neither side released any details of the bargaining, and it is still a mystery what the workthingies were striking for or what concessions they received.
An excerpt from 'The Milky Way on 30 Groats a Day, Volume 1': 'The Social Centre of the Solar System' it boastfully calls itself. And indeed it may very well be, at least for the upper crust of society. Chez Diesel occupies the second story of a tastefully renovated building in the northern district of Marsport. A strict dress code is enforced, but convenient access to Tux Deluxe (a local shop frequented by those who want to dress for success) aids those who are turned away for lack of suitable attire. The bar is decorated in an understated fashion that creates a friendly atmosphere but leaves the focus clearly on one's drinking companions. Over the years the bar has accumulated an eclectic assortment of furnishings. There are, of course, several stools at the wood-panelled bar (genuine synthetic mahogany!) and several large tables are scattered about the room, allowing patrons to have their choice of brightly lit spaces or dimly lit corners. There are private booths in the back for those of a more reclusive nature and comfy chairs well-suited for lounging and flouncing in. Despite allegations of watered-down drinks, Diesel's beverages are of a generally high quality and the variety available is astounding. The bar has a well stocked wine cellar and the bartenders are capable of mixing nearly any drink imaginable, from a screaming orgasm to a Sirius sundown. Diesel stocks whiskey from over 50 star systems and more than 80 varieties of brandy, including the fabled and hard to find Rigellian brandy. The food, although the menu is somewhat limited, is of above average quality. The service is fast and efficient. The bar is still overseen by its owner, the fearsome looking Diesel. It is rumored that Diesel hails from a star system beyond the edges of our galaxy, having wandered far and wide before opening her bar on Mars. Diesel has indicated that she is female, although since no other member of her race has ever been encountered, it is impossible to tell whether they have the same gender distinctions that we do. Diesel's reputed sexual predilections further cloud the issue. Diesel's hobbies include counting her groats and baseball. Entertainment is provided by a four-armed Arcturian pianist. His stirring chords have been known to move the most cold-hearted listener to tears. During his breaks, customers are invited to step up and take their turn tickling the ivory. The real attraction of Chez Diesel though is the chance to hobnob with the creme de la creme of galactic society. This is where the most sophisticated personages in the solar system come to refresh themselves, and many nights the bar is a virtual who's who of high society. In keeping with its status as the cultural Mecca of the known universe, the regulars of Chez Diesel are a relatively well-behaved group. Although the banter is often lively and the wit razor sharp, the crowd rarely gets rowdy. On the few occasions that things get out of hand, Diesel herself steps in to deal with unruly patrons (another use for her baseball bat). Overall, Chez Diesel is a wonderful place to go for diverting company and a chance to rub elbows with the upper echelons of society. Our rating: * * * *
An excerpt from 'The Milky Way on 30 Groats a Day, Volume 1': Possibly the most popular bar in the galaxy, the Starship Cantina has a colorful reputation. Conveniently located right in the terminus building on earth, the Starship Cantina is just steps away from the landing pad and easily accessible to spacefaring neophytes. The pub's clientele reflects its central location. Unusual beings from the furthest reaches of the galaxy are often seen partaking of various strange brews and a steady stream of tourists get their first impressions of Earth here. Crowds of dockworkers and cargo handlers can be found blowing off steam at the end of the day and some will even sneak in for a drink during work hours. In short, the crowd at the Cantina can be described as a mixture of the over-loud and the over-awed. The layout of the bar is unique and inventive. The Cantina consists of one giant spherical room. The bar is suspended in the center of the sphere, with tables and small areas hanging above, below and all around the bar. Catwalks and ramps connect the bar, tables and entrance. Below everything, in the bottom of the sphere, is the dance floor. In this case though, floor may be a misnomer since rowdy partiers often challenge each other to see how far up the sloping walls they can dance! Holograms of famous scenic locales from throughout the galaxy are scattered around the room. Droids flit from table to table, catering to the needs of the patrons, and there is a constant buzz of activity. Although when it first opened the Starship Cantina won awards for its unique design and decor, the management has not made much effort to keep the place up. The furnishing are quite worn, the tabletops are caked with dirt and grime, the color scheme is hopelessly out of fashion. The general impression once one looks past the architectural wonders of the layout, is of a rather seedy, sleazy, dirty bar. The walls are painted in garish neon colors, and the floor is sticky with spilled drink and most likely various bodily fluids. It is best not to wonder what is underfoot at the center of the dance floor. The bone-rattling dance music is only drowned out by the shouts, screams and carrying on of the crowd. The crowd in the Cantina is a rowdy one. Brawls are a common occurrence, and all manner of unspeakable deeds and lewd behavior takes place all around the room. The pure and innocent had best avoid the Starship Cantina entirely if they wish to retain such sensibilities. Groping and snogging are favorite activities of the bar's regulars and on occasion affairs have been known to progress even further, with nary a thought for public decency. Many a patron has been on the receiving end of a slap due to an ill-advised grope of a stranger, but this seems to be an ineffective deterrent. Because of the heavy traffic that goes through the Terminus, the Starship Cantina offers a wide variety of liquors. The proximity of the Starship docks is a great boon, for the bar often gets rare substances straight off the incoming freighters. Sadly, the Cantina does not keep a large stock of wine, so although there is often an acceptable vintage available, it is hard to get precisely the wine you might want. The food served is standard fare, not much selection, although to be fair, most of the bar's clientele have something other than food on their mind when they come to the Cantina. To sum up, the Starship Cantina is an excellent place for those who are looking for some rough and tumble action, for those who want a taste of the seamier side of society. Those beings of a modest demeanor or those looking for a more quiet, gentle experience are advised to look elsewhere. Our rating: ***
An excerpt from 'The Milky Way on 30 Groats a Day, Volume 1': Although it has a sordid and storied history, Fedruckers has become a place that families would, and do, frequent. Isolated as it is on Castillo, Fedruckers doesn't get many visitors. It draws some traders in from the nearby exchange. Apart from that the clientele is predominantly composed of unfortunate aliens who were suckered by travel agents into a week's stay on Castillo. Although occasionally overrun by hordes of screaming kids, it is usually a pretty quiet place despite the proximity of the trading floor. The bar is painted in a ghastly cacophony of clashing colors. Yellows and blues dominate with just enough other colors thrown in to make it truly ugly. The furnishings are rather spartan and the only eye-catching feature is the row of 'Martian Invader' holographic video games. Despite the uninviting atmosphere the eatery is clean and the food hearty. The portions are large and well-prepared if somewhat bland. Unfortunately Fedruckers is sadly lacking in the area of alcoholic beverages. Of course one doesn't expect much on an out-of-the-way planet like Castillo, but still we were rather disappointed at the lack of selection. Back in its heyday, when it was still known as Sam's, this bar was one of the rowdiest, raunchiest establishments in the solar system. Some years back, though, a hard-working farm family from earth bought the bar. After changing the name they managed to shed the unsavory image as well as most of the former customers. Today it is a rather unexciting, laid back establishment that caters to only the blandest of tastes. Our rating: * *
Attention! Attention! Warning! Warning! It has recently come to the attention of the Bureau of Health that some citizens of Federation DataSpace, neophytes and veterans alike, are waking up to find that they do not have the...ahem...'plumbing' that they expected. As you may well imagine, this can lead to some rather awkward and embarrassing situations when one discovers one is not the gender one thought one was. If this happens to you, there is no need to panic. Although it may seem your life is turned upside down (or inside out), this difficulty can be easily rectified. If you find yourself in the quandry of possessing an undesired gender, simply report to your nearest Bureau of Health certified clinic and our helpful staff will take care of you from there. It is a simple and painless operation, just a quick nip and tuck, and you are done. We now return you to your regularly scheduled news...
Medical researchers have identified a new sickness that's been sweeping the solar system! This new affliction has been tentatively named 'Facphobia' and is typified by an unreasoning fear of factories. Most of its victims are those who have recently risen to merchantdom. The experts suspect that there is an as yet undiscovered link between Facphobia and stories that have been circulating about merchants with net worths of negative 35 meg. Symptoms of the disease include tuning to comm channel 4 to offer traders free price quotes and a craving for strawberries and whip cream. Researchers have called in Noble Prize winning economist, Looneny to help them develop an effective antidote. A breakthrough is expected soon, but in the meantime, those stricken with the disease can receive therapy on Saturday evenings at 9 pm with Looneny.
Galactic travelers were left bewildered as extensive rerouting of the interstellar links was undertaken this week. Transportation central reported a record number of undelivered cargoes, as haulers found themselves lost among the new and unfamiliar routes. Even spacefarers as experienced as explorers found themselves unsure of where to go, as links were restructured at an astounding rate. The flurry of activity was precipitated by the appearance of three new duchies, as the overlords of Roissy, Sphinx and Scratchwood broke away from their former subservience and declared themselves Duchesses. Supporters flocked to the banners of MarciJones and Ajjaa as several planets owners pledged their loyalty within the first days. Only a brave few have as yet decided to follow Duchesse Dezah, as planetary overlords appear to be somewhat wary of the reliability of Scratchwood Duchy after experiencing the traffic in the spacelanes surrounding that duchy's capital planet. The subject planets of the new duchies are for the most part formerly independent planets that were under the protectorate of the Emperor Ming, although a few members of the existing Misty and Droidium Duchies switched their allegiances upon the appearance of the new conclaves. While the political situation is still unstable and the planets still in a state of flux, matters are expected to stabilize soon. Elusive Starbase 1 has been offering premium prices on imports this week, and resources have been scarce for the few inhabitants. Astute analysts suggest that Emperor Ming is stockpiling resources in preparation for sanctions against these upstart duchies or reprisals against the breakaway planets. Further details will be reported as they become available.
The following dissertation was submitted to the Federation News Department this week. It contains a brief discussion of some of the character traits that are important within Fed Dataspace. Since Federation is a complex and multi-faceted game, this makes no attempt to be a complete or exhaustive compilation of all you'll need to get ahead. However, the points presented here were, we felt, worthy of consideration. Thus we chose to include them in the hope that they may prove to be of help to novice and veteran players alike. In his preamble, the writer urged, 'Above all, remember to have fun. And as you enjoy yourself, think about these qualities...'
Earning groats in Fed requires a certain amount of repetitive action, be it hauling cargo, trading goods, awarding contracts, buying rounds etc. If this sounds like work to you - well, it is! You didn't expect moving up the ranks to be easy, I hope. As in real life, a certain amount of determination can make up for other deficiencies. Even if you aren't making much money on each transaction, if you make enough of them you will earn the groats you need to advance. As you rise through the ranks, the challenges you face will become progressively more difficult. You will suffer setbacks, and may even (gasp) die. At those times you will need to be tenacious and persevere through the difficulties in order to progress further.
Although the requirements for promotion are fixed, there are many different routes an enterprising player can take to meet those requirements. At each rank there are several options for earning the groats needed to advance. There is an abundance of wealth in Fed, there for the taking by those who are creative and show a little imagination. And then there are the puzzles. Naturally, solving the many puzzles in Fed requires careful thought and ingenuity. Don't hesitate to let your mind run free, even against traditional wisdom, for some of the puzzles have more than one correct solution. So get out there and use yer noggin!
Above all else Federation is a social game, as Hazed would be sure to tell you. Although it is possible to accumulate wealth and move up the ranks without speaking to anyone else, it is much easier if you have friends and acquaintances to work with. Indeed, at some of the higher ranks co-operation is a necessity. Those that are irritating or abrasive to their fellow players will likely find themselves hindered in their quest for fortune and glory. More than one unfortunate has found himself staring down the wrong end of a twin laser because he broke a taboo or made an annoyance of himself. The real heart and soul of Federation is the interaction between the players - everything else is just the mechanics of the game, the structure that guides those interactions. Get acquainted with that Squire beside you, that Captain zooming past, that Merchant poring over production records - talk to them, joke with them, buy them all a drink even!
These days, it seems everyone is writing 'How To' books. 'How To Be Popular', 'How To Be Rich'... the list goes on and on. Therefore, not wanting to chance missing the band-wagon, we decided the Fed News needed its own 'How To' offering. But then came the rub... on what subject were we to pontificate? It seemed suddenly obvious! People always say, stick to what you know. And that seemed wise advise indeed. All around us, people appeared, curiously, to be going to great lengths in their endeavers to become difficult. We asked ourselves, 'Is it the moon?' Is it a backlash to political correctness?' Whatever the cause, obviously, this was a hot topic. And apparently, almost anyone could play, provided they tried hard enough. 'Such grand scope!' we said to ourselves. So, after lengthy weeks of study and careful analysis of the excessive ambiant talent, we gathered various and sundry techniques and now find ourselves proud to present to you...
THE LOWER RANKS: Don't read the Guide. Suggest over open comms that someone come immediately to your aid. Tight-beam the upper-ranks. Demand jobs over open-comms and at frequent intervals. Emblazon the barboards with posts that you were here. Accept responsibility for holding an item during a puzzle then decide to log off because you grow bored standing around. Badger RP's for groats and ask repeatedly for stat items over comms. Wear a trite mood. Wear a description that announces the bulge in your trousers or bodice. Make overt advances to everyone you meet of the opposite sex and be determined about it. PLANET OWNER: Link you planet with multiple movement table errors. Adopt the strategy that the more exchanges your new planet has, the more groats it will make you and put it into practice. Be sapidly cloying and announce that there in no risk of death on your planet in the link description. When someone requests your exchange location over comms, reply that you aren't in the indulgence business. Sell numerous factories, then take your planet off-line for a protracted period for renovations. Put a death location on either side of your exchange. Make buying insurance an interesting journey from your LP. Make the orbit an interesting journey from the link. Make your planet's puzzle dependent upon higher mathematics. Have complicated feelings about the morality of Fed antics and have your planet be a commentary upon those ideals. HIGHER RANKS: Be egotistical. Threaten to kill the lower ranks at frequent intervals. Take up the challenge to keep the ranks from getting top-heavy by thwarting promotions. Offer to reveal the entrance to the secret spy-proof room on Titan to the lower ranks. Frighten the teeming masses, struggling to be rich. Decide to teleport into the ruins for a stroll at highly inopportune moments. Teleport rapidly in and out of CDs, making rude gestures during the split second you're present. Be oppressively forward with all new arrivals of the opposite sex. Have congress with animals. Be an animal. Be a one-celled organism with an unpronounceable name. Make repeated shifts in allegiance because, hell, you've earned the right to run that planet as you see fit! And lastly, lest you think we are unable to take a convivial look at ourselves, we... those sweet, lovable and helpful individuals you all know and love... HOSTS/POWERS THAT BE: Answer pleas for help, but late and without attention to detail. Intervene in daily affairs in a manner that suggests you haven't been following the events. Give people who have no concept of the difference between what is interesting only to them and what is actually interesting the ability to own a planet. Make people spend time in the Explorer's Workbench and then let there be bugs in it. Let there be Fed-romance. Let there be Fed-relatives. Let there be Fed-angst.
Travelers throughout the galaxy are advised to be on the lookout for a pair of Snogging bandits. They are armed (as well as legged...oooh, the legs...) and considered dangerous. The bandits usually work alone, but can occasionally be found together. Their usual modus operendi is to teleport in beside an unsuspecting victim, steal a snog (or other intimate favor) and then teleport out again before the victim has a chance to react. The victims of this wicked pair are usually in too great a state of shock and confusion to utter any but the most inane mumblings, but authorities have been able to piece together a partial description of the perpetrators. One of the bandits is wearing what can only be described as 'trashy' clothes, while the other is apparently very fond of red silk and heels. Anyone encountering suspicious looking characters that match either of these descriptions should immediately report them to the nearest authorities.
A memorial service for Freya's deceased 5" high heels will be held later this week in the Moon's Chapel. A short service will be followed by a reading of the will. After the ceremony, the bodies will be interred on Gigenheim, where a Memorial Shrine will be erected, commemorating not only these innocents, but all victims of violent crime. Those wishing to pay their respects or send flowers should watch the Barboards for details of time and date.
FED DATASPACE - Freya's 5" High Heels, made of fine Corinthian leather and of mock-Italian workmanship were pronounced dead on arrival at a Cabbagian hospital after their recovery from a river on the planet Cabbage. Surviving besides their owner, Freya are a shoe box, some well-preserved tissue and nice little silver buckles. The shoes were members of a well-coordinated collection of fine footwear. Services were conducted on the planet Gigenheim and burial was held after, also on that world. A memorial shrine was erected, commemorating the departed.
Federation DataSpace found itself in mourning this week for a murdered pair of high heels. Although authorities have not yet found the perpetrator, a touching service saw the unveiling of a shrine to mark their passing. We sent a newsdroid out to bring back images of the memorial. After standing in the long lines of people just waiting to touch the reliquary and lay flowers on its base, the droid was able to return to us the following image of the tomb on Gigenheim:
The influx of affluent but naive traders has created fertile ground for all manner of charlatans, cheats and liars. These con-men generally come in one of two forms. The first type sells formulas, incantations and arcane secrets that purport to make the buyer stronger, smarter, more fit or more dexterous. As the wise citizen knows, these are merely delusions that mask the true spark and vitality of life. The second variety of con-man is one who offers to sell useful objects without actually having them. Some traders have become so desperate for these rare items that they are willing to hand over megagroats without even seeing the object first. Several angry traders have emerged poorer yet wiser from these transactions. Both sorts of con-man are liable to advertise over the comms in the hopes of finding easy marks to bilk. Some have even been known to send private messages to each trader in order to attract attention. All con-men are prone to being hunted down by angry customers or posses of honest citizens. It is speculated that these swindlers are under the sway of a new crime syndicate that has suddenly appeared, the Familia Dragon. Although there was originally friction between these newcomers and the existing Encasa Familia, a vicious turf war seems to have been averted. The conflict was resolved when Wsprano, don of the Familia Dragon publicly acknowledged MHenriques of Familia Encasa as the pre-eminent don.
For those who thought OxcartII looked like a man on a mission this week - he was! Or more properly a man looking for a mission. OxcartII claims to have had a dream in which the King, the Eternal, Elvis appeared to him and charged him with finding a mission. OxcartII has asked that anyone who knows of an unclaimed holy quest kindly inform him immediately. Furthermore, anyone who provides information leading to the successful identification of a mission will be suitably rewarded. Although few would question the sanity of OxcartII (that being a worthless pursuit since it is general knowledge that he has none) or even his sanitation, there is a vocal fringe group that denies the veracity of his vision. This group, which is currently based in Graceland (despite legal challenges to its claim of squatter's rights), points out that reliable reports place Elvis at a trailer park in Alabama on the night in question, and so the King couldn't possibly have been in OxcartII's dream. Experts in parapsychology believe that this incident and a similar one involving Hobgoblyn several weeks ago (see Fed bulletins of 9/16 and 9/23) are somehow connected to the recent opening of the interstellar link with the planet Haunt, but they are unable to explain further at this time.
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